Random Tales


#1

So I wouldn’t lose them, I decided to post the mini-stories I wrote for the BP in this thread. If that’s an issue Damned, let me know. I plan to use this thread to follow random adventures of members of my team if there seems like there’s some interest. If you didn’t follow the BP, this will seem REALLY random until I start adding new material.


#2

Intro - The Legacy Begins

Sigh. There’s only a few days left. He glanced at the calendar, hoping he’d made some elementary error in fundamental math, but it was futile: Tony Stark had 6 days left to find a team for this event and time was running out. If only he had kept his mouth shut, but he couldn’t. Steve Rogers burned him like feces composed of barbed-wire and hotsauce. If Captain America was going to participate, then Iron Man would be there as well. But who would be with him? It was a team event after all.

He poured himself another scotch.

What do I do now? I put out fliers and everything. All the calls I’ve gotten so far have been from Northstar and some guys claiming to be Starlites thanks to this typo. He picked up a flier that had been casually discarded on the floor. He glared at the offending literature. * Jesus, Tony, could you have worded it any more ambiguously?*

WTF? I-ROD-man? How the hell did you miss that? Tony crumpled the shameful flier up and threw it into the air to meet the soothing embrace of a proton cannon.

*Sigh. I guess I’ll go chat for a while. *

You’ve got mail!

Wha…? YES! Please let it be for the tournament…
Hmmm… Better credit… delete… Porn… delete… Increase Penis size by 6 inches? Sounds promising. Keep. Yes! A reply to the ad.

*Not exactly what I was hoping for but it’s a start, and like the hookers used to tell me back when I was quadraplegic, beggars can’t be choosers. *

Now on to the chatroom!clickWhite Cock For Black Box indeed!

**User CatchMeIfUCan has sent you a message. Accept? **
click

Shit! Stupid move, STUPID MOVE mentioning the proton cannon. Think, think!

  • Think, think!*

CatchMeIfUCan has signed out.

Excellent. It all goes according to the plan I came up with 30 seconds ago!


#3

The Gathering

  • sigh*. “It’s like cosplay hell in here.” Kujo Jotaro was not impressed by his surroundings. “I should just take my prize and leave.”

“Don’t be so hasty, young one,” cautioned his female companion. “You know not the extent of the abilities of this crowd. I recognize many that are quite formidable.”

Jotaro shrugged. “Save your fear for someone who gives a shit.” With a pimp swagger that would put Billy Dee Williams soaked in Spanish Fly to shame, he began strolling toward the judge’s table.

Iron Man’s frustration was visible, even through his armor. He reached out to stop his arrogant associate. His finger landed on Jotaro’s shoulder and-- Jotaro was gone.

Storm’s mouth opened wider than an elephant’s prositute to let out an astonished gasp. “What’d you do, Tony?”

Tony Stark was just as incredulous as Ororo at this point. “Um, snapback I guess? I didn’t realize I was so strong! He’s lucky I didn’t guardbreak him into an infinite.” Ironman knew it was HE who was the lucky one. It were as if Jotaro had teleported himself away to the judges area, but there was no discharge of energy. What the hell could Jotaro have done?

“Did you see those giant robots?” Storm’s query brought Iron Man back from his thoughts.

“Yeah, I did. They’re like homemade Sentinels. Generic and shit. Hold on while I scan them for ‘Made In China’ tags.” Ironman set his sensors to evaluate the giant robots. “This is… odd to say the least.”

“What is it?”

“Well, the technology isn’t anything special, and the weaponry is primitive though the big one seems to be packing an incredibly strong discharger of some sort. It may even be strong enough to pierce my shields. The wierd thing is… the flux of energy within them. I’m not sensing any patterns that suggest algorithms which is a sign of programming. The signals are more akin to brain waves…”

“Iron Man, are you telling me these things are fully automated?”

“More than that Storm, these things are alive.”


After eluding his bothersome teammates (why was this a team event again?) Jotaro decided it would be best to size-up the competition. There’s no need for me to stop time for this. I’ll simply amplify my senses and speed while I circle the crowd a few times. Within seconds, Jotaro had taken the physical measure of the crowd. Many of the participants wore massive amounts of gear. Crutches Jotaro thought. Once I break their toys, the men inside will crumble.

Jotaro made another mad dash through the crowd, far beyond the ability of any man to follow with the naked eye. It wasn’t until he was done that he noticed a man leaning against the wall. He ws wearing a red bodysuit that made it seem like he was late for Super Hero gymnastics class. He was leaning against the wall like nothing could bother him, though this wasn’t what concerned Jotaro. Even in hyperspeed with Star Platinum amping Jojo exponentially, he could have sworn that as he was making his rounds, the figure in red was watching him the entire time. The figure looked up and smiled so fast Jotaro almost missed it.

Im-impossible! There was noone faster than Jotaro, no one.


#4

Storm Vs. Auron (Rd 1 Day 8)

“By the goddess this fight is lasting longer than I expected!” thought Storm. “Who would have thought one man would be so troublesome? Even the tittays don’t work!”

Storm squeezed the X shaped communicator on her shoulder. “Guys where are you, I need back up! Immediately!”

(over communicator): “Ironman here, I’m on my way. I should be there in 4.2–OH SHIT!!! A FUCKING COUGAR-- static

“Tony? Tony? Jotaro, we’ve lost Tony can you assist me? Jotaro?”
(faintly over communicator): “You think that’s funny Flash? One time, I stopped time and took a dump in midair right above this guy’s head. You should’ve seen his face when time started again.” (clapping/highfive sound) “Bartender, another round for everyone!”

“crap” she sighed. “Looks like I’m on my own. Time to get serious, and concentrate.” Storm broke out her I-pod and selected Real McCoy. * Runawaaaaaaaaay! Run awaaaaaaaaay! Run away and saaaaave your life!*

"Ho! Ho! Lightning attack! Lightning attack! Lightning attack! typhoon!


#5

Captain America vs. Superman (Round 1 day 16)

Tony Stark guzzled his beer. He had hoped that the river of alcoholic bliss he found himself in would wash away his depression, but after 6 beers, 7 shots and a cup of what he suspected may have been a mixture of Drano and urine (Bartender’s Special my ass) he couldn’t shake the memory: he had been a step away from losing to Vern Troyer in scrap metal. He’d never live it down. And whose fault was it? His own? Fuck no. It was the guy who caused him to be here in the first place. Steve Rogers! The thought of the name made him quake with anger.

“Ssssssssssshteve!!!” he blurted out in the crowd. “Shteve Rojurzzz!”

Jotaro turned o see what his companion was babbling about. “Steve Rogers? Cap’n America? He’s down there fighting.”

“SHTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE!!! BURP

“What the fuck are you-- sniff Heightend senses be damned is that URINE? Did you piss your armor?”|

“…stall was too small.”

“Oh that’s it we’re cutting you off right–”

Ironman lept into the air and hurled an item onto the battlefield, nailing Captain America on the top of the head. “SHMART BOMB! SHMART BOMB!”

Jotaro was more than irritated. “What the hell are you doing??? Did you just throw two stored stocks at him?”

Iron Man ignored the words of his teammate. He was focused on one thing only.

Dashing drunkenly into the battlefield, Ironman approached his one-time colleague.
"Shhteve Roguhz…"
Captain America was taken aback. “Tony, is that you? Why are you down he–”
“RUPULSOR BLAST!”


#6

Iron Man vs I-no (Round 3 day 1)

Iron Man was getting slightly flustered. No matter how much I attack, she always seems to outmaneuver me. I don’t know if I can win a physical confrontation at this rate. I’ll have to be fancy. Iron Man crouched and threw a quick kick to I-no’s ankles. As I-no intercepted the hit with her guitar, Iron Man lept into the air and immediately came down toward I-no at a 45 degree angle. His approach was met with…

…laughter. “Oh PUH-leeze,” I-no chuckled. “That has got to be the slowest air dash I’ve ever seen.” I-no left Mega City, made a sandwich, watched Titanic, and came back to block the airborne foot which was just now closing in on her. “I’ll show you how it’s done Mr. Black-and-Decker Pecker.”

Wih guitar in hand, I-no jumped back and dove at Iron Man, propelling her body with a quickness that hasn’t been seen since the Flash quit masturbating. Her body-projectile barreled down on it’s target slamming right into Tony Stark’s pinky toe. The force from the contact popped I-no up and sent her reeling. WTF?

“Yeah, baby!” gloated Iron Man as he proceeded to pummel her with a series of rhythmic hits that kept her airborne and unable to recover. “Priority’s a bitch ain’t it?” Iron Man beasted his opponent like she were a Star Trek extra.

“ENOUGH!” screamed I-no as she released a sphere of energy, setting her free. As Iron Man hovered helplessly in the air, Ino shifted her weight back and kicked Iron Man upward while doing a split that revealed her underwear was so far up her ass, it could have been a colon.


“MMPH!” blurted Jotaro.

“What’s wrong,” Storm asked, concerned about her friend.

Jotaro struggled to compose himself. “I… had Star Platinum… amplify my senses… when that Queen of the Rammed opened Pandora’s Fish Box… it was like someone spread a fat chick’s ass and dropped it on my nose while she was menstruating. It’s taking … everything I’ve got to fight it…”

Storm knew she had to act quickly. If she couldn’t dissipate the smell, Jotaro would be useless later on. Knowing there was very little time, she did what she always does: she started with a bullshit speech.

“WINDS!!! YOUR MISTRESS COMMANDS YOU!!! LEND ME YOUR POWER SO THAT I MAY QUICKLY SMITE MY FOES WITH THE POWER OF MOTHER NATURE!!! RISE AGAINST THEM AND SHOW THEM THAT THE POWER OF A GODDESS IS TOO GREAT TOO—”

“Will you shut the fuck up and just do something?” Jotaro snapped. “All that yelling has my ears bleeding more than an 8 year old’s ass in Thailand.”

A hand tapped Ororo on her back and she turned to see Superman staring at her, clasping his ears in pain. “I’m with Weeks on this one.”

“Fine.” Storm grumbled. “Yada, yada, yada, typhoon, tyhoon. Happy?”


I-no felt the wind as it began blowing upward and did her best Marilyn Monroe impression before being swept off of her feet into the air. As she attempted to gain her balance, she found herself falling to meet Iron Man as he jumped toward her with both fists. “Oh, fuck me. Here we go agai–”

“HUNH!”


#7

Jotaro Vs Gravity Man (Round 3 Day 4)

So Gravity Man is it? Jotaro chuckled and lit a cigarette. This was a first. Normally he had to toy with his opponents to determine their abilities, but this guy may as well have had it stitched to his shirt like a special ed name tag. Despite your appearance, Im going to go ahead and assume your power isnt to turn into a train caboose. Did you think of that moniker yourself?

My name was given to me by my creator.

God named you? What the shit?

My creator is Dr. Wily.

Wily, huh? Jotaro shook his head at the sad creature. Maybe you can pass this on to your boss.

Pass what?

Snapping his fingers, Jotaro then pointed to the sky. Gravity Man looked up to have his gaze meet the force of a falling truck. Though it made little sense, his sensors detected the letters A C M E hastily sketched into the hood of the vehicle. Gravity Man stood motionlessly as the truck halted in midair.

Your attack is easily neutrali–

ORAORAORAORAORAORA! Gravity Mans speech was impeded as he took more shots to the mouth than Lil Kim trying to get a 5 mic rating in The Source.


Yer damned right Im the besht, and fuck anyone who says anything different. hiccup

Storm rolled her eyes in disgust. Sure, Tony. Anything you say. She heard rumors that Iron Man was an alcoholic, but shed never seen anything like this. Hed been drinking non-stop since his last victory; in a matter of minutes he had emptied the hotel bar. She even had to stop him from sticking a straw into the gas tank on Dr. Robotniks mech.

Yer damned right anything I shay. hiccup Shhuperior tech sshit. Why, when I waz yer age–

Goddess, Tony Im the same age as you are. When you were my age you were in a bar right now getting wasted off your ass while getting head from some boxing, bimbo, housewife.

A head raised itself from beneath the table. Hey, you cant talk to me like that!
Tonys shaky hand forcefully lowered the head back down. Sheriously Vanessha. Nows not the time for talking. hiccup

Storm sighed with disgust rivaled only by the image of Janet Reno naked. Why cant you be more like Jotaro? When hes in trouble–

Jotaros in trouble?

No, no, you big lush. I was saying- -

JOTAROS IN TROUBLE! MUST HELP! Iron Man ignited his thrusted and zigzagged into the air before breaking through the roof.

Get back here, you idiot! yelled Storm, but it was too late. At least put your penis away! Iron Man was gone with no sign he had ever been there except a thousand dollar bar tab and friction burns on Vanessas palate.


The battle was more tedious than Jotaro thought. While Gravity Man had yet to mount an offense, he was mounting a defense sufficient enough to prevent Jotaro from landing any devastating blows. It was effectively a stalemate for the time being. Every time Jotaro attempted to get close to his opponent, he could feel the force of Gravity intensify tremendously preventing him from rushing in. What was he to do to end this?

Then it came to him; the idea hit Jotaro harder than a Gigaton Blow. Using Star Platinum to hurl him high into the air like a javelin, Jotaro made himself into a projectile. As he approached Gravity Mans position, Star Platinum embraced and covered his owner like Viscant in prison getting conjugal visits from Yuna. When he reached the area of Gravity Mans effect, the force pulling down altered his trajectory and made him into a living missile headed for his opponent.

Gravity Man had just enough time to relase the hold on the area, but the effect was too late. Gravity Man was hit harder than a drunk girl at a frat party. His entire body knew the pain of anal penetration with one hit.

I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED, yelled Gravity Man with all the bravado his circuits could muster.

Take that BASS out of your voice, son. The way I hear it, he prefers to be in your ass anyway. Jotaro readied Star Platinum. One more punch and its over. Jotaro smiled as he reeled back and

REPULSHOR BLASSHT! Iron Man dropped from the sky and clasped his hands together, releasing an array of photon energy. The beams lifted Gravity Man from the ground and tossed him half a beach away.

Iron Man what the fuck are you doing?

Helping Jotaro win.

What? I had him! You just fucked it up.

I dont feel sho good. I think I flew here too fast and I… I BLARGH

Did you just throw up?

MMPH! MY HLMT! CANT BREAF MPH! Iron Man clawed at his helmet at a desperate attempt to take it off before collapsing.

Fucking tard. Now, where was I? Jotaro had barely finished the sentence before he felt his body flung to the ground. Shit! I shouldnt have stopped paying attention.

He looked up to see gravity man leering over his feet. I shall crush you slowly now.

  • Toying? With me? WITH ME?* The mere thought enraged Jotaro. * You dont play with ME! Getting in a Mexican knife fight with Magic Johnson is safer than playing with me. *

With victory seemingly at hand, the robot grinned.

  • Hmmm* thought Jotaro. He hasnt realized that Star Platinum isnt affected by his gravity and Ive got just enough energy for my physical form to get off one attack as well

Jotaro kicked Gravity man between the legs, with no effect. Arrogant fool! What did you hope to accomplish with that wasted feat? Gravity Man inquired.

Hmph. Jotaro nodded and grinned. Since weve already had a go at the Gravity part, I was testing the Man portion. Since I now know that claim is erroneous, all I need to do to beat you is find some stairs

What do you mean b–

OOOOOOOORRRRAAAA!


#8

Storm vs. Kosmos (Round 3 day 8)

“You think to be a match for me?” Storm scoffed. “Child, I command Mother Nature herself! The winds are mine to command. Watch how effortlessly I outdistance you and pulverize you from above!” Storm leapt to heights that eclipsed her bravado. “What do you have to say now? I have calculated every move you could possibly hope to make!”

Kos-Mos pulled a gun and shot her.

“Uuunngh!” The impact of the bullet brought Master P out of Storm’s soul.

She… sh-sh-she shot me? She SHOT me! Was she supposed to shoot me? thought Storm as her body went limp and she began to plummet to the earth. As her eyes closed she couldn’t help but wonder does no underwear count as clean underwear…?


Something was wrong. And it wasn’t just the fact that Jotaro could see Storm’s breathing diminishing while hearing her pulse decrease; Jotaro could feel that his teammate was hurt. It may have had something to do with the bullet that just hit her in the gut; he didn’t know for sure, but his hunch was strong. One thing was for certain: if Storm made impact with her current acceleration, she wouldn’t live to tell the tale.

“…and sometimes, I get so lonely I touch my…” Iron Man babbled.

“Seriously, STFU!” Jotaro interjected. “I’m outta here.” And with that, he disappeared…


“what the…” Storm looked around to see her native Kenya. “How’d I get here?”

"It seems you’ve forgotte your roots. We’ve come for you to reclaim them. "

Storm’s gaze rose to meet the source of the voice. “Angela Bassett???”

Her guide grinned. “You were expecting Halle Berry maybe?”

“Why are we here?”

“As I said to give you your roots back. Look around you, what do you see?”

“I see the beauty of my motherland,” Storm replied.

Angela Bassett shook her head. “Look closer.”

“I see… young men playing in the field.”

“look closer” Angela demanded.

"I see… I see… dem niggas actin a fool is Ms. Mutulu’s crops’n shit! Storm’s eyes grew wide and she covered her mouth with both hands. GASP “By the goddess where did that come from?”

“From you,” Angela assured her. Didn’t it feel good? This is what you need to do. Forget all that mutant shit, all that technology shit, and just unleash that ghetto. Try this."

Storm watched as Angela’s neck made an artistic zig-zagging motion. To her surprise, it came out naturally when she attempted it. She could feel her K-groove building.

“That’s it… unleash the UNR that only women command!”

Storm took out her earrings and rubbed vaseline on her face. She was ready.


“This was easy.” Kos-Mos rushed to catch her prey as it fell from the sky. Just as she reached out to Storm’s falling body, a man appeared before her.

Jotaro tipped his hat and spoke: “Boy stop!”


Kos-Mos saw the man disappear and Storm reappear in his place and whisper: “It’s about to be a… GIRL FIGHT!”


#9

Semifinals Jotaro vs Ryu

Jotaro sighed. * Another one? How many of these bums must I run through before I get to kick the shit out of whatever’s threatening this place and go home?* He sized his opponent up. Well, best to get this over with. “Hey there. You ready to get this over with? I’m getting tired of you wasting my time honestly.”

Ryu looked at his opponent and smiled. “You must defeat Shen Long to stand a chance.”

Jotaro looked puzzled. “Shen Long? I kicked his ass on the way over here.” Ryu looked down and saw the remnants of Shen Long’s underwear still intertwined around Jotaro’s shoe.

“Hmmph,” Ryu replied. "Fortunately for me, I do not wear underwear.

"Yeah, " Jotaro agreed. “You didn’t strike me as the type who would.” Everytime Ryu spoke, Jotaro felt as if his nostrils had gotten Gigasbreakered. Ryu could see his unease and attacked with a flurry of kicks.

“Whoa, keep those cornchips off me!” Jotaro dodged each hit, but the smell was distracting. He was reminded of being harassed by a whino. You want to knock his ass out, but you really don’t want to touch him. All Jotaro could do was dodge and bide his time.


“Iron Man, Jotaro looks like he could use some help.” Storm was basking in her glory with the other finalists. "The little vagabond seems to be giving him trouble. "

“Are you kidding? look at these hoes. I’m going nowhere. Why don’t you help him?”

Storm shook her head and patted her hair. “Eh, I just got my hair done. I can’t get all sweaty yet. Fuck that nigga.”

Iron Man shrugged. “I’m with Weeks on this one.”


Ryu’s assault was viscious and it was becoming apparent that Jotaro would have to do something other than S-groove sidestep, but what? If he touched him he’d probably catch EbolAids from the filth. That’s it! When Ryu readied his next punch and lunged, Jotaro quickly reached into his pocket and removed a bar of soap he had pilfered from the hotel. Ryu’s fist plunged into the soap and promptly exploded.

“ARRRGGHHH” Ryu could see his life flashing before his eyes as the Zest fully clean enveloped his limb. * As a child: wake up, train, eat, get molested by Master Gouken. As an adolescent: wake up, train with Ken, eat, get molested by Master Gouken.
As an adult: wake up,train to avenge Master’s death, eat, masturbate while remembering getting molested by Master Gouken. * Ryu clutched his stump.

Jotaro sneered. “I’m sure Ken will appreciate that stump more than the fist later. ORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA!”


#10

Halirious. Nicely done.


#11

Storm knew she had to act quickly. If she couldn’t dissipate the smell, Jotaro would be useless later on. Knowing there was very little time, she did what she always does: she started with a bullshit speech.

“WINDS!!! YOUR MISTRESS COMMANDS YOU!!! LEND ME YOUR POWER SO THAT I MAY QUICKLY SMITE MY FOES WITH THE POWER OF MOTHER NATURE!!! RISE AGAINST THEM AND SHOW THEM THAT THE POWER OF A GODDESS IS TOO GREAT TOO—”

LOL

so fucking true man


#12

i want you to know that i found these stories brilliant

please post more


#13

New Challengers

“This is ridiculous, Thor!” Maria’s voice was caged fire. No matter how angry you are, you do not yell at Thor. “What are we supposed to do without you?” She stifled a yell that worked its way up, and realized the folly of its ways and returned via a lump in her throat. She used enunciation as her weapon of choice, the alternative to volume for emphasis. “You and the Sentry are our heaviest hitters. You have the best chance of helping us end this quickly with few people getting hurt.”

Thor smirked. “Ironic then, is it not, Ms. Hill, that you crave us for our ability to hurt people? Surely you are well-trained in the ways of Loki.”

“You know I can’t let you leave.” Her poker face was 0 and 1 for the evening. Statistics show she can’t lose them all.

Thor’s smirk evaporated. “Nay, the truth, Ms. Hill is that you can’t stay my hand.”
“What if you go and get yourself killed?” She was out of options. Her final tactic was attempting to instill fear in a god. It definitely hadn’t been the highest item on her list of intelligent endeavors.

“Truly, if that is what is thought of the Lord of Asgard, then the lack of faith is clear. There is no reason for me to stay.”


“You’re not here.” Robert Drake’s tone matched his namesake. In a fraction of a second, he increased his frame to 5 times its normal mass, robbing the air of its moisture, and making the African heat that much more unbearable. The act was pure posturing at the most, especially if the visitor he addressed were not truly there as he believed. “Either show yourself or get out of here. If you’re in my head, I’ve got some friends who will school you like the first day of kindergarten. How do you want to play it?”
“I am here Robert. I do not understand. There is no time for…”

“Have it your way lady, I hate to do this to the pretty ones. I like to play it cool.” Heh. Spider-Man eat your heart out. Once again, the air released the loose grip on the water it held and the warrior found herself encased in a block of ice, as if time itself had purposely plucked her from Norse history and precariously preserved every minor detail for observation.

“Guess I better tell someone about this–”

He felt the explosion before the break. It spreads. The ice shattered, burtsting upward and outward before showering the two.

“–what the? Hallucinations don’t fight back.” He stepped back. Maybe he should call the big guns. The wedding won’t be any fun if it’s followed by his funeral. Well, maybe for Alex it would.

“Robert, this is not a dream. I am here. I am real.” The valkyrie stepped toward him.

“I must be slipping. I’ve never had a lady lie to me on the first date before. There’s not a fricking thing on this planet that doesn’t have moisture lady, yet you’re drier than hell.” It’s true; I’ve been there.

“There is no moisture in me, because I do not still live. I need to speak with you.”


I’m dead. Or I died I should say. Quite a few times, actually, I’m getting to be quite good at it. Although I don’t suppose it’s the dying part that’s all that hard. It’s the coming back; for most people anyway. I’m getting to be quite good at that too. Then again, most people don’t have a permanent bond with a primeval force of destruction. Most people don’t…

Sometimes it takes me a little while though. Sometimes, I take the scenic route to return to corporeal world. I guess they assume that’s what happened this time. This time is a little different. I’m not going back on purpose. At first, I convinced myself that it was for my family, my husband. I told the story to myself until I had no choice but to believe it, they’re all better off without me. It wasn’t until I saw that years after my passing, the depths of their sorrow was still boundless that I considered the error I had made. By then it was too late. The Shiar has committed genocide against all those who share my lineage. Every member of my family, save two that were birthed by separate shadows of myself, was murdered.

Since accepting my burden as the host for the pheonix, anger is an emotion that I still seek desperately to control. I have the power within me to feast upon a galaxy and mark my passing with ashes. While the chance for my rage to be unfocused exists, I can’t risk returning to life.

…Oh. There is also the certainty that if I have the misfortune of coming across Emma Frost, she will burn long before she ever reaches hell…

For these reasons, a return would be premature.

But you’re already aware of this aren’t you?"

Indeed Mrs, Grey. The thoughts of the dead are visible to those who represent Valhalla. Just as I know my thoughts are clothed in transparency to you.

So you take pride in perfunctary conversations then?

It appears I do not do so alone. You’re aware of my purpose for coming to you.

It makes sense. The three of us would be perfect for this. We’ve all been to hell and back, so to speak. Thor is a powerhouse, Robert is nigh invulnerable and death can never grip me for long. The three of us would have no reason to hold back…

I’m in.


#14

I dont like this, Jean. Icemans feelings were understated. Time and time again weve stressed the importance of preparation. We dont know anything about our opponents. Fighting blind is never the best option.

Oh, Bobby, Jean Grey couldnt help but smile. The concern was touching, but misplaced at best. I have a husband now, I dont need a father figure or a brother to look out for me.

He responded with a grimace preceding his words. He never got a chance to speak them, as Jean cut him off and answered his concerns. This was one of the annoying things that came with the territory of having a telepath for a friend.

The entire point of the Danger Room was to prepare us for the unexpected. The professor knew what he was doing. Jean spoke with more than her voice to calm her friend. She knew that if he were preoccupied with her well-being, that he would falter in his own confrontation.

The professor isnt the man we thought him to be. Bobby cast his eyes down and away from Jeans view, as if he himself were ashamed of the sacrilege he spoke.

Does that affect the woman I am? Have faith in me, Bobby. Youve trusted me with your life, trust me with my own. She kissed him softly on the cheek, and using the fire of the phoenix, left a slight indention of lip prints in his icy faade. With that parting gesture, she rose slowly into the air to meet her destiny. Having no time for words, she spoke to his thoughts directly. You should know by now, that Im never fighting blind. Besides, what kind of person would I be if I shirked my responsibility?


New Dehli, India

A woman leans across the counter of a convenience store. Her name tag reads Sally and is soaked with tears that have trailed down her face. What was once her lifes work has been taken from her forcefully in a matter of minutes. Potato chips, ho-hos, and soda pop, all littered the floor before her and what was once the picture of perfect consumer organization was now a labyrinth of broken glass, plastic and garbage.

What is wrong, mama? The words came from a boy of 17 years of age. Looking around one could see the reason for the womans distress, but still the boy asked. It could be chalked up to the ignorance of youth, but Sally knew better: she was convinced that the boy was, in fact, retarded.

What is being wrong? What is being wrong? Having a look for yourself! She spread her hands and gestured to the chaos around her. There are hohos being on the floor! The machine of slushies is no more working! She pointed to the machine which squirted red juice like an EMO in a field of razor blades. And where is being your father? Off fighting the street once more and leaving me to be with you kids. I cannot even cook dinner because the curry is on the top shelf. HE IS KNOWING THAT I CANNOT BE REACHING THE SHELF ON THE VERY TOP! Weeping, she knelt down and ran her hands through the wreckage.

Datta hating seeing his mother in such distress. Fighting the urge to eat glue and make trash angels, the mentally challenged boy donned his helmet with the intention of gathering his brothers and finding his father.


Jean Grey approached her opponent from the sky. She took his measure from afar, and became wary as she got closer. On his head She squinted at the forehead of the man before her and gasped. IsIs that the power gem??? Infinity gems are here? I wasnt prepared for this! She took a closer look and sighed. *Phew. Hes just a red dot. Its okay. *

Long before the man was within earshot, Jean was met with a powerful force. An odor so strong that it was tangible wafted its way up her nose and put her nostrils in a chokehold. She nearly fell from the sky. The scent was so pungent that she believed herself to be in a video game tournament. Realizing it couldnt be possible because there were girls here and no one was fat, she shook off the illusion and pressed on.

Greetings, Ms. Grey. I have been waiting quite some time. And he had. Always eager for a battle, Dhalsim had actually come to the scene 6 weeks earlier. He meditated and fasted until his form was exponentially crackheadish and he was delusional. He had Passed nirvana and went straight to a state of Whitney Houston. You will find that unlike the rest of your opponents, I am no stranger to the battles of the mental realm. I trained in India for many years and have fought the worlds best opponents and He was halfway through his monologue before he realized his arms had tied themselves into a pretzel. Jeans influence was that subtle, yet precise.

Dhalsim looked at the knots his limbs created and frowned. I was hoping we could do this peacefully. You know what this means now?
That Dell just lost its best tech support guy? Its going to be awfully hard answering those phones now

Dhalsims arms retracted, eliminating the knots in the process. Freed from their self-imposed restraint, he slowly began circling his arms and head, while chanting.

What is this? Jean Grey was amused. Some new age exercise? Would you like to try water ballet next?
Yes Dhalsim answered, undeterred. Its an exercise of sorts. I call it the Yoga.
Yoga? Thats not new th—
FIRE! Dhalsim opened his mouth and with unrivaled halitosis and curry for fuel, a fire ball formed and headed directly for Jean Grey. The energy impacted her chest and promptly dissipated.

Jean smiled. Yum. So its fire you want is it? Well then its fire Ill give you

Jean moved no more than her eyes. It was enough to catch Dhalsims attention. Following the path of her gaze he turned to find a black dragon bearing down on him, maw gaping open, lighting its path with fire.

Malificent! Yoga!

Dhalsim teleported, but he still found himself in the path of the beast.

What trickery? Dhalsim met the breath weapon with a barrage of fire and flame. Yoga, yoga, yoga, yoga! The fire would not be stopped and he could feel its heat as it scorched his malleable frame. He hadnt burned this bad since he went to visit Sagat and spent the evening with a Thai hooker. His flesh was scarred. It was his spirit that was curiously unharmed.

Enough! Dhalsim closed his eyes and Malificent made yet another trip before disappearing into thin air. Your powers are great mind-witch, but I will not be defeated so easily. Let us continue this battle in earnest.

Jean smiled. Maybe this would be a true fight after all