The Official Poker Thread

SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
i just start getting into it and was wondwering if anyone have any tips for a noob
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  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    I play online at www.pokerstars.net
    Also go to the local casino now and then.
    As for tips? Get some experience first I guess, figure out what cards you play, figure out the odds when the flop hits, etc. Honestly though, experience really helps. :tup:
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    poker rules on t.v., sucks that I don't have the free time to get good at it :<
  • Demon JimDemon Jim I'm Cereal Joined: Posts: 4,158 mod
    Yeah nothing really beats experience.

    Get rid of any habits that could give you away while playing. I friend of mine had a very small grin that you could barely see when he played so you always new when he had a good hand.

    Learn your strategies such as playing weak, bluffing well, how to intimidate, etc

    Watch poker on tv to learn how pros play.

    Know your lingo so you know what other players are talking about.

    -DJ-
    Just like that.
    "...but when he gets there, at the end of the day, it's just corn flakes." - Christopher Walken
    Battle at the Border Tournament Director
  • platinum_pinoyplatinum_pinoy Registered Nurse Joined: Posts: 1,408
    Learning how to bluff is the hardest, at least for me. I am such a jew when it comes to betting.
    You're crazy. Sep's a hella hater. That nigga buys calendars just to rip out February 14th. He won't even masturbate because they call it self-love. -Adam Warlock, Jan 16th, 2009
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    Jumping right in for experience is a good way to lose money. Just pick up a book or two, there are some really good ones out there. Then start playing and get the experience.
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    haha anyone of u guys like dress up, cover ur face or carry a lucky charm?
  • KrassHoleKrassHole Ex_Matt Joined: Posts: 3,470
    Don't listen to SRK's advice unless its coming from Viscant or rsigley.
    <PrincessJ> you think that's rough
    <Sir_Pryde> oh man....
    <PrincessJ> i had a guy press his erection up against me yesterday at wendy's

    <ViscHEAT> you know what i fucking hate
    <ViscHEAT> jacking off and missing the kleenex and hitting keyboard
    <ViscHEAT> son of a bitch
  • ckrazyckrazy Self Banned Joined: Posts: 10,607
    just play online poker with fake money till u get good then home games with friends cause online poker is a lot different then the real thing when u start takin thier money u can go to poker rooms and try out there... if you fail well go prac some more if you win then good for you some extra change..
    On the third day of our expedition we came across a large rubber plant, but unfortunately we cannot cut it down. For as we know, money can't buy knives. I went into a store one time and I said, "Here's a hundred thousand dollars, can I buy a knife?" And he said, "no money can't buy knives."
  • ViscantViscant Lookin cute, feelin cute Joined: Posts: 1,003
    http://viscant.blogspot.com/2005/03/getting-started-at-poker.html

    Something I wrote a couple months ago on getting started at playing poker. If you learn nothing else from the post, make sure you buy Internet Texas Holdem by Matthew Hilger. That book is basically responsible for everything I've earned this year at poker and in whoring out affiliate stuff, which is between $12,000 and $20,000 for the year depending on how you work the numbers. That book works wonders.

    --Jay Snyder
    Viscant@aol.com
  • RetroKidRetroKid Boo-tista Joined: Posts: 229
    [highlight]Hey Viscant, how much does the government take out as tax for your winnings?[/highlight]
  • ViscantViscant Lookin cute, feelin cute Joined: Posts: 1,003
    Technically they should be getting somewhere between 25% and 33%. However that's only if I'm going to report all of it. It's ridiculously easy to conceal your winnings especially if you pay most of your major bills in cash like I do. I'll probably under-report this year by about 50%, so yeah.

    --Jay Snyder
    Viscant@aol.com
  • AdverseSolutionsAdverseSolutions Joined: Posts: 1,106
    I like how Snyder's got his full name and location on a post talking about avoiding taxes LOLS
  • ViscantViscant Lookin cute, feelin cute Joined: Posts: 1,003
    Someone can mail the IRS a detailed listing of all my earnings and it won't mean a thing. Most people don't report any of their poker winnings at all. Since I haven't had a real job in months I have to report some of it just to justify how I'm paying for life.

    Until the US decides to legalize online poker they will see only a fraction of the tax earnings they could make. It's just too easy to hide money right now.

    --Jay Snyder
    Viscant@aol.com
  • HaiDuongRiceManHaiDuongRiceMan Psycho...ABORTION Joined: Posts: 1,504
    Viscant, which site do you play on?


    I'm thinking of jumping in on internet poker (I've been playing live games for awhile now), but my friend has told me some pretty horrific stories of bad beats on partypoker.com


    What do you suggest is a good site to start out on?
    Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums....

    Av by savaii64.
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    hey viscant, jsut wondering seeing as the cheques I would be sent are from voerseas. would they be telling the government how much it'd be/how would i conceal it

    because i'm only up like 3000 now...so id like toa ctually get most of it
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    Truepoker sends their cheques from Cali, unless its over $1000 I believe, then it comes from the Cayman Islands
  • ViscantViscant Lookin cute, feelin cute Joined: Posts: 1,003
    For the month I've played at:

    Party Network
    Party Poker (www.partypoker.com)
    Empire Poker (www.empirepoker.com)

    Cryptologic/Wagerlogic Network
    Poker Plex (www.pokerplex.com)
    Will Hill (www.williamhillpoker.com)
    Caribbean Sun (www.caribbeansunpoker.com)
    Littlewoods (www.littlewoodspoker.com)
    Interpoker (www.intercasinopoker.com)

    Poker Room network
    Poker Room (www.pokerroom.com)
    Power Player (www.powerplayer.com)
    Lucky River (www.luckyriverpoker.com)

    Independent rooms

    Absolute (www.absolutepoker.com)
    Poker Stars (www.pokerstars.com)
    Ultimate Bet (www.ultimatebet.com)
    Pacific Poker (www.pacificpoker.com // www.888.com)
    Paradise (www.paradisepoker.com)

    As for which is best, that's a difficult question, since a lot of it depends on what you're looking for in a room. I can tell you that my personal favorite room to play at is Absolute, although that's a very unpopular opinion. Most people (in fact all SRKers I can think of) hate Absolute with a passion, but the room has always been good to me.
    If you just want to start out and see if the online poker thing is for you, like I mentioned on my blog, I think you should go to Poker Stars or Ultimate Bet and start very small. Start with like $25-$50 and play the micro limits and just see what you think of playing online. Everyone loses at first. Everyone. Even if you're a good player and you own up home games and games in casinos. It's just not the same game online. So generally you want to start out at the lowest levels, confirm you're a winner at the lowest level, then move one level up. And just keep doing this, making sure to move down if you take a big hit somewhere along the way. A more detailed explanation of this is in the bankroll chapter of Internet Texas Hold'em by Matthew Hilger. Absolute must read.
    If you don't want to risk any of your own money, do what I did to start out with. Go to Pacific Poker and open up a real money account and leave it alone. Don't log into it or anything. After a few days, they'll deposit $10 into your account and you can just try it out that way. That's how I got started playing online poker; I never deposited a cent of my own money.
    Once you're up to a decent sum (about $500) you can start chasing bonuses. A good guide on where to go step by step can be found here:
    http://www.bonuswhores.com/bonus-whoring-101.php



    opticallyinviz:
    I see that you're from Canada so I can't be too much help on this since I know less about Canadian law than I do about American law. I'll just tell you what I do personally. In America, banks don't report checks you cash under the sum of $10,000. Over that sum is considered suspicious behavior (thanks Patriot Act!) and they'll report you in which case the government will start to want it's cut.
    What I do is, at the end of the month, I send a share of my money to Absolute Poker and have them mail me a check. I then cash the check and pay my bills with the cash. The remainder of the money I send through Neteller to my bank and this is the portion of income that I will be reporting to the government.


    --Jay Snyder
    Viscant@aol.com
  • UCRJesseUCRJesse Joined: Posts: 1,109
    Nam under jesse's handle...


    I only play poker now to whore bonuses... Hell, thats what everybody should be doing...

    But yea.. just remember that there are HELLA stupid people that play online...

    I lost a pot in a 2-4 table coz some guy called my AK preflop to the river (he had 4 7 off suit, wasnt big blind).. Flop was A 4 9, river came up a 4.

    Jay, you going to evo? We need to play poker. Fuck the games.
    <Viscant> the most shameful feeling in the morning
    <Viscant> waking up with a condom on and realizing...you didn't actually need it
  • donaldducktmdonaldducktm A Higher Donald Duck! Joined: Posts: 2,030
    wow thanks VIscant for sharing. i got a question...are you playing online poker for a living? if so, don't u think it's VERY hard to make a living on cards? anyways, KEEP DOING WHAT U DO BEST. PEACE
    donaldducktm: what are some good "setups" to ask a girl to prom?
    Originally posted by RandomNigga
    Call sent ground, triangle dash behind her. If she turns around to confront you and not get crossed-up, leave her be; the pussy is on lock. If she gets hit by drones and passes out, rape her; all the fun of prom with no expense. If she takes three from sent in the face and is still conscious, claim her; she's a keeper.

    What should you expect from shrooming?
    Originally posted by chair_home
    You'll grow to about twice your regular size, but strangely, your overalls and plumber's hat will grow to fit you too. If you pick up any flowers, you'll be able to throw fireballs, but watch out for turtles and potatoes with feet, touching them will revert you to your original size.
    *cough*.
  • HaiDuongRiceManHaiDuongRiceMan Psycho...ABORTION Joined: Posts: 1,504
    Did you raise with AK?
    Counting bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums....

    Av by savaii64.
  • UCRJesseUCRJesse Joined: Posts: 1,109
    Did you raise with AK?


    of course. i raised after flop too.
    <Viscant> the most shameful feeling in the morning
    <Viscant> waking up with a condom on and realizing...you didn't actually need it
  • ViscantViscant Lookin cute, feelin cute Joined: Posts: 1,003
    Yeah I'm playing basically for a living now. The reason I can do this is because I have very low expenses. I live with roommates and other than school tuition I don't have any obligatory expenses. Poker works for me because my expenses can basically be covered just by the bonuses (playing 15 rooms in a month will generate the bonus money). The money I actually make playing is almost just a side benefit at this point.

    It is hard to make a living playing poker, which is why I tried to discourage people from doing it in the blog post that I made and linked a page ago. It can be a pretty good 2nd job though, since there are easily $1000-$1500 in bonuses out there for the taking every month.

    And yeah, evo is all about the tables for me. I might play some CvS2 if I have time. The plan is to get Doyle Brunson to sign my ass and Annie Duke to sign my vest. That's hot.

    --Jay Snyder
    Viscant@aol.com
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    haha i beat up brunson in a tournament earlier today
  • donaldducktmdonaldducktm A Higher Donald Duck! Joined: Posts: 2,030
    i'm sorry but i'm a n00b at online poker. i'm deciding to play ONline poker at partypoker. what are BONUSES? is it money that i CAN'T LOSE? please explain. i'm looking to spend about $20...BTW i'm 19 years old

    EDIT: how much do i deposit for Pacificpoker to get the free $10?
    donaldducktm: what are some good "setups" to ask a girl to prom?
    Originally posted by RandomNigga
    Call sent ground, triangle dash behind her. If she turns around to confront you and not get crossed-up, leave her be; the pussy is on lock. If she gets hit by drones and passes out, rape her; all the fun of prom with no expense. If she takes three from sent in the face and is still conscious, claim her; she's a keeper.

    What should you expect from shrooming?
    Originally posted by chair_home
    You'll grow to about twice your regular size, but strangely, your overalls and plumber's hat will grow to fit you too. If you pick up any flowers, you'll be able to throw fireballs, but watch out for turtles and potatoes with feet, touching them will revert you to your original size.
    *cough*.
  • ViscantViscant Lookin cute, feelin cute Joined: Posts: 1,003
    For the Pacific free $10, you don't have to put any money in, just open a real money account and leave it alone for awhile. Come back in a week or so and they'll put money in for you. They just want you to get addicted. Cheap marketing ploy.

    As for bonuses, here's a bonus that Party is offering right now.
    http://www.partypoker.com/offers/deposit_25_150-bonusjun.htm
    Like for example on this bonus, you can get up to 25% of your deposit in bonus money, up to $150. So deposit $600 to get the max bonus money. Now you have to play 7x raked hands to get the $150, so that's 1050 hands. After you finish all 1050, they give you the $150 and you can cash it out right away.

    Most bonuses are done this way. Some exceptions. Most notable one is the Pacific $100 deposit bonus for $400 deposited is given to you instantly. So you can deposit $400, cash that out, then once the cashout clears you have $100 to play around with. You have to wager 20x (so $2000) before you can cash out the $100, but it at least gives you something decent to start out with if you don't want to risk any real money of your own.

    Hope that helps, if any questions you know what to do.

    --Jay Snyder
    Viscant@aol.com
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    just play poker on friday night, startign to get better, and loving it when u win some money and start pressuring others by raising 4x the check money
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    Unless you're really good or really NOT GOOD in poker, don't try it.

    I'll explain what I mean. If you're really good, naturally you can take advantage of the fish and other inexperienced players in the field, taking advantage of knowing the odds to easily win in the long run. They can outflop and river you all day, but if you make the right decisions, you will always wind up positive.

    Now about being really NOT GOOD, that's just another way of me saying you have no ego. Realize you're not good, and you won't have the desire to move up too fast in limits, and go on tilt cause of "worse" players. If you have a ego, and think you're the shit in poker, have fun losing your bankroll. I'm not afraid to admit that I was one of those people a while back. I started playing last year, got real good in live poker in college and won a couple grand for the semester, and started online poker cause 2-3 hours a night wasn't enough for me. I lost quite a bit on Ultimatebet from going on tilt from worse players before I quit and just accepted I was bad at online poker. The things you have to realize:

    *If you have no experience in poker, don't bother trying No Limit.
    *Playing within your limit entails having a bankroll of AT LEAST 200 Big Bets to be safe, and thats if you're good. If you're just starting out, chances are you suck and don't have much experience, so 400 Big Bets is safer. So that pretty much limits you to penny tables unless you deposit 200-400 at once, which most people do not do on their first time.
    *You can't bitch about bad beats and console yourself. They will not cause you to lose money in the longrun; your bad beats along with your bad decisions cause you to lose money.
    *AA does not BEAT JJ/QQ/KK/22 preflop. It loses one out of four times. (addendum to above heh)
    *YOU MUST READ BOOKS AND ARTICLES IF YOU WANT TO WIN

    Those are just warnings to anybody that wants to try. Now for the good news...ever since I got out of college and focused much more online since no live games are around anymore I turned 50 bucks into 600 or so in a few weeks :). I think I've gotten the hang of it now, and play much more mechanically, but it's rough mentally. If you still wanna get into it, feel free to PM me for advice on lower limits and building your bankroll up to a decent size.
  • NewGenNewGen aka SUPERDAVE Joined: Posts: 554
    eh poker's fun. but the scene is kind of changing. everyone's trying to be a good play reading all the books and magazines and articles nowadays. so your regular newbie now is one to your trips if the board has paired on the flop, thus he'll check it to you on the turn.

    anyways, poker is fun and challenging when you're playing against people who're paying attention to the game and it becomes more of a mental game, cause the cards don't matter as much at that point.
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    After a year or two when people who play poker know all the facts, its gonna be pretty boring. Cards WILL matter more when people get better. And online, its all about the cards.
  • thurstthurst What's my age again? Joined: Posts: 11,717 ✭✭✭✭✭ OG
    :u: it's good to see ho cho posting in GD
    #teamSkinnyBitches #teamHATE #teamKELLS #OGteamMILEY
  • donaldducktmdonaldducktm A Higher Donald Duck! Joined: Posts: 2,030
    thanks Viscant
    donaldducktm: what are some good "setups" to ask a girl to prom?
    Originally posted by RandomNigga
    Call sent ground, triangle dash behind her. If she turns around to confront you and not get crossed-up, leave her be; the pussy is on lock. If she gets hit by drones and passes out, rape her; all the fun of prom with no expense. If she takes three from sent in the face and is still conscious, claim her; she's a keeper.

    What should you expect from shrooming?
    Originally posted by chair_home
    You'll grow to about twice your regular size, but strangely, your overalls and plumber's hat will grow to fit you too. If you pick up any flowers, you'll be able to throw fireballs, but watch out for turtles and potatoes with feet, touching them will revert you to your original size.
    *cough*.
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    Time to bump this.

    Just wondering if anyone just saw World Poker Tour tonight? Some guy almost player every starting hand at the final table, good and bad, and managed to knock out everyone in a row.

    Watching all those bad beats remind me of this guy:

    http://www.planetstacked.com/fillmaff/
  • donaldducktmdonaldducktm A Higher Donald Duck! Joined: Posts: 2,030
    i have a poker tournament in 3 hours...anybody have tips in winning a No-Limit Holdem TOURNAMENT?
    donaldducktm: what are some good "setups" to ask a girl to prom?
    Originally posted by RandomNigga
    Call sent ground, triangle dash behind her. If she turns around to confront you and not get crossed-up, leave her be; the pussy is on lock. If she gets hit by drones and passes out, rape her; all the fun of prom with no expense. If she takes three from sent in the face and is still conscious, claim her; she's a keeper.

    What should you expect from shrooming?
    Originally posted by chair_home
    You'll grow to about twice your regular size, but strangely, your overalls and plumber's hat will grow to fit you too. If you pick up any flowers, you'll be able to throw fireballs, but watch out for turtles and potatoes with feet, touching them will revert you to your original size.
    *cough*.
  • SystemSystem Joined: Posts: 508,676 admin
    i got jew by triple 5 yesterday on the fuckin flop....so gay
  • NAMMMMMMNAMMMMMM cantcounterpaulfrank Joined: Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭✭✭ OG
    i have a poker tournament in 3 hours...anybody have tips in winning a No-Limit Holdem TOURNAMENT?
    Ucrollerblader seyz-
    For the first hour of the tournament, don't play anything but jj/qq/kk/aa and ak. Always raise with them preflop to about 4-5 times the size of the big blind. After you get that far you can play normally and it should be cakey
    b a NAM a 827 (8:56:19 PM): =\
    b adm on key7 62 (8:56:33 PM): =/
    b a NAM a 827 (8:56:43 PM): =\
    b adm on key7 62 (8:56:52 PM): =/
    b a NAM a 827 (8:57:09 PM): 8========D

    MGO: hadoooken/Hello Kitty
    GGPO: namco827
  • UCRJesseUCRJesse Joined: Posts: 1,109
    ***** Hand History for Game 2260181649 *****
    devodj finished in eighth place.
    thecake73 finished in seventh place.
    50/100 TourneyTexasHTGameTable (NL) (Tournament 13389363) - Sat Jun 25 06:49:17 EDT 2005
    Table Table 35270 (Real Money) -- Seat 2 is the button
    Total number of players : 6
    Seat 1: buddah7 (3295)
    Seat 2: todox (365)
    Seat 3: osagat (2385)
    Seat 4: bcgirls (200)
    Seat 6: survjim11 (1235)
    Seat 7: Laelia (520)
    osagat posts small blind (25)
    bcgirls posts big blind (50)
    ** Dealing down cards **
    Dealt to osagat [ Th, 8c ]
    survjim11 calls (50)
    Laelia folds.
    buddah7 raises (100) to 100
    todox calls (100)
    osagat folds.
    bcgirls calls (50)
    survjim11 calls (50)
    ** Dealing Flop ** : [ 4s, 4d, 4c ]
    bcgirls bets (100)
    bcgirls is all-In.
    survjim11 calls (100)
    buddah7 raises (300) to 300
    todox calls (265)
    todox is all-In.
    survjim11 calls (200)
    Creating Main Pot with $825 with bcgirls
    Creating Side Pot 1 with $495 with todox
    ** Dealing Turn ** : [ 5h ]
    survjim11 checks.
    buddah7 bets (650)
    survjim11 raises (835) to 835
    survjim11 is all-In.
    buddah7 calls (185)
    ** Dealing River ** : [ 5c ]
    Creating Side Pot 2 with $1740 with survjim11
    ** Summary **
    Main Pot: 825 | Side Pot 1: 495 | Side Pot 2: 1740 |
    Board: [ 4s 4d 4c 5h 5c ]
    buddah7 balance 5120, bet 1235, collected 3060, net +1825 [ 5d 5s ] [ four of a kind, fives -- 5d,5s,5h,5c,4s ]
    todox balance 0, lost 365 [ Kd Qc ] [ a full house, Fours full of fives -- 5h,5c,4s,4d,4c ]
    osagat balance 2360, lost 25 (folded)
    bcgirls balance 0, lost 200 [ Ad 9d ] [ a full house, Fours full of fives -- 5h,5c,4s,4d,4c ]
    survjim11 balance 0, lost 1235 [ Ah 4h ] [ four of a kind, fours -- Ah,4h,4s,4d,4c ]
    Laelia balance 520, didn't bet (folded)

    EDIT: After showing this hand to LB, instead of commenting on the unlikelihood of running 5's, he says "wow those idiots called with k/q and a/9"
    <Viscant> the most shameful feeling in the morning
    <Viscant> waking up with a condom on and realizing...you didn't actually need it
  • donaldducktmdonaldducktm A Higher Donald Duck! Joined: Posts: 2,030
    wow what idiots for calling with those hands...

    anyway, i got 5th place out of 30. the whole time i was playing with cards that add up to 20 (10+) and i did pretty good. i won pots with Aces, kings, and Jacks...but the whole entire time, i was beat....raising...re-raising...i knew they were gonna do that, but i was hoping they were gonnd do that again so i could bust them. i did that a couple times...worked out like a charm.

    then the blinds start raising and tables are coming together now. the blinds go up. i've been getting crappy hands and my stack went down little by little. sadly i tried bluffing, but i bluffed at the wrong time...i had Q J and the flop comes down 9 8 3. 2 people checked, i went all in and 1 guy called...he had 9 3. (BTW, I RAISED 3 bets from the blinds and he fucking called it) FUCK! anyways...i guess what i learned was i should've been more patient and looked at another hand...

    Tips: DO NOT GO ALL IN UNLESS U HAVE SOMETHING
    donaldducktm: what are some good "setups" to ask a girl to prom?
    Originally posted by RandomNigga
    Call sent ground, triangle dash behind her. If she turns around to confront you and not get crossed-up, leave her be; the pussy is on lock. If she gets hit by drones and passes out, rape her; all the fun of prom with no expense. If she takes three from sent in the face and is still conscious, claim her; she's a keeper.

    What should you expect from shrooming?
    Originally posted by chair_home
    You'll grow to about twice your regular size, but strangely, your overalls and plumber's hat will grow to fit you too. If you pick up any flowers, you'll be able to throw fireballs, but watch out for turtles and potatoes with feet, touching them will revert you to your original size.
    *cough*.
  • HoonyoHoonyo Joined: Posts: 1,514
  • UCRJesseUCRJesse Joined: Posts: 1,109
    Ok since you guys don't seem to understand....

    somone flopped quad 4's
    turn 5
    river 5
    quad 4's get beat by quad 5's
    <Viscant> the most shameful feeling in the morning
    <Viscant> waking up with a condom on and realizing...you didn't actually need it
  • thurstthurst What's my age again? Joined: Posts: 11,717 ✭✭✭✭✭ OG
    *shrug* shit happens
    #teamSkinnyBitches #teamHATE #teamKELLS #OGteamMILEY
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