A poem i wrote to my mom

i am very close to my mother so naturally i would dedicate something to her. her name is carmen but her full name is carmelita.

carmelita is very kind and caring/
any problems you may need help with, her arms are bearing
no matter what the circumstances she’s so forgiving/
she’s one of the best people currently living
if you’re ever upset or sad/
she will always try to cheer you up, to instantly make you glad
never one to be constantly needy/
she’s a rare kind of person that makes life easy
her personality is timeless; it never ages/
every word she says never leaves my pages
i’ve been on this earth for 20 years/
and i know once she passes, my eyes will be filled with many tears…

i wrote this poem after i was going through a lot of bad situations and for me, my moms was always stuck with me and helped me out with anything i needed help with.

very good. one of the best ive read on here actually. sincerity is always beautiful :slight_smile:

As sincere as this piece sounds, I have to question your use of this. Is there any reason you’re making a direct statement about your mother’s impending mortality? It comes off to me as a little morbid and even feels jarring.

Agreed. good shit.

I kind of agree with bowling pin, that it is abit odd to foreshadow her death, but i can understand why its there- death is inevitable after all.

thanks guys for the input, here’s another poem i wrote about time:

  • time is continuous, like a never-ending cycle,
    with seconds moving like the gears of a bicycle
  • with everyday passing by,
    it keeps going, long after you die
  • hours turn into days days turn into weeks,
    it only moves forward because there are no repeats
  • so for what you do today, please make haste
    time will never stop, you don’t have any to waste…

you should move away from AA BB CC DD type ryhming scheme but not bad.

Yeah, try a ABAB, or even a ABBA, hell, they don’t even have to rhyme.