Have you ever tasted spunk?


#1

I have once… inadvertently.

It was a hot summer day in July of 2008. Temperatures were record breaking in my town.

I was really bored, so I sat in front of my computer all day - butt ass naked - and jerked my chicken to some hen-hen and rule 34.

For the sake of bruvity, I will shorten the story down to the length about how I tasted the salty milk.

Basically, I was nearing the climax from 40 ecstasy-filled minutes to pictures of Ronald McDonald. Unfortunately, my hose was positioned up right, aiming towards my face.

I then shot out a very huge and widespread load, similar to an M3 shotgun. But what I did not calculate, was that the load was strong enough to shoot towards the ceiling. And this is where it all get’s hairy.

The jizz shoot straight into both nostrils, effectively asphyxiating me by getting stuck in my nose hairs. I wasn’t desperately trying to clear my nose, but I snorted the cum due to panic.

There was a short moment of relief. But a weird feeling crept up on my taste buds. It was extremely salty, thick, and gooey. I had just realized that I snorted my own cum!

I then opened my window, and spat out my jizz onto the sidewalk. Some poor dope accidentally stepped in it, barefoot.

This was an uncomfortable experience. If I ever want to taste cum again, I’ll just drink it straight from the source instead of getting the Drips.

Cursing is my religion. And Jesus fucking Christ, religion has continuity issues.


#2

Damn was hoping it was going to be about throat fucking.


#3

Oh I just got it! Rocko’s pet dog in Rocko’s Modern Life is named Spunky.

I literally just got that one.


#4

As long as you have no follow-up questions, yes.


#5

is there a flag for not funny


#6

Only CIS-enabling turbo sexists have tasted spunk. So yes, yes I have.


#7

So did it taste like chocolate?

If so, God might be a woman.


#8

This reeks of BeGuiled.


#9

See, the problem is, you are conflating a “ultra loser” troll, with a “completely oblivious” troll.
The character you are creating, undoubtedly, would masturbate vigorously everyday. I mean, one, having fond memories of masturbating almost half a decade ago and two, enjoying various forms of sexual fantasy delinquency, and three, full nudity during masturbation… it just is not probable that this individual would hold off on pleasuring themselves long enough to get any where near the build up necessary to have such thick and lustrous ejaculate.
I mean, on one hand you shamelessly masturbate to Ronald McDonald, and describe your self money shot as a shotgun blast hitting the ceiling, yet you panic when it gets in your nostrils. Are you a deviant or not? I mean, not to mention you would have gotten some in your mouth, as it reflexively opens when the nostrils get clogged. You aren’t trying hard enough to make it believable, nor are you trying to make it so unbelievable that your sanity is called to question of a more fundamental level. That is why the troll fails.

-Time frame: Why 2008? Why Hot day? These don’t really do anything for your story, nobody here has known you since 2008, nor does anybody know the temperature in your town back in the summer of 2008.
-Pants at ankles. This is still perverted while still remain in the realm of plausible. Sure its hot, but lots of people don’t get completely naked when its hot.

  • Jerked chicken is decent, hen hen is silly, and rule 34 isn’t silly enough.
    -Bruvity is good, but the build up is where the joke is a lot of the time. Don’t be too eager to dismiss it. It might be a pain to write out, but really setting up your audience for a hard left turn can have good effect.
  • Probably should have gone with some fap materials not so blatant fictional. i mean, did you really expect anyone to believe you were actually looking at pornographic images of Ronald McDonald? Of course they exist, but its not plausible you actually were looking at them. It really kills the mood. You could have used ponies or named a hentai or something.
  • That is not how ejaculations work, the people on this site are mostly guys, you aren’t going to trick them you’ve got balls full of buckshot.
  • This is where it gets hairy rings so disingenuous, given how you just described yourself being buck naked, sweating and whacking it to McD’s.
  • Again, most of the people are on this site know what semen is like and know it doesn’t do that. I mean, maybe, if you had spent a little more time setting yourself up as this hentai character with a 10 inch penis that sprays ropes of genetic material…maybe. But really just no.
  • You could have gone in a lot of directions once you ejaculated onto your face,it would be more believable if your gag reflex forced it back up after you swallowed, you could have had a nice humorous bit where you ran around looking for a place to spit it out.
    -When you say your “just realized…” is poorly timed, as the reader realized that long before, it just makes it sound patronizing, like the audience really needs it explained what happened. Show some respect.
    -Out the window is fine, but far too much of a stretch that somebody stepped in it barefoot. That was just lazy.
    -For the last line, you really could have ran with it, like, maybe you are looking to try to do it again, or maybe you want to try it normally, but are scared. Maybe you want some help?

In all, what is lacking is clarity and vision. I mean, are you trying to legitimately get people to talk about their experiences? A few lines would have been sufficient, like “I tried it once, it was salty”. Are you trying to shake peoples faith in humanity by showing them the depths of depravity? If so the story isn’t nearly believable enough. Or are you just trying to gross us out? Because it is pretty tame, you could have crammed a lot more filth and obscenity in there. You just don’t sound like somebody speaking from experience. How are we, the audience, supposed to feel like we are experiencing it too?

1.5/10
A couple of interest turns of phrase, but basically lacking substance.


#10

what are you, some kind of teacher? i’m not here to troll, i’m actually telling a legitimate event that happened in my life.

and yes, i shot out the load strong enough that it would fly into my nostrils. don’t believe me? come to my place so we can test it out.

p.s. i pressed “disagree” because the face is cute

Cursing is my religion. And Jesus fucking Christ, religion has continuity issues.


#11

Nah, this is more like BeBlanka’d


#12

So I decided to dissect your criticisms with my own counter arguments. Hopefully this means I am right and YOU ARE WRONG

Cursing is my religion. And Jesus fucking Christ, religion has continuity issues.


#13

this reeks of Jabclu2whatever. He was already asking around about me in Diablo, the next logical step was to come back here and start hitting on me again. Damn my sexual deviancy.

God is neither. If God was male, that means there is a female God out there. Which makes no sense, due to the fact God would no longer be omnipotent/etc. But that’s just my monotheist opinion


#14

oh what the bruv?!


#15

What a crappy attempt at trolling.

And everyone has tasted their own jizz, havent you niggas ejaculated on a gf or bitch mouth before, and had to give that “fuck this is gross but have to do it” kiss?


#16

Nope. That’s when you push her face away and go “Nuh-uh.”

Shit, I know this was a Chapelle moment…


#17

I read this thread and almost made a post describing how delicious this thread is, but then realized saying delicious in a thread about tasting spunk wouldn’t be a good idea.


#18

don’t know until you try it out


#19

Blue ball comes slowly


#20

I hear it’s a big seller with a quirky taste:

http://www.scandikitchen.co.uk/product_images/n/069/Spunk-Vingummi_z1__33693_zoom.jpg