Priceless Street Fighting advice


#1

…or maybe not. You see, I managed to get my hands on a copy of BradyGames’ classic (sic) Totally Unauthorized Super Streer Fighter II Guide. For those of you who are too young to rememeber, “unauthorized” used to be a secret code word for strategy guides which meant “we didn’t get the license, so we can’t even fill up our crappy book with legit artwork.”

In any case, I’ll quote a few really soild gems from this guide, I sincerely hope you find this information as invaluable as I did:

“Another cheap tactic is throwing projectiles and then using an Uppercut Punch or Roundhouse Kick on an airborne opponent as he jumps over the projectile.”

“Once you make your opponent dizzy, it’s vital to move in for the kill. If you wait too long, the challenger will regain his composure and fight back. Worse yet, he could receive a Recovery Bonus.”

“High attacks can be tough to block.”

“If you don’t block, your opponent will pummel you with nonstop attacks.”

“If you’re having trouble memorizing your character’s Special moves or if you can’t seem to get the timing mastered, consider investing in an optional controller that offers a programmable feature.”

Re: Blanka: “Don’t let him trap you in a corner! He’ll smash you!”

Re: Guile: “If you miss with your Flash Kick, try to send a Back Breaker when you land. Guile is great at making grabs.”

Re: Honda: “He’s also a sucker for a sweep, because he can’t block it.”

Re: CPU Ken: “Ken has a bad temper when he gets low on energy…”

Re: Zangief: “Use the Spinning Pile Driver to avoid projectile attacks and knock your opponent out of the sky.”

With advice like this, it’s no wonder so many of us were unstoppable back in the day.


#2

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: o great sage who holds the great book of power, tell us more! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


#3

Oh there’s more, trust me. However, I don’t want to divulge this stuff too quickly, for fear that the eventual information overload will pop someone’s cranium open like a ripe zit. I can’t have that on my conscience right now. Reading through this book is just like deciphering the Dead Sea Scrolls, only with T.Hawk in the place of… uhh… … … whatever’s in the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Here are a few more, read at your own risk:

“Zangief is big and slow.”

“When Ryu throws lots of fireballs, jump over him and kick him in the head.”

“(Ryu) is usually quiet and dignified, except when he’s hungry or mad, and then you’d better watch out!”


#4

Whoever those people were, they’re probably thinking about tactics to fight CPU on the easiest difficulty setting when they wrote all that shit.


#5

That one’s a protip. Gotta watch for those recovery bonuses.


#6

That’s knid of depressing that they had so little info that they had to fill it with all that shit. Imagine being a kid and saving up to buy that guide :frowning:


#7

Hell, if that’s all the far I have to play a game to write a guide, sign me up BradyGames I’d love to get paid to state the obvious. I’ll make up stuff too to boot.


#8

Recovery bonus is so top tier


#9

I hear ya loud and clear on that one. Lord knows how many times I’ve seen the word “Recovery” pop up on the opponent’s side of the screen and subsequently chucked my controller at the TV in frustration.

Anyway, here’s one last word of wisdom for you all (and no, I’m not making any of this stuff up):

“…don’t try any of the fighting moves seen in the game on your real-life brothers, sisters, parents, friends or pets – someone might get hurt.”

I imagine this disclaimer stems from that unfortunate incident in Cleveland where a 14-year old boy attempted a Psycho Crusher on his hamster.


#10

You can’t be serious.

In other news, if you stop breathing, you may die.


#11

“If you’re having trouble memorizing your character’s Special moves or if you can’t seem to get the timing mastered, consider investing in an optional controller that offers a programmable feature.”

Errrrr…isn’t that like saying “Can’t beat the game? Get the cheat for God mode”?


#12

I KNEW Evo was trying to scam me!

:annoy:


#13

To be fair, Bradygames guides aren’t (sometimes) NEARLY as shitty as back then.

But man… almost as bad as Nintendo Power’s Street Fighter 2 tips. :tdown:


#14

Ooooohhhh…


#15

Poor Honda and his inability to block sweeps.


#16

QFT.


#17

Sadly, you could make stuff up and put it beside real quotes and you couldn’t tell the difference.

“Watch out! Kicks to the face will deplete your life bar!”


#18

ROFL I bought that guide at blockbuster when I was like 12 and still have it. Funny because I was so protective over it that once my best friend intentially spit in it while we were reading it because of how much of an ass I was being and we got into a fight. Half an hour later we got bored and went to go play some more street fighte. I think I played Guile.


#19

CPU Ken: “Ken has a bad temper when he gets low on energy…”

Man, Aint that the truth.


#20

Hahaa! XD