Please don’t take this the wrong way, Wil, but it sounds like you aren’t taking this seriously. Your girl’s mind is bending in ways that don’t even make sense because she’s pregnant. If your kid is due NEXT month, and you don’t have plans A, B,C, and mother fuckin’ D set up, then she has a right to be freaking. That’s YOUR kid. Not just her kid, YOUR kid. A kid isn’t a pet. You need to put her mind at ease by letting her know that you got things under control. And that means shit like a birth plan, classes, all that shit. At this point in time, if it was me, I would have been more informed than you are and she wouldn’t have anything to complain about it. With combative women you gotta think three steps ahead. When it comes to a pregnant woman, five steps. When it comes to a pregnant woman who’s combative and blaming you for everything, 14 steps ahead.
Unfortunately, when it comes to this event for a woman, you have to out think her needs. On EVERYTHING. Children change things in a really strage way, and saying shit like “Let’s talk about some other shit” when she wants to talk about the thing that’s going to change her body forever, is stupid. Just deal with it. I know it sucks, but you gotta let it go. Wait till the baby comes. She won’t stop talking about how cute it is and all that shit. For the next 10 years especially. Get used to it.
Some women are really easy when they’re pregnant. Others are raging fucking bitches. It happens. Half the time I think women live in this idealized world where they think pregnancy is some walk in the park, and that shit goes back to normal. I imagine that if your girl is freaking then she’s realizing that shit isn’t going to be the same. Further, with you being so passive about it, she probably feels you aren’t taking things seriously in the way she is. Gotta counter that. When she’s in labor, you’re gonna be the dude making sure that her birth plan is followed, etc. You gotta make sure that she knows, not thinks, KNOWS that you got shit down pat from front to back. And that goes for after the baby is born.
Parenting is something you do learn on the job, but reading that book Ace mentioned isn’t a bad idea. Realize that you are the man, and she’s gonna expect you to be the man when shit happens that she doesn’t understand or wasn’t prepared for. And that shit is coming. Even small shit like the baby getting sick, poop being different colors, changes in the baby’s skin, how to clean them, etc. If you’re as prepared as you can be, that’s going to minimize some of her freak outs.
Brand new kids can be stressful because it’s all on you. Don’t under estimate this factor. I doubt she is, and maybe that’s why she’s giving you shit.
Oh, and one other thing, if her mom wants to come over and be with the baby, don’t close the door on that shit. You guys are going to be fucking exhausted and dealing with new things every day. It doesn’t hurt to have somebody who will watch the kid for 3 or 4 hours so you and your wife can get some uninterrupted sleep.
Also, realize, this kid is going to mean different things for different members of your family. Don’t cut off his grand parents, or any other family for that matter. You should be elated they have interest. I know plenty of folks who have kids and their parents and family either aren’t around or don’t give a fuck.
Just to give you an example, my girl is Puerto Rican. They’re HUGE on “family”. My brother in-law and his wife had a baby not to long ago and for months it’s all about 'OMG, she is soooooo CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!". They were the same, and still are the same, over Nathan. They’re very affectionate and I was a bit taken aback by it because I’d never really seen that before. My family never did that kind of thing. With them it’s never on some “Can I come to see the baby?” type stuff. It’s something that’s just done. My girl will pick up my brother in-law’s daughter with no thought. Same with my mother in-law. That’s just how their family operates.
What’s funnier though is that my mom and Nathan are inseperable. I think my mom is more understanding of my son than me or his mother. She’s been a great help with him because she’s been through this before, and she did it alone. Sometimes she gets a little over bearing, but you just let it slide. She’s had some disagreements about what we’ve done with him, and we let her know that we’re going to do what we’re going to do, but she has the best intentions. She does more for Nathan than we could have ever hoped for. She’s been a great person to have in this situation. That’s why I’m saying to deal with the mother in law.
Good luck. Being a dad is fun as hell. It’s hard at first, but it’s amazing.