The Aftermath of Suicide


#1

Due to current events from last night seems like a good time to discuss this current topic. A friend of mine and one of my pledge brothers(yeah I am joining a fraternity, insert your jokes here), killed himself last night with a shotgun. He was bipolar and manic depressive as well as being a war veteran. He was also a 4.0 student, very charming and could crack a joke with the best of them. I have very conflicted feelings in general and have learned that keeping shit in is the worst thing a person could do. So this is my open forum, I know some of you have dealt with this and the discussion never hurts. RIP Thomas, you will always be a brother to me.


#2

Not gonna lie hoping this was a beguiled thread

Ive never had anyone in my life take their own i cant imagine what thats like. Sorry bro :frowning:


#3

Yeah it sucks, I both love and hate him at the same time. It is a weird mix of emotions and the affect it has had has been far reaching, far more reaching then he probably realized it would be. I honestly do not expect many people to post as it is not a thread about random stupid topic A, but I do not care right now. I am just trying to deal with this mess the best that I can.


#4

I feel for you, man. One of my best friends in high school killed himself junior year. Same way as your friend. I saw this guy almost every day. He had so much going for him generally liked by everybody, smart when he applied him self, could have played football or basketball at a respectable D-II school. His mom has never recovered. She cries every time she sees me and its been 7 years and its a killer… Hurts my heart every time I run into her. I can totally relate to the missing/hating aspect of what you’re feeling, it fucking sucks.

I wish I had more comforting to say. It sucks…


#5

Even hating on your boy when he’s not around anymore damn! How many invitations do you get in the mail to the player haters ball?

In all seriousness, you have my sincerest condolences. I haven’t lost anyone from suicide, but I have dated a girl with serious issues and stopped her from killing herself twice so I know what it’s like to be pissed at someone you care about for being so…dumb to even think of doing such a selfish thing. At the very least maybe his death and it’s aftermath will dissuade anyone else in your frat from having suicidal thoughts.


#6

I had a cousin who just passed from this in february, she was a abusive relationship with her husband and she dealt with heavy depression…she protected him from us and would just say everything is ok and not to worry, we werent as close but she was still family, really a shock value and makes you wonder about what was going through their heads at that time…

bottom line is get help and talk to people…if she was more open with her feelings she may have been saved but if its his will then it will happen


#7

my advice would be that you go to your school’s counseling center and try to talk to someone about it. there’s alot of literature on suicide and grieving process that can help you. the worst thing you could do is zone out in class or miss class altogether because you were too busy sulking. go about it the right way and keep positive. good luck


#8

My dad’s twin’s son killed himself a way back. Both brothers had three kids each… and then they didn’t. It’s terrible, but at the same time one of the important things to remember is that this person thought there was no other way they could live with the pain that life was handing them. (In his case, it was supposedly really bad tinnitus.) Their death was at the time the greatest mercy life could offer them.

If you treat the people around you a little bit better, be a little more there for everybody, I figure you’re probably doing right by the memory of your friend. Condolences, and remember that one of the strongest phrases you will ever have for your dark times and the dark times of those around you is: it gets better.


#9

I’ve attempted suicide (at 11), my mom and dad both have attempted, my stepfather attempted. None of us succeeded. One of my friend’s father killed himself this summer. He had struggled with alcoholism for years.

It really sucks. I knew the guy well, I had been over to their house so many times, he was the friendliest guy you’d meet. When I was in the states, I would go over to their house every Christmas Eve for a party, and we’d have a blast.

Suicide just sucks. Too much in the way of hurting other people that even if your actions can be justified (prolonged illness, lots of suffering due to depression/addiction/loss), it still is a selfish act that leaves people in the wake hurting.

I can’t say my life is wonderful, but I am glad that I failed in killing myself.

I really feel bad for all these kids offing themselves because of bullies. Schools, parents, and media can say all they want that it’s no different than they were in school, kids are just too cowardly now, but that ain’t true. Social media has allowed bullying to be a 24/7 pasttime, whereas when i was in school, you at least had after school and weekends to escape it.

I did have one time that a group of bullies started calling my house in like 5th grade…my mom put an end to that quickly. But now, the world is so connected that it’s hard to do.


#10

I’ve contemplated suicide in the past but was just too afraid to actually go through with it. You can’t undo killing yourself so I just never took that plunge out of fear of the unknown. Thank goodness.

People will always say “You’re so selfish, think about your loved ones who will be sad”, but really, when you’ve gone past the deep end, you just stop giving a shit about anything or anybody.


#11

Hey man. I had a couple friends take their own lives. One was back in high school. The other as an adult, also graduated with a 4.0. I understand the whole mixed feelings thing, too. To me, it feels like so much selfishness on their part but you also associate these people with good times. Keep in mind that it likely wasn’t an easy decision to make themselves. Regardless, it doesn’t mean you can’t still be mad at them.

I think it’s okay to let how you feel take its course. Also, you can get all the guidance you want and you may never get over it. That’s okay. You’ll at least be at better peace if you try. No matter how many years pass, their deaths never sat well with me. Probably because they mattered.

I also know people dealing with manic depression and bipolar. It’s tough for them because their emotions get exponentially strong. The emotions of any sort can inevitably win no matter how much logic they can grasp.

Sorry if I seem to be rambling. I hope I brought something to your table. Feel free to reply and/or message me if you need it.


#12

Sorry to hear of your loss, jae. My parents are clinically depressed and manic-depressive, respectively. They both had their close calls.


#13

I’m sorry to hear this. Bipolar/manic depression can be one of the most difficult things to live or deal with. Most people who suffer with it are quite intelligent, so when they are up, they are really strong, and when they are down they can hide or conceal it. Outwardly they seem so happy or successful that even those close to them may not realize or understand it.

I struggle with major depression myself (border line bipolar) and I work (on a volunteer basis) with many people who are bipolar. It also runs in my family. While suicide is a terrible pain to inflict on those around you, when people are down in the pit they often think so little of themselves or hate themselves so much that they think that they are doing those around them a favour by getting rid of themselves.

It would be inhuman to not be angry or devasted by a person who does this, so like you said, make sure that you do continue talking to people about it. Also, don’t think that you’re a bad person for being angry and upset about your friend, because you are not.

If it means anything, I will be keeping you, your friend and his family in my prayers. Peace.


#14

Any suicide that’s related to a mental illness is truly tragic.

Any suicide that’s related to life ‘not going well’ and is voluntary can go fuck themselves. There’s always someone who has it worse, and they choose to live.


#15

It’s just as sad to me, to watch people take the coward’s way out rather than try to make things better.

Now, I’ve thought about suicide in times where things “weren’t going well,” but they were typically coupled with a bout of serious depression.

Only twice have I ever either tried to kill myself, or came on the verge of doing it: 1) when I was 11, my grandmother died and I was super depressed over it. She was the closest person in my life at the time. 2) When I was 23, I was really depressed, angry, and battling a gambling addiction. I felt trying to get past that hurdle was impossible, and came about 60 seconds from actually doing it, and my phone rang. It was one of my friends, and he talked me down.

Nowadays, I can tell when I’m getting pretty bad, and have friends that I know have been there that I can talk to for help. One thing that a lot of people think, and I guess the perception is this is the case, is that you’re alone, isolated, no one knows what you’re going through, and no one will give you an attentive ear and talk through things with you. There’s always someone. Maybe being told certain things won’t help, but at least having people around you that will listen, validate your feelings and concerns and situation as real, and talk you through them helps. One of my best friends has done this for me, instead of just telling me to get over it.


#16

I had a female cousin who did kill herself about 10 years ago. She was around 25, and that was sad as fuck. Her boyfriend got killed in a car accident nearly a year before that, and some said she couldn’t cope with it, grabbed my uncle’s gun and basically offed herself in her room after coming home from a party. My aunt and uncle now keep her room in top-notch state and all her belongings intact, which is kinda creepy once you think about it.

I dunno…I’ve had some rough times, for sure, but I never considered that ending it myself would be the proper solution. I always keep a positive outlook on things, so I guess that’s why…always looking for that silver lining…


#17

And you can go fuck yourself too. Really, if you’re downplaying and dismissing the problems of someone who’s on the verge of suicide (or anybody for that matter), brushing them off as petty and unimportant because “someone else has it worse” and they should get over it --Guess what? YOU’RE NOT HELPING AT ALL. If you’re going to be an insensitive prick to the person, don’t even bother talking to them, as you’ll only make it worse.

It’s like hearing a person despair about how their mother just died, and saying that’s nothing, because Joe who works at the Papa John’s 4 blocks down had BOTH his parents die and is doing fine, therefore they should stop complaining.

???


#18

I have issues with depression and am bipolar as well, I do not take any medication. When I tell people I have a high IQ and I have a considerable amount of self control then they can not imagine, it is not a joke. I have tried to kill himself once and have thought about it quite a bit. This is will this hits so close to home, we had a lot of common. Similar backgrounds, similar attitude, similar ways of going about things. It was like looking at a mirror and seeing yourself staring back at you. It honestly scares me knowing that could easily have been me. We threw a party at my house for him tonight, got drunk of our ass like he would want and had a good time. We laughed, we cried, and we never forgot. It will be hard and I can already see how it has affected other people who are now contemplating the same thing. It is hard knowing I have to be strong for everyone else, but it has always been like that. I miss him and wish he was still here with me, drinking Jack Daniels with me straight from the bottle. Straws are for bitches as he liked to say.


#19

i spent a week in the hospital 6 weeks ago for being suicidal and spent the past 4 weeks on FMLA while in counseling. nothing has changed.

i can tell you as someone going through this that the worst thing you can do is try to act like they’re doing harm to others because of the way they feel. you only push them further along. it’s downright shameful to tell someone they’re awful for the way they feel, to tell them they’re being selfish. just a terrible terrible thing to say to someone.

i had a somewhat estranged older sister that killed herself a few months ago but, that has nothing to do with my situation. in fact i’d say i don’t really know how i feel about her at all. more intrigued than sad. i want to know why she did it as there was no note and we didn’t even know until the toxicity reports came back.


#20

My brother really just tried to justify bullying.

No.

He said bullying builds you up but it actually has very little to do with your upbringing. If you confront a bully, you didn’t learn anything from the situation other than the fact that you confronted one. Bullying is destructive and it always has been. It leads to people being suicidal because you feel lonely, and as a human being, thats reaaaally bad. How can you justify bullying if you advocate against jim crow laws. Thats systematic bullying on a mass scale and it did absolutely NOTHING to benefit the black community whatsoever, but you can somehow take individual cases and somehow deduct that you are the way you are because you were bullied? What?

One of my classmates back in elementary was suicidal as fuck because the entire school literally bullied him. He talked of killing himself and even attempted it a few times. I regret it now and feel really terrible about it. Its really not something to fuck around with, the fact that people say that if you are mentally weak enough to kill yourself means your a waste of a human being honestly makes me want to fuck you up irl, real talk.