Dan and Skullo

FoF and I had an idea for a fic like this for a while, and now it’s finally getting posted. This is in the style of Bowling Pins infamous “pimp” fics, so anyone can add an installment. If your out there BP, help us out! Without further ado…

(Dan and Skullomania drive up McDonalds in a pink cadillac. Dan is in his pimpmasta outfit, with a pink fur coat, and a pimp hat with a pink feather in it. Skullo is in his normal costume, except his scarf is pink and made of fur. The duo leaps out of the car, busts through the doors of the building, and pimp walk to the counter)

Attendant: Welcome to McDonalds, may I take your order?

Dan: (slamming is palm on the table) 2 pink lemonaides and 2 Big Macs, NO PICKLES!!!

Attendant: Would you like fries with that?

Dan: DID I ASK FO FRIES, HO?!? Now get us some burgers!!!

(Attendant walks away for a minute, and returns with the tray of food)

Attendant: That’ll be $4.50, have a nice day.

(Dan unwraps his burger and looks inside the bun)

Dan: (suddenly angry) WHAT THE HELL?!? (calmer, as he holds his hand, palm up, towards Skullo) Baby powda…

(Skullo reaches into his scarf and pulls out a bottle of baby powder. He sprinkles some on Dan’s hand. Dan then pimp smacks the attendants head clean off)

Dan:I said no pickles ho!!!

(The other employess stare at their headless coworker)

Dan:What y’all starin at? GET ME MY BURGER!!!

(Workers stuble over each other as the prepare a new burger)


:lol: good stuff

I did my part FoF, Its your turn…:smiley:

:lol: gotta love the pimp slap. That should be a real super for Dan in a game.

Sir, if I may…


Dan should be taken to the mental hospital for that…


i gotta admit, that was really funny. the absurdity of it all is what makes it so good

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback. If you guys want to post an installment, go right ahead!

Nobody wants to post an installment? Bowling Pin, where are you!!!

:eek: OH SHIT!!! Someone did a pimp fic! Thanks for the props, but the one who really deserves it is JedahZero…I’m just his bitch. :stuck_out_tongue:

The fast food geeks were tripping over the ketchup and condiments spilt in the mad rush to fulfill Pimpmasta Dan’s order. Turns out, they had used most of the beef the previous night in a drunken Burger Tag frenzy…just now, they had woken up to painful hangovers, and they must face this absolute terror that behold them…a beautiful pimp and his beautiful Cadillac.

Dan: Dammit Skull, you gonna get your fingerprints on this new paint job. Pink is…such a pimply color isn’t it?

Skull: nods

Dan: Yeah, bitch…I’m so fucking pimp…I tore that bitch Yuri up last night, and I had Sakura take care of my mornin’ wood.

Skull had known that this was a lie. Yuri and Sakura didn’t even come over to Dan’s place for months, but Dan had become a master of lying to himself after all those lonely nights bathing in Vaseline and tears. Dan, just noticing his face in the rear view, became obsessed with his chin, giving the fast food jobbers a few precious moments to get his order ready. With his vision preoccupied, Dan didn’t see the giant fist grab his throat and litterally lift him out of his car.

Akuma: Are you fuckin’ with my restaurant?

Dan: guh Nah, nah guh

Akuma: That’s right…I didn’t think you were fuckin’ with my restaurant. Now, you’re gonna wait for your Big Macs like the rest of them. You’re lucky I don’t SATSU your ass now.

Akuma motioned for a fast food geek to hand him a couple of Big Macs, overflowing with pickles. Akuma took one of them and shoved it down Dan’s throat.

Akuma: Pickles are on the house.

Dan: COUGH Le-le-let’s get the fuck outta here!

The pink Cadillac was tornout of the McDonalds’ lot with a slamming of Dan’s feathered boot on the gas pedal. Akuma glanced into a window, smiling at the enjoyment he got from harassing an arrogant customer.

A few minutes later, the commotion had died down (even after someone got his head smacked off) and the kids’ excitement were made audible by their joyful laughing in the Playroom. Yes, McDonalds was a place for families, not violence. Akuma was proud of his establishment, and was happy to leave the world of a warrior, if only for a few years.

As Akuma was dreaming about a glorious future, he had missed the fact that a pink armored truck had just demolished the front of his building. Dan jumped out of the driver side door and laughed.

Dan: HAAAA HA HA HA!!! You don’t FUCK with the SHOTOPIMPS and expect to get away with it!!! DADDY, I DO THIS IN YOUR NAME!!!

Dan lobbed a PIMP GRENADE in Akuma’s direction, which then exploded.

Mo’ thanks for the props. Of course, now I just gotta leave my mark up on this piece.

Dan lobbed his pimp grenade at Akuma, who was too shocked to retaliate. However, when the grenade landed, all it did was explode into pink confetti.

Dan: FUCK! Skullo, you gave me the wrong grenade!

Skullo shrugs.

Akuma: Alright bitch, if you really want to get yo’ white ass whooped, I’ll hook you up.

Dan: N… naw Akuma, you know I was just playin’! I’d never throw a REAL grenade at you!

Akuma: Yo’ bitch ass still fucked up my Mickey D’s. And look, you made dem kids cry.

Akuma points to a crying kid. Dan gets out of the truck and runs up to the kid.

Dan: No way! This kid ain’t cryin’, he’s uh, just playin’! Right kid?

The kid keeps crying.

Dan: Kid, shut the fuck up! Skullo! Baby Powder.

Akuma: I KNOW you ain’t gonna pimp smack this little kid tryin’ ta enjoy his happy meal.

Dan: W-what? Naw, I’m just playin’ again! You know I love kids!

Akuma: Man, ain’t no wannabe pimp dressed in his momma’s underwear gonna cause shit up in my establishment!

Dan: Akuma, hold up…

Akuma floats towards Dan.

Akuma: Shun Goku… **PIMPSMACK **

Everyone watches in amazement as Akuma pimpsmacks Dan 15 times in a row, leaving his face a bloody mess. Afterwards, Sakura walks up to Akuma.

Sakura: Oooohhh! Akuma, you’re so strong and sexy! Won’t you be my pimp daddy?

Dan: But… I’m your pimp daddy!

Akuma: Bitch you crazy. I retired from the pimp game, gave it up to make a name for myself by running restaurants. I got me this place, and a Church’s Chicken down the street. Besides, yo’ underage pooty is a little too young fo’ my ass. No offense, peace!

Akuma returns to serving his patrons.

Dan: Skullo! How the fuck you just gonna stand there while I get my ass whooped?

Skullo ignores Dan and begins pimping it to Sakura.

Dan: Damn it!

Damn, you plugged that old story of mine!

Skullomania walked off with Sakura’s arm around his, wearing a feathered hat that she tore off of Dan’s head. Dan, now unconscious from blood loss (losing blood from your face is ugly), was dragged away by Skullo who decided to take the reigns of the pink armored truck…known as the CRIBARMOR.

Skullo: turns on radio thumbs up

Sakura: Pimpdaddy Skullo, what are we gonna do with Dan?

Skullo, with his left hand on the steering wheel, signed with his right.

Sakura: So we’re going back to Shotopimps HQ?

Skullo nodded. Shotopimps was founded a year before this day by a very ambitious Ken Masters, who sought a worldwide pimping orgranization.

Sakura: Guess what Pimpdaddy Skullo! I asked for some favors, and I just got my Shotopimps License! From now on, I’m a pimp, just like you Pimpdaddy, and my hero Ryu!

Sakura was a Level 2 Pimpnovice. Skullo was a Level 5 Pimpdaddy, while Dan was a Level 8.A Pimpmasta. (Level 8.A is “Pimpmasta.” You get alternative levels like Level 8.A if you got medals of valor. Dan once tore a vagina off someone, so he got a medal of valor. The regular Level 8 is Pimpmaster.) Still, Dan got his ass kicked, so this meant he was being demoted…most likely to Level 1 Po’Pimp.

These rankings are based on your pimping ability.

Sakura: First thing after we leave HQ, I’m going to make my own bitches!

Skullo: thumbs up

Sakura: Hey…Dan’s trying to say something.

Dan: Uahhhhh…

Skullo pulled out his baby powder and rubbed it on Dan’s face, in an effort to stop the bleeding, or to at least not have it smell like blood. Eventually, they were at Shotopimps HQ. The building was a modest size, but if you were to look inside it, you would realize that it had white tiger fur as PADDING for the walls and the floor. Everyone, from the accountants to the representatives to the interns, was in pimp clothing; every non-pimp who works at Shotopimps was an Honorary Level Could-Be-A-Pimp.

Skullo: signs

Sakura: What? Where do we live? Don’t you know? Why’re you asking?

Skullo: signs

Sakura: For the convinience of the reader? Okay then. While we should be in Japan right now, we all live in Detroit, along with every other fighting game character you’ll encounter in this story.

Skullo: nods

Skullo stopped, and then danced.

Sakura: Wait…you’re saying we should go to the mall, because they have a DDR machine there, and that’s where we can pick up bitches? That’s a great idea Pimpdaddy!

Skullo: nods

While Skullo and Sakura were talking, Skullo was busy dragging Dan up to Sean’s office, who was premoted after long, enduring trials. Dan’s face was bandaged, because dripping blood all over that pimp white tiger fur was a disgrace.

Soon, they were in Sean’s office.

Ryu was busy filming a new movie. While his heart was still in pimping, he was exploring other regions. Here, the British Fruit, Eagle was directing a new porn epic, called “Majestic Xanadu.” Ryu was pumped up, and had gone to work on this girl, a novice at this sort of film.

“AIIIIIEEEE!!!” she screamed as Ryu forced the petite body into an unexpected climax.

Ryu: I know how you like it…CHAOS CONTROL!!!

Amy Rose: AAAAHHHHH!!!

The hedgehog ass started to glimmer in the lighting of a cheap porn flick. Eagle called for a cut, then relaxed in his chair.

Eagle: Smashing Ryu, I didn’t know we could have done that in one cut!

Ryu: Well, I do my best.

Amy Rose: He IS the best! He’s even better than Sonic!

WOW, thats some damn good stuff Jedah and BP. Keep it up!

Sean:Skullo! Nice ta see one of my best pimps, as always! Whassup…notices Skullo is dragging somethingWhat are ya draggin in ma office now, Skullo?!?

Skullo attempts to prop Dan up against the wall, but his limp body is constantly sliding down.


Skullo begins to sign an explanation, but is pushed out of the way by a suddenly concious Dan, after his pimp senses warned him of danger

Dan: Well, we wuz up in tha McD’s down on Telegraph Rd. when tha kid there gave me pickles on ma burger. Course, I smacked him 'round a bit, till tha manager, Akuma, came out and punched me in tha face, so I had ta beat his ass too…

Sean: Well, why were ya dragged in here? And whats with the bandages?

Dan is about to explain when Sakura chimes in

Sakura:Thats not how it happened, pimpdaddy Sean! Dan got his ass whupped, and we had to drag him back here. You can ask Skullo.

Skullo: nods

Sean: What??? YOU LIED TO ME, DAN!!! Lying to a fellow pimp is a serious offence. I hereby demote you ta Po’Pimp, HO’!!!

Sean pimp smacks Dan, then rips the feather off his hat, and burns it from a lighter in his desk

Sean: And Sakura, for pointing out the stupidity of a superior, I hereby make you a level 3 “Lil’ Pimp”

Sean gives Sakura a pimp hat

Sakura: Yay!:smiley:

Good stuff guys…good stuff:lol: :lol:

Sakky got promoted! You know what this means…


Ok my turn

*** Skullo wordlessly bring out a glass of Pink Lemonade, a small umbrella at the top. He brings it to the unconcious Dan’s lips***

Skullo : pours lemonade down Dan’s throat

Dan begins to regain his composure

Dan: Skullo?! What happened!? Where’s MAH FEATHER!- Dan begins to choke…his umbrella had fallen from the glass and slid down his throat because Skullo wasn’t paying attention

Skullo: signs

Sean: I should help him…but I won’t. Let him choke. Dan…You’re demoted again. You are now demoted to Level 0 Pimp Padawan. Skullo…take his coat.

Dan: begins to cry as Skullo strips him of his pink mink coat and snatches his hat from the top of his head

Sean: Pathetic. Skullo…you now work for Sakura.

Skullo: nods

Dan: is still choking

lol, great stuff FoF


Skullo and Sakura began the rest of the day’s activities at the Tilt in the mall.

Sakura: Say…how do you get your own bitches, anyway?

Skullo: points at the DDR pad

Sakura: But I still don’t get it.

Skullo: raises his palm, stuffs three tokens down the DDR machine

Skullo selected Lupin the 3rd’s theme song, and began to dance. Great, great, perfect, perfect, perfect…the combo string started getting longer and longer as Skullo danced effortlessly. Suddenly an influx of girls poured into the arcade from the clothing stores to see this freestyling superhero pimp.

Sakura: Thanks Skullo! Now, to make my move…

Sakura found her first target, a perfect first bitch. Her name was Tiffany, a proud white girl who wore the American flag on her almost nekkid body.

Sakura: (What slap should I try first? Akuma’s Shun Goku PIMPSLAP, the Sho Ryu PIMPA, the Shinpimpryuken, or the Shinshopimpslap? Or maybe I could try the Burning Palm?)

Tiffany: Ooh, lookie the weird skeleton guy go! HEY, SKELLY, DO BUTTERFLY NEXT!

Skull: thumbs up, selects Butterfly

Tiffany: Aiiieee!!!

Sakura: Prepare yourself bitch! SHO-RYU-PIMPA!

Sakura gave Tiffany a fierce, burning open-handed uppercut to her chin no less than four times. The bimbo didn’t have a chance. When Tiffany feel to the floor, Sakura tagged her and dragged her by the hair to what used to be Dan’s Cadillac.

Skullo: signs

Sakura: I couldn’t have done it without you! Now come on, let’s go to the Gap!

Dan found himself under the training of Mel Masters, Ken’s pimp son, who mysteriously rose up in the ranks of Shotopimps despite him not pimping at all. Dan was in Mel’s bedroom, or the biggest kiddy room ever, since his dad’s so fucking rich.

Dan: So, …Pimpjedi Mel…where do we begin?

Mel: You gots some Yu-Gi-Oh cards?

Dan: What’s that?

Mel: You don’t know what Yu-Gi-Oh is?! You’re GAY. I bet you like SAILOR MOON.

Mel went back to playing Yu-Gi-Oh on the PlayStation, and Dan went into meditation.

Dan: (Where’d it all go wrong?! Just this morning I was pimping like a mothafucka! But now, I’m stuck babysitting this spoiled cunt. Dammit…I swear to God, I’m pimping the NEXT bitch I see!)

Dan closed his eyes, walked around a bit, and opened them. His jaw dropped.

Mel: Oh. That’s my pet hamster Bijou. She speaks French.

Bijou: Oui, je m’appelle Bijou! Tu t’appelles comment?

Dan: …I’m gonna pimp you! OYAJI!!!

Ryu had just wrapped up Majestic Xanadu when he got a phone call on his cell phone. It was that obsessive compulsive fangirl of his.

Sakura: RYUUU!!! I’m a fully registered PIMP now! I’m even way above Dan’s level!

Ryu: Well…that’s nice, I guess.

Sakura: I can’t talk to you for long, so why don’t you come down here to Detroit? Ken wants to challenge you!

Now, Ryu never got registered with Shotopimps, but he was well-known throughout the world as the Hentai Doujin Pimp. However, he can never, ever turn down the thought of fighting his old friend again.

Ryu: Really? I never heard about it.

Sakura: Well, Ken’s the richest, baddest, mothafucka in the world! He’s too busy to challenge you personally!

Ryu: You’re right. Gimmie the place and time.

Sakura: Hey, gotta run, I’ll talk to you later! CIAO!!!


Sakura couldn’t contain her excitement…her plan was just unfolding; she was going to make Ryu her bitch!

this is getting really, really silly:lol: