Years ago, I used to play many different fighting games, but always very casually. I’d always just play single-player modes, or occasionally with friends, and I had a lot of fun with them. Years have passed, friends have moved on, and new games (mostly the SF4 series, though there have been others) have come into the forefront that I want to enjoy, and to some extent do, or at least used to. But I want to try to play these games more competitively, and I’m simply unable to do it. No matter many hours I spend in Practice Mode, no matter how many videos I watch, no matter how much I think I’ve figured something out, I (almost) always lose and am always dominated in the process (outside of when my opponent is actively trolling). I’ve been playing SF4 for years and I can’t even get to 1000 PP. And now with Ultra having come out I’m trying to learn the new mechanics, tools, and changes and grinding in Practice Mode more and… I’m just not having fun anymore, if I ever was in the first place.
Honestly, I don’t care about being “the best” or even “good” for that matter. But I want to feel like I’m not completely wasting my time. I want to be able to play online without feeling like the person on the other side of the connection is laughing to his buddies about how bad I am. I want to be able to attend local events and meetups, not to win but just to be able to play casuals because… who would want to play casuals with a scrub like me? I’m just wasting their time and embarrassing myself in the process. I can’t even go back to single player modes due to the voice in the back of head saying “you’re only playing Arcade Mode because you’re not good enough for online, you scrub trash.”
I understand that fighting games are a genre where you’re expected to earn your fun, and I respect that. But I feel like I’m never going to earn it and I’m getting very tired of bashing my head into this brick wall.
I love this genre, but maybe it’s time to admit that just because I love something doesn’t mean it’s for me, or that I deserve it.
Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?