How do YOU choose your watermelon?


I was buying a watermelon earlier today, looking for a good melon to eat, when I suddenly realized I had no idea just how to find that good melon. I had only heard of tapping the melon and listening for a distinctive hollow sound. Fortunately for me, the melon turned out to be fairly palatable. But I ask you:

How do YOU choose your watermelon?

There must exist secret tricks other than this rather unreliable tapping method, because oftentimes I will bite into the melon and experience a rather unpleasant gritty texture. I have been told that looking for the congealed and black, almost sap-like protrusions on the surface of a melon is an accurate indicator of sweetness. Any tips you would like to share?


like I choose my women

thick on the outside soft & sweet in the middle


Same as i do my fried chicken!


No lie.


I smash it with a sledgehammer. If any of it lands in my mouth, it’s good. If it doesn’t, I toss.


I thought Gallagher died or something then he was on TV in a new commercial. I could’ve lived without knowing that one.

Good shit with the Avatar, though your old one was kicking ass anyway. I saw about 4 contenders for worst avatar ever on SRK yesterday. Truly terrible.

Seedless or how many people there are to feed. Hence getting a small round one over these gigantor steroid monsters with probably gamma ray juice inside.


i suck at picking watermelons.

i once worked at a melon farm in oz, and after being taught the ways of how to find a good melon, we set off out into the fields in the middle of the night to pick. we were told if the melon sounds good, to put it on the conveyor belt, and if it was bad, to throw it down so it smashes, so no one else would pick it up again and put it in the collection bin.

anyway, i picked up a melon, gave it a tap and thought the melon sounded bad, so i threw it down to the ground smashing the thing all over the place, and to my horror, saw the perfect red colour inside one looks for in a spot on melon. i looked around and saw noone saw my melon faux pas and carried on picking (probably bad) melons.

shit isnt as easy as it sounds.


We check by the visible sugary shit on the outside of the watermelon. It’s a dark (brown???) color that comes up on either end of the watermelon. That usually is our visual cue that it is ripe to eat the shit out of it.


I paint my house… WITH ITS BROTHER!


I let my black girlfriend choose my watermelon.


I dont, it picks me


I study the 30-something year old asian woman tapping all of them and try to see what she’s looking for


If I were Black, I’d find this thread highly offensive. But I’m Polynesian so fuck Asians.


My black man instincts take over and mystical spirits of negro past guide me toward the righteous decision of melon tranquility.


I’ve found that the smaller melons are generally much better than the larger ones. The smaller, more spherical melons are the way to go for me. And of course I try to get the heaviest of the small bunch too.


By putting in the highest bid.

Get on my level.

Ps: I don’t even eat that shit. I just use it to pass the time.

I did this when I was drunk.