Onion Worthy Comedy About Intolerence From DeGeneres


#1

I find this to be absolutely hilarious, it’s Onion worthy.

http://dailypygmy.com/ellen-degeneres-fined-100000-for-straight-slur/

Talk show host Ellen DeGeneres was fined $100,000 by Warner Bros. today for using a heterosexual epithet on air. The slur was directed toward a cameraman who had missed his cue to start rolling.

Crew members say that the cameraman for camera number two realized a minute into Ellen’s opening monologue that he had not been recording. When Ellen discovered the mishap, she began to cast heterosexual aspersions at the offending crew member. The talk show host can be heard saying “stupid straighty” just above the audience’s cheering and clapping after the commercial break.

“What happened on today’s show is not representative of what ‘The Ellen DeGeneres Show’ stands for,” said Bruce Rosenblum, president of Warner Bros. Television Group, in a statement today. “The show employs numerous heterosexual crew members and enjoys millions of heterosexual viewers. We want to reaffirm our commitment to all our fans and our appreciation for the support we receive from all segments of society.”

“I did not mean to offend the straight community,” said Ellen in a statement today. “The words that I used were meant to disparage an individual by invoking the implied inferiority and repugnance of the heterosexual orientation. It really wasn’t anything personal against the straight community.”

Heterosexual crew members say that Ellen’s anti-heterosexual behavior is not isolated.
“She’s always teasing us about being straight,” said a sound technician who preferred to remain anonymous. “She says she’s just joking around, but I don’t think she realizes that her words remind us that we are different from her.”
Ellen’s outburst represents a groundswell of anti-heterosexual sentiment in the United States.

“Words like ‘straighty,’ ‘glum’ and ‘tray’ hurt members of the straight community,” said Kobe Bryant, president of the Straight Alliance Against Defamation (SAAD). “A lot of times gay people don’t realize the power of those words.”

I don’t know if she was kidding or not, it’s funny as Hell nonetheless.

Irony doesn’t begin to explain this.

I guess another heterosexual slur is breeder, likening straight people to as lowly as animals.


#2

that entire site is a joke site. “Russian Thousandaire buys WNBA”, for example


#3

http://dailypygmy.com/canada-issues-nickelback-recall/

These jokes hurt. Why they play with our emotions?


#4

I just found it scrolling for heterosexual slurs.

Onion-like it was indeed.


#5

It achieved epic proportions with this bit:

“Words like ‘straighty,’ ‘glum’ and ‘tray’ hurt members of the straight community,” said Kobe Bryant, president of the Straight Alliance Against Defamation (SAAD).


#6

I don’t even understand how those are supposed to be funny. I feel dumb.

Then again that Kobe part is great just because he’s in it.


#7

I think the only good straight slur I’ve heard is “breeder”