Help with Thesis statement


#1

I know some people are from college on this site so I wanted advice for my thesis statement

I wanted to know if you can help improve this thesis form my research paper. My teacher says that it s lacking a Main Idea that ties all 3 points together (loss of individual freedom, loss of natural rights, bound to a corrupt state)

Thesis:
Individuals begin to rebel against a corrupt system in their country when they have been striped of their natural rights, lost control over their individuality, and are being forced to live in a society that begins to adapt aspects that stem from the corrupt standards themselves.

This isn’t a college level thesis btw it’s for a senior research paper. Does the thesis seem interesting?
Thank you


#2

For which class is this?