'The Saga'


#1

Hey, everyone. First post, and since I didn’t want this to seem like blatant advertising, but happen to have a story that’s a little too long to go here, I decided to just include a few snippets from The Saga, my “Street Fighter” novella available at my new site, StreetSaga.Net.

This is a follow-up to the animated movie that takes place around six years later. Here are excerpts from the fourth and fifth parts respectively. I’d very much appreciate hearing anything anyone has to say about the story if you get around to reading it, and I’ll be sure to start reading some of the interesting work I’ve spotted here as well.

-James


The room isnt very well lit.

The man sitting is cuffed to a table.

The man standing is locking a door.

“…” Slowly, Guile turns around.

Slowly, Balrog looks up.

“Let me make something real clear before we begin: Im not in the mood for this,” says the captain. He takes a few steps. “That means youre going to answer every little question I ask as quickly as possible.”

Balrog looks to the side.

Guile reaches the table and places both hands on it, leaning forward a bit.

The cold, hard stare has arrived.

Balrog turns, facing it with one of his own.

The fan overhead keeps spinning and spinning.

“…”

“…”

“Whats your business here?” asks the captain. “Whyd you drag us out here after you?”

“…Just lookin to get away.”

“Dont make me angry.”

“I mean it,” says Balrog. “I was just running from Chun-Li after the bust.”

“No. …You were at that bust for a reason.”

“…”

“You were recruiting. You needed assistance for a job here.”

“…”

“Whats the job, Balrog?” asks the captain with a hint of confidence.

“…”

“Oh you, you want to do this the hard way…” says Guile standing up straight. “Fine.”

“Doesnt seem like a very fair situation,” says Balrog, eyeing and rattling the cuffs.

“Whatd I say when I came in here?” asks Guile. “Im not in the mood for this. So it doesnt really interest me how ‘fair’ you think the situation is. Now, heres how it works out: Youre going to moan. Youre going to bleed. And before you leave this room, youre going to talk. Youre going to tell me everything about whats going on here, in England, and how–”

“England?”

“Yeah.” Guiles eyebrows rose a moment. “England.”

“I dont know what youre talking about.”

“Didnt I say not to make me angry?”

“Hold up. Youre not sticking me with any bogus charges.”

“Oh, I wouldnt dream of it. I–”

“We havent had any business in England,” said a confused Balrog.

“Stop lying to me. I know all about the weapons, and I know exactly how theyve been getting from here to there.”

“What?”

“Thats why your people there tried using that little girl to keep the operation running,” Guile took a few steps towards the table again.

“…What in…what are you talking about? I–”

“Shut up.”

“I DONT KNOW WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”

“SHUT UP! STOP, LYING!”

Both men were standing now.

“Youre not charging me with something I had nothing to do with, Guile.”

“Excuse me?”

“Especially not when you dont have any evidence.”

“Oh Ill have it. I hear Chun-Lis out right now getting it.”

“What?”

“Interpols launched a little raid on the warehouse that sends that game to England. Once we bring in a few of your associates–”

“Game?” Balrogs eyes wanderedthen he sat back down.

“…Ready to get serious now?”

“…I know…” said Balrog calmly. “Now I think I get it.”

“What?”

Balrog looked at the captain again.

“…What?!”


He climbed.

Pain began making its presence felt throughout certain muscles in his body.

He fought it. Fighting was all he ever did. The strength. The motivation. The memories. He could certainly remember scaling better pieces of rock than this. That fueled his motivation, and that motivation fueled his strength.

He noticed that the drops on his head and hands had stopped. Looked like it wasnt going to rain after all.

Good. Or not. Now he could think clearly again, about this person. What about her?

What about her?

He had known her for yearsbut never really known her. Why was he suddenly wanting to now? Just a little, at least. He couldnt help it. He was human. And he was feeling something. That much he knew for sure. But what? What was he feeling? When he knew what he wanted a long time agoand he wanted to fighthe had told himself that matters such as thisfeelingswould have to be suppressed. But realistically, how much longer could he keep doing it? Maybe the question wasnt a matter of could, but should. What should he be doing with his life at this point? Now? He was reminded of something his mother had once said on a Christmas, a long time ago.

…He was also reminded hed be spending another Christmas alone, while he watched the rest of the world celebrate, pretending he was immune to it all. Pretending he didnt feel anything. And maybe he was right. In the past. Then.

But not right now. Yes. He was feeling something. But what was it?

…Reluctantly, Ryu began examining the situation.


#2

So, has anyone visted and read anything yet?


#3

Hi there.

Just finished the first part (slow day at work today).
I don’t give praise easily, but thus far your stuff has been very good.
Your first part has succeeded in doing what every Intro is supposed to do but rather few actually achieve: Awakening the reader’s curiosity to make them come back for more.

I know I’ll be back tomorrow reading the 2nd part.

It also helps that I am a big fan of short-paras-switching-between-different-parts-of-the-story-style.

A little bit of constructive criticism (I hope you take it as such):

It may have been a little better not to have given away that Chun-li was not seriously hurt after teh shooting. You could have left that as a cliff-hanger for the 2nd part or so (only my opinion). But you probably didn’t want her to get hurt, as it would have invited too many parallels with the Animated Movie storyline.

Apart from that, for my taste, you smoetimes rely too much on starting sentenced with the same word/expressions. While I realise that you chose to to so for emphasis (or because you simply like that style) I (and that’s only my humble opinion, of course) think it weakens the overall style, giving it an occasional immature touch.

[edit: just read alittle more]

QUOTE
A small boy is picked up and spun.
A small silencer is placed on a tip and spun.
The father pulls a pair of glasses over both eyes, getting a better look.
The sniper pulls a scope over one eye, getting a better look.
[…]
And the harmony ends.
UNQUOTE

The above is a case in point. It is very good indeed. But it’s impact would have been even greater had you not relied on this stylistic tool as much before. Nonetheless, the part I quoted earlier is very good.

In any case, Well done, I mean it.
I look forward to reading the rest.

SCS


#4

StoneColdSerb,

I apologize for not replying sooner; I didn’t come across this message 'til today. Thank you very much for your kind comments and constructive criticism. The excerpt you cited was intentionally redundant, but it is good to know that that sort of thing can put some people off – it’s a good learning experience. Hope to hear from you again if you finish the story.

James