RPD rookie got upgrades, let me show you them

If you know me or have seen me in person in at tournies, you know I’m no stranger to making myself look stupid. I’m a 3S player and while my in game skill leaves something to be desired, I more than make up for it with my attention to detail for the funny. OR SO I TELL MYSELF!:wonder:

Anyway, RPD has been a curious little pufferfish around his yard, snooping here and there and found something to take my turtle Q aura to the next level. So I found this hole in the ground that use to be an old gopher turtle’s home but apparently he didn’t want to leave, so he just died in there. That’s the theory anyway!

When I shined a flashlight in there I saw a shell and some bones and that was it. I shed a tear for my gopher friend who had been living there since I was like 5 or so then I got a long pole and fished it out of there and it’s a considerable upgrade over my current turtle shell, well once it’s restored anyway.



I’m thinking surely this must be a sign: even not being the best Q, I’m “the best”. I challenge any other turtle Q on this website to say they have TWO real turtle shells AND the cosplay AND their own pet gopher turtle.


Probably be another 5 years before he’s even half that size, sadly. I’m tired of waiting. FUCKING GROW UP ALREADY!


I also ran into this guy rustling in the bushes nearby. I quickly picked him up and let him know who was in charge. If I had to fight myself in 3S, this probably what I’d see.



Conclusion? I hope Shinblanka doesn’t ban me from FR12 for racheting the stupid up another notch, cause now my Q costume will be gopher turtle powered.


  1. Gopher turtle shell discovered
  2. Hilarity ensues
  3. Sanity contemplated
  4. Profit?

WTF? You have turtles running around your backyard??


pours some drank for the OG Gopher turtle

I live in Alabama and I have 4 acres which is mostly wooded, they think this place is a haven. Haven’t seen a living gopher turtle around the yard in more than a decade but box turtles, green turtles and every other kind of turtle runs around though. The gopher is actually a tortoise, which I’m sure you already knew.

We also have opossums, racoons and every other critter. Racoons frequent the porch every night to eat leftover food that cats don’t eat.

turtles don’t run.

that turtle from the hole ran that clock down like a true master

Yeah, we get raccoons and oppossums too. Hell, every time I opened the garage in winter and shovelled my driveway, we’d have two raccoons run in. And I live in suburbia. Go canada.