Mega Man Is The Worst: A Sincere Thank You

I wanted to take some time to thank the commenters on SRK and other sites for helping me see the light. You see, thanks to you, I now know that Mega Man (and by association, Mega Man X and all other iterations of the character) is the worst character and franchise in the history of gaming. He has done absolutely nothing for Capcom, or for the legions of people who grew up playing video games. Thanks to all of you, I realize now that Mega Man is a gay little fairy boy, and that’s the worst thing you can be in the world. He is awful, just awful. He is terrible now and has never been good, ever. He is beyond redemption.

Nobody likes Mega Man. In fact, he is so reviled that the mere mention of his name during conversation will negate everything else you have said prior. Try it sometime! Think really hard about what you want to say, type it in the comment box, and then end it with “Mega Man.” Everyone hates you now. Have fun watching rebuttal YouTube videos featuring jpegs of Mega Man set to the sound of babies crying that obviously took someone a whole ten minutes to think about and make. Do you really love the Blue Bomber enough to be the whiniest little bitch anyone’s ever heard? It’s not worth it, people.

And clearly, I was mistaken to be so upset about Mega Man not making it into Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3. As many others have pointed out, putting a small, projectile-heavy character like Mega Man in the game would have been too similar to what they were doing with Arthur (who was there first). I mean, could you imagine if they put Vergil, Dante’s twin with similar abilities from DMC, in UMvC3? Surely, fans would cry foul. Capcom was right when they said that there was no creative way to integrate Mega Man into the game, and my friends, all of you were right to point out that nobody played Mega Man in MvC2, because he sucked. And it’s true! How could you put a character like that in MvC3? That’d be like taking Wolverine, another character nobody used in MvC2, and putting him in MvC3. There’s no way you’d ever be able to tweak Wolverine, make him viable… certainly not top tierDDDOOOHHH… wait.

Glad that you finally see the light.

And then there was darkness…