IMPORTANT: Anyone who knows who people are that this post is concerning: DONT OUT ANYONE!, thats not fair to them!
We all make mistakes and Ive made a lot in my life.
I need to say I did some things that I deeply regret and I am publicly apologizing for those things and I need to tell them in person, but I dont know if Ill be able to, so I am stating those apologizes here since itll reach those people faster (hopefully) and they will truly know I am sorry. Ill make a section explaining what I did that was wrong to each person, then wrap up in a final one. Im not going to name names because it may embarrass the people this concerns; people will know who they themselves are. Again, people need to not out anyone who wouldnt want to be outed without permission, which is everyone as far as I know. The general time line is broken apart though to address people individually each at a time, so read carefully to know the whole story as it happened. I am trying to be as honest about this as possible and what I am saying is only from my perspective,except when quotes are used. Most of these incidents involve me when I was drunk so it is possible that I am forgetting stuff, most stuff also happened in fall of 2013 to spring of 2014, the only dates I can look up for when things happened and know for certain involves fighting game tournament dates. This is a hard post for me to write but I finally love myself and I dont care what people think anymore so I can finally write this in a fighting game site. I wont judge anyone at all for hating me for what I did but its ok cause thats your opinion and you have every right to be as mad as 2 of the 3 people are at me.
This section concerns a woman and Im putting it first cause this is the most important. Ok, so one night we had all been drinking at a bar and this guy I knew didnt like a girl who was talking to him and i was trying to get her away from him because he had just done something he was very embarrassed by and I didnt want her bothering him. So like an idiot I was touching her arm to sway her away from him and get her attention and it wasnt working. I forget how aggressive I was touching her arm, but she didnt say ouch or anything but I had no right to do that. Then later after I talked to another dude I turned around fast before I could see who was near and my elbow bumped into her…she immediately screamed “HE HIT ME!” My elbow bumped into her though but she wouldnt listen to me and was already 10 feet away telling people I hit her before I could even say sorry to her. I didnt apologize to her about the earlier thing around the guy cause I honestly at the time didnt think I didnt do anything, but he did tell me later that her words really helped him to not be embarrassed anymore. I said I didnt see her, I forget if I apologized to her about that but it was an accident, so I called a ride and left. As I was getting in the truck she yelled have a good night or something in a very kind nice voice,so I took that as her apology/water under the bridge kinda thing. So I forget how long it was till the next two incidents…ugh yea mores coming. Another night after that, again we were all drunk, or at least I was since we had all been at the bar and now back at the arcade. And I hit on her by saying hi and I ran my hand down her back…she said “nooo” in a hurt way and I forget if I said sorry to her about this at the time. I forget how far I went down her back and if I touched her ass, I got my hand down to her lower back outside her clothes. Nothing else came of that that night. Then the next week I was drunk AGAIN because we had been drinking at the bar again (By the way I was a huge alcoholic before and a big reason why I kept hanging out at the arcade on weekends was because I could drink a lot for cheap off the pitchers people would buy, I chipped in when I could but I mooched a lot too), and I was saying good bye to people and guess who one of the people was I wanted to say good bye to…so I tapped her on the shoulder this time to say good bye. People were all gathered around a certain very loud dancing game and no one could hear me trying to say bye to them. She finally had enough of my bs and came up to me and in a very (understandably) angry way told me to get out of there, so I did with a laugh cause I didnt understand why she was so mad. I was such an idiot. So then the next week… I was high af that day and I was just thinking that minute “hey I should go to the arcade” when a message popped up for me…It was the owner saying I was banned from the arcade for life and Id never be allowed back. “Thank you for your understanding” I didnt understand because they didnt say why I was banned. Before I get to anything else I will say now that I was out of control and I was dealing with a lot of problems which I was not taking care of like I should or could afford to in order to not be a disturbance to others. I had no right to ever touch you and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. You had every single right to get rid of me. I just wish you had talked to me before this had gotten worse, I didnt because I was embarrassed to and since you didnt talk about it I thought either you had forgotten or like that first night I thought you forgave me. I havent contacted yo uall this time because I dont know what you think of me nowadays and I dont know how you would respond if I went up to you and I just havent sought you out because Ive been so scared. That really surprised me when you said bye to me so nicely. You can hit me in person if you want, I welcome it and I wont press charges if its um just your fist, but you can punch me with your fist anywhere you want the next time you see me, but tell me so I know its coming and dont think its someone else cause I dont see you, record too so then you can watch and laugh. I only hope you have a great life and you dont have to forgive me or talk to me again if you dont want to, thats entirely your decision.
The next person Im going to be talking about I grabbed the shoulder of tightly after he pissed me off. It was AGAIN after we had been drinking (yes they even told me I was an alcoholic binge drinker when I was in a “stress clinic” one of my 3 stays in there), and I was playing the owner of the arcade in a game (which hes placed in a top 8 at evo for that game when it was a mainstage game), and I was being instructed by possibly one of the top US players in the game and he told me to repeatedly do one move over and over again in the first round of the match so thats exactly what I did. I still lost the round though! XD Again, I sucked! Then inbetween the rounds I looked up and the dude came from around the versus city where the owner was, and in a very mean way said “Learn how to play this game.” I was so pissed off I couldnt play well at all the rest of the game and I lost. There was a voice in my head telling me “Go outside Go outside. Dont stay here” But like an idiot I didnt listen and i thought I had to shake the owners hand cause he beat me and its sportsmanship. Well I shook his hand and I looked down at the guy and I just lost it, I grabbed his shoulder as hard as I could press it and I made the angriest face I could like the woman had and I got my ugly face as close to his and I said “I can beat you” then I let go and I walked away. I asked the guy who instructed me what time it was and he said it was 3:30am or something, it was after the nightowls ran so I was stuck! I said “Damn” angrily since I was still so mad. Well, I didnt leave the place. After we were all done doing sets( I didnt play again though since I was so pissed, dont even think I played ST), we went outside to hangout and people could smoke. Outside I talked to the owner and he was visibly mad at me but and we talked about playing some other time, he did not say anything though about what I did to his employee infront of him. I did apologize to the guy while smiling an awkward smile cause I was embarrassed about doing that. He pissed me off so much cause he was new and he may have gotten a job at the place after a little bit, BUT he was as new to the game we were all playing as I was and I freakin sucked! Also I really did not like going to the arcade at that time, it was a very toxic environment for me or I felt it was toxic and I heard others say it was a toxic place and all that anger and other angers in my life ( my dad was in the hospital for his cellulitis at the time and he was missing work and wasnt at home with me, I lived with him at the time and I cant work cause I get too stressed out and I make mistakes that I used to kill myself mentally over when I hated myself, I didnt even finish highschool cause of that or middle school even cause 6th grade was hell and I was bullied so much and I wanted to kill myself, I have a history of being bullied and I even bullied my sisters badly cause of that when I was growing up…), but I had no right to grab him! I am so sorry I did that, I had a right to be angry, but again nothing excuses me from grabbing you so hard. Youre a human being not an object for me to take my anger out on.
I think you got mad at me months before when “Goldie” the doorgirl at the bar told me to tell you to leave the last time you went to hangout with the group. It was a bar and you were 19 (we live in 21+ drinking age america for nonUS people)…you had been there before with us a few times on the porch, but I saw you being told to leave a few times when another arcade employee and others asked if you could be let in. I wasnt even allowed at that that very same bar when I was 17 or so (im 26 now), when Bill Clinton spoke at the university and 2 friends of mine wanted to hangout afterward there, the staff even told me I could not be on the porch since its still apart of the bar buidling. By the way, I saw you drink some Hef one of those times we were all on the porch, I did not want the bar getting in trouble since theyre so nice to the group. You seemed to be very unfriendly to me after that night, and that culminated as I wrote already. STILL I am very sorry I grabbed your shoulder, I have no idea what was going on in your life then or now, and you could of had your own heartache going on that I had no idea about. You cant hit me though, cause I had a right to be angry at least, I honestly feel that way. You could argue since I put my hand on you you can put yours on me, but I dont care about that argument right now. We should probably talk about all this sometime, if you want to, but youve blocked me on fb when I have tried to talk.
(By the way guys, me and him were the only ones for awhile at the arcade less than 24 hours later when he was on his shift. I tried talking to him about me grabbing him but he refused to talk to me. He got on the machine of the game we played and I played him (its a versus city so I was away from him), and let him get a perfect on me when he was getting a really good round going and I let him win the game, it was my way of saying sorry and he was better at it than me since he didnt want to talk. He didnt tell me to leave the arcade though and I stayed around till whenever I left.)
So, the final person now and this is the one Im scared about writing the most. But I know I have to do this and I dont care if you threaten me with legal action again for talking about this or for walking by your arcade tonight trying to see if I could reach you somehow. Yes, I went by your arcade tonight (Ive gone by there a few times for random reasons, but never to cause trouble or even to talk to the other 2 people), because I need to get these words to you even though you may not care. I however still care about this because its about me. Im being honest about going to your arcade after you said not when you said youd even call the cops and/or take legal action so you know Im being honest here. You need to know Im telling as much of the truth as I can remember about what happened because other people havent been. Id doubt youd want this to become a bigger deal than it is by me posting here, Im trying to be as protective of identities as I can and just get this behind me now like you did. If you dont want to out yourself dont serve me papers and have who filed be public record. Ive decided to talk about this on here because 1) you told me youll never talk to me about this again, 2) I have to say this to feel good about myself. 3) You need to know my side and what I know to be the truth!
I was so frustrated after reading that message from you and you made it sound like I couldnt reach out to you at all, so I barely tried at first, but I just wanted to talk about what I did with all of you and to clear the air and move on. I didnt want to be banned from there and not have anyway to make peace. Did you ever think that maybe its better if you hear my side before you throw me away like garbage? And I was just starting out playing fighting games and this was a HUGE block to getting good so I was really scared. I heard rumors of it being about a girl afterward from one employee who wouldnt tell me what it was about, no one would tell me what it was about for the longest time. It took 8 or 9 months! Im going to quote it since its from unnamed sources, they themselves offered to ask another employee for me, Im assuming they copy and pasted the message:
"after spending a year coming to the arcade almost every night
and spending probably less than 20 dollars total
literally just hanging around as a bum and being quite annoying to regular customers and new people alike asking weird questions due to lack of social skills
he was outside alone with one of our few regular female members(who spends a lot of money at the arcade) and trapped her against a wall(to which there were witnesses of the aftermath) and said some very questionable things to her.
at this point we actually did not ban him
until he did the same thing a few day slater"
(by the way at the time of my banning i had put a $20 in the arcade card machine and only spent about $2.50 or so of it! XD)
This is the first time I read that message in awhile, I just took pics of it and I may post it and others if people really really want me to, but I dont know if I can since I havent contacted anyone involved about this post. I have no clue what stuff that woman said I asked or talked to her about outside without anyone to see twice because I didnt talk to her alone, I dont know if ever even. If any of those witnesses to the aftermath wanna say it in the thread you can because Id like to know, because no one ever told me what I said in that conversation she says we had. The only clue I have is from the person this section is trying to address right now when he said “no means no” to me when we ran into each other a year later. You sir, need to know that youve been lied to and you need to listen to my side before you ban me for false accusations! I REALLY wish you had let us sit down and talk, its not right that I was banned for false reasons, especially for things that make me sound worse than what I did do! If I had just been banned for the things I did do I would have felt better about it sooner cause then it would have been for real reasons. By the way people, I know the girl who got me banned is the one who I did things to because I had been talking to her bf and he said it was about her, and he told me he believes my side of the story, unfortunately Im trying to find his messages and I cant. You dont have to believe me about him saying that, but Im telling the truth when I say he said that he believes me, even though he wouldnt tell me what she did say to staff. By the way, Im not mad at you for lying about this, you felt you needed something bigger than what I really did to get rid of me and I cant hold that against you. I dont hate you or anything, I hope you were happy when I was banned, I truly do.
But, you sir, didnt truly piss me off till about a year after you banned me when we met at that one sorta tourney that proSF4 players were playing but no one else was allowed. And by the way, yes I felt you were behind me when I raised my head and looked back (I felt you at the last tourney we attended months ago too before you walked past me and then I saw you, thanks for being nice to me at that tourney by the way), a feeling of icy dread hit me and a voice told me to turn around and sure enough you were 15 feet away trying to ignore me and pass by. Im glad it was so crowded and you couldnt get past me. XD So you said what you said then and I cried whatever whatever…then at the end I reached out to shake your hand and you didnt want to at first but Ill give you it that you did and I thank you for that. Then after that sunday I spent a week in a “stress clinic” for my substance abuse and how freakin mad and sad I was in general in life. You guys dont think Im going to apologize to him…but I am. You banning me was the right thing to do, like the employee said, I was annoying and people there hated me being there and I hated myself and maybe I was torturing myself by going there. So Im sorry I was talking behind your back sorta and poking fun at you on stream, that vid you made made me laugh that was a cool vid I was referencing. I hope people dont bother you about this, well maybe I do for a bit at first so youll read this, but people shouldnt hold you down forever for this because at the end of the day its better I was removed from that environment. I just wish it could of happened more amicably and such, you know? Ive let go of my anger! I just wish you more luck in fighting games and I hope your arcade pulls thru, the city needs a dedicated arcade for people like us, every city does. Even writing this and remembering stuff more I dont hold it against you anymore and I hope you forgive me after you read that they lied about me.
SO, I just told a lot about myself, but I dont care what people think of me anymore in life because Ive learned to love and accept myself as much as I possibly can and so I do that for all people as best I can too! Id only post pics of the archives of messages to try and show this is what was written at the time. I just remember I deleted the message from the owner, cause I was so upset at the time though. Still I had to write this post and plenty of people know irl I am banned so I dont care about showing that message or not. People can say Im making this up and maybe its better they think I am, people can think whatever they want about this because they have the right to. If you read all this, sorry for my weird grammar and thanks for getting thru! I hope everyone has a great rest of their weekend I know I am, I hope… XD