Guests On Their Way And I Need Advice!


#1

I already took my pants off… I really don’t want to actually put pants back on today.

Suggestions?


#2

Take off your boxers and start furiously masturbating in front of everyone.


#3

Bike Pants.

They qualify as pants, but feel like underwear.

Put them on.


#4

Soviet acting like being pantsless in the presence of company is a problem.


#5

This is a normal thing for a guy, to be honest.


#6

The two cash-strapped hospitality majors that you paid for sexual favors aren’t going to care whether or not you bother to squirm into your EZ-Cheese crusted sweat pants before they get to your place from Denny’s.


#7

wear your fucking disgusting bath robe, pull out a pipe or cigar

Or you can man up and wear pants.


#8

-Prepare cheap dirty gas station pizza that smells like sweat
-Prepare pictures of conquered land whales
-Do not ask if they wish to hear stories about said whales; engage immediately
-Don’t mention $RK
-Stock up on Smirnoff Ice because that’s HARD BODY
-Present yourself in your near purest state i.e. toilet paper hanging from between your cheeks

Remember… The true warrior enters the arena with all his power at the ready.


#9

They’re probably your parents guests and don’t care at all about you.


#10

EZ-Cheese on the outside, organic scrotum cheese on the inside. The fermentation process provides a charming little space heater for the party, and you get a delightful dip for the crackers as well.


#11

marvellous and flamboyant robes


#12

Go outside and grab the SMALLEST Maple leaf that you can find.

You’re welcome.