What's The oddest thing your co-workers have ever said to you?

[JackTenrac!]

Jamaican Co-Worker: I'll screw anything.

I nearly died after this. I'll get more later.

[soup or man]

"Hey there John Holmes. Imma call you John Hooooolmes. Cause you do videos. John Hoooolmes."

thick southern drawl in effect.

[Black Chanler]

It surprises me how unprofessional managers are

Manager: Chanler, check out the ass on that one *points to our cashier*
Me: give me some dap on that

[soup or man]

Manager: "So. You live with your girlfriend, huh?"
Me: "Yep."
Manager: "So you guys are living in sin?"
Me: "I guess so."

[JackTenrac!]

McDs for real. One night I had:

>McDs Co-worker woman whose like 40 or so years old:
>So Bear, what do you think of my daughter? I know about you guys ranking the girls and all.
>Me:...huh?
>Her: Nooooo... think of me as one of the guys. I don't mind.
>Me: well, she's hot.
>Her: yeah, eh!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
After a customer came in that was actually hot:
Her: Bear...why didn't you mack that?
Me: ...I asked myself the same question.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Another time:
> Man co-worker: Bear, your sister is *rolls his eyes back like a dog* hooot!
> Me: WTF?!

[Red-Impact]

-"I raped my wife yesterday"
-"I almost fucekd my wife in the last night"

[Boleslaw]

I usually filled the role of the creepy mcmananger/cool dude who would say the outlandish shit

in a crummy job where everyone is constantly praying for death there is no need to run a professional shift at all and besides then you look like the cool roguish antihero and sometimes that scores you that 19 year old coworker tang

[debs]

female coworker: *something about how her pussy tastes/smell like apples*
male coworker: yeah, like apples cooked in fish grease.

*these are ppl in their 40's*

[Satomiblood]

ViciousSlash and I used to work at a supermarket dairy dept together. There was a bag of hard-boiled eggs on the shelf. Here's the verbal exchange:

Vicious (squeezing them with a smile): "Hmm, these feel like balls."
Me: "That was gay."
Vicious: "Yea, that was pretty gay."

[MrQuotes]

a former co-worker of mine was a fifty something year old failure with a fistful of stupidity he would express to me on a daily basis. if im forced to think back to them, im' pretty sure im going to smash my head against the corner of my desk

[Gimpy]

female coworker: *something about how her pussy tastes/smell like apples*
male coworker: yeah, like apples cooked in fish grease.

*these are ppl in their 40's*



:rofl::rofl::rofl: For me it was my co-worker, who happens to be 47 and kind of a perv, said to me, when we saw this cute girl in our building, "Man, don't you just want to walk up to her and say "Can I eat your pussy, mam?".

[debs]

*both of us bored...watching a couple and their 3 year old walk by*
*3 year old drops a toy...parents keep on walking; mom looks back. baby picks the toy up and puts it in her mouth*

me: ey...and they're just letting her put it in her mouth after it fell on the concrete.
coworker: thats white ppl for you. then they be wondering why lil johnny die from leukemia at age 6 and shit.
me: leukemia? the fk? lolol
coworker: hell yeah...lil white kids be sucking on syringes and shit...the mom been with the same man for 40 years and she wondering why her baby got AIDS. they need to watch their kids.
me: ...wooooow.

[Shadow Ace 50]

.....
anywho...


guy...."I just pissed in Jim's(managers) coffee

me...."wtf..

guy...."dont worry I put some cream and sugar in there to

me....."walks out room"


guy 2 "I caught my dad jacking it yesterday"

me...."what did you do"

guy 2" I said its easier with lotion"


guy 3 "I wanted to titty **** my cousin yesdterday...she was so hot

me..."thats not cool man, so what happened afterwards?"

guy 3 "I just ****ed her thats all"

me............wtf


guy 4 " yo you got five dollars?"

me...."why?"

guy 4 "I saw this hooker down the street im a go holla"

me....if you where og you'd hit it for free

guy 4 "thats to buy her a pregancy test afterwards, cause I dont strap up brah..

me....peace man.."walks out room"



I could post more if you want me to

[Darkside3024]

Story #1

District Manager: Man y'all workin' like we payin y'all with Subway sandwiches and fried chicken.
Me: WTF?
Co-Worker 1: WTF?
Co-Worker 2: You lucky I need my job.
District Manager: *face turns red and walks off*

Story #2

Supervisor: I'm gonna get a bumper sticker saying "I work hard for the people on welfare."
Everyone else:......................................

I think UPS needs to have a training program showing white people how to communicate with black people.

[JackTenrac!]

New hire: I'm in sales, but I don't know how to bullshit.
Boss: We don't bullshit here, but we'll teach you how.

[Irennicus]

*On the food line of the deli*
General Manager: It's 4/20, huh, I just realized that.
Catering Manager: Hehe, yeah.
General Manager: Man, I think I should light up *looks around* any of you holding?
Catering Manager: You gotta wait till 4:20!
General Manager: No! I have a meeting then. I want a buzz on now.

[Guru]

.....
anywho...


guy...."I just pissed in Jim's(managers) coffee

me...."wtf..

guy...."dont worry I put some cream and sugar in there to

me....."walks out room"


guy 2 "I caught my dad jacking it yesterday"

me...."what did you do"

guy 2" I said its easier with lotion"


guy 3 "I wanted to titty **** my cousin yesdterday...she was so hot

me..."thats not cool man, so what happened afterwards?"

guy 3 "I just ****ed her thats all"

me............wtf


guy 4 " yo you got five dollars?"

me...."why?"

guy 4 "I saw this hooker down the street im a go holla"

me....if you where og you'd hit it for free

guy 4 "thats to buy her a pregancy test afterwards, cause I dont strap up brah..

me....peace man.."walks out room"



I could post more if you want me to

please post more. You had me in tears, especially stories 3 and 4.

Being from a predominantly white city (I'd say over 90% of the people here are white), I've heard my fair share of ignorant nonsense.

Example 1.
(insert random white person OR someone who has immigrated here) - Where are you from?
Me - Sudbury
(insert random white person OR someone who has immigrated here) - No, I mean where were you BORN?
Me - Sudbury (rolls eyes, followed by a couple seconds of awkward silence)

Example 2.
guy/girl - Can I feel your hair?
Me - Okay
guy/girl - Oh, it feels like a shag carpet! I've also had some guy tell me my hair feels like pubic hair :confused:

There's probably more, but I can't remember right now.

[Goose]

coworker: "start working"
me: "no"

[Hokuto Shingo]

ViciousSlash and I used to work at a supermarket dairy dept together. There was a bag of hard-boiled eggs on the shelf. Here's the verbal exchange:

Vicious (squeezing them with a smile): "Hmm, these feel like balls."
Me: "That was gay."
Vicious: "Yea, that was pretty gay."

I don't know why I found this one so funny.

[Shadow Ace 50]

guy 1 (imagine a real thick country accent) I dont understand its ok for a family dogs to **** each other but not humans?

guy 2 its because dogs cant talk and therfore cant make a case about it

guy 1: man my sister was smoking hot the other day

guy 2: thank god I dont have a sister....

me:.....................

working at the hospital I overhead a disturbing conversation

chic 1: you know I was wondering what that tub of frosting was doing in fridge

chic 2: tub of frosting? did it have a label on it?

chic 1: no but I tried some and it was kind of salty

everyone at the table:............................................ ..

chic 3: have you guys seen that container I left to chill in the fridge

chic 1: that frosting is salty

chic 3: thats not frosting.......


me working at this resturant

me: whats that smell?

friend: dude look at ashley's pants

me: are you serious? get her out of there NOW!!!

everyone trying to get her attention...

this is when the big bosses come in to eat

managers: this is one of our servers...ashley

ashley:ohhhh

crap came out on her pants on the floor

friend: too bad she isnt the shit!

[Sazae]

This one is from a programmer I work with that also sells drugs on the side.

Him: Should I put my price list in a spreadsheet or a Powerpoint slideshow so the people know exactly what they are getting?

Me: Go with Powerpoint, looks more professional.

[Azrael]

...I could own this thread too.

[PcLanAdmin2]

==> one my first day at work

coworker = "i think you'll do better than the guy you replaced"

me = "really, how come?"

coworker = "he took naps in his cube, in the middle of the workday, that's why he was fired, don't do that and you'll be just fine. he also called us and begged for his job every day after he was fired for like weeks, don't do that either -- if you get fired."

==> this one guy had a picture of his gf on his desk. it was a picture of her practically with a white wet t-shirt. dunno why he did that at work…anyways, he wasn't at his desk when this happened.

coworker = "damn, look at his girl. nice. you know what, he shouldn't leave that picture out at night. he should hide it.

me = “???what do you mean???”

coworker = “um…i mean, this…one guy…that works the late shift on this floor tell me he uses that picture to jack off almost every night. don't tell the guy who sits here what I just told you ok?"

[DS]

*I'm just getting stuff from the printer when one of the billing department ladies approaches*

Her: Remember Joanna? The one that used to work here a few years ago?

Me: Yeah. What about her?

Her: She called me the other day telling me that she had cancer.

Me: Oh, wow. Sorry to hear that.

Her: Yeah, she said she's bald and going through chemo right now.

Me: Yeah, that usually is where the baldness comes in. My mom had cancer twice.

Her: She's been crying for a while.

Me: Dunno why. She should be glad she's alive. The hair comes back in a few weeks anyway. My mom didn't care, as long as she was alive.

Her: She had breast cancer, too?

Me: Yeah, both breasts. My mom's more flatchested than a 10 year old boy.

Her: You might wanna feel my breasts for a lump.

Me: *taking it into consideration* Dunno. Those breasts aren't exactly top tier.

And believe, they aren't.

[Rhio2k]

There's a brother who always gives me compliments on my ass when I wear black jeans. Not my "butt", my "rear", or my "tush", but my "ass". That, combined with the fact that he did 7 in prison = nigga creeps me the hell out, and is probably undercover...but gay dudes seem to be drawn to me. Must be because I'm short.

[Ragetowersrage]

I worked at Pizza hut for a while as a driver and one of the other drivers who hadn't met me yet was convinced that my name was a fake cause it sounded too much like a Porn name...

So every time I would see him he would have made up a new Porn movie title and then the description. And he would say it in a creepy announcer voice, then make porn music sounds.

[Taichi]

"You're the only member of the Maintenance crew physically qualified to go onto the roof in a thunderstorm!"

which is weird in and of itself.

but considering the rest of the maintenance crew were:

1: A retard
2: A radial amputee
3: A tweaker

I literally WAS the only one physically capable of going onto the roof in a rainstorm.

except for one small fact.

I'm terrified of heights, and suffer bouts of vertigo if I'm more than fifteen feet off the ground.

[blooper]

while coming back from lunch and walking through the store we worked at.
112- peaches and cream playing oon the loud speaker.
her: omg! i know this song, i gave my first blowjob to this song.
me: o rly?

i guess it wasnt that odd now that i think about it.

[EVARGNUG]

guycoworker: hey Jon, I heard Nicole has a crush on you. she's got a big ass doesn't she?

Me: uhhh, yea I guess. I'm not gonna make any moves, though. Not with a coworker.

guycoworker: yeah, right--I bet you wanna get behind her and smack that phat ass, don't ya?

Me: :sweat:

[TS]

112- peaches and cream playing oon the loud speaker.
her: omg! i know this song, i gave my first blowjob to this song.
me: o rly?

i guess it wasnt that odd now that i think about it.
:lol: I disagree.

guycoworker: hey Jon, I heard Nicole has a crush on you. she's got a big ass doesn't she?

Me: uhhh, yea I guess. I'm not gonna make any moves, though. Not with a coworker.

guycoworker: yeah, right--I bet you wanna get behind her and smack that phat ass, don't ya?

Me: :sweat:

There's a brother who always gives me compliments on my ass when I wear black jeans. Not my "butt", my "rear", or my "tush", but my "ass". That, combined with the fact that he did 7 in prison = nigga creeps me the hell out, and is probably undercover...but gay dudes seem to be drawn to me. Must be because I'm short.
:wtf: :rofl:

...I could own this thread too.
:rofl:

I think you owe it to SRK to post at least the rape story. Though I'm sure you have quite a few.


Anyway, I don't have anything too crazy.

(crazy bisexual foster kid drama queen chick)
-"I never choke. I have no gag reflex."
-"Girl's cum tastes a LOT different than boy come."

Mexican co-worker, I don't even know the context, I think she was trying to say the lyrics to some song in English:
-"you like....come...my house...and in bed....with me?"

Random female co-worker:
-"Do...do you have a girlfriend?"
Me: :bluu: (shakes my head no)
-"Is...is it because you're hella mean?"
-Me: :bluu: (nods yes)

Jerk-ass retard co-worker
-"Hey, you know whay Meixcans wear those big hats?? So they have somewhere to put their burrito while they're taking a PISS."
Me: .... :bluu: (I'm not Mexican, but he said that shit like it was HILLARIOUS.)

Obese young coworker, talking about how he wants to be a secuirty guard:
-"That would be the best job ever, just banging dudes all day. You get to bang dudes for money."

...he was using "bang" to mean fight or punch.


Shady manager guy (#2 of many)
-"Hey, if you went camping with somebody, and they tied you up and fucked you in the ass, would you tell anybody?"
Me: ...no...?
- (he puts his hand on my shoulder) "Let's go camping."

The first time I'd heard that one.

Sheltered teen coworker:
(I'm doing some Japanese homework in the break room)
- :wow: Is that...are you writing a-rab??!! :wow:

Not Arab. Not Arabic. "A-Rab."

[Kikosho]

Not Arab. Not Arabic. "A-Rab."

Crazy enough, my friend's stupid ass exgirlfriend said the SAME THING when I was doing my Japanese Kanji workbook pages. Craziness.

:

[SmoothCat]

Anyway, I don't have anything too crazy.

(crazy bisexual foster kid drama queen chick)
-"I never choke. I have no gag reflex."
-"Girl's cum tastes a LOT different than boy come."

Mexican co-worker, I don't even know the context, I think she was trying to say the lyrics to some song in English:
-"you like....come...my house...and in bed....with me?"

Random female co-worker:
-"Do...do you have a girlfriend?"
Me: :bluu: (shakes my head no)
-"Is...is it because you're hella mean?"
-Me: :bluu: (nods yes)

Jerk-ass retard co-worker
-"Hey, you know whay Meixcans wear those big hats?? So they have somewhere to put their burrito while they're taking a PISS."
Me: .... :bluu: (I'm not Mexican, but he said that shit like it was HILLARIOUS.)

Obese young coworker, talking about how he wants to be a secuirty guard:
-"That would be the best job ever, just banging dudes all day. You get to bang dudes for money."

...he was using "bang" to mean fight or punch.


Shady manager guy (#2 of many)
-"Hey, if you went camping with somebody, and they tied you up and fucked you in the ass, would you tell anybody?"
Me: ...no...?
- (he puts his hand on my shoulder) "Let's go camping."

The first time I'd heard that one.

Sheltered teen coworker:
(I'm doing some Japanese homework in the break room)
- :wow: Is that...are you writing a-rab??!! :wow:

Not Arab. Not Arabic. "A-Rab."

The mexican hat is killing me LMFAO

Anyway I have crazy shit that happens at my job. We have this one horny mexican guy and a perv indian guy.

Mexican " hey jew guys ever bite de neck?

Me " wtf like in a fight?"

Mexican " no when u fuck the lady like doggie..."

Me " why the hell would you do that u crazy fuck"

" Because I like the dick clean my friend! I fuck her koola < I think it means ass in spanish. Then I bite her neck and she make the ass tight and I pull the dick out, o shit my friend nice and clean no nothing on my dick"

At this point I'm fucking on the floor crying, the indian guy is not even laughing he is fucking stuned and says

" You dirty baster...."

Mexican " I no dirty my friend I make the dick very clean" proceeds to give me a high five....

[The Green Trench Coat]

srk always shows me that I've lived to long.

Yes I actually have a story in this topic as well.

So when i started my current job in the L.A. Office
I met my boss who took me around the office and introduced me to everyone in the office. Now this office is tricked out' so to speak they have a gym a lemon / gapefruit garden catered lunches everyday i mean really nice.

So the boss is taking me around and I'm the only minority in the place..

He takes me over to wear his secretary sits she's got her head down and her headphones on doing some work

Boss: "hey lanie, I'd like you to meet our new systems engineer, he's gonna be working from NYC"
*she looks up at me*
*she puts her hand over her mouth and gasps*

Lanie: "...NOo Way!!!" <- not exaggerating or making this up.

So, perplexed .. i looked at my boss with a look like "huh?"
his reply:



Boss: "Oh ... don't mind her.. she just finished working out."
*and he continues with the tour*




*shrugs my shoulders and accepts that as a viable answer for her behavior*
*5 minutes later*
Me: "Wait... Wha--? working out! I want to see this work out room!!"


It's weird how sometimes someone can give you the most rediculous answer and at first glance you are like oh okay....wait..what??

[JackTenrac!]

"Someday, they'll have a machine that allows you to play video games in your hands" -- Swift Eddy like 3 weeks ago.

[EveryFlowerFlow]

*Female co-worker randomly comes up to me while I'm helping a customer, and sniffs me*

Her: "You smell like boys."
Me & customer: :wtf::confused:

[Darkstalker]

"If I had a penis, I would totally fuck you."

:crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby: :crybaby:

[Alzarath]

*Female co-worker randomly comes up to me while I'm helping a customer, and sniffs me*

Her: "You smell like boys."
Me & customer: :wtf::confused:

:wtf::rofl:

[Galactic]

A coworker of mine once told me she was going to stab her husband to death.

She's in jail now, for stabbing her husband to death.

^_-;

[Yuncito]

"Once I Dance like Shakira on top of someones Dick"

a Co worker, after we drink a few beers

True Story.....

[valaris]

A coworker of mine once told me she was going to stab her husband to death.

She's in jail now, for stabbing her husband to death.

^_-;

That's the greatest story I've heard in a while.

[orka]

"I can see ambition in your strides"

[Nu.]

girl co-worker: so I have this STD.......
me: :confused::wtf::wasted:

Haven't talked with her since.

[ViciousSLASH]

ViciousSlash and I used to work at a supermarket dairy dept together. There was a bag of hard-boiled eggs on the shelf. Here's the verbal exchange:

Vicious (squeezing them with a smile): "Hmm, these feel like balls."
Me: "That was gay."
Vicious: "Yea, that was pretty gay."

Hey man, they did feel like balls. Those eggs are a nasty strange product that no one ever buys.

Real talk, no homo.

[Fadedsun303]

Short, white haired, mid 40's guy walking into my office: "Drop your cock and pull up your socks!"

Horny spanish guy while we were talking about girls: Sits up, and right in front of the window where everyone walks by he bends down and starts pretending to jerk off all over the floor and says "YEAAAAAHHH!!!!"

[rcaido]

My co-worker Roberto, 50 year-old spanish dude was cutting up veggies & all of sudden shows me a cucumber...

Roberto: "You know one time i stuck this into a girls pussy" Very deep spanish accent...
Me: What the? Are you serious...No you didn't...
Roberto: "No its true, i was still young & she like it..."

[Javid]

:rofl:

This thread is great. I'm at school right now so I'll post my stories later. Believe me, when you're the only guy and work with women only...well let's just say you see and hear some disturbing things.

Az, you better post your stories. I have a feeling they are epic.

[bombchivo]

so this happens while im closing with my assistant manager....

ASM: you know, i'm and amatur porn director. :wgrin:
me" really i didn't know that..... :confused:
ASM:yeah ( pops out his psp and shows me)
me: wow, so where do you get all these girls at?
ASM: Well you know,... they just show up.
me: oh...
ASM: yeah in my next project, my wife gave me permission to star in it.
me: .......
ASM: The thing is she'd only let me do gay porn. i can't understand why she gets to get all the action.
me: WTF!!!!!
ASM: So do you wanna be an internet star?

they found out later that most of these girls that he had got where customers that come to the store. He sweet talked them into doing this for him or he would offer to take money out of the registers and gave it to them for thier services. idk and idc wut happened to him or his porn thing, but i know b4 he got fired that he took all the cash for the registers when he closed for the last time.

[DrumlinerJoe]

I used to work in a bar and we a guy walking around selling jello shots in his underwear. I was loading beers in the back and asked him if he was having a good night, he just said "I'll probably make more money once I take off my pants."

That's the only situation where the sentence would make sense. You really can't say that anywhere else and have it make sense.

[Warpticon]

Moron coworker: "I can get projected."
me: "?!"
Moron coworker: "I can go daily, weekly, or monthly. Well maybe not monthly yet. You know, coming from projected angles?"

I have NO IDEA WHAT THIS IDIOT WAS TALKING ABOUT.

[PaRt2]

My supervisor over the phone. :rofl: She's a woman. Keep this in mind.

Supervisor: "How was your weekend!?"
Me: "Fine. Pretty good. How about yours?"
Supervisor: "It was nice... but my ass hurts."
Me: "Why does your ass hurt!?"
Supervisor: "Did you just hear me say that!?"
Me: "Yes.. I did actually."
Supervisor: "...Did you turn in those overtime slips?!"
Me: ":wtf: Yep, They're in your box."
Supervisor: "Thank you." :Hangs Up:

You know what I was thinking,
She's a single 38 year old woman who's not bad looking for her age. I wasn't too suprised.

[blooper]

as me and this girl i use to work with walked through the department store we worked at, the song "peaches and cream" by 112 came on and she perked up and said:

"this is the song that was playing when i gave my first blow job!"

it was strange from there.

[ShinkuuR]

Gay coworker talking to female co-worker:...So the guy is pounding me from behind right? But he's doing it so hard that I crap all over his couch!

Female coworker: WTF!!!?

Gay coworker: Then his wife came home...

Me: (runs away)



Same gay coworker talking to same female coworker: ...he said that he can't get it up unless a girl is there to watch? I mean, how weird is that??

Female coworker: Where the hell do you find these guys??

Gay coworker: (laughs).........so, what are you doing this weekend?

Me: (runs away)



Manager: ....I have malaria.
Me: :wtf:
Manager: (leaves office)


Female coworker: I can't stand that fat ass bitch!! She needs to stop fucking with my work and do her own!! She looks like that green monster thing in Street Fighter!! What's his name? Banka? Bylanga?

Me:....Blanka?

Female coworker: YES!! THAT THING! WITH HER STINK ASS!!!



I'm sure there's more, but I can't recall right now...

[tsukihimeblood]

as me and this girl i use to work with walked through the department store we worked at, the song "peaches and cream" by 112 came on and she perked up and said:

"this is the song that was playing when i gave my first blow job!"

it was strange from there.

didn't you post that on the last page half a year ago?

[scum gale 88]

off the top of my head.

I was at work and bill comes up to me in the forklift

Bill:hey, you seen Richard anywhere around here?
me:oh, I think he is taking his forklift evaluation.
Bill:oh yeah? huh! looney tunes!

then he drove off and I was left to question reality itself.
WHAT DID HE MEAN!?

[Satomiblood]

Just to keep it fresh (from a post in June)...

ViciousSlash and I used to work at a supermarket dairy dept together. There was a bag of hard-boiled eggs on the shelf. Here's the verbal exchange:

Vicious (squeezing them with a smile): "Hmm, these feel like balls."
Me: "That was gay."
Vicious: "Yea, that was pretty gay."

[maxx]

working at the gap with 99% women causes weird situations for me

when our store was under construction, i tend to take out the trash by myself. but this co-worker had clearly the hots for me. she was kinda cute but i dont got that level 9 yellow fever sydrome like most of srk...but she was following me around one day.

-=me taking out the trash=-

her: hey you got scissors in your pocket

me: uhh...yeah...what are you, checking out my ass?

her: maybbee i am

me: uhhh akward

her: no, its not awkward unless you say its awkward

co-worker nearby who was listening at this: no its awkward

we hired a 15/16 year old for the holidays who would always make it a point to touch me. she was guatamalan and had this thick ass accent

-=walks by her the girl=-

me: hi how you doing

her: i'm hungry

me: ohh sorry

her: let me eat you

me: wtf?! whatt?!

her: you make me hungry, you look like a hamburger

me: uhhh what?!

her: and your hair look like fries

thats like some borderline racism.

[Satomiblood]

we hired a 15/16 year old for the holidays who would always make it a point to touch me. she was guatamalan and had this thick ass accent

-=walks by her the girl=-

me: hi how you doing

her: i'm hungry

me: ohh sorry

her: let me eat you

me: wtf?! whatt?!

her: you make me hungry, you look like a hamburger

me: uhhh what?!

her: and your hair look like fries

thats like some borderline racism.


Are you sure this isn't what you look like: pic (http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k144/striderec/Untitled-1copy-1.jpg)

[scum gale 88]

her: i'm hungry

her: let me eat you

her: you make me hungry, you look like a hamburger

me: uhhh what?!

her: and your hair look like fries

thats like some borderline racism.
thats....kinda hot I suppose
............:confused:.................:bluu:..... ......:hitit:

[Higher-Jin]

Are you sure this isn't what you look like: pic (http://i87.photobucket.com/albums/k144/striderec/Untitled-1copy-1.jpg)

nah i think he probably looks like this (http://www.motumbo.net/images/frylock.jpg)

[Oroman]

At my old job before I got fired:

*Eating a sandwich*

Female co-worker: Hey you wanna know the real reason why I got a raise?

Me: *Swallows sandwich* Yea sure, tell me how.

Female co-worker: I sucked off both of the managers cocks.

Me: ...:wtf::annoy:

*She walks out the room*

[SRKev]

Female Co-worker: I just can't seem to find a boyfriend.

Me: Aw, don't worry about it, you'll find the right one.

Female Co-worker: I think I just need to get fucked, that'll make me feel better.

Me: :confused::sweat: Okay....

Female Co-worker: So, what are you doing after work?


^
No, I didn't hit it. She reeks of cigarettes and that's quite the bonerkill or me. If she ever quit though, it would be on.

[maxx]

oh back at my old job with the racist owner

i got fired over sum bullshit but was rehired after all the coworkers complained i was the best guy in the back of the warehouse who knew his shit..they fired me after a year working their and a bunch of holiday help.

manager: so you know how your mom called to talk to dave after you got fired

me: yeah

manager: well dave called me after freaked out, cause he had never got anyones mom calling him

me: haha what happened?

manager: i told him to calm down and its ok. after he asked me if you were adopted

me: wtf? why?

manager: well i told him no. then he asked if you were part white and i told him not that i knew of. then he said oh wow...cause his mom sounds very educated for a black woman

me: WTF?! :mad: damn...my mom would have gotten real ghetto if she ever heard him say that shit.

i got tons of stories about my racist boss.

[CarreauOverkill]

"WHAT THE FUCK BITCH I CAN HANG I'M THE DESCENDANT OF THE MONKEYMEN"

One of our tech guys doing server maintenance (waiting for some analyzing program to run), on a saturday morning. He was high on... something. He got constant nosebleed and at the moment of this statement he was hanging from these ceiling tracks where you mount the dozen screens we have.

[The Green Trench Coat]

just the other day...

co worker: I'm so stressed out i've got so much work to do ugh!!!

me: I can totally help you if you need me to. I havent started on my router configs i can take a few projects off your shoulders if needed.

co worker: No no.. that's okay. It's just so much work.

pause..

me: Well if you need any help with anything feel free to uh... work harder. <leaves>

[Adam Warlock]

Hispanic Female Boss: *something something something* Nigga
Me: Huh?
HFB: Oh it's okay. i can say that. I'm not white.

[Nokato]

oh back at my old job with the racist owner

i got fired over sum bullshit but was rehired after all the coworkers complained i was the best guy in the back of the warehouse who knew his shit..they fired me after a year working their and a bunch of holiday help.

manager: so you know how your mom called to talk to dave after you got fired

me: yeah

manager: well dave called me after freaked out, cause he had never got anyones mom calling him

me: haha what happened?

manager: i told him to calm down and its ok. after he asked me if you were adopted

me: wtf? why?

manager: well i told him no. then he asked if you were part white and i told him not that i knew of. then he said oh wow...cause his mom sounds very educated for a black woman

me: WTF?! :mad: damn...my mom would have gotten real ghetto if she ever heard him say that shit.

i got tons of stories about my racist boss.


Moar.

[Infernoman]

ok let me set this one up...I was working and all of a sudden like I was the only guy in the store...

Me :confused: *thinking* where is everyone? *loos outside and sees some smoke...then sees manager come back in*

manager - man you done cleaning shit up in back?

me - umm...yeah..can I go now? my shift is over...*sniffs a scent of weed from manager* :rolleyes:

manager - *grabs a wad of pepperonis and throws them at me* gotta clean that up man...

me - *thinking* FUCKING A! :annoy:

manager - aww...i'm sorry man I know that ain't cool...you're still my homie right? *hugs me from behind as i'm cleaning up his mess* :lovin:

me - :confused: umm...yeah we still cool man...

manager - but you still gotta claen that shit up man...

[ViciousSLASH]

Hispanic Female Boss: *something something something* Nigga
Me: Huh?
HFB: Oh it's okay. i can say that. I'm not white.

It's true.

:confused:

Didn't you know that? Spics have been on dat nigga tip since they quietly ganked black culture and acted like it was theres too.

It's been like that for awhile.

True blackers like us need to do some reverse lynching on their bean eating asses.

[Infernoman]

It's true.

:confused:

Didn't you know that? Spics have been on dat nigga tip since they quietly ganked black culture and acted like it was theres too.

It's been like that for awhile.

True blackers like us need to do some reverse lynching on their bean eating asses.

Nigga you trippin' :rolleyes:

[Vynce]

I work with this man's man kind of guy. Big into hunting and womanizing. He told me he had a dream in which he was taking a shower and I showed up naked. I asked if could join him and he said sure but I couldn't touch him.

...Then he acted like I was gay for the dream having occured.

[Ho0v-Man]

I work at a pizza place. Tonight this woman who has worked there full-time for literally six years tells me that we need to remake a pepperoni and beef pizza b/c we forgot the pepperoni. I go over there and this is how it goes down.

Her: See, there's none on here.

me: *noticing that the pepperoni is just under the cheese like it's supposed to be, but still clearly visible* Yeah, there's like 40 pepperoni on that pizza.

Her: *in a condescending tone* Where? I don't see.

Now here I strongly fought the urge to say "There, diagonally. Pretty sneaky, huh?" I'm sure it would have only confused her. I instead said...

me: You see those small, red, meat circles all over it?

Her: Oh yeah...

me: I can't believe they pay you more than me.:rolleyes:

[Will Gotti]

I work with this man's man kind of guy. Big into hunting and womanizing. He told me he had a dream in which he was taking a shower and I showed up naked. I asked if could join him and he said sure but I couldn't touch him.

...Then he acted like I was gay for the dream having occured.

:rofl: You should have said wtf you dreaming about me for? Getting gay?

[Higher-Jin]

It's true.

:confused:

Didn't you know that? Spics have been on dat nigga tip since they quietly ganked black culture and acted like it was theres too.

It's been like that for awhile.

True blackers like us need to do some reverse lynching on their bean eating asses.

Hey man just cuz we got paid 3 cents more an hour than the slaves did don't mean we were any less o-pressed.

Nigga.

[DarthTrey]

I recently found out that a old co-worker of mine used to jerk off in his cubicle when he was working late.....that was kinda odd....

[blooper]

didn't you post that on the last page half a year ago?

lol... youre absolutely correct. damn SRK gets redundant.:looney:

at least you know im not lying. hahaha

[{PFH}-Lake]

"ive seen that girl have lesbian sex with someone i know."

[Luciano Leone]

RIGHT after I got fired

Me: "Ay Erica (coworker), you wanna hear some funny shit?" (would've been how I just got fired)

Store manager: "If you don't get out of here right now, Im calling the police."

[Higher-Jin]

RIGHT after I got fired

Me: "Ay Erica (coworker), you wanna hear some funny shit?" (would've been how I just got fired)

Store manager: "If you don't get out of here right now, Im calling the police."

shoulda keyed the shit out of the manager's car on your way out

[Ninja Wallace]

This wasn't a co-worker, but my teacher the other day, after getting pissed off at the class.
"You guys think you're so cool? You think you have some sort of powers?"

And so, we laughed.

[MuD]

There's nothing really crazy about what people say anymore.

When i first got my job at 16, i worked at Wendys. There were a bunch of potheads and such working there...

One day this girl decided to play a game called "Wet Crack", which basically involved wetting your finger with whatever, and running it up the crack of someone else's ass. (over the clothing most times). So you might be walking by someone and all the sudden you hear "WET CRACK!" and you turn around and someone's wiped ketchup up the asscrack of your pants.

Fun times.

[valaris]

There's nothing really crazy about what people say anymore.

When i first got my job at 16, i worked at Wendys. There were a bunch of potheads and such working there...

One day this girl decided to play a game called "Wet Crack", which basically involved wetting your finger with whatever, and running it up the crack of someone else's ass. (over the clothing most times). So you might be walking by someone and all the sudden you hear "WET CRACK!" and you turn around and someone's wiped ketchup up the asscrack of your pants.

Fun times.

We used to play ball tap at EB. When my coworkers started using dvd cases to hit me in the balls with them, I took out the lead pipe. I haven't got hit since.

[Manx]

One day this girl decided to play a game called "Wet Crack", which basically involved wetting your finger with whatever, and running it up the crack of someone else's ass. (over the clothing most times).

Fun times.

"MOST TIMES?" :confused:

[Ninja Wallace]

There's nothing really crazy about what people say anymore.

When i first got my job at 16, i worked at Wendys. There were a bunch of potheads and such working there...

One day this girl decided to play a game called "Wet Crack", which basically involved wetting your finger with whatever, and running it up the crack of someone else's ass. (over the clothing most times). So you might be walking by someone and all the sudden you hear "WET CRACK!" and you turn around and someone's wiped ketchup up the asscrack of your pants.

Fun times.

So, basically, people are wiping their finger up other people's cracks and then going to make food.

Fun times.

[dropthesky]

"You have nice bone structure"

me - ...Thanks

[epp1e]

^ I feel you dropthesky... I don't know why but a lot of people say my nose is nice... and just like feet I don't really see the difference

Anywho, I used to work at a smoothie store in high school & had a huge crush on my coworker, then one day she suddenly grabs one of the bananas and says "wanna see something crazy I can do with this?" Naturally, I get bonafide bonerfied. Of course in the end, it was nothing sexual.

[catchafire]

This is a top tier thread... Thanks to the OP for posting this.

Situation- Me and co-workers hanging out at an after-hours spot.

Female co-worker toasting: "Here's to good sex, long distance relationships, and wacking off..."

[Ryu & Ken]

I remember when I worked as a security guard on a saturday and I approached the lift as I was on the second floor.

The doors opened and there ere two guys and one was doing the other one from behind.

I looekd at them and they looked at me for about 5 seconds, I then said ''whoops wrong floor, I guess you guys are going down'' and I then pressed the basement floor button and walked away.

EDIT
I never stepped in the lift, I put my arm inside to reach for the button and pressed it

[Gouki7]

That must have been awkward as fuck :rofl:. Why the hell did you step into the elevator? :confused:

[THE 0RKO]

"Im gonna make you work like a pepe!"

[Ryu & Ken]

That must have been awkward as fuck :rofl:. Why the hell did you step into the elevator? :confused:

I edited the message

[ruthless_nash]

"soooo.... you guys dont eat pork eh?"

[Shodokan123]

this thread is full of lulz

[Dencore]

Co-Worker:"Hey are you gay?"
Me: "What?"
Co-Worker:"I mean do you like men?"
Me: "No, of course not."
Co-Worker:"Well I do."

[Ho0v-Man]

One time my assistant manager said this in the middle of a long silent period.


phew... man i haven't had sex in a long time.

we're all like :wtf:

[maxx]

me working at the gap with the gay guy.

-=folding t-shirts=-

brazilian dude:so do you think i'm sexy

me: what?!

brazilian dude: do you think i'm sexy

me: uhhh i'm not into dudes

brazilian dude: well do you think guliana is hot?

(guliana is one of the hottest fucking brazilians i know)

me: ya she's hot

brazilian dude: well your stomache sticks out

me: what?!

brazilian dude: do you work out?

me: uh ya..thats my abs

brazilian dude: ohhh...can i see?

me: uhh ya i think imma go fold clothes on the other side of the store.

[noober]

you wanna bite my ass ... my white ass.

[noober]

i always hear weird stuff oh wait

i work grave yard shifts so its always me thats saying something thats emmmmm off.

[Luciano Leone]

shoulda keyed the shit out of the manager's car on your way out

I lit a white owl in the store, didnt even wait til I got outside. Right in the doorway. Hella customers and employees saw it too. I've been back at one point or another a few times to fuck up the bread wall a little bit, and hassle the bitch employees.

[fP_tHuG]

i asked a ride home one night from my manager once, she's very overweight now compared to chubby in her highschool days, also she was good friends with my cuzin(girl) in her highschool too.

*driving to my house-both pretty silent in the car*
*she points to a guy crossing the road, tells me the guy was her ex-boyfriend*

her: "man i haven't got laid in a year"
me: *trying to not picture her fat overweight body all naked in my head* "uhh yes..."
her: "yah thats the dude who i used to do it with alot"
me: "yah... a lil bit too much info don't you think"?
her: "yah sorry, i just remembered my horny days, how's ur cuzin these days?".
me: ok i guess, i haven't really talked to her lately.
her: yah she's prolly nailing her boyfriend as always.
me: ??? yah don't wanna know this :S

[Bedfast Emperor]

"Are you circumsized?"

[Vidness]

My second job I was hired over the phone (I have 'white' diction over the phone). My boss (white guy from Texas) was telling this story later on during my career.

Boss: yep, I hired <me> right over the phone, didn't even know what race he was...

Of course he 'found' a reason to fire me....I wonder how Karma has treated him since that incident...