Elias the flyest's Words of Wisdom - the new WoW


#1

This started as a post in the get to know a negro better thread, but I ended up typing so much I figured I might as well give it it’s own topic. Perhaps I will sit and let more diet-Apoc madness to flow from my fingers soon. I’m in a state of dramatic change in my life and here is a product of the biggest step thus far. I lay down at 5am to start a journal and at one point had this cosmic punch in the face and had to type words somewhere.

~

If you start a relationship before you are truly ready, it creates a ripple in your pond, so to speak.

If you don’t acknowledge said ripple, there are consequences.

You think the pond is still and you build a house of cards right on the edge of the water. The longer you take to acknowledge the ripple, the higher and more complex your house of cards becomes. If you see it in time you can make a simple barrier. By this widened perspective; stepping back and looking at the pond in it’s entirety, you can also realize that you didn’t have the correct scope of things when you created the base to your house of cards. You can reinforce the bottom cards with clay and sticks. Mere ripples are no worry because you’ve been there. You’ve seen what that experience has to offer and appropriately dealt with it.

That’s the best way I can analogize my most recent soul searching revelation. Take a step back and look at your pond(s). This could apply to a romantic or otherwise relationship. In my case, I saw the ripple with very little time to spare. So, rather than clinging like barnacles on the boat, I jumped and abandoned ship - fuck going down with the vessel (try not to get that attached to anything in life).

I offered my hand to the other in my relationship with two choices, jump with me/ go down with the ship. Either way I’m going. The fall might hurt too much (the jump was the hardest part, though) and it’ll be over for our tiny proverbial cardhouse-inhabiting people, or we might just tuck and roll. We’ll learn from our experience and build further away from the water, build the base wider - whatever it is it’ll be an improvement. Positive change.

Positive change is an important thing in a human being’s life and in relationships. Relationships are enjoyable because they are constantly growing, but if you built the base of your card house in a bad location, it can only grow so much before it’s inevitable destruction. It could be some other environmental event (of whatever proportion), but my point is pay attention to the environment, not just what you’re building there.

In my case, I was mesmerized with my creation. My card house (my first romantic relationship) was a beautiful thing, I couldn’t look away. Ankle deep in the pond, building and admiring. Staring in one direction, not realizing that life is a 360. It finally hit me just in time that I had not taken a break from the building. Sit on the bench and take a load off.

I guess I assumed the person on the other side of the card house could see what was behind me, not realizing that what’s behind me is where I’m coming from. Anyone you have a relationship with is coming from their own direction, with their own unique perspective of the environment. You can tell said person about your path, but they have not been there. It’s up to you to make sure everything went smoothly along the way.

I realized there were things in the past in my relationship that I hadn’t resolved, and a lot of communication issues. I very eagerly dove into this pond of a relationship at age 18, without thinking about the cause and effect of jumping into a body of water. My exhilarating jump from this card house is a perspective I did not expect to see, so I wanted to share it.

Make sure you are prepared for what’s going on in your environment. I had issues that I could never truly communicate my feelings on, and being touchy subjects in the relationship, I didn’t want to keep bringing them up. Communication is the blood of a relationship. Take a look around and make sure you have properly observed your environment in whatever relationship. Don’t disillusion yourself into thinking that if you don’t look, it’s not there. There is more to the view than your one perspective at any given time.

This is coming from a person with social anxiety and communication issues (which I officially recognize and am working on :tup:), but conflict is never as bad as you conceptualize it to be. Had I not worried about building my card house so hastily, I could’ve seen the ripple for what it was and dealt with it.

The longer you wait, the more your half of the conflict and your mentally projected other half of the conflict are fighting in your head. You can’t battle with yourself and win, the conflict is already there and it’s not going away. You either fight this endless battle in your head where everybody loses, or you throw your half of the conflict out there, and find out that you really had no right assuming you knew how the other half would be because you can only create your own conflict.

There’s plenty of other aspects of life that cause us to create conflict within ourselves, why add relationships to the list? If you have anything unresolved you need to say to someone, just do it. Whatever reason you haven’t done it yet is stupid, guaranteed. :china:


#2

Yes! Communication is sexy, for reals.

I’m glad to see that you seem to be working really hard on your (perceived or otherwise) personality defects, its really cool man.


#3

Heavy truths. Humans when left to their own devices are stupid. We make foolish assumptions, and fill in empty space with our own thoughts whether we realize it or not. I don’t know how many text message conversations I had where the other person sends me like three in a row with the second and third being panicked, asking if they’d offended me or if I was mad…no…I was just busy. I’m @ work, you know. And that’s just silly texts.

Take it to a larger, more drawn out scale, such as a relationship or human relations in general…and yes. You get the idea.


Pure honesty is the only way to go. It’s the only way to completely convey what you need/want without any chance of misunderstanding. If you ever find yourself needing to lie, even a white lie, stop and ask yourself why? Chances are, it’s unnecessary and only helps to paint the wrong picture about who you are and what you’re all about. Which is all anyone who really matters is going to want to know, anyways.

Nice post, E.Darling.


#4

Fully agree. WoW indeed Mr. Flyest.


#5

The way I see relationships it that they are always in earthquake territory. Right on the fault line. While the environment is important according to what kind of person the 2 people are, I don’t think there’s a safe place in the entire (relationship) world that doesn’t get devastating earthquakes. The earthquake is inevitable, and no matter what kind of house I build that thing is going down at some point. No matter what. But that tests whether or not we work together well enough. Do we rebuild the house or not? It’s a lot of work to build a house. Do we both have the time, and energy to do it? A one-person tent is a lot easier to set up. Do we both agree whether the windows should face the sunrise or the sunset? Can we compromise if we don’t totally agree?

For me and my wife, recognizing that earthquakes happen was a difficult first step, because at first when the house collapsed we were in shock and instinctively blamed the other person for not having built their part right. But of course that didn’t get us anywhere and eventually we gave that up and realized we were just standing there arguing in a pile of rubble. After a while we decided to just start picking up the pieces. Throughout our time together this has been the case over and over. Thankfully after a while, we’ve gotten less attached to what it is we’re building and instead begun to merely enjoy the activity of building things together.

I don’t know your situation Mr. Mechanica, but I’m sure everything will work out as it should. Good topic. Thanks for posting.


#6

I don’t think relationships have to be that turbulent. I almost never get in an argument with Cody and if one of us gets mad about something, the other understands. The few small things that could bug us about one another just don’t really bug us. Its nothing like what my parents were like, I remember them fighting weekly or more often, ridiculous. Personally I think people often try to hang on to make relationships with people that they should just give up on. I don’t know why you’d want to stay with someone that you want to change or someone you’re scared to talk to. What subjects should be off limits in a relationship? The only thing I try not to touch is past relationships. I really want to hear as little as possible about that.


#7

Great post by Nick.

This is so very true. Too many relationships just falter after something happens and even if they move on, often the original issue remains untouched. Avoiding things by either not addressing them, or by breaking them off doesn’t solve anything. Relationships are…work. Cooperative. You can’t honestly expect to just match up with another person 100% and live happily ever after, there is, as you said, a degree of compromise required.

I tend to feel like my understanding of what’s required for compatibility in a relationship is always changing…currently I feel like it’s not so much about what you do or what your interests are that should bring two persons together, so much as how you do it and why. Understanding each other on that level…makes more sense to me. What you’re looking at isn’t nearly as important as what you see.

<3. Sounds lovely. ^^


#8

I think a lot of what Elias has said pertains more to just everything in life. On the relationship front(especially pre marriage relationships) I agree more with Rick. I think a lot of people take them too seriously yet at the same time entirely illogically. Relationships are largely about feelings, so its OK to be illogical now and then, but when you aren’t being honest with yourself, when you are wasting time in your short life, there is something wrong. If you are having to make all these difficult exceptions in your obligation-free(I.E. childless) relationship, why are you still in it? I don’t mean sleeping on a side of the bed you’d rather not, or cleaning up the place more, I mean doing things you actually don’t want to do. Like those people who get cheated on over and over again, they don’t want that, just move on. When your significant other starts manipulating your future, making you forget your dreams, get the fuck out. There are certainly feelings involved though, it’s the obstacle of the journey and the journey itself. Like Elias says, it’s important to just step back. See what the situation really is, and if it is really worth it.

The most important thing Elias has said though IMO is about how no one else can really understand your side. They can’t, there is just too much information going on that you don’t even know your self when you form an impression. They’d have to have been through everything you have, and have the same thought process as you to really get it, no two people are so alike. Which is why my opinions on the matter, or anyone at that aren’t going to be right for everyone. We are all different, and doing things differently is in my mind the greatest part of being a human. The one thing I do find to be undeniable is that the most important thing to you should be you. Always be absolutely honest with yourself, which should lead to honesty with everyone else. How else are you going to see the pulp of a situation if the information is twisted with lies and deceit?


#9

In these situations I take a step back and calm myself. Then I proceed to hit a switch and slap a bitch.

So what did you do Mechanicalz, did you take the plunge? Just do it.


#10

Because it’s not their issue, it’s mine. I’m scared to talk to anyone. I’m working on it, though. He has nothing to do with my personal communication issues. Only I can change that.

That’s great. How it should be.

Thank you, Nick. (Shyan’s Nick, right? :lol:)

Yes. If someone said this to me a week or two ago, I’d probably agree like “well yeah, of course” even though I realize now I was not putting myself first. I had been doing it everywhere, or so I thought, but couldn’t figure out why something was off. Realized the one place I was still putting others’ needs before mine was my relationship.

For sure. I just read this book that emphasized on this. It helped me shed a bit of my generic anxiety. It’s hard to combat anxiety with logic though, they don’t speak the same language.

I did. We’re taking a break. It’s… somethin’ else.

Thanks for reading this shit guys. Mental reprogramming, man. It’s crazy. It’s good though. I haven’t felt this good in a while.


#11

it is never ok to be illogical. the moment logic is removed from the thought process, is when you lose.

If you suck at something, the only way to get better is through practice.

I have been taking advice from everyone i met for the last 27 years.
listening to advice is a good and bad thing. dont take all advice at face value.
what i have learned is that most people dont know what the fuck they are talking about.
people love to make shit up off the top of their heads to sound good.

If you suck at talking to people, u need to talk to more people to level up.
if you suck with women. u need more experience with women to level up.
if you suck at drinking, u need to drink more to level up.
if you suck at banging women, u need to bang more women to level up.
if you suck at sf, u need to play more sf to level up.

listen to people, but be weary that they might be fools.
dont take all advice given to you. pick and choose word of advice.
learn on your own. level up on your own.


#12

Lack of honesty has deteriorated my relationship with the love of my life. I honestly can’t feel what I used to feel even though I’m trying my hardest. Well, I’m depressed. If you see me, please don’t bring up the situation unless you want to see a grown man cry.


#13

<3 <3


#14

Damn Riki-oh your a stand up dude, stay up!


#15

Hang in there dood. You’ve seen how I’ve been too. It’s been 3 months since my break up and I’m still a mess. I’m not gonna say all the cliche stuff people say to make you feel better. Just really search deep within yourself and find strength with your friends and family.


#16

ditto to what pat said. just air to air target combo ultra that shit out of your life doode.


#17

It’s not surprising that the Flyest would create a thread worth posting in. Good shit my dude. Muggish Negro indeed! I don’t really have much to add because I dunno what to add, so I’ll just go off what comes to mind…

-As ridiculous as this may sound, I’ve learned a lot about life through competitive gaming. Now that sounds bad, but I’m of the belief that you can never say you’ve learned something until you can put it to practice. All throughout life I heard many phrases like, “Where there’s a will there’s a way”, “Perception is reality”, but it never TRULY made sense to me as I had never experienced it. Through tournaments I’ve learned how true those sayings really are. Did throwing fireballs teach me that? No, but the experience with my opponent taught me that. It wasn’t the resources within the game, it was me learning my own ability to be resourceful. It is a game, don’t get me wrong, but there’s a lot more going on in a single game of SF than most would like to admit.

-When I was younger, I used to get teased a lot at arcades by older kids that would beat my ass in SFII, MKII, NBA Jam, whatever game I was playing at the time. I once told my Grandma about this, and she gave me a piece of advice that I still live by to this day, “You let them do the talking, you do the winning.”

-When it comes to life, I don’t really think in terms of good or bad. I think in terms of positive and negative and how each of those make me feel. Sometimes I gotta avoid certain people in order to maintain my positivity. You can be dragged down the depths with another person just by being around them. That’s what I think anyway.

-I learned at a young age, that it doesn’t matter what anybody says about you, what matters is what you think/feel about yourself. Jr year of high school was probably the worst school year I had, and probably the worst year of my life while living with my Dad. I used to play basketball by myself for two hours a day after school as there was a hoop by my house (my Dad was SUPER strict and wouldn’t let me go anywhere =/). While to most, I would be pretty good, my Dad would shoot me down immediately, so of course, I allowed that to affect how I felt, after all that’s my Dad telling me that. So one day in PE, I had this great performance in basketball to the point where my PE teacher talked to me about trying out for the team. He was like “You’re really good Mandel, why don’t you try for the team?” We had this conversation for a while with me basically telling him I wasn’t interested. And then he says “Well I don’t understand why someone as good as you are wouldn’t try out for the team, why not? You practice a lot obviously…” And I said “It doesn’t matter what anybody says about you if you yourself don’t believe it.” I believed I wasn’t good regardless of how much I practiced, therefore, I wasn’t good. Didn’t matter what he thought. Didn’t matter what anyone else thought. That was my reality.

Hm, guess I had more to add than I thought lol. GOOD SHIT ELIAS. POST MORE MAN. :bgrin:

Riki, I don’t have anything I could tell you about love or anything like that, but if you ever need to talk, I’m there my dude.


#18

Relationships suck. I’ve had enough go horribly wrong at this point that I now have a seamlessly unlimited amount of resentment to unleash toward women. I feel bad for the girls that I date now. It’s not going to end well for them (or me). It’s not fair to condemn a whole gender for a couple bad relationships though right? Yea, but life isn’t fair. It’s just sad. I’ll smash a girls heart to pieces and then make the bitch take the bus home in the rain.


#19

This breaks my heart :frowning:


#20

I have something to contribute.

Life is short.