Ask Zig: Being White!


#1

This thread is intended to answer any question you might have about the Great White Race.* For many years you’ve probably wondered: Where are we from? What do we eat? Why is being white so awesome?* Well, now’s your chance to solve these and other riddles, so ask away. Feel free to participate even if you’re already white, since I’m probably whiter than you will ever be.*

*THIS IS SATIRE BY THE WAY.


#2

I can help here, I am really really white. Maybe even more so than Rob.


#3

Are you challenging me to a White Off?


#4

ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT BEING WHITE!?!?!?

Heh.


#5

You think you’re white? You’re not.

Why do white people like Asian women? When you grow up with Asians, you can tell them apart and can pick out distinguishing features (like region and age). White people generally can’t tell these features. So are white men attracted to Asian women because they all like little girls?

Why do white people like vintage clothing?

Why do white people like Spaghetti-Os?

Why do white people like their pasta overdone?

Why do white people love sports so much when usually get whoop’ed at all sports by other races?*

Why do white people fear black people?

*except for winter related games

Oh shit, I could do this for days…


#6

Uhh…I just got engaged to an asian woman. :frowning:


#7

Why do white people rage quit? And I’m not just talking about XBL.


#8

I think I’m the only honky that isn’t into asian women.


#9

Why do white people like branded hats? I can kinda understand wearing a jersey of a player you’re particularly fond of. But wearing a brand just for a brand? Then you people start wearing hats with colleges–colleges that wouldn’t even bother looking at your fucking applications. Wud up wid dat?


#10

This is a conversation that happened between some friends of mine many years ago:

Negro friend: Hey, have you guys heard of that show called “The Amazing Race”?
Gringo Friend: Is that the show about white people?

White is right, son.


#11

Why do white people burn crosses? As a hate crime, is that not counter productive? Are racist whites not generally overzealous Christians as well? Why burn something that is a rallying symbol for your people?

…I might have gone too far with this one…


#12

Why is it that whenever I hear of something atrocious committed by a human being upon another human being, the perpetrator is generally white?* I not talking about stealing, or robbing, or isolated crimes of passion. I mean when you hear of calculated acts such as a public shooting spree, someone arrested for molesting/raping/abducting children, someone holding a family member for decades as an incestuous cum bucket, hunting people for sport, masochists seeking out cannibals on the internet to kill themselves, and so forth.** Is there something about being white that lends one to be predisposed towards these interests?

*not a rule, but definitely an overwhelming majority
**to be clear, all of these have been actual headline stories from the last 5 years or so.


#13

What’s up with Stonehenge? What, white people got jealous of the pyramids, wanted to build a structure with big rocks, then just quit after the first twenty stones?

Come on Ploomer, I see that you’re online. I demand answers.


#14

Danny-Unless you were raised by Republicans who actively voted for Ronald Reagan, it’s safe to say I’m the whitest guy in here.

-White men love Asian women because Kurt Russel went to China and beat the shit out of Raiden back in 1986.

-Vintage clothing reminds us of the Good Ol’ Days, a fictional era set between 1945 and 1960. This was the pinnacle of White Civilization, before the invention of White Guilt.

-'cause that and Chef Boyardee are the finest cuisines ever made.

-We prefer everything overdone because it gives us an excuse to pile on calorie-rich condiments. It’s all part of the Master Plan, but I’ll save that for another time.

-Modern sports are nothing more than a conspiracy against the Blacks. By encouraging all young black men to become athletes, we hope to delay their inevitable expansion into other industries since they’re certain to beat us at everything. When that day finally comes, we hope to have amassed enough Mexicans with which to counter their economic offensive.

-We fear the Blacks because of our failure to finish them off when we had the chance. We were up for over 3 centuries, but couldn’t pull away in the 4th. Then Jordan made the shot over Craig Ehlo right at the buzzer. We haven’t made the playoffs ever since.

X-Box Live is the last public forum in which we can shout racial slurs without getting beat up. Any loss online is seen as another threat to our way of life.

Our inability to visually distinguish between different ethnic groups is not limited to minorities. In other words, we can’t even tell the difference between other white people. During the Great White Conference of 1860, the Great White Council declared that all whites would wear branded hats in order to tell each other apart. They also provide a new means of nonverbal communication. That’s why we’re so good at standing in line and organizing conventions.


#15

The exact cause of such behavior remains a mystery. Some fanatics believe it is the prelude to the Whiteocalypse. Others suspect it’s an attempt to counter the Angry Black Man with some sort of Psycho White Guy archetype.

Stonehenge was built specifically so that [media=youtube]jpaG-L0zTJ4"[/media] could be written. Also, the Druids did a lot of acid.


#16

Good shit! How come you don’t post more often? Are you not white enough? Also, I’m sure oppressing minorities takes up a chunk of your time.


#17

This is funny shit. Keep it going.


#18

This one’s not just white people. The other ones are good questions. Well, the college thing might be pretty white, the brand hats and stuff is really everybody. It’s still a good question, I’ll never understand wearing something that is just a brand logo. Tools, man.

Do you like mayonnaise, Rob? Apparently us whiteys like mayo.

Rob is definitely whiter than Danny. He is as white as it gets. My favorite white line as of late has been Frank playing him in Tekken, “Oops not character select - RUN IT BACK!” says Frank, while Rob just hits character select. “WTF are you doing I said run it back?” to which Rob replies - “Oh. I’m white, you have to say rematch or I won’t know what you’re talking about.”


#19

I’m just sayin’. Middle class white suburbanites be wearing white hats with Yale, Princeton, Stanford, Carleton, or even Vassar. Talking about how they’re going to apply with their 3.2 GPA. Are you serious? Is your daddy going to donate a new airport or something? I’m just sayin’.


#20

Oh hey, why do white people let their children listen to what they would classify as negro music?