Ok… Let’s see…
Salma Hayek vs. Beyonce
I still hold a spot in my heart for Salma. But she’s going up against Queen Beyonce, a woman who has too few equals. I still dig you Salma but alas… you are past your prime and even at your hottest… you can’t compete with The Queen.
Vote = [i]Queen Beyonce*
Monica Bellucci vs Harumi Nemoto
Harumi Nemoto has really big titties. So the hell what.
Vote = Monica “Sex Personified” Bellucci
Andy Allo vs Kelly Hu
This is actually pretty tough. When Andy doesn’t have that weird ass afro she really sparkles. I dig Kelly Hu but for how long am I gonna hold the flame for her?
Vote = Kelly Hu (apparently for a little longer)
Lucy Pinder vs Kelly Cuoco
Very different styles. But my dick says to go with the more explosive woman.
Vote = 2nd-in-Command of the Brit Tit Gang, Lucy “God Tier Titties” Pinder
Olivia Wilde vs Laisa Andrioli
This is a really close matchup. Their bodies are really similar. However… last I checked, Olivia Wilde hasn’t done any nude stuff while Laisa… well… go to menversus.com/artickes/laisaandrioli and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
Vote = Laisa Andrioli
Jessica Canizales vs Malia Jones
Too easy.I’ll take an explosive body over a skinny model everyday of the week.
Vote = Jessica Canizales
Suelyn Medeiros vs Brooklynn Decker
Another easy one. Decker ain’t got enough booty or booby to hang.
Vote = Suelyn Medeiros
Rosario Dawson vs Aarti Mann
Aarti Mann is kinda inconsistent. She can look kinda ugly but can sparkle like champagne. As for Rosario Dawson…
Vote = Aarti Mann (I’ve never thought she was ever attractive at any moment of her life)
Jessica aka Ms. Rabbit vs Sharon Leal
It’s not often that I go away from the woman with the more explosive body. ButI can’t let Sharon go down without getting a vote from me.
Vote = Sharon Leal (RIP Hellcats)
Freida Pinto vs Shakira
Vote = “The Time Stopper”, Shakira
Jackie Gueriddo vs Minea Blomqvist
Vote = “The World Hottest Weather Woman”, Jackie Guerrido
Scarlett Johansson vs Ana Beatriz Barros
I don’t think so. Skinny, everyday models just don’t do it for me.
Vote = The Red Scarlett Johansson
Sofia Vergara vs Nina Dobrev
I think Nina Dobrev is so fucking pretty…
Vote = Sofia Vergara (but seriously… Sofia’s voice alone makes me ejaculate prematurely)
Leona Lewis vs Jenn Grijalva
Cheh. Never was impressed by Leona Lewis.
Vote = Jenn Grijalva
Stacey Keibler vs Lacey Banghard
It’s gonna take a lot more than this to defeat the 3-time Women’s Madness Champion
Vote = “She Got Legs”, Stacy Keibler
Jamie Chung vs Hyori
Shake it Hyori, SHAKE IT!!
Vote = Lee Hyori
Hayden Panetierre vs Zharick Leon
I like Zharick Leon. But sadly, she hasn’t owned me as much as The Invincible Cheerleader.
Vote = Hayden Panetierre
Jessica Biel vs Emma Stone
No reason to waste time with this one.
Vote = Jessica Biel
Keely Hazell vs Christina Millian
Oh fuck. The Brit Tit Commander vs the closest thing to Maia Campbell other than Meagan Good. Dammit… Don’t make me do this… don’t…
Vote = “The Brit Tit Commander” Keeley Hazell (You shouldn’t have let The Dream hit that Christina. I can forgive you for Nick Cannon. But The Dream? The fucking Dream?)
Jessica Stroup vs Kim Kardashian
Jessica is too adorable and Kim is too gamesharked (and I like your younger sister better).
Vote = Jessica Stroup
Christina Hendricks vs Mouni Farro
Too easy. And Christina?.. it’s called sunlight. Maybe you’ve heard of it?
Vote = Mouni Farro
Ariana Grande vs Stacey Dash
Oh fuck you to whoever put this matchup together.
Vote = Undecided for now.
Thandie Newton vs Son Bam-Di
Thandie Newton… no matter what role you put her in, no matter what she wears… is fucking gorgeous. She’s like a hotter, younger Jada Pinkett.
Vote = Thandie Newton
Minka Kelly vs Somaya Reece
Skinny bitch vs Explosive body.
Vote = Somaya Reese (And whoever said Minka Kelly was “The Sexiest Woman Alive” in 2009 obviously thought the rest of the women in the world were undead)
Natalie Suliman vs Amanda Seyfried
Oh look… it’s TWO skinny bitches!
Vote = Natalie Suliman (seriously… who the hell thinks Amanda Seyfried belongs in any competition that promotes hotness?)
Brenda Song vs Rosa Acosta
I’m actually a Brenda Song and I can’t wait until she starts doing slutty roles.
Vote = Rosa Acosta (But seriously… Rosa Acosta is the definition of the word “Dime-piece”)
Malin Akerman vs Vanessa Morgan
A really think Malin Akerman is pretty. Her smile sparkles.
Vote = Vanessa “The Vampire Babysitter” Morgan (But I’m not watching terrible tv shows just look at her. Vanessa’s potential is SO vast.)
Serena Williams vs Mila Kunis
I’m probably one of the few who really dig Serena Williams. Mila Kunis is probably a bit prettier.
Vote = Mila Kunis (Do I really want to have sex with a gorilla?)
Esther Baxter vs Moon Bloodgood
Vote = Esther “Perfection” Baxter
Rachel McAdams vs Eva Mendes
I don’t even like Eva Mendes anymore. What happened to her ass? Where is it?
Vote = Rachel McAdams
Aishwarya Rai vs Erin Andrews
Don’t care much about this matchup. Erin’s nose just bugs the hell outta me.
Vote = Aishwarya Rai
Christine Mendoza vs Johanna Maldonado
I wanna smash Johanna more.
Vote = Johanna Maldonado
This has been THE INVINCIBLE SWORDSMAN saying:
I gotta go do consulting about that Arianna Grande vs Stacey Dash matchup.