B.B. Hood was still getting adjusted to her new life. For about three months, she’d abandoned her day job as a bounty hunter to peruse a path towards self-discovery, brought on by her experiences with her last target, the Ansatsuken master Akuma. She learned to iron out her short temper, and gained a maturity she wouldn’t have otherwise grown into if it hadn’t been for the trials set forth by her master.
Unfortunately, Buletta quickly learned that the path of the warrior doesn’t pay the bills.
*I’m broke. The money Rugal paid me for Akuma a few months back got blocked by the government, the money I’d saved up from past jobs is quickly dwindling, I have a FUCKING DOG whom I have to buy dog food for, and I haven’t washed my dress in days because the water bill’s late. I could do what Akuma and that chump Ryu did, and just wander the countryside in a tattered old gi…or I could actually have a life.
Oh fuck it. Sorry Master Aku. Sorry Bruce Lee. Sorry John Carradine of Kung Fu. I need to take a bath everyday.*
Buletta slept comfortably that night in the apartment she kept in the Barrier Between the Human World and the Demon World (also known as New York City). She knew that tomorrow, instead of finding people to beat up on the street, she’d go looking for a goddamn job.
THE ANSATSUKEN KID 2: THE EPILOGUE
Elisha Cuthbert as Baby Bonnie “Buletta” Hood
Zhang Ziyi as Hsien-Ko
Jean Reno as Akuma
Alexis Bledel (that chick from Gilmore Girls) as Lilith
Antonio Banderas as Ryu
Owen Wilson as Rock Howard
Samuel L. Jackson as Duck King
Buletta got up at 7 in the morning, which took her some effort. She had to drink a couple gallons of water before she went to bed, so she very nearly pissed herself when she woke up. The full bladder acted as her ghetto alarm clock.
“All for the money,” she encouraged herself weakly. Her dog whimpered at her feet, sensing the gravity of their poverty. “Shut up. I don’t see you supporting the household. Bitch.”
Her locked front door knocked furiously, behind it a person trying to get a hold of Bonnie. Fresh out of her pajamas, she answered in half-shut eyes: “The fuck do you want?” It was a young man, short blond hair, and a signature red jacket. Her annoying neighbor, Rock Howard.
“Hey, Buletta…you got a computer, right?”
“Uh… can you burn me a CD? I’m gonna, like, need it today.”
“A CD? I’m kind of busy today, Rock. I’m job hunting.”
“It’ll only take a few minutes, I swear!” Rock pleaded. He had a very shaken up quality about him, and for some reason he always smelled like dust and mildew. “Hotaru’s coming here in a few hours, and I gotta have something for the mood! Look, I’ll pay you five bucks…”
“Five…bucks?” Buletta quickly calculated the pennies that a CD-R was worth versus the five bucks her price was. It was all very nearly profit. “…What do you want?”
“Hook me up with that Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, I want that Ludacris track with the Austin Powers beat… oh, and Mozart.”
“…Okay.” Buletta went right to work, starting up her computer, getting on DC++, and downloading all the music she needed from the HerV hub. A half hour later, Rock’s selections were burned onto a CD-R, with “ROCK’S FAGGOT MIX” scribbled quickly on the label with a black Sharpie.
“Yo, what’s this say? I can’t make it out…”
“It says it’s your CD, now go!” Buletta shoved Rock out the door and asked herself if she could really do this for a living. She thought about dealing with Rock Howard’s retarded ass every day, and decided against it. She knew at least one person in the city who could offer her a job.
“Uh, hello, Buletta… um, this is a pleasant surprise.”
“Hsien-ko! How ya doin’ ghost Chink?”
An uncomfortable silence between the two remained for minutes. Hsien-ko had built for herself a modest empire of restaurants and food vendors all throughout Chinatown. In her comfortable office rouge office, ornamented with exquisite gold and jade trinkets, Hsien-ko sat without concern on her plush chair behind her ivory desk.
“…I’m well. So, what do you need?”
“Oh come on! We’re like, best buds, right?” Buletta smiled, again, but her lips and cheeks were fairly uncomfortable, actually smiling.
“The last time we met, we tried to kill eachother. On the rooftop of a Best Buy, no less.”
“It’s all water under the bridge to me, Hsien-ko-chan! ^_^”
“I see the same Best Buy through that window every day. In fact I can see it right now.” Hsien-ko pointed. “See, that’s where you tried to kill me.”
“…~_~” Buletta resigned. “You’re, like, the last person I wanted to turn to.”
“I can imagine that being so, yes.”
“But…I was wondering if you needed some extra muscle in any of your restaurants. Y’know, in case there are some sleazy gangs trying to push your managers into giving protection money. … I’ll fuck them up!”
“…actually…Maybe. I have one rib stand near this arcade. This rowdy gang keeps accosting my employees…I forgot their name, they’re rather small time. But this annoyance has gone on for a week now. Put a stop to it, and I’ll consider hiring you as a dishwasher for the Cuban Rice & Beans.”
“You…you mean it Hsien-ko?!”
“Yes, yes. Now beat up some punk kids, alright?” Hsien-ko smiled slightly before dismissing Buletta, who was jumping and skipping like the little girl she resembled.