Taichi's "Too Late For Battle Poll" Team beatdown Intro!


#1

Chapter 1: Confrontation and Conflict

Samuel L. Muthafuckin’ Jackson sat in a chair (With the words “Bad Muthafucka” on it), in his downtown Detroit Pad (1531 Bad Muthafucka Way), caressing his custom .357 Magnum (With “Zeus” inscribed on it…what? you think I’d use that joke three times?)

he began to get impatient, the first interviewee was supposed to be here an hour ago…and had yet to show, which meant that the second interviewee was already five minutes late…

Sam hated lateness, when a muthafucka is late, a muthafucka gets nervous, and when a muthafucka gets nervous, that’s when people get shot…

finally, a knock came to the door, Sam stood up and opened the door…

“You’re Late!” Sam said to the larger black man standing before him…

“What?” came the reply…

“I said you’re over an hour late, muthafucka, what took so long?”

“What?” was all the larger man could stammer out…

“Where ya from, Laurence?” Sam said…

“What?” Laurence said…

“What ain’t no place I ever heard of, do they speak English in “What”?”

“What?”

“Say what again, muthafucka, I dare ya!, I double Dare ya!” (Long Way to go for a cheap joke, but it was worth it!)

Laurence sat down across from Sam…

“I’ve been going over your resume, Larry…Can I call you Larry?, anyway, Larry, I’ve been going over your resume, and I have just one question…”

“And that would be?”

“It says here that in the mid-to-late 1980s, you played a cowboy on a kid’s show, is that correct?”

"Yes, but I also discovered “The One”

“Nigga, don’t you be tellin’ me who found “The One”, do I look like a bitch to you?”

“N-no…”

“now it says you played a cowboy in a kids show, which you say you did…this is unacceptable, I need men of resolve, of character”

“A Cowboy is a character!”

“Do you want me to shoot you now?, muthafucka, I need a guy who’s got a little bit of self-respect, putting on a cowskin suit and saying “Yes Massa” to a faggot in a grey suit and red bowtie just doesn’t cut it”

“But, I got to use a sword!”

“Nigga, I got six guys who can use a sword, I got a laser sword right here,that I used to beat the fuck out of the toughest white boy in the galaxy with!” (It says “Bad Muthafucka” on the handle!)

“Sorry, but application…denied!”

“But, I helped save Humanity!”

“So did I…more times than I can count…NEXT!”

“You’ll pay for this!”

“Are you finished?”

“uhm”

“Well Allow me to Retort!”

“uhh…”

“The Path of the Jedi Knight, is beset on all sides by the inequities of the Darkside, and the Tyrrany of the Sith, Blessed is he, who in the name of the Lightside of the Force, Shepherds the weak through the valley of Darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper, and the finder of Lost Children, and I will strike down upon thee, with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison, and destroy my brothers, and you will know my name is Mace Muthafuckin’ Windu, when I lay my Vengeance upon thee…”

“nooooo…”

BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM…

Samuel L. Muthafuckin’ Jackson ventilates Laurence Fishburne, in a hail of bullets and sadistic glee…

“NEXT!”

(I’ll post Raven and Wesley’s introductions in a few…)


#2

Hey you posted this up really fast. It’s too bad you missed out on the Battle Poll though, maybe next time.


#3

meh, it’s fine with me…


#4

Chapter 2: Things go a little better

Sam Sat back in his “Bad Muthafucka” Chair, as the second applicant filed into the room, he crossed his legs, and entwined his fingers, putting on his most badass “Sam Muthafuckin’ Jackson” look…

he cocked his Kangol Cap as Raven filed into the room…

Raven was a tall man, who seemed oddly familiar, Sam couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but as he stepped over the still smoking pile that used to be Laurence Fishburne, he made the mistake of asking…

Raven: What the hell happened to him?

Sam: Failed to meet the requirements

Raven: Why didn’t you get rid of him?

Sam: Do you see a sign on the front of my house that says “Dead Nigger Storage?” (man, this thing writes itself!)

Raven: Uhm…no…

Sam: Let me ask you, why the fuck you wanna be part of this team?

Raven: I like to fuck people up!

Sam: I like that, I like determination, you got balls, boy…so, what can you do?

Raven: It’s all right there on the application, in black and white

Sam: I asked you, I can read, muthafucka!, and what’s this shit about Black and White?, fool, it’s ALWAYS about black and white!

Raven: I was just sayin’…

Sam: Don’t think, talk…

Raven: Knives, I’m good with knives…

Sam: And you think Knives are gonna save your ass, when the lead is flyin’ and you got a dozen white boys ridin’ all up on your ass?

Raven: I’m REALLY good with knives…

Sam: shit, negro, that’s all you hadda say…You’re in…