Guests On Their Way And I Need Advice!


I already took my pants off… I really don’t want to actually put pants back on today.



Take off your boxers and start furiously masturbating in front of everyone.


Bike Pants.

They qualify as pants, but feel like underwear.

Put them on.


Soviet acting like being pantsless in the presence of company is a problem.


This is a normal thing for a guy, to be honest.


The two cash-strapped hospitality majors that you paid for sexual favors aren’t going to care whether or not you bother to squirm into your EZ-Cheese crusted sweat pants before they get to your place from Denny’s.


wear your fucking disgusting bath robe, pull out a pipe or cigar

Or you can man up and wear pants.


-Prepare cheap dirty gas station pizza that smells like sweat
-Prepare pictures of conquered land whales
-Do not ask if they wish to hear stories about said whales; engage immediately
-Don’t mention $RK
-Stock up on Smirnoff Ice because that’s HARD BODY
-Present yourself in your near purest state i.e. toilet paper hanging from between your cheeks

Remember… The true warrior enters the arena with all his power at the ready.


They’re probably your parents guests and don’t care at all about you.


EZ-Cheese on the outside, organic scrotum cheese on the inside. The fermentation process provides a charming little space heater for the party, and you get a delightful dip for the crackers as well.


marvellous and flamboyant robes


Go outside and grab the SMALLEST Maple leaf that you can find.

You’re welcome.