Team Portland vs. SUV aka Cookies on I-5

Yeah, so I would like to begin this tale by thanking Street Fighter for 18 years of training and reflex practice for saving the lives of 5 brave warriors battling the evil menace of Mario Kart bananas on the freeway.

Anyway, as team Portland was driving back this morning from Zach?s this morning, we switched up drivers from Lawrence to myself somewhere south of Olympia (I think the guy at Wal Mart said something about Columbia County or Columbia something?). Anyway, we stopped at Wal Mart for bath room breaks, which in turn saved Lawrence from having to call the insurance for new car seats? You'll understand soon.
So we get back on I-5 heading south and around 45 minutes from Portland it happens. The situation is this: I?m driving about 1  seconds behind a truck towing a U-Haul trailer behind it. We?re going around 75-80 mph in the far left (re: fast) lane. In the lane next to us, going at least 5 mph less, was some random RAV4 that decided it wanted to merge into the lane behind the truck?. and into our f***ing car. It was close enough that if Jetay stuck his arm maybe an inch passed the passenger side mirror, he would have touched the SUV while it was in our lane. I swerved to avoid getting owned in the side (the SUV would have hit our car square on, side-by-side had I not swerved). Unfortunately, the front tire hit the grass on the side and I had to re-right the car, which caused us to pull a phat cookie in our lane. Miraculously, I corrected the car and pulled to the side of the road.
So, we all get out of the car ready to kick the living shit out of whoever caused us to go Initial D in the middle of I-5. Someone actually said ?I?m gonna beat that dude?s ass!? When Jetay said the greatest thing ever: ?It?s a chick? worse, it?s an asian chick.? Quick rundown on why the stereotype owned the life out of her: she?s 21, driving her parents? SUV from Seattle to Cali for school (I?m sure she?s finally killed a couple of people as of this writing, I?m willing to put big money on it), and just got a speeding ticket a few weeks ago. But she ?likes to think that she?s a careful driver!? Riiiiight? Anyway, Lawrence is pissed, but before she came over he ran around and checked his rims to make sure there were no damage to his car. I was checking my underwear for mess cause spinning around and having a chance to look at traffic coming at you tends to do that, so I didn?t see her come up really. Obviously, Lawrence is still pissed when she comes up and starts making her feel as worthless as she is by telling her that WE COULD HAVE DIED. 
At this point, I?d like to take a break and say that absolutely nothing and no one got injured or broken. By some miracle, the 3 (4?) lanes of traffic was able to avoid our spin out and her merging into the opposite end of the freeway when she pulled over. Also, it is more of a miracle that the car didn?t slip further into the grass and jump the ditch and into the fence between north and south. I figured this would help make people actually ENJOY the story, because the only way to kill the nerves about this is to laugh about it? and we did a lot of that.
Alright, so Lawrence, the dumb ass batch and myself are all talking about what we should do when the cops see our car pulled over and stop to see what happened. They ask her what happened, ask us what happened, and we all generally agree she fails at life. Anyway, after we all go to the other side of the freeway to behind her car we talk some more and exchange insurance info. The cop told us that it was our choice to give her a ticket or not and we decided not to, but Lawrence asked what it would cost her. She about crapped her pants when she heard it was $175 for wreckless driving. I?m impressed that freaked her out more than almost sending the 5 of us flying off a hill.
Anyway, end of story she?s a garbage driver, her insurance runs out in less than a month and the only damage to the car was the grass that somehow got trapped underneath the rear bumper, the sub in the car got wedged in the trunk? oh, and my accident cherry got popped, since this was the first incident I?ve had as a driver. Oh and avoid Mario Kart bananas, they?re too top tier. I knew I should have kept the turtle shell?

Oh, and Jetay figured that since this was the ultimate pr0n situation, we should call it “5 Arcade Sticks, One Asian Chick”

P.S. <3 Seattle


  • this Asian chick was very fuckable, she had a very nice ass for a asian girl!

  • tried telling lawrence to get her to cash us out to no avail

  • There was a casino maybe a mile up the road from where we were and i had major consideration of going up there and testing my luck after what happened

  • Samb just sat in the car like nothing happened

  • This Asian chick was very Fuckable!

  • A mouth is a Mouth!


gj guys

Shit, good to hear you guys are ok though. LOL @ Initial D.

Jetay you shouldve hit that.

Man, what’s with washington and accidents? Are there just more crazy drivers or something?

I’d think if you’d played your cards right, guilt for running you off the road combined with not giving her a ticket might have at least gotten you laid. What gives?

Gotta watch out for those mariokart banana peels.

All Asian people should be banned from driving. They’re a threat to motorists everywhere. I’m terrified of killing people whenever I get behind the wheel.

Good to hear that you guys got back alright. Looking forward to the next time you come up for games.

That is quite the story I must say. I’d like to apologize on behalf of the 206, but that incident took place near Olympia. We can’t be held responsible for their horrible driving. Cute asian girls that have ass are my kryptonite as I’ve effectively learned how to say no to White women. Watch me do ettttttttt!

well at least it wasn’t the 253! lol!

It’s the crazy 360 niggas…

Here is a replay of what happened pretty much:

Jetay you are a fucking riot.

ROFLMAO! If i could rep you again I would.

Kenny your av is too raw.


OMG Wow. That is EXACTLY what happened.

OMG, flash backs… Family Guy + Mario Kart = TRUTH