fuck the crazy story thread, this isn’t crazy enough, just full of enough scotch bonnet sauce and rage to warrant it’s own thread (fuck you drunk enough that it does)
So I tell my roommate I am making chili and he can have some when it’s done. He immediately goes downstairs and opens my fucking crockpot and starts to pour himself some chili. Naturally I lose my shit in a calm way and politely tell him that its not ready until 10pm (8 hour cooking time). He proceeds to tell me I told him in front of his friend I told him to have chili right now. He starts fucking SHAKING and screaming at me for my fucking chili.
Now I admit, it’s damn good chili. And I am cooking a special turkey chili this time, for Father’s Day. But needless to say, when you offer somebody food, they should at least have the common fucking neanderthal sense to at least make sure IT IS FUCKING DONE COOKING FIRST before they dive the fuck in.
So I am still raging now, but to save a wall of text, he fucking lost his shit on me about not being able to instantly have my chili, so I had to put him in a chokehold while i hit him in the face repeatedly with a cordless phone while asking him if I had to hit “1” on the phone to ask the police why my roommate was trying to fight me for chili.
I had already hit the 9 and the first 1.
why can’t I has normal roommates?
also, why isn’t I normal?