What can I say about Hamilton?
My first tournament at Pownz was fun, but I got home at 2am, and had to wake up at 530 am to go to work the next day. Not fun at all.
I missed the last Pownz tournament because JayWang hates me. He tells me to book a certain weekend off, but it turns out to be the wrong weekend, and I get baited. But I digress.
This time, I was smart and took the weekend off, so I wouldn’t fall asleep at work. I’m a cook, so it’s not like falling asleep at your desk in the office; I fall asleep, I burn my face off.
It’s Friday, the day before the Hamilton tournament, and I pack up all my gear and get ready to meet JayWang at the GO Station.
But first, I had to make a quick stop at Best Buy, because JayWang wanted to play RE5 together, and since I was going to buy it anyway, I decided this would be the a good time to do it.
So JayWang picks me up from the Erindale GO Station, and we start going back to his place. Now, he had wanted to learn how to cook a whole chicken, so I told him specifically what to buy, and I would teach him exactly how to make it.
However, the place where JayWang buys the chicken from only sells two chickens at once. I don’t know why. But it’s not a big deal, not that much harder to cook two chickens, and he bought extra ingredients to make up for the extra bird.
We go to pick up so more groceries at the local No Frills. Halfway there, his roommate calls, and tells us that he as purchased 2 MORE chickens, because two of his friends, his girlfriend and his brother are eating as well. So what was to be a small culinary 101 class has now become a mini banquet function.
When we get to his place, it quickly becomes clear to me JayWang likes to shop outside the box. He purchased white onions, like I asked, but decided to throw in a red onion. For fun I suppose. And instead of just baby potatoes, there are now large Yukon potatoes AND baby potatoes. Which don’t cook at the same time.
But it’s all good. JayWang and his roomate were very helpful, and chopped up all the vegetables, cut the Yukons into smaller pieces and prepped the chicken etc. And the meal turns out alright. Tons of food leftover. YellowS4 asks me to save him some so he can heat it up on the car engine on the way to Pownz.
Now it’s time for some secret training, by playing random people online. But of course it’s on his account, so everyone gets confused about "JayWang"s Gen. It doesn’t help that he tells everyone that he’s learning a secret new character, or that we switch every match.
We decide not to bother playing RE5, because then we would have to install it, upgrade it, stroke it, blah blah blah, and I’m just to tired. So JayWang shows me my bedroom.
By bedroom, I mean crawlspace. And by crawlspace, I mean a secret alcove in the laundry room, in the basement, with a curtain for a door, and a sketchy bed. The only thing missing were the chains on the headboard to keep the kidnapped victims from escaping. It was by far the scariest place I’ve ever slept in, and it doesn’t help that JayWang’s roommate keeps telling me that an old lady died in that bed.
It’s breakfast time at McDonald’s, so we decide to grab a bite to eat before we get ready to go. We drive up to the drive-through.
JayWang: "What do u want?"
Me: "I want the big breakfast"
JayWang: "WHAT do you want?
Me: "Big breakfast"
JayWang: "What combo number is that?"
Me: "There is no combo number; just say big breakfast"
JayWang: "Stop trolling, what do you want?"
Me: "BIG BREAKFAST"
Order taker: "Welcome to McDonalds, what would you like to order?"
JayWang: "Hi. Are you familiar with the big breakfast?"
Order taker: (laughs) "Yes"
Anyway, we go back to his place, but we have 3 hours to kill. I figure I might as well install RE5 and play it.
Me: "Want to play RE5 with me?"
Me: "Do you have a second controller?"
JayWang: "For what?"
JayWang: "Why can’t we just pass the controller back and forth?"
Me: "…because it’s co-operative?"
JayWang: “IT IS!??!”
Resident Evil 5 is a lot of fun. We honestly considered skipping pownz all together, and just playing RE5 Co-Op the rest of the day. In fact, we wanted to play RE5 at Pownz while waiting between games, but we didn’t have enough PS3’s. Hmm, what to do, what to do? I go on JayWang’s IRC:
<JayWang> EMERGENCY! We need another PS3 system at pownz!
<JayWang> We need another PS3, or something might get canceled!!!
<Noodlenoob> What’s going to get canceled?
<Noodlenoob> I’m not bringing my PS3
But of course, we have to pick up YellowS4 at the train station, so we pack up and leave. Not before a quick pit stop, however.
Apparently, JayWang is running a CRT store out of his room, but two of them are broken, and because he doesn’t want to kill kids in Somalia*, we have to got to Value Village and do a “drop off”. By “drop off”, I mean take the monitors, make sure no one is looking, put them on the picnic table behind the drop off doors, and haul ass.
Finally, we pick up YellowS4 and go to the tournament.
I am so tired, and so old, I just wanted to take a nap before the tournament. But apparently, that’s not going to happen. I watch a few SFIV games. Some random white guy is watching as well, with his random white friend.
Tall guy: "What do those letters mean?"
Flowchart: "What letters?"
Tall guy: "The letters underneath the healthbar?"
Flowchart: “Oh they change depending on how you kill them. See, V means Victory, S means super, and C means you killed them with a combo”
I look over at Wilson, who just happens to be standing there. He looks back at me and rolls his eyes. I say “That’s not right AT ALL” and walk away.
The tournament has now started.
Here we go:
I pick Gen, he picks Chun. I do tricks and win.
I pick Gen, he picks Blanka. In the first game, it’s 1 round a piece. I’m down to a sliver of life, he has at least 30%. He does EX Blanka ball, I block it, and do counter Mantis Ultra. It hits, and as the the Ultra is doing it’s animation, I’m thinking to myself: “KO, KO, KO, KO, KO, KO, KO, KO”. KO, I win. 2nd game, I kind of just scammed him with wierd crossups.
I pick Gen. He picks Sagat. And rapes me for free. Apparently, he had put gen in training mode, to figure out how to punish him. And punish him he does. I didn’t even win a single round. Terrible.
I pick Gen. He picks Bison. I lose the first game, and he turns an says “I wanted to learn Gen, but he’s just so hard to use” I show him my saturn controller, and say “that’s why you need triggers.” He looks at me with utter shock. “you’re using a SEGA saturn controller?!??!?!?”. Second game. I start doing wierd wall dives and cross-ups into super into Ultra. 3rd game, pretty much the same thing and I win.
Now I have to play STHD. Back to SFIV later.
ST HD Remix
Before I start, Nagata comes up to me and says “This bracket is all rigged! How are you seeded 4th!??!” :xeye: “You don’t even play this game!”. Now I have to tell you a secret everyone. After Nagata says this, I say to myself “You know what, I’m going to try to win this thing, just to spite Nagata.” I’m being dead serious.
I forget who he used, but I used DeeJay and win.
Jed: “Is that a SEGA Saturn controller!?!??!”
I pick DeeJay, he picks Guile. I pretty confident with DeeJay vs. Guile, but for some reason, when I go for sonic boom motions on the saturn pad, it randomly gives me up forward. So I do random machine gun punches when I’m really doing MAX outs. I think that confused JED, and I beat his guile. He then switches to Vega and beats me. So I decided to counter pick M.Bison, and I end up winning.
!WB: “Is that a SEGA Saturn controller!?!??!”
I pick Bison, he picks Chun-Li. I know this matchup, but it’s still an uphill battle. All I’m aiming for is knockdown via jumping mp, meaty punch, throw, rinse, wash repeat. It’s very tight. We go 1-1, and it’s down to the wire. 3rd round, we are both at almost no health, I get him in the corner and poke with standing mk. He tries to get out but gets hit by it and I win. Very close match.
vs. !Gerjay. Winners Finals 3 of 5
Gerjay: “Is that a SEGA Saturn controller!?!??!”
I pick DeeJay, he picks Ryu. Lots of close matches, but all I’m looking for is openings for slide and jumping roundhouse. I’m still getting random machine guns. I get him dizzy in the 3rd game, jump in, combo and win 3-0.
vs. !WB Grand Finals 4 of 7, 4 of 7
It’s going to be Chun-Li vs. Bison the whole way through. Jamie starts with the trash talk: “Are you on tilt?” “Are you being tilted?” “Is this tilting you?” “Is the screen ok, or is it tilted?”. Teddy will understand this**.
As soon as the first match starts, EVERYONE leaves to watch SFIV. Jamie remarks “This is Grand Finals! Where is everyone going?”
First Set, every game is super close. It’s almost always goes to 3rd round, every game. Now remember how my controller would do randomly go to up forward when you’re charging? Well apparently, if you try to do upforward normally, sometimes, I just jump straight up. Fuck you SEGA, now I know why you’re out of business. Jamie takes the first set 4-3
Second Set. Same thing. Amazing matches, down to the wire finishes. One round, I got totally mind fucked, and eat 3 chun-li roundhouse flip kicks, because I think it crosses up. It doesn’t, and I die. The games go to 3-3, Final match, Final Round. It’s down to the wire again. I somehow hit him with standing mk randomly, and win the whole damn thing.
Man, what a grueling set of games. Oh well, at least I get to rest now.
JayWang: “Good games, guys. Now go play SFIV!”
Apparently we’re playing each other again in SFIV.
vs. !Wb. It’s Gen vs. Chun Li. I have no idea what I’m going anymore, my brain has shut off. We go 1-1, and on the 3rd game, we go to 3rd round. So it’s down to the wire again. He starts doing Chun-Li Roundhouse flipkicks. So I block it like I did in STHD. However, what doesn’t cross up in HD Remix, DOES cross up in SFIV. I started doing a bunch of stupid shit and I die.
I was really disappointed, because I was really hoping to go further with Gen. At least 5th. To show everyone that Gen is the future. I’m so frustrated, I vow not to play SFIV for a long time***.
All in all, it was a fun tournament. A big thank you to the owners of Pownz for putting up with us, and the 12 hour, super delayed, CvS2 tournament which, hopefully, will never ever be run again. Ever.
Eric almost losing to Flowchart Ken. If I had a dollar for every random Fierce DP, EX DP, Super and Ultra JS Master ate, I would have $19 dollars.
Flowchart and his white friend talking about guns. Now, I don’t know if they were talking about real guns, or fake guns, but they were defiantly talking about which guns had better recoil, ammo, stopping power, etc. Very, Very scary.
Eric losing to GOAT in the best money match ever. SEGA Dreamcast pad for the win.
FloE, meet FloE Squared
Sitting down at Turtle Jacks, eating the world’s shittiest coleslaw, and having everyone at the front of the table scream “FUCK YOU KIN!!!.” I didn’t know what was going on. FML.
I’m out for now.
Kin “kymah” Mah