Why People Tend To Hold Back

[HyperViperSniper]

So I was thinking to myself and did a blog about this on my myspace page and I thought I woudl bring it over here for discussion.

Why is it so hard to just be honest about things? I mean its much easier if you just call it like you see it, I dont mean being rude about it but still expressing your opinion about something.

Everyday I come across people that try to soften up something or pass a little white lie as the truth, whats the deal with this? I have gone thru the era of being hated or disliked because I did speak my mind but I wouldnt change a second of it. I think that all of this builds character and allows others to know whats on your mind.

Isnt it just easier to speak up when something is bothering you? Isnt it better to just be honest if someone asks you how they look wearing something?

Anyone else out there hold back when they think they might hurt someones feelings?


HVS

[arcticninja]

holy shit it's HVS


I tend to not hold back unless the person is emotionally fragile (ie any woman) or has the power to fire me.

[CoMpOuNd]

'cause people are pussies, get a person on their own and they won't hold back one bit.

word.

[Jida]

Some people try not be condescending, hurtful or burn bridges. I can't knock honesty, but I can't be "balls to the wall" 100% of the time with 100% of people.

[HyperViperSniper]

I guess I can understand if you think someone is really fragile, but unless people like that learn how to listen to opinions they will go thru life getting their feelings hurt by people like me! lol


HVS

[DS]

I guess I can understand if you think someone is really fragile, but unless people like that learn how to listen to opinions they will go thru life getting their feelings hurt by people like me! lol


HVS



Some people just can't take it. I speak my mind all the time and people hate me for it because some people just hate the truth. It's like when you're in a relationship and the girl is telling you EXACTLY what YOU want to hear. You don't want to hear the negatives. You want to be optimistic and hear the positives. You want to feel good.

Apparently, people walk the Earth thinking that when you speak your mind in a negative way, you're immediately bringing someone down when you're really not. You're just speaking your mind and letting them know how you really feel about anything.

It's like when a fat chick wants to fit a small and shes a natural large. They ask you how they look in it and you respond, "Not too good. It's really showing off the lovehandles." And then they catch an attitude. Well excuse me for being honest. You're as wide as a door. Deal with it. Be glad I didn't let you go out and embarass yourself in public revealing your doughboy side-biscuits.

[Muff Daddy]

it depends. i rarely give unsolicited advice at the personal level. so when people ask for my opinion, i'm going to give them the brutal truth as i see it - thats just my character. anyone who knows me personally knows not to ask for my opinion and expect me not to be honest with them. i'm the type of person where, if someone asks me if their jeans make them look fat, i'll give them my honest opinion, "Yeah, they kinda do make you look fat." if they get offended on the spot, i just tell them what i tell everyone else, "If you don't want my opinion then don't ask".

i'd rather have someone be 100% honest with me instead of softening up the opinion. flattery is often a disingenuous form of pity.

[LimeGreenPatato]

So I was thinking to myself and did a blog about this on my myspace page and I thought I woudl bring it over here for discussion.

Why is it so hard to just be honest about things? I mean its much easier if you just call it like you see it, I dont mean being rude about it but still expressing your opinion about something.

Everyday I come across people that try to soften up something or pass a little white lie as the truth, whats the deal with this? I have gone thru the era of being hated or disliked because I did speak my mind but I wouldnt change a second of it. I think that all of this builds character and allows others to know whats on your mind.

Isnt it just easier to speak up when something is bothering you? Isnt it better to just be honest if someone asks you how they look wearing something?

Anyone else out there hold back when they think they might hurt someones feelings?


HVS

You basically just answered all your questions. People are pussies and they care too much about what other people think.

[Unreallystic]

Comfort. Being the norm or the accepted is much easier than being differet/wrong/unaccepted. Its easier for me to say I like football than to say I don't like it. As you yourself just posted - you were hated/disliked for telling it as you saw it - most people don't want to or can't handle that.
- :bluu:

[Silentness!]

I hate when people tend to hold back.

AKA the excuses you get when a certain girl doesn't want to go out with you. So she thinks of a random ass excuse to leave you in an ambiguous crossup. (Leaves you wondering if she's really busy or is she just fucking with you)

[HyperViperSniper]

right I love that crap.. "I have to wash my hair tonite" aka I dont want to go out with you because I think youre ugly as shit..



HVS

[Lantis]

Yeah, my friends sorta call me out on being "far too honest". They think it's a lack of tact to just blurt out the first thing in your mind. I mean, if I find a thing to be repulsive or stupid, I'll just say so! No need to pull out some hypocritical shit like "Oh, it's so pretty!" or "Aw, he could have done better".

Although I did kinda overdo it once when some friend of mine messed some shit up big time, and everyone tried to be sympathetic like, "Oh, it's not so bad, you'll get over it".

And I was like, "No man, you fucked up. A lot. Please do kill yourself."

And everyone was :wtf:

And I was :wonder:

Goddamn it, the ATL changed me too much.... :sweat:

[Muff Daddy]

Comfort. Being the norm or the accepted is much easier than being differet/wrong/unaccepted. Its easier for me to say I like football than to say I don't like it. As you yourself just posted - you were hated/disliked for telling it as you saw it - most people don't want to or can't handle that.
- :bluu:

there is a difference between giving an opinion about someone's personal characteristics and giving an opinion on some general subject.

everything changes when the opinion is negative. it seems like when you're giving a negative opinion on something, one has to generally add layers of complexity to the issue in order to appear "polite". that is to say, one cannot simply have a negative opinion of India without making mention of the effects of British colonialism on the region, etc. otherwise, the basis of the opinion seems malnourished to sensitive ears.

[HyperViperSniper]

Yeah I am not saying you should just walk up to some random person and start spouting off.. I am talking about when someone wants to know how you really feel and you just purposely avoid the truth to keep from hurting feelings..


HVS

[Jida]

^ Heck no. I hold back but I can't do that. I remember my friend's uncle was asking me a bunch of questions and I had to keep from rolling my eyes or laughing at his stupidity. It was pretty bad.

[HyperViperSniper]

I usually get in arguments with people because they ask how I feel, I tell them and it becomes a fight.. I just stay too honest I guess..


HVS

[DS]

I usually get in arguments with people because they ask how I feel, I tell them and it becomes a fight.. I just stay too honest I guess..


HVS


You mean you haven't been on SRK in the past two years? Shit, that's a constant here. =p

[funkymusic]

I speak my mind all the time and like Deathscythe said all it does it get me hate. Most people cant understand the fact that someone may not like something thier doing or saying and actually say something about it. I bet if everyone spoke thier mind there would be alot more ppl thinking before acting.

[Vy Low]

Personally, I never hold back.

If someone ask my opinion on a certain issue I'm 100% honest.

The problem is the way many people put their opinion across and actually try to make someone feel like shit.

Let's take the "does my ass look big in this?" situation.

You could just say"yes" and leave it a that.

...but some people have to be assholes...for one reason or the other and say some shit like "your crack looks about a mile long in that"...

[acesmith5]

was just talking about this the other day.

I would say I'm up there with Muff/HVS. If someone asks my opinon I'mma give it to em, and it has gotten me in trouble before lol


Now the fun part is that in what I do for a liviing, I get paid very well to be a dick, without being a dick. I get to call people out and throw people under the bus just about every day, and even teach others how to do the same. lol


But yeah, the answer has been hit on the head several times. People are pussies. plain and simple. Everyone is too concerned about looking good and being right, and what others will say. GTFO with that shit.

[arcticninja]

what do you do acesmith? I want to get paid for being a dick.

[Fadedsun303]

I've always given my honest opinion when people ask for it. It's gotten me in trouble with my GF plenty of times, but I'm not going to lie to her if she asks me my opinion about something.

Sometimes it's like she wants me to lie to her, it's like, then why the hell did you even ask for my opinion if you don't want to hear the truth?

[Hitaro0]

No wonder SRK is full of Crackpots. (http://www.okcupid.com/tests/describescore?testid=3076838567116464195&category=7)

I'm also the "Direct and honest" type. I asked one of the dudes who hates me why he hates me even though we sit at the same table every day and we're generally cool with each other. He said beacause he hated my guts.

[ShinkuuR]

I don't like to lie period, so if someone asks me about something I'm going to be honest about it. Sometimes it comes out mean(which is my fault), but it's always the truth.

Besides, what's the point of sugar coating your opinions just to please someone? No matter how well a positive response will please the person, in the long run it won't have any value. For a real friendship or serious relationship, honesty is important(even if it bruises your ego a bit).

[xero15]

I hate when people tend to hold back.

AKA the excuses you get when a certain girl doesn't want to go out with you. So she thinks of a random ass excuse to leave you in an ambiguous crossup. (Leaves you wondering if she's really busy or is she just fucking with you)

thats cheatin ness you cant use a topic from one thread into another but i do get where you comin from.

[Silentness!]

thats cheatin ness you cant use a topic from one thread into another but i do get where you comin from.

lol that's all I could think of. :rofl:

[colguile]

I think the issue here is brutal honesty vs. tact. Are you going out of your way to be a prick in giving your answer or are you just being honest?

The classic example being the "how do I look in this or that"? Do you say: You look fat or do you say: It's not form fitting.

Whenever you see athletes or suits on TV most people say they're not honest but in reality it's just tact. I could call you a fucking idiot but if I was tactful I'd just say I disagree with your opinion and leave it at that.

One is just brutal honesty (maybe over the top) and the other is tactful (some would call it holding back).

[white shadow]

I say absolutely nothing.

[DropOff]

People who don't hold back enough, i.e. people that are negative to a point where it's actually just bringing everyone down around them, suck.

It's important to be heard, but if you actually hate every little thing for x y and z reasons I really don't need to hear about it.

Theres nothing wrong with negative feedback, but I have a friend who says shit like "Fuck I hate that shit, I hate it when people leave the cupboards open, shit pisses me off."

... In my opinion something like that is just too trivial to be a problem.

[DaDesiCanadian]

First of all: HOLY SHIT HVS IS BACK?

Secondly: I also have a rep among my friends for speaking my mind. But even I hold back sometimes, why would you want to fuck up your relationships with people or hurt someones feelings when it could easily be avoided? Are people really that desperate to give off a "i'm such a badass I always say what I think" attitude?

[Biolink]

Plain and simple,I think because people don't want to be thought of as different.People sometimes would rather associate themeselves with a group then speak their mind.

In Lamin's terms:

People would rather listen to the retarded crap that is coming out of the mouth of some cool kid that never comes to class or does work than somebody who thinks outside of the box.

[MOD]

If I had the choice of living my life in a sugar coated fairy land or in the honest no good truth that everything is bad for me and i'm gonna die.

I'm gonna take the sugar coated fairy land. Most people do/would.

All sorts of bad things happen to people. If your best friend gets raped in prison, and he asks you why, your going to say "cuz your a little bitch?"

Holding back and being fake are 2 different things.

[cuh | son]

The truth hurts my SRK brethren.

[strider999]

being honest and opinionated is in general risky. especially in public places. alot of times its just not worth the trouble honesty brings in social settings, so people tend to go the path of least resistance.

side note: whats up with all the old school SRK members posting in this thread?

[acesmith5]

what do you do acesmith? I want to get paid for being a dick.


I get paid to be a dick, without being a dick. There's a little difference :P


In a nutshell, I educate people on how money works and train other people to do the same.

(a very mild example)

"So, how did you decide where to allocate your 401k money?"
"well, it's where my co-woker's put their money"
"really? Are your co-workers financial advisors? or certified to give you money advice? or atleast very wealthy?"
"well....no..."
"So, why would you put your family's whole financial future on the basis of what your broke co-worker is doing?"
"I......well I don't know"
"hmm yeah not really a good game plan you've got there."



When I first started I tried to be the nice guy and sugar coat their problems, but I've realized that people are so screwed - they're dying for my advice. I've had 10x the results since I started just showing them why I'm the man, and why they're fucked if they don't take my advice. People like it when you are direct. Shows your willing to take a stand for their well being.

I help people everyday get on track to have friggin millions.

[*InVeRs3*]

I don't like lying, even if it's a white lie. I'm direct, but my body language shows that I'm not trying to be mean, just truthful. I like honest "assholes" over some douche who's trying to fluff things up.

[ninjabastard]

The teacher assistant in one of my classes said I lacked a "social filter". I asked what the fuck that bullshit ment.

[HyperViperSniper]

I was asking some of my friends about this today, about being brutally honest about everything and they say that its bullshit. They approve the little white lie tactics when they need it.

I am not sure what this does other than delays the truth from coming out..



HVS

[Brooklyn]

i am rusty when it comes to being the first to call someone/something out, thanks to not gaming like i used to, and not staying after church for some "brotherly" love (some of the elders @ my church got jokes) but... if:
im working i'll just be smart about it so i can still make a fat tip (server/bartender).

im off the clock and im around my family i'll let em know just how much of a retard the person they're entertaining is and i'll walk away.

im solo i'll embarass someone who comes up to me with some bonkass shit.

[Chachi]

I think I've held back a lot. I still kinda do, probably because part of me still thinks that being nice and respectful will ultimately pay off handsomely. That shit probably won't happen until I'm 60 and my dick stops working. Time to be more honest with people, especially women- hey, I might piss a few of 'em off, but it's not like I want to wear my dick out fucking them all, do I?

[Septimus Prime]

Ironically, it hurts more when someone is dishonest with you about something and you know it.

[Brooklyn]

Ironically, it hurts more when someone is dishonest with you about something and you know it.

that won you points with the judge.

[Jida]

The teacher assistant in one of my classes said I lacked a "social filter". I asked what the fuck that bullshit ment.

Ohmigod. :rofl: :rofl: