Plutonic Confessions


Ever since sucker punching Superjoe in the arm, my life hasn’t been the same. Every day seems empty, capricious, even carnivorous. My dreams are constantly interrupted by someone shouting “Come on man!” in French and Swedish.

I found Jesus, then lost him, then found him again. We’re playing golf next Saturday.

My children left me, then ceased to exist. Maybe I forgot them at the mall?

In my head, Frank won’t stop dancing. Every day he dances like a man possessed, singing Ken Hirai songs…or rather, what I imagine what Ken Hirai songs sound like, since I’ve never heard one.

I’ve come to suspect Trace of joining ICP and converting us all to Juggalos.

Everyone is getting married, but only to people whose last name starts with the letter V. Coincidence?

All I do now is torrent old episodes of Hannity and Colmes. I can’t wait for the movie adaptation.

Yesterday, while walking down the sidewalk, I FADC’d right in front of a girl just to prove I really loved her. She ran away with Jeff Bridges instead.


You cant FADC girls because that move is a asorb/parry. If you want success, you need to grab a girl, flip her upside down and SPD her into the concrete.


You get bonus points for the word capricious


So basically… ever since you stopped playing Tekken?


Preach, white sis-tahz!


You should’ve Hyper Grav’d her instead, that way she wouldn’t have run off with Jeff Bridges. :lol:


From the thread title I thought this was gonna be a post about how Rob couldn’t get past first base.


For lack of a better place to put this… and I’ll take confessions out of context here…

There was a good amount of time (2 years?) where I misunderstood what everyone in the scene was referring to as “salty…”

I thought, for a good while, they were commenting on how someone smelled like they had come into the gathering after some heavy ritual involving certain websites, videos, or magazines. And maybe tissues :stuck_out_tongue: That or they just hadn’t showered in awhile…


Actually, she left me for Joe Bray.