Man Takes Viagra, Wears Sweatpants for TSA Patdown


#1

http://thewashingtonfancy.com/2011/06/man-takes-viagra-wears-sweatpants-for-tsa-pat-down/#.TlBZ5xuOm0l.facebook

NASHVILLE INT’L AIRPORT — A Wyoming man walked through a TSA checkpoint with a raging erection on Tuesday, daring TSA officers and even fellow passengers to give him an invasive pat down.

“I’m next,” Warren Kelvin, 34, screamed as he pushed to the front of the security line. According to TSA officials, Kelvin had ingested two Viagra and wore sweatpants without boxers for his Southwest flight from Nashville to Phoenix.

“I thought he was carrying a baton in his pants,” said Amanda Watershed, second shift supervisor of the A Terminal at Nashville International Airport. “Nope… That was his penis.”

Even though TSA officials allowed Kelvin to initially pass through security without the controversial pat down, the passenger on more than one occasion got back in line until he felt that he had been thoroughly inspected. Kelvin finally got the invasive pat down by 38-year-old officer Duncan Allbright after 80 minutes and four trips through security.

“Even after we let him pass through he kept walking out of the terminal and getting back in line,” said Watershed. “Finally, Duncan had to bite the bullet for everyone and do a thorough screening of him in a private [security] room.”

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

U.S Homeland Security director Janet Napolitano dismissed concerns that more TSA officers would quit or that more travelers would take similar measures to get their “jollies”. “I am hoping this is an isolated incident. If flights were a lot cheaper, I could see more people doing this,” said Napolitano, “but with the cost of airplane fuel rising, I don’t think $560 roundtrip is a bargain price to get fondled.”

Calls to TSA headquarters went unanswered, as everyone there is just exhausted.


#2

ahahaah


#3

YES HOMO


#4

karma for that old woman with cancer they strip searched lol.


#5

From the website:

The Washington Fancy is a daily online publication that satirizes political affairs, ranging from domestic issues to international intrigue. The Washington Fancy’s articles parody current political events and the individuals who drive them. Our intentions are to bring light and humor to the political world as well as encourage political awareness. No composition should be regarded as truthful, and no reference to an individual seeks to inflict malice or emotional harm. We are not affiliated with any political party, nor do we aim to exalt or discredit one party over the other. All persons who are referenced in The Washington Fancy articles are fictional, except when speaking about public figures.

I still lol’ed, though.


#6

He was testing a new terrorist tactic.


#7

Best troll ever! Who does that…lmao

Seriously if he just wanted someone to touch his junk I’m sure he could have found a whore who’d take care of business a lot cheaper than a plane ticket.


#8

Yeah, no fucking way that sounded even within the realm of being legit. TSA doesn’t fuck around AT ALL (they’ll shove you into their backrooms with the quickness at the slightest sniff of trouble), let alone letting some clown go through their checkpoint 4 times in a row, screaming and with a raging boner.


#9

yeah and if you get turned on during the patdown you get hit with sexual harassment charges


#10

Allbright, a 14-year veteran of airport security, announced his retirement shortly after Kelvin boarded the plane. “I’m going home to take a shower and make love to my wife,” said Allbright as he got into his car. “This job isn’t for me. I’ve suddenly lost my passion for touching strangers.”

I literally fell off my chair at that and laughed till my stomach hurt…and now my abs won’t relax.* Looks like The Onion has a worthy competitor.
*


#11

its all fun, games, and bitching
until another fuckin plane crashes


#12

Will someone please make a fucking tabloid thread already?! These pseudo news posts are getting fucking ridiculous. Onion, dailymail, the sun, hell, throw in the daily beast and smoking gun if you want since they do half ass headline grabs from time to time.


#13

:rofl: Ah man. I wish this had been true. See how many perverts wanna do the job after THAT.

-Starhammer-


#14

insert…pipebomb?


#15

white people :shake:


#16

MTO/WSHH link or it didn’t happen.

  • :bluu: