Need opinion if I should apologise to a friends spouse or am I right not to

Right I will give the background and what happened

A few weeks ago I asked a friend to be my best man at my wedding next july (that has fallen away but that doesnt really matter to the story)

anyway the cultural wedding would be in UK and the western one would have been in a America and he said yes he could at the western one in USA as the cultural doesn’t really have best men

anyway a few days later I rung him and he said he can’t go as he fiance is arguing with him saying he can’t go as they have 2 kids aged 1 year and even her mum agreed and 1 month BUT this is next July.

Anyway I was supposed to visit and stay with him for a few days as he lives far away, anyway I was pissed off and texted saying I can’t come. He called and asked why and I said that as his fiance doesn’t want to let him go, I probably say something stupid and get thrown out of the house and outta respect for him, I wont go.
He then told me on the phone he fiance says he can go but he doesn’t want to go as he doesn’t leave his kids for 3 days and not see them.

I said whatever and the conversation ended, this was on the 12th July and a few days ago I texted him saying sorry and he replied saying our friendship was never going to end. Now by the way we have been friends for 20 years.

So we spoke yesterday for the 1st time and all seemed cool and I told him my wedding is no more and that was that

So we spoke today and I thought everything was ok, I could tell at this moment the mood changed and then he asked me two questions

did I send him my first text a few days ago before or after I broke up and why didn’t I reply to his spouse’s text about her saying it was my friends decision not to go even though she never really liked the idea and said congratulations to me, I said before for the 1st question and I never got her text for the 2nd.

Here comes the question on the subject line
He said I should apologise to his wife as he told her why I couldn’t come over as I probably say something so bad in her house or threaten her, so I should say sorry to her.

I said why as I never did it and that is why I never came over at that time as I respect him as if he told me from the begininng that it was him not wanting to be away from his kids as opposed to his wife then this would never have happened.

Although I still think him not telling me not wanting to leave his kids version is bullshit, I don’t think I should have to say sorry as he said that he would never say anything bad to my wife/GF so I should.

I mean what annoys me if first he said he couldn’t go cause his wife said so, THEN he says he wouldn’t have gone cause of his kids and didn’t want to leave them

I mean if he stuck to the truth then this wouldn’t have happened. I really feel like posting this link to him and saying how everyone says I am right and if I do apologise it should be fake.

If he didn’t bullshit me then none of this wouldn’t have happened, apologise for something bad I probably have said

I mean his defence is that he whould never say that to my woman BUT if I had a GF who talked shit LIKE HE SAID HIS ONE DID at first, I would cuss her down myself


you were right she was wrong

If its going to help things, go ahead & say sorry…Pride kills friends/relationships

I read that but did not really understand it.

It doesn’t sound like you did anything wrong, but, why risk a good friendship over something (seemingly) trivial?
Better to take a little hit to your ego and apologize than to have an awkward and uncomfortable (or non-existent) relationship with a friend.

Go apologize, not because she is right, but because it sounds like petty bullshit and really, are you gonna let some bitch try and end your friendship? Give her a bland apology, and if she doesn’t accept it, then fuck her. You probably wont be hearing much from him regardless if you apologize or not, because she sounds like a real ball and chain.

You were right, but apologize anyway because you aren’t going to win an argument with another man’s wife.

internet response: Apologize to a woman? FUCK THAT!

irl response: I’ve found in recent years that, despite really REALLY not enjoying it, sometimes forced and fake apologies are necessary in dealing with people. You won’t mean it, you shouldn’t have to apologize to this bitch, but you probably should just do it anyway and get it over with.

This is why the internet is so much more fun, yknow?

Who the hell asks for an apology for something you might have done or said in the future. Seems pretty fickle.

I’d suck it up, but you’re right.

maybe its just me but i found it to be a hard read. Not sure if i understood it. But lemme see if i got this right.

You diddnt go to this chicks house because you thought you might say something to offend her?

and she wants you to apoligise for that? apoligise for something you diddnt do? If thats true then hell no. how would you even say that? “Im sorry for not wanting to risk saying something bad”

I didn’t get it. But, if you are going to apologize. Make sure you know wtf you are apologizing for.

I’m with Alex, owing someone an apology for an offense you haven’t even done yet is fucking stupid, friend or not you don’t owe her shit.


My brain was fried half-way reading that.

Now I’m craving fried chicken.

Apologize for something that you might have done but didn’t do?

WTF? :lol:

You ol’ Minority Report future crime lookin’ ass…

You better not apologize to that bird, it’s not your fault that his wife has him under her thumb and is trying to force an apology out of you. He needs to grow a sack and tell his wife to STFU.

ok now I am not gonna lie and say his wife said to apologise as I dont know or if he did tell me, I didn;t hear it but still your right it is Miority report for real. I mean what is next, putting people in prison for thinking things they want to do bad but obviously they never will.

you were wrong but you shouldn’t have to apologize


It doesn’t sound like you two are close.

Anyway, this is some bitch shit on both parts. Tell him his girl is a cunt and be done with it.

The reason why the wife is asking for an apology is because the OP was acting childish…He didn’t want to go over his friends house because his friend wasn’t able to be his best man. The wife took offense to that because the OP is mad at her & acting butt hurt.

As for the wife’s reasoning is that she has a newborn & needs help. Doesn’t want the husband to leave for a few days, is my guess. Also some parents dont like to travel w/ newborn either.

Then again i can be wrong because i couldn’t really understand the op’s post. Seem like a Jackie Chan dub film

the whole “you need to apologize to my wife” thing is wack to me. if you don’t think you did anything wrong then don’t apologize simple as that, at the end of the day your friend was the one that decided to tell his wife what you told him so he created the situation and is now trying to pass the buck to you.

ugh, i know your friends wife sounds like a bitch, but stop being a bigger bitch and apologise already.

if ur 20 year friendship is worth even the tiniest particle of shit, just say sorry and get it over and done with.

Like one of the other guys has said, sometimes you just gotta do these things in life to get along with people. Think it of like a chore, just one of those things to do on your “to do” list.