Page 1


#1

okay so i finally just got my shit together and finished Page 1 of my sequential. much respect to my buddies Sean Murphy and Derek Hunter for help with my layouts. also Props to SFMC and Sweets for their help panel 6.

PENCILS:

http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/roxxy19/page1pencilssml.jpg

INKS:

http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/roxxy19/page1inkssml.jpg

later.


#2

whoa that last panel is the shizz, love the contrast


#3

that has to be Resident Evil

great work though :smiley:


#4

he prolly said fugg it and made it RE after every said it looked like chris.


#5

KNOME: thanks. the last panel was a bitch, but was worth the trouble, i think.

SNOWMAN/KLAK: ha ha, nah, still not RE, just … um … RE inspired. actually the story’s just something i came up with real quick, not really important. just came up with something that would showcase some still oments and some action moments, and some atmosphere and mood.


#6

Hey Yakuza, great work. Hope you don’t mind, I have just a few critiques.

One thing very important in comics, other than the drawings themselves, is how the panels relate to each other, and how they pace the story. Generally, because English audiences read left-to-right, up-to-down, the movement in the panels would do well to mimic that. In your version, he moves right-to-left in panels 3 and 4, and the lighting in panel 6 leads the eye right back up to panel 5 rather than onward to the next page. I made a version where I flipped those panels so the read differently, and I also flipped 2 and 5, to keep continuity. It’s a subtle thing, but can you see how it reads just a little clearer?

http://66.221.10.227/ronssketchpad/yakuzapageedit.jpg

Concerning the drawing in panels 2 and 3, I would say be careful when you use perfectly vertical and horizontal lines inside of a panel. This flattens things out, and can sometimes be confused as panel borders. When I first saw panel 3, intially I percived the empty wall space and him in front of the window as separate panels. Make things a little off kilter, or use perspective to differentiate it more. Also, beware of creating tangents with panel borders. For instance, the bottom of the window in panel 3 is almost exactly the bottom of the panel border, which makes you question the spacial relationship it has. And in panel 2, the window is dangerously close to the panel border but not touching it. This creates sort of an “eye trap” because it creates an ambiguous space, especially on the right side, where you have the lines from the siding that make a rather dense amount of drawing in a small space.

The perspective in panel 4 looks a little off. He doesn’t quite look like he could actually be standing in the room, on the floor. Practice some more at linear perspective and figure placement in perspective.

I’d say overall your drawing ability is top notch. As far as storytelling, be aware of where you are leading the viewer’s eyes. ^^ I’ve learned most of this because I’ve made all the same mistakes myself, and continue to do so somtimes. Sorry if that was a bit on the lengthy side, I don’t mean to critisize too much, but I think you’re a great artist and that your page deserves a thurough critque such that I might recieve in one of my classes ^^ Hope that was helpful.

EDIT: oh wait, one more thing :slight_smile: On panel 5, think about how a person actually grabs a door knob, or even just go and grab one yourself. The way he’s reaching for it seems kinda unnatural. :slight_smile:


#7

CHAIN: naw, no problem at all. thanks for taking the time for the critique. damn, i can tell you go to art school. ha ha …

i agree with everything you’ve said. this is my first “real” sequential, so i was sure i’d make a ton of mistakes, but that’s what this is for practice.

PANEL 4: well the room is supposed to be a long hallway, but you’re definitely right about him not being correctly positioned in the space. i just drew him and then drew the environment around him instead of drawing the room first and then using the perspective to figure where he’d be and how big he’d be.

PANEL 5: yeah rook pointed that one out to me. i had just used my hand grabbing my paperweight as my ref, instead of getting up and using a real doorknob.

PANEL 6: it bothered me too how it lead back upwards, but i couldn’t think of what i could do about it. it never occurred to me to flip all the panels, like you’ve done.

also what you’ve said about the parallel lines is dead on too, something i hadn’t noticed.

i’m surprised you didn’t bring up the 180 rule about panels 2 and 3. most people have told me about that, but i’ve talked with a few people who’ve said it’s cool to break it every once and again as long as the viewer still follows what’s going on.

thanks again for taking the time, i really appreciate it. and be sure to rip apart my other pages when i post them, the only way i’ll get better is if i can single out my mistakes early on.


#8

the gutter between 2 and 3 gets a little lost
also, panel 2 and 3 don’t work for me. it looks almost like there are 2 people. maybe if you flipped panel 3.
i took sequential classes in savannah, and basically the virst thing they teach is flow of the page. just keep in mind we read left to righ, so it helps to keep the action going that way. otherwise, it’s very nice.

(cough)chris(cough)

j/k:D