Best Fight Thread on SRK

I got this idea from reading a Drew Magary article on the subject and I thought SRK might have a few gems.

I’ll get the ball rolling:

Back in grammar school, around 4th grade, I had a best friend named Peter. We used to do everything together. I got a lot of shit for it, too, mostly because he’s white. So how did I try and prove my hood cred? I joined in on the teasing.

My friend was taller but by no means bigger. Still, it wasn’t like I was Little Tyson. I was a chubby as fuck kid whose fighting came from fucking Power Rangers. One day he had had it with my shit and so we get into this fight. I use the term “fight” very loosely.

We were in the hallway of my school’s auditorium when he shoved me from behind. The kids, naturally, start oooohing and oh snapping to this affront to childhood decency. The teacher was nowhere in sight so I knew this was going to go down no matter what. Fine. As we square off, my stupid ass tries to parkour off the wall like I’ve seen a dozen times on Saturday morning live-action shows I was so fond of. The result was landing square on my friend’s balled-up fist. You’d think that would be the end of it but you’re oh so wrong.

You see, my friend’s wrist got severely injured from the exchange. Now here I am with a busted lip and him with a lightly sprained wrist. So do we stop? Of course not. We proceed to then shadow karate in front of each other in the hopes one of us would fall back in utter defeat from the thought of physical harm or embarrassment, whichever of the two came first. This went on until finally we were separated by an adult.

Our mothers were told of this transgression and they both couldn’t help but laugh at how stupid we were. I sum it up to being kid, but even now I see it as me being so dense as to think shit from TV works in real life.

So, what stories do you guys have where you were embarrassed to hell or got your ass waxed? I will post some fight stories later on of how I got my ass handed to me just to keep this thread going.

I killed a guy just to see how it felt. Kinda boring really.

I wish the fights I’ve had were that innocent and lame. i’d look back on them and laugh. But sadly when I think of a few of the past fights I’ve been in or witnessed. I feel nothing but regret, sadness, and lucky to be alive. :frowning: Fighting is an absolute last resort for me now’n’days. You can talk all the macho shit you want and I’ll just walk away. As long as you don’t attempt to harm me.

I jumping front kicked a dude square in the mouth when I was in 4th grade. How he didn’t lose teeth, I’ll never know. But I tried to recreate it in middle school against another kid and yeah… he dodged my kick. Everyone said I tried to reproduce a crane kick and people started calling me ‘Daniel San.’ That was the only martial arts I knew.

Year: 2000
Grade: 6th

It’s was pizza Friday so you know ya boi was excited as fuck. Friday and pizza nothing better. So I’m standing in line waiting for my slice of the pie, but this big white dude behind me happen to be the school bully or just someone who picked on me because of the my size at the time, thought it would be a good idea to skip me. Today I wasn’t having it.

So I say wtf and he turns and pushes me back and tells me to stfu, this is a ga public school so the racist ass lunch ladies won’t say shit, so I pick up one of those plastic trays the heavy ones, and called that fuccbois name out loud. He turns around and I just start smashing that niggas face in with the tray. I’m hitting him so much with it he is pushing his way out of the line into the lunch room to square up. As soon as he steps out I give him one more lunch tray super right in the fucking mouth. It busts his shit all up since he had braces, he starts to cry but no mercy, I drop the tray and start hooking that nigga. He eventually drops to cover his face and head and tells me to stop but by that time the teacher runs over to me and pulls me away.

My fists all cut up, feeling like the fucking man. I got suspended for a week and he got 2 days since he only provoked me then got that ass drug up and down the lunch line.

First fight for me wasn’t lame but I will forever remember making that big cornbread fed hick beg for mercy.

This is not the Stroke Yourself thread. I want to hear stories on how you guys had your asses kicked or something along those lines.

I know SRK has some sensitive ego type motherfuckers but for this thread let’s drop the bravado and make fun of ourselves for once.

Mudwrestled with your mom last night

Back in grade 10 some chick with giant tits moved to our school, and I had a big crush on her, as did a bunch of other guys. She ended up becoming friends with my neighbour (this other smoking hot girl, and one of my best childhood friends), so I had the best chances. Used to walk her to school, walk her to class, all that lame shit. Ended up pissing off some tall lanky goof named Lawrence, who wanted her. So I hear that buddy was talking shit about me after I walk her to class that first time, and we shared the same class in the afternoon (Geography, I think). So I get to class, point to this shithead, and tell him to come outside for a ‘talk’. I wait outside, and buddy shows up looking like a trailer park Mandarin, with shitty cheap ass rings on each and every finger. I start laughing, and tell him to take the rings off, or I will beat him even worse. He doesn’t, so I decide to just cheap shot him in the face while he’s talking, and just start beating on him there. He ends up grabbing me with one hand at one point, and just suddenly start just uppercutting me in the balls, poorly. He’s hitting like all around the area, and near my bladder. So now I have to REALLY piss badly, in the middle of a fight. Ended up saying “Fuck this fggot, he keeps trying to feel up my dick. I’m gonna go piss.” and walked away. It was awkward as fuck cuz we get back to class and people are asking who won, then find out I walked away to tinkle. Dude was bloodied up though, so fuck it, I win by decision.

I’ll tell one more, I guess.

This was my sophomore year of high school when I was boxing.

Boxing gave me some great pointers on fighting and how not to get punched on the chin like a chump. Boxing also gave me an inflated sense of self, thinking I’m the next Macho Camacho and shit.

One day at the gym me and my sister’s boyfriend at the time were hitting the heavy bag. This one guy, must have been 5’5" and about 125, needed a sparing partner and no one was free to do so. The boxing coach comes over and asks if one of us could do it. I look at the guy in the ring and just see how small he is so I could take him. Why the fuck not, right? I’m going to just pound on this little guy.


Later I found out why no one wanted to really spar with him: dude was a Golden Glove contender and the champion of the gym. He got pretty far in the championship, too. I think he won silver gloves or some shit. Well, I don’t have to go into detail into the ass WHOOPIN’ I got even though it was only sparring. You see, I started getting very angry that this small dude was like lightning in the ring so I stopped pulling punches. I hit him once real hard on the side of the head and that’s where things got worse real quick. He just gave me a nod and turned up the intensity. I left the gym with a sore body and and even sorer pride.

My sister’s ex still brings it up from time to time.

I don’t really have a lot of stories where I lose fights. In fact, I really don’t lose fights. Not saying I’m some kinda pro, I just choose my battles, and was a pretty well built and athletic kid growing up. Playing hockey, you get punched in the face A LOT. But here’s another decent fight story:

Last game I ever played of actual ice hockey, I was 17 or 18, playing in city/regional championships. The reffing was horrible all game long, but we were still winning. The sad thing was, we needed to win by a set amount of goals in order to qualify for provincials or something (I really can’t remember anymore, been so fucking long). Other team didn’t realize this, and so they just started getting chippy, thinking they had lost and that was that. In between the second and third period, we find out the coach of the other team is the son of the head referee. So now we’re pissed, and realize we’re gonna keep getting fucked with, and nothing will get done about it.

So towards the end of the third period, one of my best friend’s is on a breakaway, and gets tripped. No call. We lose our fucking minds. As he goes to stand back up, dude who tripped him crosschecks him back to the ice (crosscheck is when you use with your stick, held with both hands, to hit somebody, rather than use your hands, arms, etc). STILL no call. So my friend pulls this fucker down, and HE gets a penalty. How any of this happened, with ref’s attention obviously there, is hilarious. So while my buddy is in the box, and our team is STEAMING, dickhead who didn’t get called for anything skates past the box and starts taunting him. My friend has had enough, grabs the idiot, and pulls him into the box to start eating knuckles.

Some other asshat starts just openly slashing our team captain in the shins with his stick, so I’ve had enough. I toss my helmet, and like half their team just stares at me (back then I was REALLY into metal…still am…but back then, I had long ass hair too). At this time, most kids didn’t have tattoo’s and emo/metal scene hadn’t really arrived, so I was pretty fucking unique. I grab the nearest fucker, rip off his helmet, and just fucking obliterated him. I made sure to pick the smallest fuck on their team, so I could just HURT somebody. I think he lasted like 2 or 3 punches before just crumpling.

Now shit just explodes. This is hockey at it’s grimiest. Everybody starts finding partners, and the sissy kids just kinda skate around the fighters, cheering and looking for somebody they could take on. My best friend is still in the box, just bloodying his opponent up. Our team captain knocked one guy out in one punch, then had to find a new opponent. Our goalie is on his back, punching straight up in the air, while some fuckhead with a bloody nose is pouring blood all over him. I’m getting my hair pulled by some girly fuck while I just keep punching him in the face.

After we pretty much beat their team senseless, bloody, and in many cases, into unconsciousness, we skated around, picked up our discarded gear, then picked up THEIR gear, and went back to our dressing rooms. It was their arena, so we unscrewed the fluorescent lights in the arena, and pissed in them, then screwed em back in.

They came to our dressing room trying to get their gloves and helmets and sticks back, but we were having none of that.

Made the newspaper and everything. One of the best fights I was ever in. I knocked a kid out, and bloodied the over loving fuck out of another one (who tore chunks of my got damn hair out). Ended up having to shave my head bald after that fight, sadly :frowning: 5 years of growing hair, ended in one epic battle.

Some of those fights I did get my ass kicked. Far more than what a boy should. Hence why I mentioned I feel lucky to be alive after some of those fights.

Some of those fights I did get my ass kicked. Far more than what a boy should. Hence why I mentioned I feel lucky to be alive after some of those fights.

I’ve never been in a real fight because people like me

but i sparred with some real beasts when i was boxing. some i did okay vs and others i got my shit pushed in. the worst was a16 yr old 130 lbs dude who i tried to act cocky towards since i was 200 lbs. his hands were so fast and hard :frowning:

i miss boxing :frowning:

I got beat up by a kid’s dad one time for telling the kid he should be a Redskins fan instead of a Cowboys fan. His dad was a Cowboys fan. I was also drunk as fuck. It was at a regional midnight softball tournament.

i barely poked a kid in the stomach once in like 3rd grade.

he started crying and i got in trouble.

I kinda had something like that when I was 9 I think. This black kid across the street said my last name was retarded and started pronouncing it wrong a bunch of times to fuck with me. Broke a branch over the back of his head that was like maybe 2 inches in diameter. He started crying and I ran away before his mom came out. Since I lived across the street she came to my house anyway yelling and shit. My mom told her to teach her kid not to be an asshole because I already explained it to her and she shut the door. My mom is cool like that.

Didn’t happen to me but I witnessed it:
In high school my friend Lee got into it with this one mexican dude and they were gonna fight after school. We all went to the parking lot of a convenience store down the street and the mexican dude was talking mad shit before they even squared up or anything. Tells me friend Lee “You can hit me first. Do whatever you want. But after that Im fucking you up.”. Lee says “I can hit you with anything?”. He replies with “yeah”.

This motherfucker walks away about 20 feet, and breaks into a full sprint in his direction. Mexican dude being all hard and shit didnt even give a fuck and stood there. Lee drop kicks this guy right in his fucking chest from a full speed sprint, Mexico’s worst goes down, doesnt get back up for awhile. 3 days later word starts getting around that he has two broken ribs. I was expecting a fight and that bullshit happened. It was funny as hell but a bit of a let down. Fun fact: Me and Lee first met because he came to class while he was sick and pretended to throw up in my book bag.

I got the shit kicked out of me by a muslim kid when I was in grade 9, I forgot about that fight. Dude who did it threatened to kill me the next day at school. Never showed up again. Turns out he killed some kid at the local mall (him and some gang friends put baseball bats through the double doors to enter the mall, to prevent the doors from opening, and proceeded to beat a kid to death with more baseball bats, all because his little bro and this dude’s little bro got into a fight). The muslim guy (who’s name was Osama, actually) killed somebody who was incredibly popular too

He got out of jail, and had his eyeball ripped out.

Back in 7th grade I was the new kid in the school. It was a private school and predominately white. Well I was getting picked on by this guy and his friends for like half a year. One day i just lost it and proceeded to beat the shit out of him. And what I mean beat the shit out of him, it was quite bad. Basically I slammed him into the locker and took one of those small trash cans and knocked him upside the head with it. Then I did a belly belly suplex on him. while he was on a the ground I caught him with armor king’s d/4 (the stomp). Once it was finally broken up he was crying and all that. I got in trouble, but got detention because a teacher saw he started it with me. Also the wrestling coach saw me and asked me to join the wrestling team. Only downside was that he turned out to be the commissioner of our city’s son, so yeah…

Back in 08 I was dating this girl and her ex would come around and shit. Well he came to her spot while I was there talking shit. Well she let him know he needs to bounce, but he was stubborn. He was asking for his stuff back and and when she opened the door he laid hands on her. Well I laid hands on him. Broke his nose and jaw with my hooks and straights. Dude tried to tackle me, but what he didn’t realize is that the year prior to that I was ranked 3rd in Ohio and 4th in Indiana in Judo, so its safe to say that I welcome grappling. we got to the ground, he was on top but didn’t realize I had his arm trapped. So I proceeded to work him into an arm bar and took him to snap city. My girl pulled me off of him because I was going for his neck and was planning on breaking it. Either way dude was salty and embarrassed.

You missed the point of this thread, sir. Nice story, but off the mark.

When I was in third grade I got in a fight with the school bully. Basically the night before I saw Hangin With Mr. Cooper, and it was about standing up to bullies and they will back down. Well I stood up to the bully and got my ass kicked up and down that school. What’s worse is that I tried to catch him with Ryu’s standing overhead punch and whiffed completely. It was bad. I was sooo salty. So throughout my elementary years I just ran from bullies.