Get some Preparation H and some Preparation H pre-moistened Wipes. Pick up some cotton balls and put those under the wipe when you clean.
Petroleum Jelly, AKA Vaseline is a really cheap substitute for Preparation H and it works just as well. Apply with a cotton ball and be VERY GENTLE.
Stay away from alcohol for a while DEFINITELY. Possibly coffee and possibly dairy, everyone is different. Spicey food you should stay away from. If it burns going in for any reason other than heat it’s gonna burn going out.
When you do #2 don’t strain to hard, read a magazine or something and just chill. Also don’t wipe too hard with toilet paper. You have to be gentle down there.
Bone up on fiber. Broccoli, bananas and beans are great sources. Note that there is a transition period and this may agitate things even more, but eventually things will run smoothly. You can use colon cleansers that are high in fiber that do the same thing but just like anything regarding vitamins and so on it’s almost always better to get it from actual food when you can.
Drink tons of water. It will make your stools softer.
If you have a bathtub or a shower that can hold a foot or so of water ‘siz baths’ are great. Fill the bathtub with warm water (NEVER HOT, NEVER COLD) and just sit there for 15 minutes. This will go a long way in shrinking your 'roids.
If after 7 days your condition doesn’t improve then go see a doctor.
If you want you can go see a doctor first, the diagnosis is really quick. They put on a plastic glove and touch the ruptured nerve. If it hurts then you have hemorroids. You ‘can’ do this yourself if you get a medical plastic glove but it’s better to go to a doctor just in case you have something worse.
I had a battle with 'roids a few years ago. Just gotta try to live clean so when the time comes when you don’t live so clean joint won’t be so bad downstairs. I also go to the gym like crazy, which is good because you automatically drink tons of water there anyway. And loosing excess pounds is always the best cure for 'roids.