Next on CNN : Raccoon Terror

News Reporter Jameson Chiptodeath Chensisco has been following the latest epidemic of raccoons invading North America in Atlanta, Georgia that have been causing mayhem on the locals. The Authorities are investigating the series of attacks that involved flying wooden logs that have caused multiple casualities over the last three days. Most of the victims have been hospitalized due to massive levels of Sodium Chloride caused by the high impact of the wooden logs on the unsuspecting victims. Alot of the victims also reported severe monetary loss and mental trauma following the incidents. A puerto rican named eduardo said :

  • “The ******* log assist with ***** joe rangs were ******* me up so bad. I couldn do **** on those ******* dwarf hitboxes”.

The japanese government offered their condolences and issued a dispatch of humanitary help with 50 airplanes carrying 19000 Oxygen bottles to help the distressed.

If u see a raccoon in your area, please report to the local authority and immediately proceed to hide in your house and hide your children and elderly. The Police department is offering rewards on any information available regarding the assailent in the picture below.


When questioned one of the Racoons were quoted as saying "I’LL MAKE A FUR COAT OUT OF YOU!"
We are currently working with Fox News on a way to blame liberals, Obama, terrorists, and/or illegal aliens at this time.:badboy: