Google Privacy Policy aka who reads this ****? You should


#1

There are still people out there that don’t know, so before I FADC into that Wall of Text ultra, there are some things to keep in mind. When someone tells you “good-faith belief” “reasonably necessary” “potential violations” and the like, you should worry. Of course, this “new” policy isn’t actually new, but Google actually putting what it’s been doing into text just passes my laziness threshold to actually get other people informed without “making **** up.” I won’t mention leaks or hacking, I mean, there’s just no chance that could happen.

privacy_lolno

[details=Spoiler]
Information we (Google) collect:

Information you give us: personal information, like your name, email address, telephone number or credit card.
Information we get from your use of our services:
Device information: device-specific information (such as your hardware model, operating system version, unique device identifiers, and mobile network information including phone number). Google may associate your device identifiers or phone number with your Google Account.
Log information: server log stuff like:
—details of how you used our service, such as your search queries.
—telephony log information like your phone number, calling-party number, forwarding numbers, time and date of calls, duration of calls, SMS routing information and types of calls.
—Internet protocol address.
—device event information such as crashes, system activity, hardware settings, browser type, browser language, the date and time of your request and referral URL.
—cookies that may uniquely identify your browser or your Google Account.
Location information: like GPS signals sent by a mobile device and sensor data from your device that may, for example, provide information on nearby Wi-Fi access points and cell towers.
Unique application numbers: Certain services include a unique application number. This number and information about your installation (for example, the operating system type and application version number) may be sent to Google when you install or uninstall that service or when that service periodically contacts our servers, such as for automatic updates.
Local storage: We may collect and store information (including personal information) locally on your device using mechanisms such as browser web storage (including HTML 5) and application data caches.
Cookies and anonymous identifiers: We use various technologies to collect and store information when you visit a Google service, and this may include sending one or more cookies or anonymous identifiers to your device. We also use cookies and anonymous identifiers when you interact with services we offer to our partners, such as advertising services or Google features that may appear on other sites.

Your information is shared!

For external processing: We provide personal information to our affiliates or other trusted businesses or persons to process it for us, based on our instructions and in compliance with our Privacy Policy and any other appropriate confidentiality and security measures.

For legal reasons: We will share personal information with companies, organizations or individuals outside of Google if we have a good-faith belief that access, use, preservation or disclosure of the information is reasonably necessary to:
—meet any applicable law, regulation, legal process or enforceable governmental request.
—enforce applicable Terms of Service, including investigation of potential violations.
—detect, prevent, or otherwise address fraud, security or technical issues.
—protect against harm to the rights, property or safety of Google, our users or the public as required or permitted by law.[/details]

Discuss.


#2

Even though he is mostly out of his mind, I think Alex Jones had it right when he said the next big battle will be over the internet.

Good shit U.S.A. I am most pleased by what I see.


#3

Waits for someone to be arrested for trying to type in Bob Barker and having google suggestions auto correct it to bomb after the bo.


#4

Alex Jones mixing facts with his own bs makes people think facts are bs too. It’s almost as if he’s a government plant so no one takes anything seriously.


#5

Doesnt surprise me. Good reason I stopped using Facebook is because I dont know who is getting into my shit.

Anyways im sure this thread will turn into a whole new anti-USA rant with all sorts of conspiracy theories and what not so im out.


#6

They are doing this so they can keep tabs on the build up of the Reptilian - Scientologist War that’s going to happen on 12/12/12


#7

Wow another thing on the internet that fucks users? Color me shocked.


#8

I had my second interview today. Totally nailed it. Walked into the office foyer like a boss and the secretary immediately noticed my big schlong bulging through my pants, trying to get at and impregnate every human female within a 5 mi radius. After recovering from the ovulating effects brought on by my testosterone-tinted aura, she smiled knowingly with one eyebrow raised seductively and motioned me through the pair of double doors to The Boss’ office. “Right this way, Mr. Bladesake*.”

I strut in, eying the fine Waterford crystal whiskey decanter and glasses The Boss has set out on his sturdy oak side desk. I look at The Boss, straight in the eyes like I mean business. I do mean business. I always mean business. He greets me with a handshake, and he is obviously a bit deflated in the presence of an alpha-alpha male such as myself. “How do you do, pleased to meet you,” he groveled. “Let me pour you a drink.” He reached out for the decanter and said “I don’t think this interview needs to be entirely formal, since I’m already pretty god-damned sure I’m going to hire you.” He grinned a shark’s grin, only this shark was on your team and about to pass the pass the ball for you to make the goal. “Only thing left to seal the deal for me, is how you hold your liquor,” The Boss joked. I downed the glass and demanded more. Our third glass of really fine single-malt shortly followed and we were off to a good start on this all-important corporate interview.

We finally came to the background check, and of course I ain’t worried. I’m a veteran. The son of a veteran. The closest I’ve come to crime was playing a thief in an MMO back in college. And of course, stealing these good looks and charm from my father. “Oh yeah,” The Boss goes on, “I don’t do a detailed check, so don’t worry. Our version of background search is just to fuckin’ Google ya!” He laughed as if that level of corporate negligence was merely amusing and began rapping out keys on his laptop. I grinned, silently considering how many girls I was going to take out my first weekend with the corporate credit card.

Then all of a sudden, his face just… The Boss’ face turned down in to some sort of… disappointed grimace, part astonishment, part disappointment. All horror. “What happened?” I asked, trying to laugh it off, “Google maps catch me pickin’ up that huge shipment of blow?” Boss looks up at me, still sportin’ that astonipointed look on his face. “Hell, I already got enough blow to make two lines around the building, but what concerns me is… this.”

He turned the laptop around, displaying some sort of LaTeX capture table imbedded in HTML fielded with a loooong history of my Google searches and other nonsense I’d written over the years, mostly pulled from the forums section of the Shoryuken.com website. The highlighted text was me making a reference to eating ‘fine cuts of rhino.’ “Oh, that,” I said “We were just foolin’ around, s’all.” I tried my best to laugh it off, somewhat believing the sudden scrutiny to be just another corporate ice-breaker joke, an initiation or some shit.

“Oh no, Mr. Bladesake.” The Boss sat upright, Douchbag Mode: Initiated. “We take this sort of thing very seriously. You wouldn’t seriously EAT a rhinoceros, now would you?”

I was a bit ruffled at this. Surely this is another stupid joke, right? I mean, it’s gotta be!, I think to myself. “Well, um… no. I wouldn’t, but I don’t see why this is a prob…”

“There’s no problem,” The Boss interrupted. “Ha ha ha,” he chuckled facetiously. “I just can’t hire a man who would even joke about eating an endangered species,” The Boss continued on in complete seriousness. He sat back in his big leather douchbag throne and knitted his fingers together. “Company policy,” he sneered. 'of course, if it’s all just a joke then it shouldn’t be a problem at alllll."

He was already out of his seat by that point. The secretary had already been magically summoned to open the door, ending the interview, and I stood in response, pondering whether or not to try to salvage it. I ended up shaking hands with Mr. Douchbag and eying his secretary wistfully as I walked out of the office, both myself and my penis knowing that we would never have the chance to impregnate her, and harboring an infinitely biter loathing for Google.

The End.

*Yes, folks. in case you didn’t know Manx’s last name is Bladesake. You could have googled that, though.


#9

Maybe you should start a boycott of Google.

Use duckduckgo as an alternative

:tup:


#10

I don’t take him seriously. He is one of the random things I check out once in a while. I just think the statement is right about the internet, not anything. Don’t know if it’ll be a war but it is definitely a brand new frontier much like western U.S. used to be.