Chaptur Too - Magneto Goes Clubbing
Magneto staggered out onto the street, a half empty can of steel reserve in his hand. he had rolled a J earlier, just in case he’d be needing it. he had a feeling he’d need to.
Who the hell was this dan hibiki guy? wtf was he doing with psylocke? or better question, what was Psylocke doing with this cat? what did Dan have that the most powerful Jew in the world since Moses, didn’t?
“I gave her the best sex in the world! I gave her ALL the bling. whatever she wanted, I could and WOULD give her. I listened to her! I cared about her! But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, kill a few humans and try a few plots for world domination and all of a sudden I’M a bad guy? there’s just no winning! women are impossible! ugh”
well whatever. he had obtained the location of psylocke. All it took was bribing wolferine with jean grey’s naked body tied up in a car. too easy. but after all, he WAS the master of magnetism. he could accomplish ANYTHING. unless of course, he was jailed in a plastic bubble room. then he was screwed. but he definitely didn’t want to relive that fiasco.
At long last, he arrived at the club. Being a villain and all, he made a grand entrance. He ripped a parking meter off the sidewalk and used it to bat aside the bouncer. He then flung the doors open and glided in gracefully, floating a few feet off the air. Lil Jon’s music was blaring loudly. Magneto looked around the sea of people when he saw her.
Psylocke. DAMN. she was still SMOKING hot as usual. she had let her hair down and it flowed down. sexy. she was wearing her tight skin hugging ninja outfit as usual too. and those LEGS! daaamn. But wait? What was this? some jackass in a pink outfit was grinding on her ass? So this was Dan? He had been replaced by some pink fruitcake with a ponytail?
“OH HELL NO”
Magneto quickly glided over.
“GET UP OFF MY GIRL JACKASS! BE GONE!”
Dan continued to grind.
“I SAID GET UP OFF MY GIRL JACKASS! BE GONE!”
Dan stopped. Psylocke looked up.
“MAGNUS! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?”
“What the hell are you doing with that loser!” magnus retorted.
“Hey! Who are you calling a loser?!” Dan yelled.
“Dan! No dont!” Psylocke grabbed Dan, trying to restrain him, obvious concern in her eyes.
“Its okay baby! I’ll handle this.”
“Are you sure?”
Magneto cackled. Dan growled.
“I am teh seikyo master! My style is the strongest! Prepare to get your ass kicked, PUNK! I have singlehandedly defeated muay thai master Sagat, and now I shall similarly pummel YOU”
Dan began to roll around on the floor shouting out nonsensical japanese phrases and sticking up his fist and throwing out autographed pictures of himself.
Magneto stared, confused.
“This has GOT to be a joke.”
Dan suddenly lunged forward and punched magneto. It was deflected by a strong force field.
“BLAST! Your defense is strong. However, lets see how it lasts when I attack you with my GADOKEN!”
Dan slapped his hand forward and out came a tiny ball of energy. This again was deflected by the force field.
“WHAT?! How can this be possible!? ARGH!”
Dan began to pant heavily, charging up his powers.
“DAN NO DONT!” psylocke screamed.
“Ive got this handled baby! DONT WORRY! SHINKUUUUUUUU GADOOOOOOKEN!”
A powerful series of tiny balls of pink flame erupted forth from Dan’s hands. Magneto rolled his eyes and walked back a few steps. The energy fizzled out before they could even touch his forcefield.
“THIS IS PATHETIC! EVEN JUBILEE CAN THROW MORE POWERFUL ENERGY PARTICLES THAN YOU, AND SHES A NOOB. EVEN GAMBIT HAS MORE POWER THAN YOU, AND I EAT THAT GUY FOR BREAKFAST! WHAT KIND OF MUTANTS YOU DATING THESE DAYS ANYWAY PSYLOCKE?”
“Hes NOT a mutant! He’s a human!”
“What?! You’re dating humans now? Was I really that bad that I drove you to resorting to becoming a despicable HUMAN LOVER?! AAAAAAAAAAAGH WHAT HAVE I DONE?!? WHYYYY? very well. but first… this fruitcake likes to shout out the names of his attacks does he? Very well then…”
magneto cackled and folded his arms across his chest. dan took up a defensive seikyo stance, and put his arms up in guard position. in the blink of an eye, magneto dashed across the room, closing the gap between him and Dan in an instant.
“SNAPBACK NIGGA!” and slapped Dan in the face, sending him hurtling across the room. he was knocked unconcsious. Magneto then turned his attention to psylocke.
“Baby come on. Be reasonable. You’re dating a guy in a pink shirt. you can do better than that. Im offering you my true love!”
Psylocke rolled her eyes.
“OKAY. i guess you’re right. I admit I just needed someone to take my mind off you. So I took the first desperate chump I found eating from a garbage can. I really dont care about Dan I just wanted to forget about you. But I couldn’t. I have missed you. We were so good together, an unstoppable pair. Alright, you get ONE more chance. I want things to work out this time.”
“me too baby.”
they embraced. Magneto felt alive once more. He quickly flew over to the dj, with pyslocke wrapped in his arms.
“Fuck this lil jon bullshit. We’re gonna play NWA, STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON! This is how JEWS GET IT ON!”
and with that he punched the DJ in the face and knocked him out, replacing the sounds of lil jon with that of ice cube and dre.
“MAGNETO! LOOK OUT ITS DAN!”
from out of nowhere, Dan flew towards magneto, his feet extended in a lethal flying jump kick attack!
“DA DA HI YA”
Magneto took the brunt of the blow, unable to throw up his force field in time. He flew stagged back a few steps and fell to the floor. He slowly picked himself up.
“Okay. So you want to play with the master of magnetism do you? FINE”
And with that, magnus took out his joint and smoked it while Dan tried to attack.
“Now you will face. the HIGHER MAGNETO.”
He glanced at psylocke. She nodded and stepped towards Dan.
“PSYBLADE!” she spiralled up into the air, knocking Dan up with her powerful psionic energy. Before Dan could hit the ground, Magneto was there. He kicked Dan’s body, bouncing him back up. Then he leaped up into the air and pummeled Dan with his fists. He finished with a lethal kick that send Dan plummeting back to the ground yet again. Magneto gave him no rest as he followed Dan’s descent, pummelling him on the way down. Before Dan could land, Magneto launched him back up into the air, where he followed with a lethal series of punches and kicks. Higher and higher he went, continuing the lethal barrage. He finally finished the assault by grabbing Dan with purple orbs of energy and emitting a magnetic tempest of solid steel.
not since dragon ball z had such a horrific beat down been witnessed.
Dan’s limp body hit the ground. He wouldn’t be getting up for a while.
Magnus left the club with Psylocke, happy and reuinted once more. a powerful unstopable duet of love. NWA continued to blast in the background.