ChibiT89
03-01-2007, 08:23 PM
Here's an blog my friend wrote, I thought I would just pass it along, it is worth the read despite the length!
Shaq, Highlights for Kids, and dino cock
As everyone is well aware, there are many unanswered scientific questions such as: how was the universe created, how exactly does superconductivity work, is there life after death, and how do blind people know when to stop wiping their ass? While these are all amazing questions, the one I would like to focus on is the question of how the dinosaurs died.
I first started thinking about this problem about an hour ago. After Lacey informed me of the true definition of the word "retard" and how it can apply to more than just an idiot I became saddened. I thought about the T-REX. What a poor guy. Yeah he could kick some major ass with those killer teeth and whatnot but that's about it, because the T-REX was a retard. He had retarded arms. After a little bit of research it turns out that the T-REX had an arm span of around 1 meter. Thats just a little bit over 3 feet which really isnt much longer than a humans arms. In fact some humans have arms longer than that. Imagine (yes this is a stretch so IMAGINE) Shaq holding a T-REX at bay by pushing its head back. All the retarded dino would be able to do is flail its tiny little retard arms at him. Then it would be nothing at all for Shaq with his free hand to shove a basketball in the T-REX's mouth and do some of his fancy Shaq-fu skills to kill it. "Outrageous, contagious, spontaneous, you cant contain this, I AM KAZAAM!!"
I was then posed with the question of why you never see dinosaur privates in any scientific drawings. This really is a simple answer and that it is commonly known that most scientific drawings of dino's are in Highlights for Kids and that magazine isn't about to show a huge dino cock. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks--or a giant Brontosaurus wang to the face. I had finally figured out in 20 minutes why the dinosaurs disappeared.
Now before I go into my theory I will first briefly mention some of the mainstream crappy ideas (they dont even qualify as theories now). One is that a huge fucking asteroid that Bruce Willis wasnt able to blow up hit the earth, causing a cooling in the climate, which killed 'em. Two is that for some other reason, there was a climate change (polar ice caps..blah, blah, blah) and the dino's died. Really though, it is much more simple. So simple, in fact, that my tiny little retarded mind was able to figure it out.
The reason that the dinosaurs died is that they were not able to reproduce. They couldn't fuck. Seriously, think about it. Some of those dinosaurs were extremely odd shaped. First off, think about the Stegosaurus. Those things had freaking death spikes on their back. How are you going to mount something thats going to impale you as soon as you start humping it? And what about that dinosaur that has a club attached to its tail? Its the Euoplocephalus for those of you that aren't up on your dinos. First off, I doubt anything would want to have sex with it, but how do you get around that tail? In fact how do you get around any tail THAT big? Lots of dinosaurs had them. It's not like a dog or horse where the tail is easily pushed out of the way (and yes I realize that statement makes me sound like an animal fucker, but this is for science). These tails were used for balance. How is a female Brontosaurus going to make her tail do a 90 degree turn straight into the air? That thing had to at least weigh a couple tons so its not gonna be easy to move, and that's assuming they had that much control over it. I suppose a dinosaur could lie down and try to go in from an awkward angle but thats too hilarious to even consider plausible.
So there it is. The dinosaurs just weren't able to reproduce. I have no actual scientific evidence to back this up other than commen sense and pictures from wikipedia.
Shaq, Highlights for Kids, and dino cock
As everyone is well aware, there are many unanswered scientific questions such as: how was the universe created, how exactly does superconductivity work, is there life after death, and how do blind people know when to stop wiping their ass? While these are all amazing questions, the one I would like to focus on is the question of how the dinosaurs died.
I first started thinking about this problem about an hour ago. After Lacey informed me of the true definition of the word "retard" and how it can apply to more than just an idiot I became saddened. I thought about the T-REX. What a poor guy. Yeah he could kick some major ass with those killer teeth and whatnot but that's about it, because the T-REX was a retard. He had retarded arms. After a little bit of research it turns out that the T-REX had an arm span of around 1 meter. Thats just a little bit over 3 feet which really isnt much longer than a humans arms. In fact some humans have arms longer than that. Imagine (yes this is a stretch so IMAGINE) Shaq holding a T-REX at bay by pushing its head back. All the retarded dino would be able to do is flail its tiny little retard arms at him. Then it would be nothing at all for Shaq with his free hand to shove a basketball in the T-REX's mouth and do some of his fancy Shaq-fu skills to kill it. "Outrageous, contagious, spontaneous, you cant contain this, I AM KAZAAM!!"
I was then posed with the question of why you never see dinosaur privates in any scientific drawings. This really is a simple answer and that it is commonly known that most scientific drawings of dino's are in Highlights for Kids and that magazine isn't about to show a huge dino cock. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks--or a giant Brontosaurus wang to the face. I had finally figured out in 20 minutes why the dinosaurs disappeared.
Now before I go into my theory I will first briefly mention some of the mainstream crappy ideas (they dont even qualify as theories now). One is that a huge fucking asteroid that Bruce Willis wasnt able to blow up hit the earth, causing a cooling in the climate, which killed 'em. Two is that for some other reason, there was a climate change (polar ice caps..blah, blah, blah) and the dino's died. Really though, it is much more simple. So simple, in fact, that my tiny little retarded mind was able to figure it out.
The reason that the dinosaurs died is that they were not able to reproduce. They couldn't fuck. Seriously, think about it. Some of those dinosaurs were extremely odd shaped. First off, think about the Stegosaurus. Those things had freaking death spikes on their back. How are you going to mount something thats going to impale you as soon as you start humping it? And what about that dinosaur that has a club attached to its tail? Its the Euoplocephalus for those of you that aren't up on your dinos. First off, I doubt anything would want to have sex with it, but how do you get around that tail? In fact how do you get around any tail THAT big? Lots of dinosaurs had them. It's not like a dog or horse where the tail is easily pushed out of the way (and yes I realize that statement makes me sound like an animal fucker, but this is for science). These tails were used for balance. How is a female Brontosaurus going to make her tail do a 90 degree turn straight into the air? That thing had to at least weigh a couple tons so its not gonna be easy to move, and that's assuming they had that much control over it. I suppose a dinosaur could lie down and try to go in from an awkward angle but thats too hilarious to even consider plausible.
So there it is. The dinosaurs just weren't able to reproduce. I have no actual scientific evidence to back this up other than commen sense and pictures from wikipedia.