SRK Expectations...Lamaze Class and Early Baby expectatations/Experience


#1

Quick history, I got my wife knocked up, and we are expecting our first in April :woot:

Regardless, we are taking a Lamaze boot camp on Saturday and was wondering how Lamaze class is (in general).

As well, I’mtired of hearing things from the female perspective, I was curious if anyone who’s had a kid could spill some advice on how to deal with things early on from the guy’s perspective. Appreciate any and all help I can get…I’m trying to keep this whole situation as low stress as possible…the baby has created alot of friction simply because of personality differences (I refuse to get stressed when there are no problems…while everything stresses her out), so I want to make sure I get everything on my end taken care of so I can keep her from stressing me unneccessarily (if that makes sense the way its worded)

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#2

The main goal of the husband is to coach your wife towards getting the baby out. You have to help her with her positions, you need to help her maintain sanity, pain control, tell her that everything will be alright. If she wants a natural birth, you need to give her confidence with not giving into the pressures of having drugs. You need to get a birth plan together and share it with your doctors before she comes into the hospital. You need to know when to take her to the hospital, cause they will send her home if labor isn’t progressing.

Know the risks/complications of birth and know the signs if something is wrong. Know the benefits to breast feeding vs. formula; keeping the child in the room vs. having its own room. When its safe to take the baby outside and how to clean the baby. Know that its poop will be different colors the first week/2 weeks of life, know when to call your doctor with regards to signs of trouble with the little one. Know when the kid it hungry and when not to over feed. Know when to give the kid solid food…

Yea, if you haven’t down anything research wise about this, your going to be VERY stressed out.


#3

That will,more than likely be the case, but its your job to talk her out of it


#4

Congratulations!

But no, I know nothing about Lamaze, pregnant women, and infants lol


#5

My concern is really those things they don’t talk about…especially from a relationship stand point, it seems real testy right now just because of perspective, I can only imagine how much worse its going to be with me working and her not working for 4-5 months…that was horrible enough before when it was just 2 months.

I’ve also got ot deal with a mother-in-law who doesn’t mean bad, but wants to come over every weekend to see her grandkid…she’s doing it to my brother-in-law and the mother finally snapped and won’t let the father pick up the phone when it’s his mom :rofl:

I mean like how did having a kid affect the relationship with the baby mother/wife and/or her family? Your own family? Tips-n-tricks? Game Genie codes?

As for Lamaze, is it something where I need to write stuff down and study or will it be pretty simple/straight forward? Only thing I know so far in ‘prep’ involves…massaging that spot ‘betwee’ so it doesn’t tear/doctor cuts it (What Dave was talking about).

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#6

With my first wife there was no Lamaze. She had natural birth with no spinal.

My current wife didn’t do Lamaze either as both of her pregnancy were scheduled c-sections. So of course she got a spinal.

Nothing much has changed with our family. Sure they (family members) want to see the kids but that’s expected. If we don’t want anyone around at any given time we tell them we don’t want them over.

Do you mean she wont be working because she’s gonna be home with the baby? Oh man, she’ll be working.


#7

It’s actually very common for the husband to feel sort of neglected or isolated with a newborn. Her focus will be on the baby, and that’s just the way it is. If you know that coming in, that should help a lot.

I don’t think you need advice from SRK though. This is one of those things everyone just has to go through. If it was really as complex as you’re trying to make it out to be, the human species would have died out thousands of years ago. On the contrary, if anything, we tend to have overpopulation issues. All of animal life continues through reproduction. Pretty much most mammals are the same in this.

You’ll be fine. Rock is right, she’ll want the shot. Legally I don’t think you can override that though, make sure you make her commit beforehand and the doctors know what the plan is. Either way you might get bitched at afterwards lol. You gotta learn to ignore a lot of things. It’s your job to not be stressed.


#8

:rofl:

This is the case before a baby is born. Where have you been?

Oh wait, you ain’t married yet.

Also, since your wife’s focus will be on the baby, Unreal you need to play more BO/MW2 again.


#9

You got a lot of work to do…seriously.

A guy in our class said it best, house guest are like fish, after 3 days they stink and you throw them out. Its your kid, not hers; man up and tell her that cause the baby needs…NEEDS to get comfortable with its parents. YOU need to learn how to hold him, YOU need to learn how to feed him, YOU need to give it 150% of your time, not the grandmother.

You shouldn’t be worried about an episiotomy right now, that is something that might need to be done to get your child out. Amber should be Kegaling and squatting as an exercise to prevent that from happening. Also, you will not be massaging that when the time comes…you think she is going to want your hand ANYWHERE down there besides catching the baby???


#10

You can override her as long as its an option and not necessary.


#11

NO Coaching!


#12

She’s a teacher. Nathan is due during her Spring Break, then afterwards she has enough leave that she’s taking the rest of the year off into the Summer, so she won’t be working from Mid April to Mid/End of August.

And when I say work, I’m not referencing work ‘load’, the problem this past summer was me coming home wanting to wind down, and her being excited almost like a puppy - that I was home - and wanting to ramp up, we were just in to COMPLETLEY different places. Fortunatly one of the problems with that won’t be an issue, she would sleep all day…heh…we’l lboth be tired so she won’t be keeping me up…the baby will :rofl:

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#13

Well I’m with you 100%, its why I’ve been so ‘under stressed’, while she’s over stressed…in my mind 'there are millions of people who seem incapable of taking care of themselves, there is no good reason why two mature adults who can provide for themselves with no issues…should have ‘problems’…but she spazzes on EVERYTHING. Your also right about feeling left out. I sorta told her last night - for better or worse

“STop, I don’t want to talk about the baby right now, the baby is 95% of our conversations these days. It will HAVE to be that way when he gets here, until then, can we talk about us and other shit abit more?” And I was serious, I wasn’t on some ‘lets talk about me’, its just after awhile I’m just sick of talking about certain topics…or talking about a topic, and her saying something that makes no sense what so ever because in her head she’s on the topic of the baby again.

We havne’t decided on drugs or not. I’m expecting her to get them ::shrug::

  • :bluu:

ugh…thats how things are NOW, which is unfortunate because that goes against my very principle…if I’m wrong I openly admit it, but give me my credit when I’m right. So here we go with me being right on something…say the painter…and somehow its my fault :rofl: thats marriage.

  • :bluU:

I’m honestly in and out…trying to spend as much quality time with her, while balancing that with cleaning up the house, and I was supposed to be competitive with MvC3, but I’m just not hungery…can’t figure it out, maybe I’m just distracted by everything else…so I’ve been playing Darksiders cause I don’t feel bad just dropping it when she gets home or pausing it for an hour or so to get yelled at for something thats ‘my fault’ haha

  • :bluu:

No, I’m supposed to be massaging that area ‘now’, not then. We’ll be doing class on Saturday to get it out the way…at which point she’ll start doing those things that will help out. The way things are looking - he’s going to be a big boy despite me thinking otherwise :tup: so long as I’m taller haha.

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#14

Well we didn’t do Lamaze with our two girls. We went with the Bradley method for both of them and it was a very positive experience. The most important thing you can do is to be supportive, understanding, and do everything you can to help relieve her pain.

Are you planning on a natural birth or do she plan on having an epidural?

Yeah you should be prepared… I think this is something most first time parents just aren’t ready for, is the level of stress that a child brings into your life. It’s a wonderful blessing and an amazing experience, but having a child so radically transforms your life and your priorities (assuming your not a dead beat in which case…). You will begin to think about and be concerned about things that probably never would have worried you before. Also, as has been mentioned, the baby will be so dependent on the mother, that you might feel left out, but you have to take the initiative.

Don’t worry, work together, not against each other, be more forgiving of one another, work to satisfy each other’s needs and you will find a way through…


#15

Our last class is this Tuesday doing the Bradley Method. Our neighbors recommended it and it has been a great experience. (My child is due first week of May). Honestly, I didn’t know how much stuff went into preparing for the child/birth until those classes.


#16

Also, this is a great book to read. From the dads perspective on children and is actually really funny. (ignore the logging looking dude on the cover)


#17

I didn’t know SRK GD had this many daddies…

Good luck Unreallystic with everything and hope things go smoothly.

You better provide pics of the new one.


#18

Please don’t take this the wrong way, Wil, but it sounds like you aren’t taking this seriously. Your girl’s mind is bending in ways that don’t even make sense because she’s pregnant. If your kid is due NEXT month, and you don’t have plans A, B,C, and mother fuckin’ D set up, then she has a right to be freaking. That’s YOUR kid. Not just her kid, YOUR kid. A kid isn’t a pet. You need to put her mind at ease by letting her know that you got things under control. And that means shit like a birth plan, classes, all that shit. At this point in time, if it was me, I would have been more informed than you are and she wouldn’t have anything to complain about it. With combative women you gotta think three steps ahead. When it comes to a pregnant woman, five steps. When it comes to a pregnant woman who’s combative and blaming you for everything, 14 steps ahead.

Unfortunately, when it comes to this event for a woman, you have to out think her needs. On EVERYTHING. Children change things in a really strage way, and saying shit like “Let’s talk about some other shit” when she wants to talk about the thing that’s going to change her body forever, is stupid. Just deal with it. I know it sucks, but you gotta let it go. Wait till the baby comes. She won’t stop talking about how cute it is and all that shit. For the next 10 years especially. Get used to it.

Some women are really easy when they’re pregnant. Others are raging fucking bitches. It happens. Half the time I think women live in this idealized world where they think pregnancy is some walk in the park, and that shit goes back to normal. I imagine that if your girl is freaking then she’s realizing that shit isn’t going to be the same. Further, with you being so passive about it, she probably feels you aren’t taking things seriously in the way she is. Gotta counter that. When she’s in labor, you’re gonna be the dude making sure that her birth plan is followed, etc. You gotta make sure that she knows, not thinks, KNOWS that you got shit down pat from front to back. And that goes for after the baby is born.

Parenting is something you do learn on the job, but reading that book Ace mentioned isn’t a bad idea. Realize that you are the man, and she’s gonna expect you to be the man when shit happens that she doesn’t understand or wasn’t prepared for. And that shit is coming. Even small shit like the baby getting sick, poop being different colors, changes in the baby’s skin, how to clean them, etc. If you’re as prepared as you can be, that’s going to minimize some of her freak outs.

Brand new kids can be stressful because it’s all on you. Don’t under estimate this factor. I doubt she is, and maybe that’s why she’s giving you shit.

Oh, and one other thing, if her mom wants to come over and be with the baby, don’t close the door on that shit. You guys are going to be fucking exhausted and dealing with new things every day. It doesn’t hurt to have somebody who will watch the kid for 3 or 4 hours so you and your wife can get some uninterrupted sleep.

Also, realize, this kid is going to mean different things for different members of your family. Don’t cut off his grand parents, or any other family for that matter. You should be elated they have interest. I know plenty of folks who have kids and their parents and family either aren’t around or don’t give a fuck.

Just to give you an example, my girl is Puerto Rican. They’re HUGE on “family”. My brother in-law and his wife had a baby not to long ago and for months it’s all about 'OMG, she is soooooo CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!". They were the same, and still are the same, over Nathan. They’re very affectionate and I was a bit taken aback by it because I’d never really seen that before. My family never did that kind of thing. With them it’s never on some “Can I come to see the baby?” type stuff. It’s something that’s just done. My girl will pick up my brother in-law’s daughter with no thought. Same with my mother in-law. That’s just how their family operates.

What’s funnier though is that my mom and Nathan are inseperable. I think my mom is more understanding of my son than me or his mother. She’s been a great help with him because she’s been through this before, and she did it alone. Sometimes she gets a little over bearing, but you just let it slide. She’s had some disagreements about what we’ve done with him, and we let her know that we’re going to do what we’re going to do, but she has the best intentions. She does more for Nathan than we could have ever hoped for. She’s been a great person to have in this situation. That’s why I’m saying to deal with the mother in law.

Good luck. Being a dad is fun as hell. It’s hard at first, but it’s amazing.


#19

I want to clarify my statement on help; Yes, when people offer help (accountable people) by all means let them help out. Our neighbors are helping Lauren’s people plan the baby shower, less work we have to do. All the important woman in our lives are going to be down to see the child when its born; this is were you need to be real careful. Koop and Unreal know my wife so they will probably not be shocked by this and reading your…displeasure for your mother-in-law dealing with kids, you might need to tread lightly. The grandparents (from what we talked about) are there to help us with helping the kid, meaning yes, they can hold the child, they can put it to sleep and give “suggestions” but they will also help around the house, get food for us and make sure we are good. As Ronin said, lean on family, but don’t let them dictate your fathering skills (nor Ambers mothering skills).

As far as the birth goes; do you know how long/far it takes to get to the hospital? Have you done a tour of the birthing area? Do you have your paperwork filled out? These are the minor things you can do now so there is no wakeup super then Nathan drops.


#20

Speaking as a new dad, preparation and planning is a key element. Im in the same boat as you my friend im the calm, reasonable sane one, whereas the missus is the stressed, drama queen and sometimes is over protective.

The best thing you can do concerning the classes is listen, learn be sympathetic and reassuring. The woman doesn’t want to feel on her own.

You’ll have to do alot of planning this goes doubly for finance. Also you should be hittin’ up family members who have had kids…hand-me -downs are essential. We got a shit load of clothes, toys, chairs misc baby stuff from the fam :woot:

Family support is good its always good to have a optional babysitter if you need a break :tup:

Sleeping - make sure you get this when and where you can… when that baby comes out say goodbye to sleep :sad: you need to plan and get into a routine otherwise you’ll both get over stressed n ill.