Short essay.


#1

The Competitive Fighting Game Scene
:The closest knit gamers in the world

Welcome to the world of competitive gaming, not just any games, these hard core gamers play fighting games. Whether it be spending countless hours at their local arcade, just to get in those priceless matches in before a tournament or traveling hours on end just even to play each other and enter competitions.These players will go to any means to compete and become the best at their game.

The fighting gamer has plenty of options to find competition these days, with places like Shoryuken.com and Tekkenzaibatsu.com
to offer these gamers a place to interact and match make with other players all over the world.
Places like Shoryuken.com, have tons of member contributed content to help people get their game on par with the pros.
From combo videos, to strategy, to smack talk, everything you would imagine a competitive gaming scene would have, it does.

When it comes to travel, no one does it like competitive fighting gamers. Often these players are willing to travel all the way across the country just to play in competitions, some even travel to japan every year for Super Battle Opera. With the arcade gaming scene coming to an end all around the united states and companies like Sammy only releasing their titles in Japan, it has become a struggle for these gamers to play each other, let alone compete. Most players travel around a half an hour to play, some travel hours.

This doesn’t stop them.

Every year in Las Vegas, the largest fighting game tournament in the united states takes place, Evolution. Each year Evolution has more attendees, more games, and better competition from around the world. With a multitude of side tournaments, heated bets, the controversial inclusion of Super Smash Brothers: Melee and the largest grand prize for a fighting game tournament ever, at this years Evo, You don’t want to miss it.

I mean where else could you witness bets on a video game reach into the thousands of dollars.

References
http://www.tekkenzaibatsu.com/
http://www.shoryuken.com/
http://www.evo2k.com/
http://www.tougeki.com/

I’m doing this for a resume, Any input would be appreciated.


#2

Really detail, great descriptions and references and no buts. :tup:(x2) Not much to describe it except well done. Another thing what is this for? Resume?


#3

You’re on crack, bro. This is far too short to inform anyone who isn’t in the scene, and has little value to anyone in the scene. What is this for?

There’s a stigma in English writing in which the writer should try to avoid using the same word as much as possible. I see “competitive” and its derivatives four times in this small selection alone. Try to spice up the variety on your word choice here. You can exchange the word competitions for “exhibitions,” or compete to “challenge” or “engage.” Also, you point that players would “go to any means” to perfect their game - what means are you talking about? Will fighting gamers go as far as to stab someone in a deserted alley in the still of the night? “Any means” is a bold thing to say - back it up by elaborating.

You only need to mention Shoryuken once - any more and you come off as sounding like a shill or an adbot. Kind of minor, but I’d change “member contributed content” to “user generated content.” The latter is a widely used term on the Internet to describe original material created by online users. Also, a completely uninformed reader would have no idea what a combo video is, but should be smart enough to have an idea of what fighting game strategy should entail.

I see travel four times here. Again - use synonyms. “Journey” or “venture” could just as well work here. I don’t need to mention your over usage of the word compete either. Do not forget to capitalize Japan or the United States. The word “companies” is used to describe Sammy, which is a bit too broad. I’d refer to them as a “game developer.” Also, you mention the arcade gaming scene dwindling in America - why is that? If you just spent the majority of the article praising fighting gamers - a subject you must obviously be passionate about - why then are they in such disarray? This is where you clearly, but briefly explain where a niche genre like arcade games fit in the multi-billion dollar game industry today.

Why, exactly, is Smash Melee controversial? Don’t worry, I know why - however, if you were to explain why to a non-fighting gamer, they would laugh it off as completely ridiculous. Don’t bring Smash into this, unless you really want to go into detail on the community. Also, what IS the largest grand prize here? Don’t mention that without giving numbers.

Korea.

You don’t seem to know who your audience is. You mention bits of information that would only seem relevant to fighting gamers - the Smash Bros. nonsense, and briefly mentioning the decay of the arcade industry. Yet, you are writing about the community at its most basic levels. If you’re talking to outsiders, stick to not only explaining the community, but why they should care.

What kind of resume is this for, anyway?


#4

^^^^^^ … :wtf:


#5

Thank you so much, I appreciate all of the effort you put in to helping me.

A lot of the things you mentioned, I was thinking about, such as using the same words often.

I wanted to keep this under 400 words, it’s already around 350, I guess I should put some effort into rephrasing things, and taking out some of the unneeded.

One thing that seemed to have totally slipped my mind was thinking about who my audience was. In reality I was writing to no one, it was just supposed to be an essay relating to video games, but everything you mentioned was very vital, I will have to really think about that when I fix this, and the next time I write.

Thanks a lot.

I haven’t taken a writing since I was in high school, I have been messing around with some career planning for the future and considered working for a magazine or something like that, I sent a resume to a guy running a pretty recent gaming site call Ripten.com.


#6

Understood. I think you can beef up and flesh this out by adding some detail and cutting off some of the redundancy, and it should end up good. I have faith you can do it.