A poem i wrote to my mom


#1

i am very close to my mother so naturally i would dedicate something to her. her name is carmen but her full name is carmelita.

carmelita is very kind and caring/
any problems you may need help with, her arms are bearing
no matter what the circumstances she’s so forgiving/
she’s one of the best people currently living
if you’re ever upset or sad/
she will always try to cheer you up, to instantly make you glad
never one to be constantly needy/
she’s a rare kind of person that makes life easy
her personality is timeless; it never ages/
every word she says never leaves my pages
i’ve been on this earth for 20 years/
and i know once she passes, my eyes will be filled with many tears…

i wrote this poem after i was going through a lot of bad situations and for me, my moms was always stuck with me and helped me out with anything i needed help with.


#2

very good. one of the best ive read on here actually. sincerity is always beautiful :slight_smile:


#3

As sincere as this piece sounds, I have to question your use of this. Is there any reason you’re making a direct statement about your mother’s impending mortality? It comes off to me as a little morbid and even feels jarring.


#4

Agreed. good shit.

I kind of agree with bowling pin, that it is abit odd to foreshadow her death, but i can understand why its there- death is inevitable after all.


#5

thanks guys for the input, here’s another poem i wrote about time:

  • time is continuous, like a never-ending cycle,
    with seconds moving like the gears of a bicycle
  • with everyday passing by,
    it keeps going, long after you die
  • hours turn into days days turn into weeks,
    it only moves forward because there are no repeats
  • so for what you do today, please make haste
    time will never stop, you don’t have any to waste…

#6

you should move away from AA BB CC DD type ryhming scheme but not bad.


#7

Yeah, try a ABAB, or even a ABBA, hell, they don’t even have to rhyme.