The Relationship/Dating Thread: We will argue over your issue like we're your parents...even yell.

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  • ebonymageebonymage Joined: Posts: 81
    Thanks for the advice guys. I've always been this way, always feeling like I have to be the strong one since I was a kid, but I know its not humanly possible all the time. I think I'll talk to my family about this stuff Im going through right now, even though it would be nice to be able to talk to my peers about these things more easily. Its one of those things that I'll have to work on over time to break the mindset.
  • SeraphSeraph I am above you all, but there only one above me. Joined: Posts: 284
    edited August 2014
    The Alpha and Beta concepts is total nonsense, in my opinion. I don't believe in fixed hierarchical systems when it comes to society as whole. The Alpha and Beta concepts are just concepts that don't need to apply to you. They can if you believe in them, but why would you? Why hold yourself within a limitation?
    Post edited by Seraph on
    "As you think, so shall you become." - Bruce Lee and The Buddha. "The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep. You become a lion. A great roar rises from your heart - the roar of freedom". "No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world" - Robin Williams.
  • BBQBBQ ピンクゾーン Joined: Posts: 3,663
    BullDancer wrote: »
    @BBQ‌

    Just like I wouldn't do shit for a women I'm not in a relationship with, don't go out of your way for a friend that you aren't tight with. You gotta learn the power of saying no lol.

    I used to be the guy that people had power over until I was even told that. When he asked you to fix his car, you should've told him 'Fuck No'. Don't act tight with habitual line steppers, put your foot down and let that motherfucker know who is in charge of his own decisions. I'm not with that alpha beta bullshit that I see thrown around in this thread but just stand up for yourself. You are being a pushover in this situation imo.

    Another hit on the head of the nail. We were tight when we were kids, and I think he is using that to just hang on the last remaining threads as he keeps severing them off by disrespecting me out of nowhere time and time again. I've had to get into his battles at the bars so he wouldn't get his ass kicked, had to prevent crack heads from mugging him, and bouncers from shark attacking his dumb ass. Funny he says the same shit about this other friend and yet he is as bad if not worse. And on top of all of that, he keeps crying me a river saying how bad he has it and thinks I'm his personal shrink. I don't have time for that nonsense, and Dj Hyper Kid is right, he needs to grow the fuck up. This is kind of gay to be venting about my friend in a relationship thread, but dude has been a cock block, full of shit, and this is not the first time he has rubbed this, getting the girl that I couldn't get, in my face. Dude pulled this shit back in 08' at a boxing event which I had almost forgot about. Besides daboog ticking me off that he thinks it was all about the pussy, you guys reassured what I had always thought in the back of my mind, that this friend of mine isn't anymore and just blood sucking parasite. Thanks.
  • Negative-Zer0Negative-Zer0 Joined: Posts: 9,689
    dab00g wrote: »
    Sounds like he isn't really a friend. Seems like you have bigger issues with him beyond bitches. Sometimes you grow out of being friends with people.

    Most of my real friends died right aftet high school. Literally they went into the military and were gone.

    So most of my buds now are from the mma gym i frequent. But i mostly chill with my cousins.

    I feel like if your friends don't feel like family what's the point in keeping them.

    Network connections. Never know when your going to need another job. I'm feeling that pain now because I lost contact with a lot of people who I hear have good jobs know, at least for a college student.
    “I was trying to take the easy way out by running away from everything. No matter the pain, I will keep living. So when I die, I'll feel I did the best I could.” - Koala
  • BBQBBQ ピンクゾーン Joined: Posts: 3,663
    dab00g wrote: »
    Sounds like he isn't really a friend. Seems like you have bigger issues with him beyond bitches. Sometimes you grow out of being friends with people.

    Most of my real friends died right aftet high school. Literally they went into the military and were gone.

    So most of my buds now are from the mma gym i frequent. But i mostly chill with my cousins.

    I feel like if your friends don't feel like family what's the point in keeping them.

    I'm glad that you can see now what I'm irked about. It was almost like an illusion of what it was back in the day, but just an illusion. Seems like we are now on different wave lengths, I'm trying to better myself with challenges that he can't even fathom doing, which is why he has been doing janitorial work for a number of years now and will not bother striving for better things besides career paths. In general most of the people I've hung around over the few years has been, in a nut shell, sloppy at life, and I've been in a rut due to the influence around me. There's some truth to who you are is who you hang around with, which I guess I will admit made me this "beta bitch" because I've been out of work and haven't been to the bone zone for quite some time. Sorry everyone for spilling this shit, but besides this thread, I've been doing a lot of thinking while I'm out riding my bike and talking to other friends, and I think now I know what I need to do to get myself back on my feet again and also move on while closing some bridges. Thanks, but I'm done bitching about this.
  • dab00gdab00g Joined: Posts: 20,441
    Dude though you weren't sounding like you usually do. But hey happens to the best of us. Your situations sound more like you found out how the guy you thought was cool really is a dick.

    But hey whatever. Just shit when you reallize that a lot of people you thought were friends really weren't it is part of getting older
  • MIRACLEARROWMIRACLEARROW Kendoka Joined: Posts: 1,997
    Ok new topic. This has been something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. This Alpha and Beta convos people are always having.
    I think that its a bunch of BS because this idea of being some Alpha male is highly posterized that everyone calls people who arent getting it Betas. But for me for example I'm an extremely succesful guy in pretty much all areas of my life, definitely not what you would consider the Alpha male. I have high goals and asperations that I have/am achieving but that doesn't make me "Alpha" so how does that work lol. Curious how people interpret this concept.

    Go!
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  • FeistyFreeFeistyFree Joined: Posts: 440
    Ok new topic. This has been something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. This Alpha and Beta convos people are always having.
    I think that its a bunch of BS because this idea of being some Alpha male is highly posterized that everyone calls people who arent getting it Betas. But for me for example I'm an extremely succesful guy in pretty much all areas of my life, definitely not what you would consider the Alpha male. I have high goals and asperations that I have/am achieving but that doesn't make me "Alpha" so how does that work lol. Curious how people interpret this concept.

    Go!

    Isnt being succesful exactly what an "alpha male" is? Or are we approaching this from a biological point of view?
    e.g. big and muscular?
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  • MIRACLEARROWMIRACLEARROW Kendoka Joined: Posts: 1,997
    FeistyFree wrote: »
    Ok new topic. This has been something that I've been wanting to talk about for a while. This Alpha and Beta convos people are always having.
    I think that its a bunch of BS because this idea of being some Alpha male is highly posterized that everyone calls people who arent getting it Betas. But for me for example I'm an extremely succesful guy in pretty much all areas of my life, definitely not what you would consider the Alpha male. I have high goals and asperations that I have/am achieving but that doesn't make me "Alpha" so how does that work lol. Curious how people interpret this concept.

    Go!

    Isnt being succesful exactly what an "alpha male" is? Or are we approaching this from a biological point of view?
    e.g. big and muscular?

    Thats kind of what I wanted to discuss. Because like from a social perspective I'm definitely not an "Alpha" nor would I consider myself that. I strive to be successful and I go about it in a smart way but
    thats why Im curious to see people's idea when it comes to this topic.
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  • SeraphSeraph I am above you all, but there only one above me. Joined: Posts: 284
    Anybody that follows that Alpha and Beta concept are just brainwashed fools.
    "As you think, so shall you become." - Bruce Lee and The Buddha. "The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep. You become a lion. A great roar rises from your heart - the roar of freedom". "No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world" - Robin Williams.
  • SeraphSeraph I am above you all, but there only one above me. Joined: Posts: 284
    I'm an Alpha Omega. LOL.
    "As you think, so shall you become." - Bruce Lee and The Buddha. "The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep. You become a lion. A great roar rises from your heart - the roar of freedom". "No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world" - Robin Williams.
  • Tekno VirusTekno Virus small man big strength Joined: Posts: 8,653
    Kappa
    The Gates of Creation are manifold. I vow to enter them all.
    Dellusions are inexhaustible.
    I vow to end them all.
    Sentient beings are numberless.
    I vow to save them all.

    The Kree Way is SUPREME.
  • MIRACLEARROWMIRACLEARROW Kendoka Joined: Posts: 1,997
    edited August 2014
    Alright guys. So around 6 months ago I moved in with my gf. Right around the time of our 2 year anniversary. Generally speaking up until that point we had a pretty stable relationship with minimal fights but there were things between the two of us that we generally disagreed upon. We're finding out from living together that we have less and less in common. The other issue is that my girlfriend is constantly nitpicking everything and she even acknowledges it to the point where she comes home and acts like a complete B**** to me and I point it out and she realizes it. And I tell her not to do it but it keeps happening. There are things that I'm doing that are somewhat minor that she consistently is blowing up and its getting to the point where its ripping us apart. She knows that she doesnt treat me very well. But at the same time we both do love each other a lot and the things we do have in common is just that. So I don't really know what I should do. We go through these phases where we fight and then make up and things get better but I'm concerned about being in a long term relationship with someone with these types of problems. I wont get into exact details but she didnt exactly have the easiest time growing up and has had some major traumatic issues along the way. What should i do? As well, I'm not making it out like I'm perfect because I'm not. I know there is more things that I could do to make her happy but that said I have changed ALOT in the past 2 and half years we've been together and we keep coming to this same issue for me over and over.
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  • MIRACLEARROWMIRACLEARROW Kendoka Joined: Posts: 1,997
    Ya i mean i don't really know. I thought i did but the further down the rabbit hole we go the more and more issues I have. She is mad because our personalities clash in a lot of ways but its issues I feel like a normal person can look past. I just feel like shes generally unhappy right now and shes going to look back and be regretful and maybe so will I but not sure how much longer this type of relationship can be sustained. We are in a really big arguement and I'm going to put my foot down tonight and the likelyhood of us breaking up is unfortuantely higher than I desire.
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  • dab00gdab00g Joined: Posts: 20,441
    Here's what i say to you and all guys thinking of moving in. Only do it if you are going to marry her. She will control every aspect in the household. The freedom you used to have. That cool relationship you guys had space. But if you move in that means you will be living the married life.

    It's not about ooh we are such a great couple let's see what it's like to live together.

    My girlfriend of 8 years has basically moved in. Well withou her being here all the time, but she still lives at home. I am ok when she stays for a week or two, but she goes home. I already have trial periods of us being with each other for weeks on vacation. And being here at my home. Which she decorated because you know she is going to move in.

    We got pictures everywhere and pictures of my nieces and her nephews on the fridge. But heh.

    Really it's being super relateable and taking l's even if you are the breadmaker

    Once she finishes grad school and starts her career i can propose and get married pretty much since we already are.

    But heh that's just my scenario
  • SeraphSeraph I am above you all, but there only one above me. Joined: Posts: 284
    Just dump that bitch.
    "As you think, so shall you become." - Bruce Lee and The Buddha. "The greatest fear in the world is of the opinions of others and the moment you are unafraid of the crowd, you are no longer a sheep. You become a lion. A great roar rises from your heart - the roar of freedom". "No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world" - Robin Williams.
  • TheRock-BoSTheRock-BoS Still playing tricks Joined: Posts: 1,651 ✭✭✭✭✭ OG
    I just feel like shes generally unhappy right now.

    Well, if she doesn't shape up and start making you happy, she can be unhappy by herself.

    I miss the Rep bar....
    PSN, XBL, Nintendo ID: TheRockBoS
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  • dab00gdab00g Joined: Posts: 20,441
    ShaPe up?

    Sounds like he thought living together meant affordable rent and pussy

    He jumped right into being married

    Would never do that unless i was in lov
  • orochizoolanderorochizoolander 2LANDER! Joined: Posts: 15,631
    edited August 2014
    Ya i mean i don't really know. I thought i did but the further down the rabbit hole we go the more and more issues I have. She is mad because our personalities clash in a lot of ways but its issues I feel like a normal person can look past. I just feel like shes generally unhappy right now and shes going to look back and be regretful and maybe so will I but not sure how much longer this type of relationship can be sustained. We are in a really big arguement and I'm going to put my foot down tonight and the likelyhood of us breaking up is unfortuantely higher than I desire.

    Within the past few years I've noticed a pattern with the vast majority of women and that is regardless of what their personality or life is like they view differences between themselves and the man they're interested in as a turn off as if they're expecting to meet someone who is a male version of themselves. Personalities clashing isn't something that anyone should instantly have a negative connotation with and yet most women do and that is a clear sign of both stubbornness and close-mindedness, it's wrong for anyone to expect another person to change who they are just to suit their own needs and wants, instead you and your gf need to accept each other for who you both are and try to compromise and sacrifice where you two can for each other.

    Why the fuck is this even an issue to begin with? Relationships aren't supposed to work like what you're describing, if a woman has a problem with your personality then she should have passed on you from the start, but by wanting to be in a relationship with you she has also made a tacit agreement to aceept both the good and bad parts of you not just cherry pick when she wants to deal with you and when she doesn't. Sounds like she has buyer's remorse and that's 100% her fault not yours, don't become one of the countless spineless losers who do or say anything to keep their gf from leaving them, it sounds like you two don't speak openly with each other because if you two did then whatever problems you two have could have been resolved by now

    What is the argument about if you don't mind sharing? What is so toxic about your personality or behavior that makes her willing to throw away the relationship? It has been my experience that men are a lot more willing to put up with a woman's bullshit than a woman is with a man's bullshit because they both know the woman has more options so women have generally never had to compromise or sacrifice as much as a man, but that isn't how it should be a relationship is supposed to be at it's core two people who will do anything and everything to make each other happy and stick together no matter what happens (unless someone cheats lol).
    P. gorath said: seriously though, it really crystalized how much better mvc3 is than that game. "Oh look, commando vs. 3 characters...this will be excitin--zzzzzzzzzzzzzZZzzzz"
  • dab00gdab00g Joined: Posts: 20,441
    The problem was moving in before being emotionally ready
  • Dj Hyper KidDj Hyper Kid The Nati Kid Joined: Posts: 5,496
    dab00g wrote: »
    The problem was moving in before being emotionally ready

    Along with mentally ready.

    Cats have to be self sufficient first. My whole thing with me and my fiancee moving in together was that we both would be fine if we lived on our own. We just figured that it was time to get it poppin because we already knew what we wanted to do and we knew we were ready to do it.
  • dab00gdab00g Joined: Posts: 20,441
    That's how it shoukd be. But dudes be hearing of their friends moving in and dumb girls thinking it's the next step in life to move in.

    If you aren't financially, mentallly, or emotionally ready to take on that stress of being together all the time don't do it.
  • DrellyFishDrellyFish Joined: Posts: 4,389
    Yo good view Hyper Kid. I always felt that before moving in you need to be able to support yourself. Because moving in to financially support each other sounds bad. One of my coworkers has a dependent husband. So if by chance they divorced it would be all bad for him....or not really since his parents will let him right back in.

    But yeah if I had a gf and we moved in to financially support each other it would be all bad if we split and neither of us was making enough dough in the first place to fully support ourselves alone
  • MIRACLEARROWMIRACLEARROW Kendoka Joined: Posts: 1,997
    edited August 2014
    What is the argument about if you don't mind sharing? What is so toxic about your personality or behavior that makes her willing to throw away the relationship? It has been my experience that men are a lot more willing to put up with a woman's bullshit than a woman is with a man's bullshit because they both know the woman has more options so women have generally never had to compromise or sacrifice as much as a man, but that isn't how it should be a relationship is supposed to be at it's core two people who will do anything and everything to make each other happy and stick together no matter what happens (unless someone cheats lol).

    She says that I dont step up enough. So I took @TheRock-BoS‌ 's advice and basically put my foot down and things went really well. Essentially she wants me to step up in regards to the things she asks me and just be more helpful. Which I thought I am but from the sounds of things she wants more. And I basically said I would do that which I dont think is unreasonable but at the same time she basically has to change the way she treats me or our relationship is going to end. We are a good couple and honestly we do love each other and moving in has been both good and bad. But I do agree that it's BS that there are these things that apparently she cant move on from but at the same time dont get it twisted. I'm not a spineless loser nor does she have the only option in the relationship, we've both made choices and I accept that. It takes 2 people in a relationship and you're not just at the whim of your girlfriend/wife etc. If there is something you don't like about a relationship try to fix it and if you cant then thats the end. So as far as communication we communicate quite well but sometimes "communicating" and getting through are two totally different things lmfao.
    dab00g wrote: »
    The problem was moving in before being emotionally ready

    Along with mentally ready.

    Cats have to be self sufficient first. My whole thing with me and my fiancee moving in together was that we both would be fine if we lived on our own. We just figured that it was time to get it poppin because we already knew what we wanted to do and we knew we were ready to do it.

    I think kid's/boog's advice is correct. But trust me one person can throw that whole spectrum out of balance. The two of us are both extremely successful people at work, in our relationship and when we were at home. Our biggest issue is because we're both working so much/hard we never have any time at home and when we do we're both exhausted and don't want to do shit. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even sometimes when you think you're ready, you might not be and you find things out about people when you move in with them. So I guess my lesson if I ever do this again is just ease into it longer like @BullDancer‌ said.


    Its the problem with our generation unfortunately. And I may still marry the girl, but I didn't really know and it was the next step in the relationship. I guess what I'm trying to say is, sometimes even loving each other isn't enough, so we will see what happens from here. Thanks for all your help guys. I really appreciate the advice!
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