Alright Guys I'm Really Lost And Worrried And Need Some Advice

[Javid]

Alright guys, this is somewhat of a long story but it's been really bothering me because I don't know what to do and ANY PRODUCTIVE ADVICE WOULD BE REALLY APPRECIATED. So here goes.

I've been working with this girl for about 3 years now and we've gotten to know each other really well since we've worked so much together and become good friends I guess you could say. I think she's in trouble and heading down the wrong path right now and I'm not sure what to do.

See her parents divorced when she was small and she's never really had much of a family upbringing. All she really had was her brother that was a year older than
her and he moved out to go to school(She's 20 BTW). So basically it was her, her step-dad and her mom. She always clashes with her mom and doesn't get along with her step-dad(I'm sure this happens a lot to a lot of people in this kind of situation).

Anyways, she's been seeing this guy for several months now. At first she would lie to her mom and say she's going to her friends house and spend nights down there with this guy. Eventually she ended up telling her mom that she has a new boyfriend but she never introduced him to her once because she knew that she would not approve and not like him. So fast foward to Christmas Eve, this guy comes uptown to visit him mom for Christmas dinner(I'll tell more about where this guy lives and what I know of him later). My friend was going to meet him there and join his family for Christmas dinner. Anyways, she was walking to the guys mom's house when her mom pulls up in a pickup truck. Her mom is a little tipsy from drinking a little bit, but here we are she gets to see this guy for the first time.

Anyways, long story short she blows up on this guy and starts cursing him and rightfully so I think. She goes back home, and the girls step-dad eventually meets up with them.So the step-dad grabs the boyfriend by the shirt and starts yelling at him "You laughing at my wife...etc etc". The guy isn't going to do anything obviously, cause he doesn't want to get involved like this, but my friend punchs her step-dad in the face. He lets go of him but grabs her and throws her to the ground. He doesn't hurt her or anything, but just got out of there before he went completely beserk.

So all being said and done, she goes back home once or twice after all this since. She managed to go to her family Christmas party the day after some how, but that's it. So know she's been living with her boyfriend downtown the whole time.

Now, this is what I know of the guy from what she has told me. They went to high school together, so it's not like they are complete strangers they are the same age also:

-He got kicked out of high school(Grade 11?)
-He has no job
-He literally has no valid piece of ID
-He lives with his older brother downtown, who has a girl that he knocked up and has a child with her. So basically it's him, his older brother, his girl and their child. His brother and his girl are the superintendents of the building. His brother is 24.
-Basically, what he does is watch his niece while his bro and his girl are out doing shit in the building
-He used to be a drug user and dealer, I'm talking hardcore shit
-He still does hardcore drugs


So basically, his job consists of staying in the house doing nothing but playing games and watching his niece(which he probably doesn't do much either since my
friend has been down there a lot in the past couple of months). Now she was going to break up with the guy cause he was doing hardcore drugs like K and cocaine. But he promised her that he wouldn't do it anymore, if it was bothering her.

Now, fast foward to this past Sunday, our last shift together before the break. She comes into work 15 minutes late and she seems sick. She has a runny nose and is sniffling a lot. So I assume that she is sick. I joke with her a little bit and ask her how her night was and how amazing the UFC fight was. So off we go, working when she tells one of the other cashiers as to what she did last night.

"I tried coke for the first time last night, it was AWESTOME!...I'm so gonna do it again"

She proceeds to tell her several more things with what she did. She would never tell me, because I've been a voice of reason in her life and we've talked about hardcore drugs before in the past. She knew that I would flip on her for sure. But the cashier told me. I almost just lost it right there. I couldn't just go up to her and confront her, cause she would know that the cashier told me. So bascially the whole day I kept my distance and made sly remarks like "If I get a cold from
you I'll come after you and blame you..." and she assured me that she wouldn't make me sick. The whole day she was sniffling and she looked like crap. Apparently she had stayed up until 7 in the morning and woke up at ten to come to work for 11. She was exhasuted. Needless to say, at the end of our shift I confronted her. I had enought visual evidence and verbal meta-messages that wouldn't involve the cashier telling me.

I just asked her flat out with what she was doing last night. She told me that she watched Requiem for a Dream :confused: with her boyfriend, had some food and that's pretty much it. I was like don't fucking lie to me. I know what you did. I went on a giant rant about how fucked up this shit was. The whole time she was denying it. She couldn't even look me straight in the eyes. I started yelling at her and was about to lose it. I told her that her boyfriend is a dirt bag and she deserves better.

She still wouldn't confess. The last thing I told her was not to forget who her real friends are.

So here I am, I've been thinking about this for the past couple of days and I don't know what to do. I was thinking of meeting up with her mom and having a talk,
but I'm not sure if that is a good idea. I doubt she can get her back home. In any case she's moved from bad to worse.

I know a lot of you guys have experience with this kinda shit. I also know a lot of you guys have tried some messed up shit here. Am I blowing this up too much and worrying for nothing or what? I don't know what to do.

EDIT:
I texted her a couple of times and wished her a Happy New year, but she hasn't replied back or anything. I work with her again tomorrow and I know that I have to have a talk with her. Not sure what I should say though. Don't want to turn a sensitive issue into something worse.

[BEWD]

Here's the best advice.

Stay.Out.Of.It.

ninja edit: Reason I said that, these kinds of experiences tend to do better learned the hard way. You go over her head to her mom and you can kiss your relationship goodbye. You can lecture her all you want, but ultimately if she wants to waste away doing drugs with this guy than nothing you say will stop her. All you can do is advise her and hope for the best. You can't .make. someone do anything. It's because of this that I said stay out of it, as you could potentially bring heat your way involving yourself more than you should.

editagain: neophyte added even more oomph to it, you are not the judge of what's best for .her., you can only advise/listen, anything more than that and you are seriously overstepping your boundaries and go from being a concerned friend to a holier-than-thou control freak.

[Javid]

Here's the best advice.

Stay.Out.Of.It.

Are you serious? So I should just stand by and let a friend go down such a path, in which I know that probably very little good will come out of it. She is very easily influenced under pressure. I'm not sure how I can stay out of this.

[Ne0phyte]

The reason she didn't tell you what she did is because you're judgmental as fuck. Good luck getting her to open up to you in the future. Truth: People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for. Don't be that person if you want to have real relationships. And who are you to her anyway that she has to confess to you what she did last night? :confused:

You shouldn't even feel obligated to try to "help" her or get her family involved unless it becomes a serious problem, and even then, still she's an adult. You don't know what her family will do or do to her; would you like them to kick her out for good the house and have her be forced to move in with this stand up boyfriend permanently? Just stay out of it for now and if you're too holier-than-thou to have friends who do drugs, then good riddance to you from her P.O.V.

[Yasanagi]

What a way to start 08...

As I have no experience with this type of situation, my words may not carry a lot of weight but I think that the best thing to do is to be there for her when she finally decides to stretch out her hand and ask for help to get out of this mess.

[Javid]

The reason she didn't tell you what she did is because you're judgmental as fuck. Good luck getting her to open up to you in the future. Truth: People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for. Don't be that person if you want to have real relationships. And who are you to her anyway that she has to confess to you what she did last night? :confused:

You shouldn't even feel obligated to try to "help" her or get her family involved unless it becomes a serious problem, and even then, still she's an adult. You don't know what her family will do or do to her; would you like them to kick her out for good the house and have her be forced to move in with this stand up boyfriend permanently? Just stay out of it for now and if you're too holier-than-thou to have friends who do drugs, then good riddance to you from her P.O.V.

I understand where you're coming from. Yeah, I have friends that do drugs and she's even wanted to smoke weed with me in the past. And we've been fully cool about small shit like that. But, when you come to work all coked up from the night before I think there is a cause for concern. I don't know what will happen to her. And this isn't some small shit. It can get out of control real fast, can it not? How addictive is coke?

I just want to help, I'm not sure what the right thing to do here is.

[Return of Shiki]

Just stay out of it for now and if you're too holier-than-thou to have friends who do drugs, then good riddance to you from her P.O.V.

What the fuck?

[WasFemto]

Coke is hella addictive. It's cool for awhile but then it's just like doing it just to do it. It's a chick drug and she sounded stoked to do it.

So yeah stay out of it, DO NOT have her come to your place(might steal shit from your place depending how mych she gets into it) and yeah, hope for the best.


IF you HAVE to have her over if it takes control, make sure their is nothing pocketable. Chick sounds stupid but we are only young once.

[Fudd]

Honestly, I'm not really sure if there's much you can do from this point. You already confronted her about it, the rest is up to her. Sometimes people really do just have to learn something the hard way.

[Pryde]

GGPO to your friend. She's done coke already and she says she wants to do it again, it's pretty much over now. I don't really see how you stepping in will help. You have to let her go down this path. It already seems like she's not willing to listen to you at all, but much props to you for showing her that you care. She won't realize it now, but she'll realize it in the future when she's through giving you the silent treatment (the long term one).

As for what neo said, I'd agree with her 90% of the way. I don't think javi is being judgemental, if what he says is true, then he's on the money.

Also one last question, why do you feel so "obligated" to help her? She seems to be nothing more than a co-worker. You must like her.

[CrouchingTiger]

As Fudd said, there's not much else you can do about it. Staying out of it for the stupid reasons Bewd and Neophyte listed is flat out wrong. You stay out of it because you've done what you could. Keep being a positive influence for her, and at the end of the day, she's the only person who can decide what she wants to do.

You sound like a good friend. Neophyte and Bewd could use a friend like you. :bgrin:

"People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for." What the HELL? If you do something shitty, you need to feel like shit for it. If I confess to my friend that I killed a guy the other day, I don't want him to say "Man that's rough, I can only imagine what you're going through." I want him to say, "Whoa you're an idiot. You gonna be alright?" You can show compassion and care for other people, while still laying the truth out for them. You shouldn't have to tiptoe around somebody's feelings just so they "won't feel like shit."

[BaSiK_TeKniK]

shes gonna have to learn the hard way theres not much to do.
I see why you can't confront her parents.

sometimes people have to learn the hard way...

[Panicked]

The reason she didn't tell you what she did is because you're judgmental as fuck. Good luck getting her to open up to you in the future. Truth: People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for. Don't be that person if you want to have real relationships. And who are you to her anyway that she has to confess to you what she did last night? :confused:

You shouldn't even feel obligated to try to "help" her or get her family involved unless it becomes a serious problem, and even then, still she's an adult. You don't know what her family will do or do to her; would you like them to kick her out for good the house and have her be forced to move in with this stand up boyfriend permanently? Just stay out of it for now and if you're too holier-than-thou to have friends who do drugs, then good riddance to you from her P.O.V.

When you do stupid shit, how do people tell you that you do stupid shit?

Seriously, I'd rather come off as holier-than-thou than apathetic while my friend is destroying her life, so while I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing, I think it's a futile endeavor.

Just let her know you care, and hope for the best: you can't save anyone unless they want to be saved.

[colguile]

Are these south Asians or white people?

[Javid]

GGPO to your friend. She's done coke already and she says she wants to do it again, it's pretty much over now. I don't really see how you stepping in will help. You have to let her go down this path. It already seems like she's not willing to listen to you at all, but much props to you for showing her that you care. She won't realize it now, but she'll realize it in the future when she's through giving you the silent treatment (the long term one).

As for what neo said, I'd agree with her 90% of the way. I don't think javi is being judgemental, if what he says is true, then he's on the money.

Also one last question, why do you feel so "obligated" to help her? She seems to be nothing more than a co-worker. You must like her.


:sad:
Fuck man, when I hear shit like this it breaks my heart. Yeah I like the girl(not necissarily in I really want to hook up with you way), I've worked with her for 3 years now almost day in and day out. Almost every single weekend it would be our responsibility to open the store. I honestly couldn't stop thinking about what she was doing last night. It was New Years and all so god only knows what she was up to.

Fuck this is so frustrating. All my life I've come across problems and for the most part I can deal with them, but when shit like this happens I don't even know where to go.

Are these south Asians or white people?

She's white and so is her loser boyfriend.

[sainthuey]

mind your own business, you're not her bf so fall back

[mylthazzz]

i agree with everything posted

[CrouchingTiger]

^ Whoa that deserves an infraction.

I mean, wait, I don't want to be judgmental. Hey buddy, how was your day? :bgrin:

[Yasanagi]

Quick question to javidjin: Why didn't you present this dilemma to someone who handles these problems on a regular basis like Kids Help Phone or whatever? I admit that I'm a bit baffled as to why you would turn to SRK GD to get advice for such a serious matter.

[Pryde]

:sad:
Fuck man, when I hear shit like this it breaks my heart. Yeah I like the girl(not necissarily in I really want to hook up with you way), I've worked with her for 3 years now almost day in and day out. Almost every single weekend it would be our responsibility to open the store. I honestly couldn't stop thinking about what she was doing last night. It was New Years and all so god only knows what she was up to.

Fuck this is so frustrating. All my life I've come across problems and for the most part I can deal with them, but when shit like this happens I don't even know where to go.



She's white and so is her loser boyfriend.



Heh, sorry to hear from you man. It is what it is. Sucks being the nice guy, huh? You stand on the outside looking in and you can't but feel so helpless/frustrated cuz you know you can do better than the other guy. You'd treat her 48737543 times better than he would.

The reality of it is, you can't do anything, but just give her advice when she needs it. That's all. As fucked up as it sounds, she needs to go through this phase for her to understand what she's going through. The more you lecture her, the more she's gonna rebel. I know it's weird, but be there for her when you can. Be her friend and not her father. It's confusing, yes, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to tell you. If all else fails, just go work some where else.....

[colguile]

She's white and so is her loser boyfriend.If she was asian or south asian i would say get together and have an intervention, but in the case of a white woman from a broken home with a drunken mother how could you not see this coming years ago?

Classic signs of neglect with her having no true male role model in her life. She turns to the druggie dude and latches on like a lamprey. Drugs are being used to support a void in her life.

I recommend that you try to find out what that void is and work together on solving the problems in her life.

Trust me.

Quick question to javidjin: Why didn't you present this dilemma to someone who handles these problems on a regular basis like Kids Help Phone or whatever? I admit that I'm a bit baffled as to why you would turn to SRK GD to get advice for such a serious matter.Kids help phone does not have colguile. SRK does.

[Pasteycracker]

As much as it hurts to see them go down the path, it's something they have to learn from. People are typically stubborn as shit and you can offer help all you want... but if they're not willing to change their ways then it's pretty much worthless.

I hate being a downer on this issue... hope she gets her shit together.

[Satomiblood]

Whatever you have to say to her would fall on deaf ears.

[De4dEyE]

Can't do much. Give advice maybe (and probably end up being ignored). Not to say that everyone that does coke is fucked for life (I know several people that do coke ((not-hardcore junkie style though)) but are still able to function in society), but her reaction to doing it the first time is pretty bad.

Best you can realistically do is try to help her out once [if ever] she asks you for help.

[BaSiK_TeKniK]

honestly this is a once you start you won't stop situation.
the easiest cure for drug addiction...well dont start in the first place

[thurst]

your friend sounds like a fuck up assuming you're giving all the relevant details. you've already done as much as you can/should do. you told her how you felt so just leave it at that, it's not like you're her father or anything.

[Sasmasta]

Pretty good advice floating around, mostly all pointing to the same conclusion.

[Javid]

All this advice about letting her be...so what I should basically do is stand on the sidelines and have my hand extended to her while she goes down this road?

She's had a really hard life, no question about that.

colguile, I honestly don't know where to begin with the voids in her life. She really lacks a close circle of good friends(at most she has maybe one or two really good friends) and when you don't have a strong male figure in your life it doesn't help.

What Pryde and the rest of you guys are saying makes sense, I'm just not sure how I can just let it go and basically do nothing...

[Strider2k2]

Just do what you can...without being too pushy about. Show that you care, but don't go overboard. It sucks being the nice guy, but it sounds like you sincerely care for her.

I'm not sure what else you should do , really. Keep us posted on the situation.

[WasFemto]

It's hard especially when you like someone(and they are the opposite sex) but unless you have her stay with you, you just gotta let go.

The strong male thing doesn't hold water just because the most head strong and succesfull people I know were raised by women.


Based on the info this doesn't sound like it's going to have a happy ending, so I'm thinking you should just do what you feel you gotta do. Just don't get sucked into her problems and have them hurt you.

[De4dEyE]

All this advice about letting her be...so what I should basically do is stand on the sidelines and have my hand extended to her while she goes down this road?

She's had a really hard life, no question about that.

colguile, I honestly don't know where to begin with the voids in her life. She really lacks a close circle of good friends(at most she has maybe one or two really good friends) and when you don't have a strong male figure in your life it doesn't help.

What Pryde and the rest of you guys are saying makes sense, I'm just not sure how I can just let it go and basically do nothing...

What else can you do? A intervention doesn't mean anything unless she really REALLY wants to actually stop [and even then it doesn't always work].

Unless you do some shit like physically lock her in a basement and ween her off of it or something insane like that you can't make her stop.

[BEWD]

^ Whoa that deserves an infraction.

I mean, wait, I don't want to be judgmental. Hey buddy, how was your day? :bgrin:

Way to skewer my point you little twat. There's a point in friendships you do NOT cross. I told him to stay out of it so far as telling her what to do or going over her head. Sure he can get her mom involved but then she'd never talk to him again, and would probably abuse even worse just to spite the both of them. All he can do is advise and listen to her problems, if you think he can make her do anything, you are a fucking idiot.


@Javid: Try not to feel too bad dude, as harsh as it sounds, it is ultimately her choice, all you can do is continue to support her as a friend, most of the times, people never appreciate the true friends they have that stay and stick with them despite their bullshit, and this just might be another case like that.

[thurst]

when a chick watches requiem for a dream the same day she tries coke for the first time you can assume you won't be able to reason with her.

but that "isn't there something else i can do!" feeling is what people refer to when they say drug abuse doesn't just affect the person doing the drugs. but look at it this way, lots of people manage a small coke habit just fine so maybe you should just wait and see if she actually goes thru the seemingly inevitable downward spiral.

[CrouchingTiger]

^Bewd: I already said he can't make her do anything, that in the end she is the only person who can decide what she does. It wasn't even your point, it was Neophyte's.

We have the same advice, we just have different reasoning behind it. Calm down, geez.

[BEWD]

^Bewd: I already said he can't make her do anything, that in the end she is the only person who can decide what she does. It wasn't even your point, it was Neophyte's.

We have the same advice, we just have different reasoning behind it. Calm down, geez.

Then don't lump me in with that viewpoint then. I agreed with your post as well, I'm not calling him judgmental, all I said is that he's walking a very delicate line and had best use discretion, in the end she has to make her own decisions, be they actual smart moves or absolute pitfalls.

Everyone one of us here have had choices we've made where we wished we had taken someone's advice or put more thought into it, fuck that no regrets bullshit. I have plenty of them, having and dwelling on them are completely different things. Hopefully she'll come to a realization that she's messing with bad news, but it honestly might be ggpo for her like pryde said.

[DaDesiCanadian]

http://forums.shoryuken.com/showthread.php?t=146138

Maybe this thread can help you out!

*BADAM-DSH*

I'll be here all night folks!

[YellowS4]

I can't believe there is a serious thread.

Pics.

[Fudd]

All my life I've come across problems and for the most part I can deal with them, but when shit like this happens I don't even know where to go.

It's not my intent to sound like an asshole in saying this, but it's not your problem.

[OrangeCat]

The only hope that you can get out of this situation is that one day she will clean up and just get onto a better life for herself. My old boss used to be hardcore into drugs...like fucking addicted to it, and two other people at the same workplace used to be addicted to drugs or at least tried hard drugs from time to time, with one doing prison.

However in the end, they turned out to be alright people, with their past being left behind. I'm not saying that it's hopeless, there is always optimism for hope in most if not all situations; however sometimes hope isn't a short term that it's something that will appear after a long dire situation. Remember often the solutions to bad situations isn't through prevention, but through the ability to persevere through it and come out of it ok. Aside from paying for her psychological therapy I doubt there is little that you can unless being there when she's hit rock bottom, realizes it and actually wants to change.

OC

[Airthrow]

There is nothing you can say that will be logical and "click" in her stupid-bitch ears to realize she shouldn't be a stupid bitch. Don't beat yourself up over it... she has EMOTIONAL DADDY ISSUES, meaning she's ruined for life. You said your piece, drop it and stop obsessing over it, it's not your problem she's fucked up, it's her mom and dad's and stepdad's.

[Pablo_the_Mex]

So, the OP has the hots for this dumb bitch, because he sounds friend zoned as fuck. Regardless, why the fuck bother with such a stupid bitch? Let her fuck up and come running back to you so you can wax that ass, unless of course she already has herpes.

[Warpticon]

99% sure ne0's response is colored by previous discussions.

Up until the heavy drug use boyfriend followed by the coke bragging, I thought you were into too much, but when it hit that...yeah. And as much as the "it's not your business" crowd goes, I'm fairly certain they haven't had to work regularly with a dopehead. I can tell you from experience. If she continues down this path, and keeps coming to work under those circumstances, considering you work together, it WILL affect you, period. There is no avoiding that. So, to that end, it is your business.

As for what you can do? The best thing you can do, really, is to let her know that you know what she's doing, that you don't approve (leave her dumbass boyfriend out of it, the real problem is the dope), and let her know that you're there to support her if she needs it. Then you lay back and mind your business until you see her fucking up firsthand. Not heard from stories or anything, but until she, like, shows up at work fucking shit up or stuff starts turning up missing. Then, and only then, do you take more aggressive measures. Before that, you don't have any justification to move in, and moreover, you're trying to reason with a childish cokehead with secrets to hide. Not exactly a recipe for success. You might be able to appeal to her sense of guilt, though, if you catch her in the act of fucking up. A semi-conscientious addict can't really deny that a problem exists once it starts affecting other people.

If anything can be taken out of this, it's that anybody--ANYBODY--can get laid. loser jobless dopies get their girls in fights with their family over them.

[Ne0phyte]

What the fuck?
I actually didn't mean to say that that way. Ignore that.


"People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for." What the HELL? If you do something shitty, you need to feel like shit for it. If I confess to my friend that I killed a guy the other day, I don't want him to say "Man that's rough, I can only imagine what you're going through." I want him to say, "Whoa you're an idiot. You gonna be alright?" You can show compassion and care for other people, while still laying the truth out for them. You shouldn't have to tiptoe around somebody's feelings just so they "won't feel like shit."
Yeah you should, especially when you don't know the details and they're possibly vulnerable/mentally unstable. Killing someone =/= doing coke, so... no, don't even try that. Dude says he "thinks" they're good friends; I mean if you don't know you're good friends with someone you probably aren't, so how far does this concern need to go? If you yell and condemn people for doing what YOU think is shitty (not like murder, where that's just a universal wrong; a fuck load of people have done coke just once or twice and can do it recreationally without fucking up their lives), that's not going to stop them. People do what they want to do, believe it or not. This is such bullshit; if this girl cared so much about how her coke use would affect this guy she wouldn't have done it. You think him yelling at her for how stupid she is is going to make her realize that she's doing an illegal dangerous drug? Yeah, okay, "now that you mention it..."

When you do stupid shit, how do people tell you that you do stupid shit?

Seriously, I'd rather come off as holier-than-thou than apathetic while my friend is destroying her life, so while I don't see anything wrong with what you're doing, I think it's a futile endeavor.

Just let her know you care, and hope for the best: you can't save anyone unless they want to be saved.
I do stupid shit completely of my own accord; if I'm ever doing something you guys think is shitty it's because it's a choice I've decided to make regardless of any consequences, and I'd personally never do anything intentionally shitty that I didn't feel I could control, and I think a lot of people don't as well. If I feel I'm in control of something and can do it without feeling like I'm really hurting people or myself, then whatever, I won't stop. And I damn sure wouldn't stop if someone yelled at me for being "stupid." Honestly I don't know what kind of people you guys are or you guys know that you think yelling at people and making them feel bad about something is a good way to change that behavior. That has never worked on me or for me when I tried it on other people; this is something I had to learn from an "old friend" of mine. If I ever did something wildly out of character and people were seriously worried, they would come to me concerned and try to help me. The last thing they would do is try to hurt me for it... that's fucking scum.

Not judgmental? Come on people, the reason I reacted harshly to him is this is the guy who made a thread calling a woman who's slept with 3-4 guys reckless, slutty, making bad decisions, etc. Would you want this guy telling you what you're doing is wrong? (Hence initial holier-than-thou comment)

[Javid]

So, the OP has the hots for this dumb bitch, because he sounds friend zoned as fuck. Regardless, why the fuck bother with such a stupid bitch? Let her fuck up and come running back to you so you can wax that ass, unless of course she already has herpes.

I don't know what if anything this has to do with the topic at hand. You can care for someone and not always think like this. I really think she's a good person, she just didn't have the upbringing that most of us did.

[FrankSweatypits]

Just decide whether or not you want to be supportive if she ever decides that she needs it, because right now she's going to make her own mistakes and pushing your opinions on her will only push her away because she's justifying her bad relationship and bad life choices and anything you say is just going to be used against you.

This isn't really an issue of 'it isn't your business' because when you care about someone it becomes very personal. I've watched a lot of people go downhill and develop drug problems and you can't help but let it get to you but there's really not a lot you can do for intervention. She's an adult and she's got the right to make her own choices even if you don't agree with them.

[P. Gorath]

my advice: mind your own business and get your own girl.

[Seijuro-HIko]

Honestly you're better off leaving her alone. I understand that you want to help her out but you've done all that you can do. People now and days don't want to hear the truth so they choose to ignore it. Thats why I stopped helping people and giving advice. No matter how hard you try and how much you want to help her, it's really no use. You're better off trying to teach a gold fish how to tap dance.

So from what you said in the first post, she's pretty much fucked up for the rest of her life. I don't think that even professional help can help this girl out...

It's her life so let her live it. She's the one fucking up, not you. Take it from someone who's been through a lot himself. You're better off only worrying about your own self than anyone else. Don't waste your time trying to fix someone elses life. Use your time to better yourself.

[MAGUS1234]

my advice: mind your own business and get your own girl.

Exactly...end thread/

[WasFemto]

I don't know what if anything this has to do with the topic at hand. You can care for someone and not always think like this. I really think she's a good person, she just didn't have the upbringing that most of us did.

your whooped. No shame in it.

[Doc Holliday]

The reason she didn't tell you what she did is because you're judgmental as fuck. Good luck getting her to open up to you in the future. Truth: People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for. Don't be that person if you want to have real relationships. And who are you to her anyway that she has to confess to you what she did last night? :confused:

You shouldn't even feel obligated to try to "help" her or get her family involved unless it becomes a serious problem, and even then, still she's an adult. You don't know what her family will do or do to her; would you like them to kick her out for good the house and have her be forced to move in with this stand up boyfriend permanently? Just stay out of it for now and if you're too holier-than-thou to have friends who do drugs, then good riddance to you from her P.O.V.

Two days into the new year and this is officially the dumbest fucking post I've thrown my eyes across. Don't despare though everyone, still 363 days left....

Were you born a bitch or is it just the chick coming out of you on a forum populated by 99% penis where you felt the need to flaunt vag power?

Explain how the chap is judgemental. Please. No no, I'll wait.

The guy obviously gives two shits about this person otherwise he wouldn't be getting involved with her issues. So for people that do have serious problems, if someone intervenes then that automatically qualifies them as judgemental? Great logic. I'll use that one next time my buddy's on the phone with me talking about killing himself. "Sorry bro, Neo thinks that anyone that gives a shit about someone is judgemental, so can't help ya."

Speaking of suicide, weren't you the one going off on a tangent about how awesome suicide is and it's a viable choice for depressed people? Goddamn, you're the SRK expert for depression.

I liked this line:

Truth: People don't discuss things with people they know will not understand or even worse will make them feel like shit for.

Well no shit it will make them feel worse. Know why? Because it's real talk and no one likes it when someone else brings the real to them. Truth: If I'm cheating on my girl and my best buddy calls me out on it (which I would expect him to), of course I'm going to feel like shit. Because I'M THE ONE FUCKING UP and my buddy hopefully got me thinking about that. That's the whole point in confronting someone. They're not supposed to feel comfortable about it.

And who are you to her anyway that she has to confess to you what she did last night? :confused:


God you are such a bitch. Seriously, I can't believe how you are sounding like such a feminazi right now. He's known her for 3 years. He didn't have her under the hotlamp trying to drag a confession out of it like you make it sound. He confronted her, wouldn't buy into her bullshit, then tried to talk some sense into her. This chick KNOWS she fucked up which is why she lied to him. And who are YOU to question their relationship and how close these two are? You don't know shit about them. They could be like bro and sis and tell each other everything. I've worked with people far less than 3 years and developed close knit relationships with them.

You shouldn't even feel obligated to try to "help" her or get her family involved unless it becomes a serious problem, and even then, still she's an adult.

That's golden too. So tell me, when exactly does a coke become a serious problem? When she's developed a habit from using it consistently or from just the one time? So you're saying that just snorting it for one night is no big deal? Not serious? And who cares if she is an adult? What does that have to do with anything? So because the law says she's legal, that automatically says she can make awesome decisions? Ugh your logic is horrible.

Just stay out of it for now and if you're too holier-than-thou to have friends who do drugs, then good riddance to you from her P.O.V.

The pot calling the kettle black. All I'm going to say here. You know, I can't believe that you didn't see the irony of your whole fucking post. Telling this guy he's judgemental and needs to not get involved in her shit and then you go and post up one of the most judgemental and "holier-than-thou" replies I've seen in this thread. Great call on that.



Hey OP, from me to you, your doing the right thing. You wanna save this chick from pain and suffering, GET INVOLVED. What kind of a friend, let alone a person, would you be if you stood idly by and did nothing.

[Pablo_the_Mex]

I don't know what if anything this has to do with the topic at hand. You can care for someone and not always think like this. I really think she's a good person, she just didn't have the upbringing that most of us did.

Even though you are most likely lying to yourself, that does not change the fact that you should probably back off this dumb bitch. What do you gain from trying to help her anyway, she will probably fail at life with or without your help.

Sorry we aren't giving you the answers you want, but I spit truth.

[Javid]

SNIP


:sad:
Thanks for posting all that. It's nice to know that there are a lot of people on here that know WTF is happening and what's going through my head. I just hope I can make the right choices.

Even though you are most likely lying to yourself, that does not change the fact that you should probably back off this dumb bitch. What do you gain from trying to help her anyway, she will probably fail at life with or without your help.

Sorry we aren't giving you the answers you want, but I spit truth.

Yes, helping a friend that you've worked with so long in their time of need, I really need to gain something from that. I guess in this day and age we should turn our backs to those that need help. You'd understand if you were me...

[OrangeCat]

:sad:
Thanks for posting all that. It's nice to know that there are a lot of people on here that know WTF is happening and what's going through my head. I just hope I can make the right choices.



Yes, helping a friend that you've worked with so long in their time of need, I really need to gain something from that. I guess in this day and age we should turn our backs to those that need help. You'd understand if you were me...
It's not that we don't know what is going through you head. I mean a lot of us would like to save the world if we could. But the plain fact is that reality is far more powerful than just wanting to do something. It's not that we want to turn our backs on people who need help...we're just turning our backs on people who don't want our help. They have to help themselves before they can accept help from others. If you can do it, the more power to you but why involve yourself into something that might just leave you with more regret than you just left it all alone? Just because you tried?

Are you going to let her live with you so she could have a constant support structure until she's able to figure some of the more complicated things in life for herself? Do you want to take that responsibility? If you are truly concerned are you going to take the necessary steps to help her out or are you going to meet her only half-way? I would love to say that this isn't reality wake up call to you, because in some ways it isn't. In my previous post, it's more like saying that perhaps reality works in your favour. That sometimes you don't have to stand in the way of something bad in order for something good to come out with it, especially when it's such an overpowering force, there's little to nothing you can do short of kidnapping her and running her life.

It's sad that people get handed a bum deal which this girls especially has and perhaps we'd love to give that extra push to give them a better lot in life. However often the divide between us and them isn't as transparent as some groups make them out to be. There's a huge wall there and unless you're ready to make the effort to climb over it, you have to wait for the other side to put in the effort to climb back over with you or at least to you. Yes she is fucked but it's going to be a hard road ahead to get her unfucked. I'd love for you to bring her back to the side of light; but if she isn't going to cooperate, you're going to have do to the lifting for the both of you. If you understand the reality of that...go ahead, but if you can't begin to comprehend that, don't...until you get your head on straight.

OC

[Toodles]

I guess in this day and age we should turn our backs to those that need help.Did she ask for your help? Does she want your help? No? If she wants to be young and stupid she will be young and stupid, and there is no helping that. You're not turning away a hungry friend with her hand out, you're telling her she's stupid for having fun. (Note: not a statement in support of drugs. I may smoke, but I dont drink or anything else. I'm just saying that's how she will view it.)

Now in her head she has you associated with bad feelings (ridicule, judgment, disapproval) and good feelings associated with her boyfriend (coke high, sex, protection feeling from a 'bad boy' boyfriend, excitement from all the illegal crap he does). You're on the losing end and keeping it up will only make it worse. What's even worse, is that you're friend zoned as fuck, so I guaran-fucking-ty that she will eventually come to you asking for help. Shoulder to cry on, money to loan, and she'll be back in that guys sack before you know WTF happened.

And you'll make another thread about it because you don't understand why.

[CoMpOuNd]

Alright, before I say anything, I gotta ask some questions. How do you know this girl? Is she a family friend? life long friend? Old friend? Or some chick you met at work? If it's just some chick at work, don't get involved, and if you do get involved, do it for the pussy, and only for the pussy. Fix her life, fuck her hard, then dip. You don't wanna marry a bitch that would put up with coked up nolives. She has no standards, she just wants the dick. We all know it's true. If you're doing this just 'cause you wanna "save her from doing the wrong thing"(by not getting the pussy), then you have too much time on your hands, and you need to start thinking for yourself more. Not dumb bitches that make wrong choices, if you wanna save peoples lives, go to some 3rd world country and build a bunch of houses, "for the kids!".

if you're not doing this for pussy, then don't get involved.

but if you are, DEN GO GET DAT POOOOOOON.

chea chea chea chea chea mad drunk mad drunk.

[Vicioso]

its too late honestly, shes 20 years old, wtf can you tell her?

just let it go

"don't save her, she don't wanna be saved"

[fishjie]

here's a question:

would you still "care" about her if she gained 50 lbs, got hideous acne, got knocked up, and was missing her front tooth?

if not, you just care about her cause you wanna do her.

anyway plenty of people do coke and theyre not addicted to it so dont worry. if she does get addicted, well she'll probably end up becoming a stripper/escort/pornstar, in which case, everybody wins.

[goodm0urning]

Yes, helping a friend that you've worked with so long in their time of need, I really need to gain something from that. I guess in this day and age we should turn our backs to those that need help. You'd understand if you were me...You're not the only person who's ever been in a difficult position regarding a friend.

You want to be the responsible guy here, but part of becoming responsible is knowing that some battles just aren't yours. Let it go.

[Toodles]

if she does get addicted, well she'll probably end up becoming a stripper/escort/pornstar, in which case, everybody wins.Damned if that aint the most intelligent thing I've read on SRK in a while.

[Vicioso]

anyway plenty of people do coke and theyre not addicted to it so dont worry. if she does get addicted, well she'll probably end up becoming a stripper/escort/pornstar, in which case, everybody wins.

plenty?

lol, most dustheads i know are addicted, if not addicted to coke they are addicted to something else

[Warpticon]

Yeah, take the word of the dude doing coke that he's not addicted. Smart.

[goodm0urning]

Alright guys, this is somewhat of a long story but it's been really bothering me because I don't know what to do and ANY PRODUCTIVE ADVICE WOULD BE REALLY APPRECIATED. So here goes.Know what I've noticed? Throughout this entire thread, the vast majority of people who have replied are telling you to not get involved, that trying to meddle in this broad's personal affairs is a mistake. Predictably, you've ignored them, and instantly agreed with the one guy who has suggested the contrary.

That tells me one thing: when you say you're looking for "productive advice," what you're really saying is, "tell me some shit I want to hear and validate the decisions I've already made." Be honest... you intended to butt into this chick's business before you even made this thread. That's why you're ignoring everybody who's telling you straight up that you need to back off.

So go ahead and try to help her, since you plainly have no intention of actually listening to the advice that you've requested, come hell or high water. Don't say we didn't warn you.

[Ne0phyte]

babble
:rolleyes:

1. I said he was judgmental because from the previous thread he made about women being whores, he just seems like the type. Just like you picked out my type (perfectly!!) from other posts I've made. I didn't say he was judgmental for wanting to help her, dumbfuck.

2. No, snorting coke for one night to me is not cause for intervening with someone's family. No. You don't know shit about this girl's family situation. You don't know what the fuck could happen to her if her parents find out. You ever hear of people who get thrown out of their house for being gay or pregnant? If some guy thought he was doing an honorable thing by letting the parents know that, no one would defend him. If someone told my dad I did anything like this, I would be motherfucking livid. My mom is a different story. You don't fucking know the family and it's nobody in the world's fucking place to tell someone's parents that their kids are doing drugs if it's not a serious problem. If she continues to come to work and live her life as normal, so what?

3. The girl lied to him? What the bullshit? Since when do friends, best or not, have to tell each other every fucking thing they get into? When does that become an obligation? What kind of friend comes up to someone "WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT"? Instead of just talking to them in private with no defensive walls up?

4. Who the fuck are you?

5. She's an adult and her parents aren't legally obligated to her, especially if she's not living in their house, which she currently isn't. Correct me if I'm wrong.

6. Yeah, real talk. Whatever you want to call it. Talking to someone and having them come to a realization that what they did is wrong, or at least wrong in your eyes, sure. Not YELLING at them and calling them stupid. I never advocated not confronting people, just the way you guys suggested it.

7. You clearly tried way too hard on this post. I don't even know who the fuck you are yet you can quote me from other threads... that's weird. But continue to use that as a basis for judgment of myself while I apologize to Javid for unfairly calling him judgmental, which... he still seems like to me.

[MAGUS1234]

plenty?

lol, most dustheads i know are addicted, if not addicted to coke they are addicted to something else

Although I dont want to argue either side, I have tons of friends who do coke like only a couple times a year.

[-=KOH=-]

Basically, grows some balls, If you know what you should do, then do it, you don't need anyones help on here, just do what 'you' think you should do, this obviously goes beyond anyone's but your own opinion.

[Ne0phyte]

Yeah, take the word of the dude doing coke that he's not addicted. Smart.
I almost always agree with everything you say, but seriously. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world, and generally the hardest drug to quit including coke and heroin, and so many people don't even become close to addicted to that and can quit cold turkey. It is possible. Everyone who tries something "addictive" does not become an addict, and it's ignorant as hell to claim that or anything even close to it. You can't really keep being a "cokehead" a secret for long anyway.

[Jimmy the Hand]

She is very easily influenced under pressure.

Obviously not if you couldn't pressure her to "straighten up".

[Oroman]

She's a lost cause, move on.

[*InVeRs3*]

You could try one last effort to try and put some reasoning into her, and I think you should, but don't go in thinking that she'll listen. It is what it is, a last ditch effort to try and get some sense into her.

It seems you've already lost her on the day you tried to make her spit it out. Just do one last ditch effort man, it might not work, maybe it will, but coke is serious business. When you deal with drugs, not only are you going to have a chance to get addicted, but you're dealing with underworld types too.

After that last ditch effort, if she doesn't spill it, then just quit. You're done.

You may have already lost, but ignore people who tell you to just stop and let her do her thing. Try one last time, then if she still wants to do coke, then it's her decision.

[Pablo_the_Mex]

Obviously not if you couldn't pressure her to "straighten up".

Exactly. Maybe her bf is retarded, but he has more balls than the OP. Please believe.

[Warpticon]

I almost always agree with everything you say, but seriously. Nicotine is one of the most addictive substances in the world, and generally the hardest drug to quit including coke and heroin, and so many people don't even become close to addicted to that and can quit cold turkey. It is possible. Everyone who tries something "addictive" does not become an addict, and it's ignorant as hell to claim that or anything even close to it. You can't really keep being a "cokehead" a secret for long anyway.

Not at all suggesting that addiction happens 100% of the time. I just think it's silly to shrug off the addictive nature by saying plenty of people don't, or my friends use coke and they're not addicted. And you know how? Because they told you? Right, because that's the person you want to trust to determine whether an addiction is occuring. Drunk driving doesn't kill people 100% of the time, either, but it's still not good, and I'm not gonna depend on a drunk to tell me whether or not he's fit to drive.

[Airthrow]

P.S.- Not to sound harsh, but I envy your cake ass sheltered life if you are actually "really lost and worried" over some co-worker getting into blow... seriously kid.

Would you be this worried if it was some dude? I think not. Find a girl who doesn't like to party and you'll be fine.

edit: If you remotely care about your job AT ALL you will never talk to this broad about the issue again. Even ONCE is none of your business, repeatedly talking to her about her personal life will DEFINITELY get you fired if she goes to HR.

[Manx]

You can't make people live their lives to your standards. Only advice I can give you is to never, ever start doing things for her her once she gets herself screwed up. The most you should do is notify a family member or public authority, like a policeman or your boss - you know those people who are supposed to be handling this type of thing? - and hope they can get through. You will be exploited for your ability to give a damn. Don't give her money. don't give her a ride anywhere but to work or maybe back. Don't let her stay with you unless you lay down rules and stick to em. You're setting yourself up to be a fallback and I hate to see people do that.

[b1gazn]

Does this remind anybody of "Forest Gump" but without the abuse and runningzzz?z


Cocaine Shrimp

[Pryde]

aight, this thread is getting outta hand, i think 90% of the post in here pretty much says leave her alone. closed.