Inopportune Time for an Erection

[Irennicus]

So I know all of you suffered it through your early-pubescent years. You know the random woodies during class or whatever. There's also those inconvenient times when you just want to get off and everything is super-arousing and you get boners irl.

Let's talk about those moments.

I remember when I was in middle school and I was staring at this chick's boob. I say boob because only her left boob was visible from where I was sitting. Anyways, my teacher told me my parents were calling and to get up and get the phone. This was a private middle school, the office was two doors away from the classroom I was in. I was wearing jeans and it was so obvious that I had a raging hard-on. I tried to cover it up by strategically maneuvering my pencil over my crotch. Yeah, that worked.

Not.

"My hand and peenie are fighting!!"
-Dave Attel on what to say if you're caught masturbating.

[DrumlinerJoe]

When I was a lifeguard I was talking to this hot dude while I was on the stand one time. When it came time to rotate positions the other guard came up to me and I was like, "Gimme a minute or two."

[Steve F]

What middle school were you in? The girls had boobs?!

This isn't an erection, but something like this happened to me in middle school to.
I was sitting in class and staring at this girl, and then I kinda zoned out, and I suddenly realized she was looking at me staring at her, and she started laughing and everyone saw it happening. Ahh, adolescent hormones...

[Irennicus]

I went to a MS where all the girls made sure they looked like they had boobs, at least.

[Biolink]

Highschool P.E.

In my Highschool the boys get gym shorts and the girls get those super short,shorts that come above the knee.A few times I just had to stop and admire,and everytime I felt "It" coming I went to the Bathroom without even wasting time

[MrBlank]

I had this raging boner once in the morning, which sounds like typical shit right, except i rushed my way into the bathroom to take a piss and my Cousin (female) was in the bathroom brushing her teeth.... by the time i entered the door it was too late, my pants were down and she could have have said the pledge of allegiance my shit was out there....

+1 to the embarrassing shits ive done in my lifetime....

[PsychoSquall]

Push the weenie in an upwards position before the wood arrives. Preptime, people.

[Luciano Leone]

Shit. 1st period every day my junior year. Good thing we had kickass desks and I could always let go of it before the bell.

I rallied an impromptu boner contest once too. It was tight.

[SlayerofBodom]

Both of mine were in eighth grade;

There was this one girl who was ridiculously hot and had very large, natural, bouncy breasts. She was also a sexy (but not over the top) dresser, particularly fond of low-cut tops. At one point, I was assigned to her group for a project, and she was about to draw something on a large poster.

As she did so, she leaned forward, until her body made a ninety degree with her legs. She then looked up and asked me a question.

I couldn't respond for a while; the site of her magnificent, glorious, heavenly, almost completely exposed breasts was too much for me. Luckily, I don't think she realized.

In my Highschool the boys get gym shorts and the girls get those super short,shorts that come above the knee.A few times I just had to stop and admire,and everytime I felt "It" coming I went to the Bathroom without even wasting time

This was the other time, except it was also in junior high. Not only were the PE shorts girls wore about the same length as mini-skirts, but a number of girls would actually hike up the shorts even further up, until a bit of bottom of their thong would show.

We were all sitting down when this happened. When the teacher told us to get up and start running, it took me a while to react.

[Mechanica]

right before talking in front of a class, especially in middle school

[Chasem0]

Push the weenie in an upwards position before the wood arrives. Preptime, people.

It's all about using your belt as a strap down.

[Silks]

Push the weenie in an upwards position before the wood arrives. Preptime, people.

In combination with a long shirt. It's good to have a back-up in this situation

[scum gale 88]

at a family reunion for some people I didnt know too well,I think it was my moms boyfriends nephews family. it was at this park and we were having this big barbecue pot luck thing. my girlfriend was with me and shes the hottest girl on the planet (to me at least) and I had a hard on the ENTIRE time we were there. ok, maybe not the entire time, but on and off frequently throughout the day. I had to either have my back to everyone or sitting down to hide it.

also, chasemo. is that chun li farting out bats in your av?

[Sixshot]

Push the weenie in an upwards position before the wood arrives. Preptime, people.

I've used this technique many a time around girls that are so hot I can't help it.

[Grimm_Demize]

Shit. 1st period every day my junior year. Good thing we had kickass desks and I could always let go of it before the bell.

I rallied an impromptu boner contest once too. It was tight.

LOL, What class did you have 1st period that year, Casey?

I had Mr. Jordan. Safe to say, I didn't get many boners in that class.

[Luciano Leone]

^
American Lit. Emma at 12 o clock, Amber at 10, Christine at 11 and Kaia at 3.

"Hey guys, lets get boners."

[Gasp]

all high school i'd just think about fucking all the hot bitches in my class. worse i had no first period my senior year, so i'd be half awake in my 2nd period class, and we all know those half awake boners are just the hardest thing in the world, my technique would be to put my hands in my pockets so i'd look like a schmuck or something but i'd actually be holding my dick in my hands. walk the wrong way and my knees would fucking buckle
i'd also make it a fact to wear/bring a sweater for emergencies.

[blooper]

i used to have swim class with my ex back in hs. every time we line up and do our stretches i would try not to think about her and the shit we did the night before. sometimes it doesnt work. so id hope to get the stretches done quick and jump in the water before anyone saw.

i also go to a school with a really long hall way. the hall way has no doors or stops and its just a long path to the next section of the building. if you have a strong one at one end of the hall, just hope someone doesnt walk the opposite way. so awkward.

[Sixshot]

I remember this one time I had this english teacher...she was sooo hot...

I don't remember why but, I remember she asked me to come to her desk once, and somewhere in there she said " I had a dream about you last night. " Now I remember the reason had something to do with school, but as soon as I heard that come out of her mouth, I started to raise up lol.

I had to adjust myself via hand assist through jean pocket in the middle of her speech.Using the technique described by PsychoSquall of course.

[Grimm_Demize]

^
American Lit. Emma at 12 o clock, Amber at 10, Christine at 11 and Kaia at 3.

"Hey guys, lets get boners."

Emma...yep. That would do it.

I miss that crazy bitch, sometimes.

[Pinion]

Oh man, I remember this one summer when I was 12 or 13 my parents enrolled me in a swim camp/school of sorts. One of the instructors there was this hot 20 something brunette with blue eyes that I believe went by the name of Star.

Anyways, one day, at the end of the class, she had us standing in the shallow end of the pool (we just finished doing some laps) and she was sitting on the ledge with her legs in the water. All I remember was the fact that I could see her nipples sticking through her bathing suit and she dismissed everyone telling us to get out of the pool. At this point I realized I had a raging boner and didn't want to get out for obvious reasons. She called my name telling me it was time to go and I declined. She then proceeded to get in the water and coaxed me out, that's when everyone saw the tent I pitched in my sopping went swim trunks. A couple of the kids laughed, but the thing that really did it for me was the fact that my one friend in the class named Rebecca saw. She was probably blushing harder than I was.

Ah, memories. :shake:

EDIT: In retrospect I should have boned Rebecca. If memory serves correct she was a little hotty.

[Taichi]

I always carried my books in front of my crotch.

it was unavoidable, I still get embarassing erections, I got wood at the supermarket last night, it was random, I wasn't thinking about fucking anybody at all.

[AdverseSolutions]

EDIT: In retrospect I should have boned Rebecca. If memory serves correct she was a little hotty.

the funny thing is you still would you loli bastard.

boner stories! ok yeah so i'm starin at this fine blonde girl named tracy in english class (one of those suburban white girls pretty much universally lusted after). my little soldier was standing at attention and my bulletballs were ready to be forearm-launched if you get me. then, i was called to get up and do a presentation. now i tried to delay, i sussed around for my folder and dropped some stuff but basically i couldn't get it to go down. had to get up in front of the class with a folder half-hiding the evidence. i'm sure at least half the class saw if they were looking that way. yikes. thankfully the embarassment cooled my raging boner.

ever after, when i want to get rid of a boner i think about peeing. for some reason that does it for me.

[MagnetiX]

lol, I still do get some random ass boners for no reason, but I usually just use my belt.

I remember I was listening to my iPOD while being driven to school and I suddenly think of the girl singing the song (Pizzicato 5) and I just got a hard on for some reason...I mean, the woman singing the song is like, old enough to be my mom, but lol, I got a hard on and it happened 30 seconds before I arrived at school. I'm freakin out and started thinking of nasty shit, like old nuns, shaving and breaking the skin, ripping ass hairs out on saturday evenings and some other shit, but damn, it wouldn't go down...
So when I finally did get to school a few moments later, I just pretended I was getting something from my bag and just hunched down and pretended to look for something...for the entire walk up to my second floor class...lol.

[PsychoSquall]

"Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day!"

[SNAAAAKE]

gym..last night..randomly.

this girl had a really nice ass and she was wearing this tight outfit. I just couldnt stop staring..she is right in front of me the machine I was on..bending over and stuff :sweat:

[Million]

There's no situation like that for me...though there was one some might consider worse....the uncontrolled No-Hand-Jack™...in other words: "this visual was way too hot and I busted on myself". It was the infamous "Mary" in 7th grade Pre-Algebra, sitting across from me with this super-short denim skirt.
1. She never crossed her legs
2. As most here already know, the upskirt/panty fetish is sort of my "thing". I can't get enough of it. If there was a video for purchase that was just 2 hours of nothing but good upskirts, I would buy it.
3. The sun was shining bright thru the windows behind me, giving this visual absolutely perfect lighting.
4. Occasionally she would get up, meaning a spread-leg panty shot every now and then.
5. I had quite the crush on Mary. She was easily the hottest girl in the school as far as I was concerned. She was also a cheerleader with perfect legs and ass.

It was just too much, and I just lost it right there in class. Long shirt + dark pants concealed the situation though.

[Rekka1210]

anytime i see this girl in person

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_ae59c8ff28f4c064761f89b33d0f38ad.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f89b673851c83c2b0559bc99b3a54c0.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f5dfc9515e4f1abb235a03a543a6b2a.jpg

this is my best friend's sister...

[specs]

Once in eight grade, while I was wearing tight sweats, I pitched a tent while in front of the entire class. Everyone laughed, including my teacher. I laugh about it now, but back then it really bothered me.

Other than that I have always been NINJA with my erections.

[Steve F]

This thread's got some good stories so far. :rofl:

[Gimpy]

For me it was when I was in middle school. My class was going to gym and I was walking behind this cute girl with a grown, phat ass which was unheard of back in my day. So I'm walking behind her and I just get "excited" all of the sudden. Well the people in front of her were playing around and pushing each other and they bump into her, in turn she bumped into me...ass first! she turns around with this weird fucking look on her face and all I could do is say I'm sorry. :rofl:

[poppinrice]

im currently on vacation in asia
i live with two guys and two girls.. in 1 bedroom apartment

all of them are models.. and i sleep on the same bed with the owner (one of the girls)

dont get me wrong.. i get morning wood (not good).. but also add on that when the girl would bump her leg over mine or her leg would wrap over mine now and then when we are all sleepin .. instant bonnner.. stuff like that

wish i could have more :/

[Gimpy]

anytime i see this girl in person

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_ae59c8ff28f4c064761f89b33d0f38ad.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f89b673851c83c2b0559bc99b3a54c0.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f5dfc9515e4f1abb235a03a543a6b2a.jpg

this is my best friend's sister...



She's giving me and erection now! I'll do her...while making animal noises. :looney:

[Pinion]

the funny thing is you still would you loli bastard.

Time Machine = Fuck yes!



ever after, when i want to get rid of a boner i think about peeing. for some reason that does it for me.

Peeing? Huh, for me I just think of a bare morbidly obese ass riddled with varicose veins. BONE BE GONE!

[YellowS4]

Having one at church is brutal... =\

[Jion_Wansu]

How about this...On Halloween I was at a strip club and got a lapdance from this sexy girl in a nurse uniform, but the only problem was is that I was in a cheer uniform :rofl:

[t1337Dude]

Back in 6th grade I had gym for my first class. I came into locker room and out of nowhere I had a raging boner. I couldn't hide it and everyone was afraid of me, calling me a faggot and saying I'm gay. I lost all my friends that day. Just kidding. It never happened.

We used to play the boner game in 6th grade. Whoever got a boner first without using their hands during class won.

[Pinion]

Having one at church is brutal... =\

Oh God, I know full well what that's like. :shake:

[Shadow Ace 50]

Presenting a Company Report in a 20 plus business meeting while trying to hide it cause a chic said she would blow you:sad::sad:

[AdverseSolutions]

Back in 6th grade I had gym for my first class. I came into locker room and out of nowhere I had a raging boner. I couldn't hide it and everyone was afraid of me, calling me a faggot and saying I'm gay. I lost all my friends that day. Just kidding. It never happened.

We used to play the boner game in 6th grade. Whoever got a boner first without using their hands during class won.

dark throne boners....in the forest!! :rock:

[Ferdinandz]

So I know all of you suffered it through your early-pubescent years. You know the random woodies during class or whatever. There's also those inconvenient times when you just want to get off and everything is super-arousing and you get boners irl.

Let's talk about those moments.

I remember when I was in middle school and I was staring at this chick's boob. I say boob because only her left boob was visible from where I was sitting. Anyways, my teacher told me my parents were calling and to get up and get the phone. This was a private middle school, the office was two doors away from the classroom I was in. I was wearing jeans and it was so obvious that I had a raging hard-on. I tried to cover it up by strategically maneuvering my pencil over my crotch. Yeah, that worked.

Not.

"My hand and peenie are fighting!!"
-Dave Attel on what to say if you're caught masturbating.

Sorry but, is that a dolphin fucking a guy?

[t1337Dude]

dark throne boners....in the forest!! :rock:

Dark throne gives me major boner :o

But seriously though, it's not that often people actually know who Dark Throne is.

[BBCampbell]

We used to play the boner game in 6th grade. Whoever got a boner first without using their hands during class won.

Nigga, you gay.

Anyway, it happened to me last night. I take Salsa lessons (why? I dunno, something to do...) and I was dancing with this one girl who's been to a few classes I've been in. She's kinda cute and I think she likes me (I may be wrong, but she always smiles and says "Hi" in a certain way that makes me think in that direction, but I digress...) so, we're working through a move and I'm like "Yeah... this girl's a cutie... Y'know, I think I may try to get her number..."

Next thing you know, OH MY SHIT, BONAR!!!

And the worst thing is two-fold:

1) My shirt's tucked in, so I can't hide that shit
2) She kept looking down the entire time. I don't know if she was just looking at her feet (I didn't have a boner the whole time) or if she was looking at it. She didn't seem terribly offended, but she didn't seem terribly pleased either.

And now a question: Does this mean "game over"? If she notices the rod, then she knows you're sprung. If she knows you're sprung, then there's a good chance she's not interested anymore because she knows she has you.

Is this the end for our hero? America still needs your help!

[dirzzt360]

Sticking the prick up throught the belt is the best technique for concealing that shit. If you have good prep time you get that shit up there before its completely erect.

[Oroman]

LOL @ this thread. Yeah I remember I was in my grandma's car playing my DS and I get a hard on for no reason, and I thinking WTF?!? So I put my DS on it and had to cover that shit up quick. Hell, I still get random boners for no reason :annoy:. One thing that gets me is women who practically have their titties hanging out of their shirt, then they get mad at you for looking:looney:.

[t1337Dude]

Nigga, you gay.

Anyway, it happened to me last night. I take Salsa lessons (why? I dunno, something to do...) and I was dancing with this one girl who's been to a few classes I've been in. She's kinda cute and I think she likes me (I may be wrong, but she always smiles and says "Hi" in a certain way that makes me think in that direction, but I digress...) so, we're working through a move and I'm like "Yeah... this girl's a cutie... Y'know, I think I may try to get her number..."

Next thing you know, OH MY SHIT, BONAR!!!

And the worst thing is two-fold:

1) My shirt's tucked in, so I can't hide that shit
2) She kept looking down the entire time. I don't know if she was just looking at her feet (I didn't have a boner the whole time) or if she was looking at it. She didn't seem terribly offended, but she didn't seem terribly pleased either.

And now a question: Does this mean "game over"? If she notices the rod, then she knows you're sprung. If she knows you're sprung, then there's a good chance she's not interested anymore because she knows she has you.

Is this the end for our hero? America still needs your help!

She thinks your a freak. It's obvious when a chick likes you, she winks at you. You're absolutely fucked man.

[Javid]

She thinks your a freak. It's obvious when a chick likes you, she winks at you. You're absolutely fucked man.

Don't listen to this guy. All hope isn't lost yet. Maybe now she wants you to bend her down and introduce her to The Cobra...:rofl:

[AdverseSolutions]

Don't listen to this guy. All hope isn't lost yet. Maybe now she wants you to bend her down and introduce her to The Cobra...:rofl:

i think the best move is to convince her you're gay. seriously, you're already dancing salsa, so you're close. be like 'yeah sorry about the other day i was thinking about paulo our instructor and uh...' then she'll be like omg take me to gay bars and let me be a *** hag. then once she's inebriated pound that anvil like you're forging a sword.

[DS]

Train ride to work and this hot chick was standing in front of me wearing this silk dress. It was a hot summer day and it was a crowded train. She was standing like, right on top of me. And her booty was as plush and soft like a pillow. So, cue Sir Philmore IV rising and shining and he was basically BREATHING ON HER ASS. Like, one accidental bump on the train ride and I'm basically doing her anal.

[BananaWeed]

Like, one accidental bump on the train ride and I'm basically doing her anal.

Hahahaha:rofl:

I used to get them when I was in middle school/HS, but not so much anymore. It's only morning wood now.

I remember back in gradeschool in grade 7 or 8, I got a random boner, and had to get to my desk to sit down and conceal it, but there was a girl standing in the way. My desk was in the front somewhere in the far corner, and she was leaning over on one of the desks talking to her friend. I had to get by, so I squeezed through sideways, and as I did, her ass pressed against my crotch (I probably could have avoided this, but I leaned in on purpose anyways), and I pretty muched dry humped her as I went by. Back in elementary school, that felt GDLK.

[Lantis]

anytime i see this girl in person

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_ae59c8ff28f4c064761f89b33d0f38ad.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f89b673851c83c2b0559bc99b3a54c0.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f5dfc9515e4f1abb235a03a543a6b2a.jpg

this is my best friend's sister...

Her ass is too big. Slap a "Wide Load" sticker on that shit, put her on the street, and watch her stop traffic.

Anywayz, yeah, random boners in high school was killer. Especially when you haven't trimmed your pubes yet, and one of them gets entangled in the middle of your tent pitching. Kind of a painful experience. :wasted:

My problem is that sometimes my Meat Stick would just respond even when I wasn't thinking about sex or looking at hot women. :confused:

[Pablo_the_Mex]

This morning some girl was checking me out on the bus, which is cool. Then she got off at the same stop as me and I caught of glimpse of her glorious ass. So there I am walking behind her with my hand in my pocket trying to prevent my cock from busrting through my pants. Normally I would just enjoy the view without issues, but since she was interested in me it made my cock bust into k groove.

[Ho0v-Man]

I got a lot at work(papa john's). There used to be this really cute girl w/ a really nice ass who would always flirt. Needless to say, I ALWAYS wore an apron.

[maxx]

pool at karate camp. I was messing wit a girl at the camp and got a boner. Then the instructor yelled for us all to get out of the pool. Ya i was fucked...apparently one of the bitches commented u can see it in the pool lol.

[Biolink]

Once in eight grade, while I was wearing tight sweats, I pitched a tent while in front of the entire class. Everyone laughed, including my teacher. I laugh about it now, but back then it really bothered me.

Other than that I have always been NINJA with my erections.

So damn embarrassing :sad:

Rekka are you the White guy?

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f89b673851c83c2b0559bc99b3a54c0.jpg

[Septimus Prime]

I once got this lapdance where I didn't get one. That's about equally awkward.

And (and I never talk about this ever) once I was in bed with my ex, and I was really fucking tired, and yeah. It was also super awkward.

[DS]

I once got this lapdance where I didn't get one. That's about equally awkward.

And (and I never talk about this ever) once I was in bed with my ex, and I was really fucking tired, and yeah. It was also super awkward.


Erectile Dysfunction ftl.

[shoo]

one time in PE some guy had one sticking out through thin gym shorts



very wrong, at least he was trying to play it cool

[Septimus Prime]

Erectile Dysfunction ftl.
Fo' ril.

[Mizuki]

Okay, so I think I told Sep this story, not sure. So last year... actually whatever, I was at my school's animu club, because I was the video game club's tournament director the animu club president wanted me to host a DDR tourney (Ew, yes I know, at least I got free lunch everyday) So in order to get my free lunch I had to show up at the horrid club until I finished the tournament. So they're all watching some animu and I was in the back doing my homework. So my friend was there, and well it was pretty much known to each other that we both wanted to bang each other. So she comes over and we were just talking, and then she just sits on my lap, and so I usually wouldn't mind, but then she started rubbing her ass on my crotch so I had this huge boner, and so then it was dark in the room due to the people watching animu, so she decided to put her hands in my pants and do some stuff. Unfortunately she has to go so I still had this raging boner in my pants, and it was easily seen, so my friend comes over (also hot, but can't touch her, she'd fucking rape me, literally) and she saw that she just came from where I was at, and then she noticed I had this boner in my pants and well, she kinda found out what was going on, not too good for me.

[Rekka1210]

So damn embarrassing :sad:

Rekka are you the White guy?

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f89b673851c83c2b0559bc99b3a54c0.jpg

heh i wish. i'll take a pic wit her when i see her again.

[TheSix]

Nigga, you gay.

Anyway, it happened to me last night. I take Salsa lessons (why? I dunno, something to do...) and I was dancing with this one girl who's been to a few classes I've been in. She's kinda cute and I think she likes me (I may be wrong, but she always smiles and says "Hi" in a certain way that makes me think in that direction, but I digress...) so, we're working through a move and I'm like "Yeah... this girl's a cutie... Y'know, I think I may try to get her number..."

Next thing you know, OH MY SHIT, BONAR!!!

And the worst thing is two-fold:

1) My shirt's tucked in, so I can't hide that shit
2) She kept looking down the entire time. I don't know if she was just looking at her feet (I didn't have a boner the whole time) or if she was looking at it. She didn't seem terribly offended, but she didn't seem terribly pleased either.

And now a question: Does this mean "game over"? If she notices the rod, then she knows you're sprung. If she knows you're sprung, then there's a good chance she's not interested anymore because she knows she has you.

Is this the end for our hero? America still needs your help!

:rofl::rofl:

Should have told her to "get to work".

I'll post mine later. Dear god.

[Geese Pants]

One time during a job interview...........and I think she noticed it.
:sweat:

[Wolfkiller]

I think the worst is when your girl is crying about something and you're supposed to be holding her and making her feel better and the penis gets the wrong idea. Then you gotta worry about her noticing and getting slapped for being an insensitive jerk and such. Not my fault crying girls kinda turn me on. :sweat:

[BBQ]

I went to a k-8 private school. 7nth grade there was a class all the boys had to take. Some kind of "better your life" class or something. Anyway, I remember one day before class I heard the teacher embarrassed some kid that was playing "pocket pool." I thought well "that's what he gets for playing with himself in class and not have the thought of getting noticed." When I was in class, I had a random erection and I tried to adjust it. The teacher took noticed and said "Mr. Ryan, you musn't do ith that." I was super tired that morning so it didn't bother me that he tried to call me out, but now even to this day I'm pissed that he did that, fucking pervert.

[valaris]

Not my fault crying girls kinda turn me on. :sweat:

You should marry a japanese girl.

[*InVeRs3*]

snip

damn I thought you were a girl until now. :confused:

[Grits'N'Gravy]

I think two of the worst would be:


A Funeral


A Bris

[Zero619]

I had one last Sunday at church. I was sitting on the pulpit (since I am on the choir) I was thinking about this lady friend of mine that I really really like. Next thing I notice that when it was the choir's turn to go and line up for communion I a woody.:sweat: I took a tamburine to cover it up but my woody went down less that 20 seconds. (thank God)

Another one years ago. When was lying on my stomach watching tv in the living room. next thing I know I'd be getting hard ons out of nowhere. I still get hards on out of nowhere up to this very day. But no one had noticed it. At least not yet....

[BBQ]

^oh man church is the worst! I'm not really a church going person, but my mom is so every now and then I'll go to sunday church with her. The girls there are amazing, so I get dirty thoughts while the priest is saying the good word and BAM! Christ and me are both risen.

[xero15]

oh fuck that in high school history. i went to sleep durin class but i sat next to this one bomb ass chick who had the softest of titties and before class i was in my english class flirtin wit these chicks cuz we had a sub. well shit add up that i was a virgin on top of the flirtin in english with possible sex assist and the fact that the girl in history i sat next to let me touch her tits that day i was fucked up when my teacher woke me up:rofl::rofl:

One time during a job interview...........and I think she noticed it.
:sweat:

well did you get the job?

[Chasem0]

also, chasemo. is that chun li farting out bats in your av?

Those are Japanese letters or something.

[Rhio2k]

In a truck with another male co-worker at my redneck (and naturally super homo-hatin') job while dozing on the way to a site. Damn, good dreams have bad timing. Luckily, I wear long shirts.

[fernando's nuts]

At the gym, usually happenes when theirs a yoga class which is right in front of the free weight area............my "rest" period usually lasts longer in between sets ;(

[dn0s]

When I was at work back in high school this British lady came up to the register and starting talking about something i have no idea. I was so glad there was a desk between us.

[Million]

And now a question: Does this mean "game over"? If she notices the rod, then she knows you're sprung. If she knows you're sprung, then there's a good chance she's not interested anymore because she knows she has you.

Is this the end for our hero? America still needs your help!
She was definitely looking at the meat. Women check out packages a lot more often than most guys think. This has been confirmed by broads I've known....and oddly enough, my parents.(*Dad told me the story of how mom was the one who let him know this and other "inside info".) Normally you can't really trust what a woman says 99% of the time...but I'm inclined to believe them on this issue.

*on a sidenote...newer generations of girls/women must have a tougher time checking out our "equipment" just by looking, since newer generations of guys now enjoy wearing size XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXL clothes to be cool.(*which really just makes them look like retarded children...or Dhalsim-skinny crackheads, take your pick... wearing their obese father's clothes....but that's another rant and another topic there)


Anyway, yeah she was checking out your stuff for sure. I happen to be a bit of an exhibitionist, so I would've enjoyed creating that scenario on purpose.....well that's an idea there....I should take salsa lessons too! There's some interesting possibilities with that....

*I thought the little things in dude's avatar were flies....it makes sense since that's an especially foul-looking fart cloud coming from Chun's ass...

*one time during a checkup. The nurse/whatever woman came in, and we had to do the thing where the medical person grabs your balls and you turn and cough. I was supposed to hold this sheet over my "area".....but I thought it would be more fun to hold it a little too high so she could see some of my Bone™....just the thought of her seeing was enough to get TOGURO™ to "semi" powered up status, so it looked nice and presentable. She didn't address the situation, but I know for sure she saw it.

[SlayerofBodom]

....just the thought of her seeing was enough to get TOGURO™ to "semi" powered up status, so it looked nice and presentable.

I don't think I'll ever stop reading this forum...the combination of anime and video game metaphors for things like this is just too hilarious.

[white shadow]

Something that I strangely can do is when a hot chick sits on my lap during a long bus trip/in class/watching a movie I somehow can be relaxed the whole time and suppress the *URGE*. But as soon as they get off your lap.... SPROING!!!

The sad part is that it feels like a gamble every time they sit but somehow I'm able to stop myself. I always wondered what would happen if I got a hard on when they sat on my lap...

Ah Middle School memories...

[Ho0v-Man]

Ah! It's been driving me crazy all day, but I finally remembered a good one. I was like a teenager/virgin and the sight of any hot female would get me goin'. I was getting a check-up and wearing the gown and nothing else. The doctor was super hot:looney:. She came in and we exchanged pleasantries (somehow in that 10 second window I get all the way there. which sucked b/c I didn't realize it 'cause it happened so fast) and asks me to stand up. so I do and stumble just a little and end up poking her in the hip.:sweat: She just goes "Oh my!" and I apologized. Anyway, I stayed rock hard the WHOLE EXAM! During the turn your head and cough part and everything. In fact, during that part she kinda grazed it a little and it just kinda flexed and flailed a bit. My face and hers were just red the whole time...

[scum gale 88]

I got one while playing earthbound............

....................

......................
NOT because of the kids!!
the music was really funky and during the battles I would space out and think about jeff and his tight ass-UH...I mean...oh bother. it appears Ive gotten myself into another mess.

[marcusg]

During puberty I always get one when I have to take a leak. I had to lean over the toilet so I wouldnt miss.

I get one while playing basketball with random girls too often. I really hate that because I can't guard them up close. Then they bang the hell out of me with their ass. One game this girl did a fake shot and I jump and landed in her ass With this huge ass boner. She replied " Got damn, you might as well just fuck me."

[Taichi]

morning wood is sometimes a shitty time, especially if you gotta piss.

my shit can sometimes point straight up.....it's times like those where I just jump in the shower, and piss, because there's no other recourse.

It's all pipes.

[DarkNecrid]

"I get one while playing basketball with random girls too often. I really hate that because I can't guard them up close. Then they bang the hell out of me with their ass. One game this girl did a fake shot and I jump and landed in her ass With this huge ass boner. She replied " Got damn, you might as well just fuck me.""


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Should of went for it man.

[Bounce]

When your standing in front of the judge about to be sentenced.

[-=KOH=-]

So anyone ever get that "boner denial"?

Heres an example, like when you don't think you are hard enough for people to see it, so you walk around like you don't have a boner at all, but you can't tell for sure if people can see that shit?

Maybe it's a phobia or something.

[coco_j]

^ hahaha. Was doing that on campus the other day. Dunno bout you guys, but if I wear tight briefs and decent shorts I can have a stag and it's not noticeable. Boxers are my worst enemy.

[Ho0v-Man]

You guys ever get boners just because you know that now would be a bad time to get one?

[valaris]

^ all the time.

[Infernoman]

anytime i see this girl in person

http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_ae59c8ff28f4c064761f89b33d0f38ad.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f89b673851c83c2b0559bc99b3a54c0.jpg
http://i122.photobucket.com/albums/o273/VonBlitz1210/l_3f5dfc9515e4f1abb235a03a543a6b2a.jpg

this is my best friend's sister...

dammit now I have to battle a hard one in my class right now... :sweat: I just HAD to see...

[Autocrat1]

This is all I can think of for now (trust me, it has happened often):

I was minding my own damn business reading the PS3/360/Wii thread at TZ, and clicked on a link regarding the Xbox PeeShitty's price drop when suddenly I couldn't even read the post due to the avatar...

http://boards.1up.com/zd/board/message?board.id=games&thread.id=274337

...my dick damn near pimpsmacked my face. :annoy:

[Lantis]

morning wood is sometimes a shitty time, especially if you gotta piss.

my shit can sometimes point straight up.....it's times like those where I just jump in the shower, and piss, because there's no other recourse.

It's all pipes.

Yeah, man, I hear ya.

That's why every morning I got to go piss like a lady (seated down) because a) I'm too woozy to even bother to aim, and b) the speed is just too much. It's like instaframe AHVB right there. Of course, you have to hold your shaft down and it's kinda uncomfortable, but better that than piss on the wall. :sweat:

[DeathReaper47]

^I know what you mean. I have to back up and piss; less I risk piss on the back of the toilet seat.

[Wellman]

Man, ain't nothing worst than coming up with excuses as to why you can't get out of the car or moves to far away from it cause you got an erection during the drive to your destination.

[Alzarath]

Subscribing to high-caliber thread.

No stories from me.. I get boners all the time though D: :D D:, doesn't matter where I am/who I'm with...

[YellowS4]

I got one while playing earthbound............


Lol. Too fucken good.

[Mihai]

This thread is awesome! Man, I still get random boners but I still haven't found a way to control them... Any tips? Haha...

seriously...tips? Grinding at a club = hard when you're hard lol

[Shukuda]

Yes, middle school. Hot english teacher, was spell checking my paper and wearing a suit-skirt, some nude stockings, with some pumps. I was standing on the side of the desk where she coincidently crossed her legs revealing some nice hips and legs. It was a sight I'll never forget. Did I mention she was sitting on a chair with her eye leveled below my waist?

I got her as a friend on Facebook today after so many years. Should I drop the one-nighter question if she is single? I've been having this particular recurring dream for years... >.>

[kev_the_bev]

Yes, middle school. Hot english teacher, was spell checking my paper and wearing a suit-skirt, some nude stockings, with some pumps. I was standing on the side of the desk where she coincidently crossed her legs revealing some nice hips and legs. It was a sight I'll never forget. Did I mention she was sitting on a chair with her eye leveled below my waist?

I got her as a friend on Facebook today after so many years. Should I drop the one-nighter question if she is single? I've been having this particular recurring dream for years... >.>

what's the age difference?

[*InVeRs3*]

I still get random raging boners every now and then. Here's my step by step solution to stopping them.

code yellow:

1.look away and focus on something else not woman related. most of the time i focus on walls or ceilings.

If that doesn't work, go to step 2...to code red:

2.Think about rosie o'donnel naked eating chicken mcnuggets. this is usually effective and my boner stops.

If that doesn't work, go to step 3...to code orange...

3.Imagine a really gay, gay man is after your ass. my boner loses blood 100% of the time at this point within 3 seconds. this is a LAST solution however because as a straight man you don't like thinking about a guy going after your ass. I only do this in crowded areas, and if someone's trying to pass me or something and I don't want my sword to stab anyone.

[Mihai]

Those tips aren't strong enough. I need something that can physically opress the rage.

[GreyFoxx]

I usually got one in church, all of high school and middle school. Used the belt holder trick yet its a tricky one that seems too wanna say hello thru the damn belt x.x. Hate them random hard-ons when you got too bleed the lizard i just wizz in the bathtub and shower it down.

[PsychoSquall]

http://www.1up.com/do/imageDisplay?id=3272542 <--- *BOINGYGYGYYG!!!!*

[Million]

I've also had them in church on many occasions....because the girls at my church were HOTTTT. They also tended to wear very short/tight skirts(getting nasty looks of contempt and disdain from the older women of course) The great thing for me is that it would happen while the sermon was going on, so it's not like I had to get up and be seen at "full mast". This one girl I'll call "Ree"...her dress was so short and tight, it was constantly riding up during service, and I noticed at one point all of both legs were visible. I could almost see her crotch area, so all of both thighs were on display, and she had to actually lift herself up a bit to pull it down. I came very close to bustin' one off right there. I still get hard remembering it. Heh, later I had a dream she raped me in church. I would also get to see up her skirt at one point. I know the preacher DEFINITELY had a good view that day since the pulpit is on an elevated level.

[Taito]

Only time I'd be ashamed of my hair-trigger erection is in someplace serious or professional like a job interview or church.. I popped wood staring at the tiny booty shorts they had girls wearing at PE (or at least daydreaming about it while in class) and I didn't give a fuck. Guys shouldn't be looking in that direction anyway, and shit, I WANTED girls talking about my junk. I'll leave out the R-rated details, but was such a perv in grade school.. even though I never made it to home plate until after I graduated..

[Nightwing1990]

im in high school now and that happens 2 me all the time i thought i was the only one but im scared to stand up when it happens cuz i wear tight pants

[Eminent]

ok I guess I'll go...

Background:
It was like 3-4 years ago and I was @ the annual "Hollow Scream" @ Busch Gardens with my GF and her friend (at the time I didn't go anywhere past first base w/ my GF cause she was jailbait. See im about 20 @ the time and shes 16 so *yes I was dumb...but not to sway the story*). Shes my ex now but heres how it went down.

Situation:
So here we are waiting in this long ass line (and by "long ass I mean they had a posted waiting time showing a minimum of an hour and a half) and theres alot of people around and we live in florida so add the alread humid temperature plus 300 bodies and you get a scene out of the Matrix where everyones parting in Zion before the machines come. So here we are all sweating and shit and my GF's friend had the biggest Mammaries I've ever seen on a 16 year old. And add to that the sweat level well damn, I just wanted to mmmmm... anyways, so that gets "me" excited to say the least, and Im usually a S-Class Ninja about hiding my hard-ons (u know, long shirts, bringing books up w/ you during presentations, the "hold up I gotta look for something" stall, etc, etc) so here I am while we are standing in line I'm fantasizing about my GF's friend and just looking down her shirt when my GF thinks it would be cute to hug and cuttle with warm, sweating Eminent. While cute I was like, "your to close man", and told her to just let me breath. It worked for about 2 mins then shes decides to be ignorant and *to give the best visual I can* shes standing behind me and in like what seemed 2 frames she goes for the reach around, and puts her hands in my pockets... Shes already to close to comfort and I couldnt react fast enough to pushblock, she starts digging in my pockets trying to ither grab ahold my waist or get some money. All of a sudden time stops and shes like

"WHATS THIS?", and continues to squeeze, and continues to investigate and wraps her hand around my cash and prizes, and to make things worse she still doesnt know and was like "Whats this Hard Thing you have in your Pocket?" My reponse was a combination of :sweat::confused::sad::devil: all rolled into one (it wasnt all " :devil: " was because like I said earlier shes 16, and top that off white, so by default by being with this girl Im already raping her, so Im trying to roll cancel processing rape charges. And thats pretty much the story, she then slowly pulls her hands out of my pockets while blushing, and I look back @ her with my "eyes of a blackman (http://eminented.net/imgs/01-12-06_2049.jpg)".

Pics of Girl that started the Situation:
Now if SRK some of you might already know Im a firm believer of "pics or it didn't happen" and that pics better help describe what we where looking @ so I have pics (bad quality and 4 years old but you all will get the point).
My Ex is in the black and the girl that started this whole mess is wearing the stripe shirt, now let me also add that, while the pics are good, they still dont give this girls breasts justice.
Jackie and Ex. (http://eminented.net/imgs/jacki-mindi-01-sized.jpg)
Jackie (http://eminented.net/imgs/jacki-01.jpg)

and thats my story...

[maxx]

snip

fuck that first base shit if i'm wit a girl that fine even if 16..i'm rtsd...i mean if ur gonna have someone that young as a girlfriend anyways use the benifits damnit. or its not even worth having one that fine.

[Million]

Yeahhhh...Jackie is a quality candidate for Bone™. Did she realize your "powering up" was more the result of her friend's melons? She probably just assumed it was all her.

-Sculpture class at college---I bent down behind Erica, *supposedly* getting something from a low shelf, and of course Erica had a denim skirt on. Pure coincidence of course...just like those 100s of times I dropped my pencil back in elementary school. Anyway, I had a great view up those legs which of course awakened the Bone. I also finished myself off right there in class by leaning against the table that a sander machine was on...the vibrations from the machine took care of things. hahaha...if only she knew what was really going on. I bust off a load while looking right at her. This may have been covered before in the srk "Crazy Stories" thread. Newer srk members can read all about my more unusual little "adventures" there. It's a classic, legendary thread anyway. Absolutely shameless self-promotion, yes.

ah, and there was the time at my old job....it was terribly hot in the building due to a city-wide power outage at the time(*an odd "windstorm" or whatever happened in Memphis, destroying all kinds of things. We still had a generator)....I was putting away some files along with Dorothy, the insanely hot Theresa Randle-clone MILF co-worker. She was leaning over, and bending down...I could see these wonderful, sweaty, naturally bouncy c or d-cup titties just swaying back and forth....glistening. TOGURO™ reached 100% in record time and was ready to unleash some hellified power. I had to rush off to the bathroom, and almost didn't make it....fuckin exploded within 2 seconds of getting in there.

[Eminent]

fuck that first base shit if i'm wit a girl that fine even if 16..i'm rtsd...i mean if ur gonna have someone that young as a girlfriend anyways use the benifits damnit. or its not even worth having one that fine.
Trust me, Im never going to make that same mistake again, I've grown these past 4 years. I've increased my age rate to 18 while still being willing to do work @ "invest" in ones like my ex.

Yeahhhh...Jackie is a quality candidate for Bone™. Did she realize your "powering up" was more the result of her friend's melons? She probably just assumed it was all her.
Let just say if that was 4 years ago and I haven't seen her since, the next time I do see her, I'll def. have better pics. Yeah funny thing is I met my Ex through Jackie, cause @ the time I was trying to get with her (see Maxx I do have it in me :P), but she is shady as FUCK, at I got tired of her dodging me and leading me on, so I went to the next best thing, her friends... Yeah and the whole time I knew she loved giving head, LOVED IT, and @ the time we all worked @ Mcdonalds so I'm trying to get this girl alone in the freezer, but thats another story I guess, one that, like this one fell alittle too short to make it in the "Crazy Story" thread.

And yes Million, my GF thought it was all her (she had her breasts pushed on me during parts of the night, I mean dont get my wrong her breasts where top tier for her age *cant see it in the pic*), but it def. wasn't her causing me to "power up" lol. She would try so hard to get with me, but the whole time everytime I thought about it all I heard was sirens going off and me getting raped by that one guy that you cant Roll Cancel in Drug-Wars for the TI-82. I still remember the time she even wanted to fuck me in my computer chair (w/ the request that Jackie watched), yeah I need a time machine cause boy... Damn, but yeah I've grown...smarter...since then :sad: and haven't missed out on chance like that since.

Ninja Edit:I just remembered that My Ex was 15 @ the time and was turning 16 in a few weeks (thats why it was such a MindFuck @ the time).

[TheSix]

One game this girl did a fake shot and I jump and landed in her ass With this huge ass boner. She replied " Got damn, you might as well just fuck me."


Response - ".....OK!"

Quality

This man delivers. Story w/photo's = A ++

Rep him.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

It seems we have all had our version of the church "accident". But really, it has to be God's Will that he brings so many hot broads together weekly in a (typically) hot building in short skirts/dresses.

I remember this girl. Yes I do. Now I'm not a religious person. Matter of fact, this is one of the last times I attended church. She was a redhead. Smokin' hot AND tall. I have this affinity for tall bitches. I'm 5'10....she had to be 6'4. To top it off, I was 14 at the time. Let's add it up:

Black guy + 14 Year old virgin + hooked on porn + Sweaty white long redhead in mini skirt with a tank top on in a 72 degrees room = Splurge unit activated!

Now that I think about it, she HAD to be the girl to show me the "light"(Black Mans Cryptonite™). I have been a big fan of white girls ever since and if I knew of Jermaine (http://forums.shoryuken.com/showpost.php?p=3923469&postcount=1368) at the time then I would have known what he meant when he describes them as "WHITEGURLSBUILTLYKDEYBLACK-HAHAHAHAHA".

Anyway, she had to have at least 4 years on me. She was a women. A real women. My women. Or at least I wanted her to be :sad: She knew this. I wasted no effort trying to hide my intentions. I never talked to her. She always saw me looking(more like staring). During sermon...after sermon....during mealtime....after mealtime. She would always give me this "EWWWW" look...and then smile :lovin:. I would laugh. This was our routine. She knew she had me wrapped around her finger - or I guess in this case - her ass. She could have told me to pluck the hair off her ass with my teeth. Or go pants the preacher(which was my uncle).

But once I came to the conclusion that church wasn't for me, and my folks could no longer make me go, I went one last time - for her. Something was up. She was wearing these magnificent booty shorts(yes to church) and a Linkin Park shirt.

After it was all said and done, and having trained myself for the past week, I finally walked up to her and:

Me - "......hi."
Her - "...............hi."
Me - "........(SPLURGE UNIT - RELEASE!)..........bye."

That is the only time that I was able to accomplish the No-Handed Jack Juitzu.

Note - The lack of photo's hurts me a lot more than it hurts you. Trust me.

Holy shit wait a second....it's Sunday. It's only 11:30. Maybe I should drive by there and see if she is still there. Yes....yes....I will do this. I must. If she is there, then the pics are being delivered. Albeit from my car probably, but still.

[Senjutsu Sensei]

She would try so hard to get with me, but the whole time everytime I thought about it all I heard was sirens going off and me getting raped by that one guy that you cant Roll Cancel in Drug-Wars for the TI-82.

:rofl:

Thanks for this.

[Technolance]

Church...

In the choir stand. The literally model-hot older sister of the equally hot chick I had a crush on sat next to me. And was always shifting around and stuff due to apparent boredom. Sunday became a treasure, and the ultimate dread... I totally blame her/her sister for my love of tall/mixed women.

[BBCampbell]

During puberty I always get one when I have to take a leak. I had to lean over the toilet so I wouldnt miss.

I get one while playing basketball with random girls too often. I really hate that because I can't guard them up close. Then they bang the hell out of me with their ass. One game this girl did a fake shot and I jump and landed in her ass With this huge ass boner. She replied " Got damn, you might as well just fuck me."

You should have said, "I just did... :badboy:"