Twenty-One Minute Stories


#1

So yeah, this is a new idea I just had. Sometimes I have an idea to write a shitty fanfic. But I don’t want to let go, sometimes. That’s where twenty-one minute stories come in; I allot myself 21 minutes to write a one-shot fanfic. Any fandom I so desire.

Shit, if you feel you’re up to it, dump your shit here too.


Sasuke is That Nigga

“Uchiha Sasuke… Nara Shikamaru…”

Tsunade’s eyes hovered over a sheet of paper while the two genin shuddered over the mission’s possible objective. Tsunade’s office was barely filled with her own personal relics, such was the quickness of this particular job after being sworn in as the Fifth.

“I hope to god that we aren’t going to cross international borders.” Shikamaru yawned. “That’d just be bothersome.”

“…whatever.” Sasuke groaned.

“Nothing like that at all, boys. I just phoned in with that ramen shack and ordered me some udon. They don’t offer delivery, so stat.”

“Don’t you think this is a misuse of your power, Hokage?” Sasuke let his head hang, emo as usual. Tsunade quickly extended her finger nail to his forehead and gave the poor boy a concussion. Shikamaru had to drag him all the way to the ramen stand.


“Sasuke, you know better than to fuck with her.”

“Fuck her. Fuck her and her tilapia cooch.”

“Tilapia cooch? That’s cold.” Shikamaru let himself think about the question delicately. The genin were currently out on a stroll to deliver Tsunade’s udon noodles, and a cloud formation in the bright blue sky looked like a pair of ass cheeks, which stirred Shika’s imagination. “Uh, speaking of cooch… you know, how many pieces of ass you can get right now man?”

“…yeah. So?”

“I’m just wondering what I’d do in your position, you know? You ought to prep time this delicate scenario carefully. You could have Sak and Ino…”

“I don’t care…I still have to kill Itachi.”

“What… not this ‘bros before hos’ shit again! For the sake of discussion, let’s just say that you killed that nigga. Then what?”

“…well, Ino’s a cute white girl. At least her head doesn’t look like Krang from the Foot Clan. But they’re both psycho. Total issues.”

“Hmm.” Shikamaru pondered. “Are there any girls in this village who aren’t fucked up?”

“Tenten’s the only sane bitch here. But she’s dyke.”

“True. Try and imagine that shit, Sas. Imagine that shit late in their lives. Tenten’s working her 9-to-5, gets home, expects a steak on her plate and a dolphin buffet in bed from Sakura. What she gets is fishsticks and half-aborted octopus. Tenten beats the everloving fuck out the girl. Peace.”

“…That imagination’s too vivid, yo.” Sasuke declared. Suddenly, the LAPD pulled up behind him, lights and sirens blaring. SWAT team in riot gear started pouring out of clad iron vehicles.

“Sasuke…what the fuck?!”

“PEACE NIG!” Sasuke fled.


#2

Thanks for the good idea, I tried it out myself.

The rain feels distant when you’re in a car with all the doors closed and the windows up. Almost as if the rain doesn’t affect you. Almost as if the rest of the world doesn’t affect you. I guess that’s why people like cars so much.

I know I have to get out eventually; if I don’t someone’s going to notice the poor old widow sitting in her parked car alone and try to be a hero. Come up to me with one of those ‘I’m here if you want to talk’ angles with the sad eyes and the words so carefully chosen the eggshells have eggshells. That would be more than I could stand. So I’m going to get out.

The rain hits hard and reality finishes up the combination. I’m walking into the church where my entire family is laying in coffins. They forgot mine. Oh wait, I’m not dead.

I don’t have to look around to know that everyone’s watching me. Are they waiting on me to break down, to make a scene, to go crazy? No, they don’t know what they’re waiting on; they’re just waiting on something to watch. Something to talk about after they take the black suits and dresses off.

The four boxes are lined up in a row, evenly spaced and silent. I can’t look away from…them. But it isn’t them. just four hunks of flesh in 4 polished cedar rectangles. I don’t know where they are but they aren’t here. My grip tightens around my purse. Before I know it I’ve stood up and gone to the front of the church. They think I’m going to say something. Perhaps thank them all for ‘supporting me through this difficult period’. Instead I pull from my purse something most of them have only seen on tv.

I don’t know where my life is, but I’m going to find it. Nothing better to do.

END


#3

The Wapanese

I always wanted to be a samurai. I dunno, but the image of a loosely-clothed hero brandishing a giant cut-your-dick sword while putting on a loner face is just too cool to pass up. Maybe its because I, like every other emo teenager had a fucked up childhood (only mines wasnt really fucked up and I think the worst thing that happened was the one time my dad kicked my ass for talking shit to grandma), and I wish I had a deus ex machina occur in space-time on my behalf.

Samurai are cool because of the pants. Those long, flowing ass pants. I picked up pants like that at the Japanese store yesterday and they let me pay for them while wearing em. I went commando wearing the shits, too. My spirit felt as free as my balls. Now, I didnt have a sword or anything but I had a long ass stick I found while walking through the park. There I was, in samurai pants, with a stick, walking through a park. I had on a really old Burger King t-shirt though, but it was white and matched with my white samurai pants so it was all cool.

Jesus, sorry, Im rambling, but its all kinda rushing out my head now. I was a samurai goddammit! Living out my childhood dream kicking ninja ass!

Alas, no ninja. I got a few stares. A few what the fucks? Someone even told me I was a corny ass nigga. It was a blow to my fantasy; you try and imagine that youre an outlaw in the dawn of the Meiji era, with imperial officers, being the fascists they were, stopping you at every half-inch interval you walk. Actually, the random assholes who threw the insults at me kind of served that role but if they werent gonna draw their swords and duel me to the death, I didnt understand why they bothered at all.

So I stopped in the middle of the dirt path and stared at my surroundings. Genuine samurai movie shit. Lush green leaves, forest area as far as the horizon, and if you ignored the picnics, it was tranquil. I read a book on kendo once, and struggled that whole night trying to get my thumb to grasp a swords handle the right way. After beating the living shit out of that thumb I finally commandeered control of it from my nerves to my will. You try that sometime: grasping when you tell yourself to grasp.

By this time I had begun grasping my makeshift practice sword, grasping the handle, slashing down with all the grace and strength I could muster. I was slow. I mean, I couldnt even hear a sharp woosh or anything; just a wooooo and I couldnt settle for that. I kept swinging, swinging, swinging, before I just started bashing the hell out of a tree. I had a sore right arm and a blistered thumb at the end of that session.

What the hell does it mean to be a samurai, anyway? I asked myself, lying in a field of grass where overhead treetops blocked the sunlight. I stared at the green darkness, content with my life even though I hadnt done anything earth-shattering or even special. Was I useless? A waste of humanitys resources and oxygen? Doomed to Wapanese fantasies of feudal Japan gleaned from glossed anime and video games?

Samurai asked themselves that question everyday, I heard myself answer in my own head. To justify a sunrise

I had to do something badass. Awesome. I had to be the hero that Id believed in and admired when I was a kid. An infallible symbol of justice and good that could never be corrupted by greed and ignorance, by hate and bigotry, or by ones own ego I wanted to channel something into me. The eternal spirit of heroism that persuaded all too few humans throughout history to live and die for what they believed in!

Thats when I got up. I had time to be content to look at the treetop ceiling above me later. I was going to kick some ass!


#4

Story About a Babysitter Inspired by Cinemax

I absolutely loved the opera as a kid. Not that I actually watched the opera, and I dont suppose that Id especially enjoy sitting through all the valkyrie singing, but whenever I heard opera, it always meant Ms. Savior.

I was twelve years old at the time. Ms. Savior was my babysitter, and the first woman I fell in love with after discovering that there were very important differences between boys and girls. She was a college student, so she was much older than me; out of my league. I had a better chance at making out with my next door neighbor Len, who I was very close with at the time, but the only advice we could glean about making out from TV and our friends urban myths was that we had to kiss. And I wasnt going to kiss Len because she likes to eat Ruffles chips, and I thought they were disgusting.

When my parents left to see the opera, Savior would always be at our doorstep at 8PM. Thats when we needed her, which is why we told her to be at the house by 7:30. She drove a really old car with an exploding muffler, which might account for her lateness. At least, thats what my dad tried to convince my mom of. But it was really her personality that contributed to her non-give-a-shittance; she had short, messy blue hair, which made her look like a really pretty boy sometimes, and usually had on an old, faded t-shirt of a grunge band.

But you knew she cared by her smile. And her boobs. In my puberty-ridden mind, boobies were the mark of sainthood. She would always assure my parents that shed take care of me, and always have to reassure my mom that I wouldnt wind up smoking that night. When the door shut, she would always call up the pizzeria and order an extra large pie, and shed share exactly half of it with me. She was awell, her name said it all.

We would spend the entire night talking about moviessportsvideo gamesand school. She told me that she used to have the same middle school teachers I had, and shed always give me tips on how to ace their classes and suck up to them in the right way.

There was one night, though

I saw a movie on Cinemax. Id masturbated furiously to it, and gave me ideas of how to get women. So when I saw Savior again the night afterwards, all I could think about was that damn movie. I replayed it, over, and over, and over, thinking up about one hundred scenarios where I successfully propositioned my babysitter. Appropriately, I felt my heart beat hard in my kid-sized erection.

I saw her sitting on a couch, studying college algebra while occasionally cursing to herself. I sat on a chair next to her, silent, replaying the scenario in my head: Savior, can I have sex with you? Savior, lets have sex! Can we have sex later tonight? Savior, what does your vagina look like? I was as ashamed then as Im embarrassed now to look back on it

Savior, I

yes, Anthony?

I love you. I stood therestaring at her beautiful eyes for the most uncomfortable 60 seconds of my life. And I want to protect you!

Aww thats so sweet! But thats my job Im the one protecting and taking care of you, right?

But I want to grow up and be your man! Her jaw dropped, of course.

Myman? You dont have a crush on me, do you?

A crush? A crush was trying to scribble out a DO YOU LIKE ME? CHECK YES OR NO note to the cute redhead who sits in front of you in class. This was lust. I wanted to feel inside this woman. I wanted to propogate my seed.

I want to love you. To make love to you.

Savior shut her eyes.

Then she opened them, and smiled.

Then she leaned closer to me.

And what happened next, Im not at liberty to describe.


(Technically I cheated on this one. It took me about 25 minutes to write, but I couldn’t help it.)


#5

**Freshly Cut Grass
by Keniiiiiiiiiiii (aka Nanitaberu)

As the scents of freshly cut grass reached my hairy nostrils, signals of pleasure traveled merrily to my cerebellum. Ashes off my burning cigarette flew joyfully back into the car via the backseat windows. I sighed, and thought to myself, what a wonderful morning.

I gently nodded to the delightful tunes of KoRn, as I pulled into the gas-station. Scores of vehicles were lined up, for the prices of the gasoline were especially low today. A lady in her lovely Impala was done pumping, so I swiftly slipped into her spot. I smiled and waved as a jolly old man honked at me and greeted me with his middle finger.

What a perfect time to consume meaningless calories! I thought to myself. I reached for the pile of burger coupons in the glove compartment and realized it is McDeals day for the Filet-o-fish, my favorite sandwich! What have I done to deserve such a blessed coincidence?

As I rolled down my window at the drive-thru, I was greeted by the most gorgeous middle-eastern woman I have ever laid my eyes upon. For her only, I ordered the meal instead of the sandwich only. She then asked me, Huat dyou wantala to durinkk?. I showed an expression of confusion, but she was eager to repeat, Huat dyou wantala to durinkk?. I blushed, because she was obviously flirting with me. I was too shy a boy to flirt back, so I did not blame her when she left the booth in frustration. How silly of me!

I cheerfully chowed down at my meal, as a happy couple in the car adjacent to me yelled at each other in a profane manner. A crow gets run over at the intersection, and a child drops her ice-cream. The world is twice as beautiful today; for today is the day I smelled freshly cut grass.**


#6

…I’ve been viewing this thread for some time. I’m up for the test/challenge to say at least. I shall tell a quick scene based of FE: 7s (that’s Fire Emblem 7) support conversation B between Matthew and Jaffar since scene A needs more climax. So it’s kind of like both scenes together or something - only my version of A into B - :)…

…Time starts now, right after this post…

 Each battle began to take its toll on Matthew, the cheery thief. Was he tired both mentally and physically? Not at all, but something did catch his attention immediately. The man known as Jaffar, that man...the one responsible for killing Matthew's beloved Leila - A girl he was very close to. After Eliwood invited Jaffar into joining the group of fighters, mages, etc., Matthew tried several attempts to get close to Jaffar so that he could finally kill the man to avenge Leila's death. Jaffar showed no passion, no heart, no desire - he killed without hesitation and that's just about everything known about the man. But what Matthew did know was that if he could just get close enough in striking range of Jaffar, he would satisfy his own hardships of mourning. One day, near the Shrine of Seals - he had his chance:

Jaffar: …
Jaffar: !
(Matthew attacks Jaffar with - oh what’s say he attacked with the Iron sword. For an assassin of course, Jaffar is extremely quick, so he is able to evade)
Matthew: …You!
Jaffar: …
Matthew: Scum…
Matthew: …!?
(Jaffar suddenly appears behind Matthew. Is he going to kill him?)
Jaffar: It’s over
Matthew: Blast!
Matthew: Leila…
Jaffar: …
(Jaffar reappears in front of Matthew, he spares his life for an unknown reason)
Matthew: Stop playing around, Are you trying to save my life? Do you think that will make amends?
Jaffar: …
Matthew: You killed Leila, you stole her life, her smile, everything!
Matthew: You’ll pay for that, I’ll make you pay!!
Jaffar: …
(Matthew assualt Jaffar again, he jumps over him. Matthew speaks)
Matthew: If you’re not going to kill me, I’ll make you regret it. I will dedicated my entire life to bring you to your grave…
(Matthew attacks again, it fails to connect. He speaks)
Matthew: Remember this one truth, Jaffar.
Jaffar: …
(Matthew leaves Jaffar, perhaps he’s thinking of ways of ending that man’s life)

…Finished, to be honest - it took over 20 minutes to write this but I never exceeded to over 21 minutes of time (about 20:10). I should of written more stuff - lol…


#7

“WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED???”

“Ugh…chill out, man.”

“CHILL OUT!! Do you see what you did?” Yang gestured his hand towards his grandfather’s broken fish tank. And the yellow skateboard that was lodged inside it.

“It’s not my fault!! Who told that kid to bring a basketball in a resturant anyway??” Yun rung out the water that stepped into his favorite baseball cap. “I swear, some people don’t have any home training…”

“That’s not an excuse!” Yang addressed his brother in a dictatorship tone of voice. “Nobody told you to use your skateboard to deliver meals to the customers anyway! Talking about home training! Shut up!!”

Yun opened his mouth, but closed it rather quickly.

“Bottom line is, if we don’t replace this thing by the time Gramps comes back from the market, our ass is toast!”

“And where are we gonna get the money from smarty? Don’t you know how much this thing cost??”

“Um…guys?” One of the waitresses held out a cell phone. “We have an order. And it’s a weird one…”

Yang scowled and picked up the cell. “Gen Den’s Fryary. What 'ya want?”

“Five chicken wings. Fried hard. No blood.” The voice sounded deep. Almost inhuman. “And Shrimp Fried Rice.”

“Um…okay…but it’s gonna be a while. We sort of have a crisis on our hands…”

“If you deliver it in 21 minutes, I’ll pay you one thousand dollars.” Yang almost dropped the phone in the water.

“You shitting me??” Yun pushed his ear into the phone to hear the commotion. “Where??”

“6606 Sycthe Drive. And bring soy sauce.” The phone went dead.

17 minutes later, the boys appeared where the address was. Somehow it was easy to find the house: It was a broken down manor that was known to be haunted. Apparently, all the other take out places in the city outlawed delivery to that place, because whoever went never came back.

“Man I swear, if this is a prank, I’m gonna hurt someone…” Yun kicked to door down and was greeted by a strange man in long robes. While he was giving Yang the money, Yun looked around towards a mirror and noticed the guy didn’t have a reflection.

“Oh shit he’s a vampire he’s gonna eat us!!!” The two got in their battle stances as Demitri Maximoff took the food and gave them the money.

“What? Vampires can’t eat chicken?? You know how fattening blood is? Chinese women just don’t have that…authentic taste, you know? Kinda like eating generic peanut butter compared to Jif. It ain’t the same, you know??”

The twins just took the money and left, saying nothing on the way back.

21 minutes is WAY too fast, but it was fun(even though the story kinda sucked…)


#8

Quick mini fic about SVC Card Fighters Clash. Picture SVC CFC as a Yu-Gi-Oh style tournament. A large arena with big podiums and huge holograms representing the cards. Here we go -

Shin played his third Geese Howard card as all three holograms were on the field saying, “YOU CAN NOT ESCAPE SCHTHRUM DEATH! HA! HA! HA!” His opponent Cap was very worried.

CAP: Oh no! Three Geese Howard cards! No one’s ever played three Geese Howard cards before ! They have 1500 life points each! I’m in trouble!

To be continued…

Continuing -

CAP: Oh no! There’s just no way I can defeat three Geese Howard cards! My Shermie card stopped them from attacking last turn but when Shin does attack I’m finished! My Ryu and Shermie cards can’t hold off their attack!

Comet screams out from the audience.

COMET: You can do it Cap! Believe in the Hadou of the cards!
SHIN: HA! HA! HA! What a loser! I told you Cap that skills win battles, not some hokey belief in the Hadou of the cards. That’s why you’ll alway be a second rate Card Fighter!
CAP: No, Comet is right. I willl believe in the Hadou of the cards. And I will defeat you with my next card.

Cap draws a card.

CAP: (Thinks: Ah! A lucky break!) I summon my Chun-Li card to the field!
SHIN: HA! HA! HA! Is that how you plan to win? Chun-Li only has 500 life points! You loose!
CAP: But you forget Chun-Li’s special ability! She can reduce your cards’ life points to 100 points!

Chun-Li’s Hologram Lightning kicks all three Geeses, reducing their points to 100 each.

SHIN: NO! But Chun-Li will reduces the points of all cards on the field! So she will reduce your cards’ life points as well!

Chun-Li then Lightning kicks Ryu and Shermie.

CAP: You’re right! But I will play my Showtime card and give Ryu and Shermie a bonus 300 points. Next I will use a Ken card to Back up Ryu giving him an additional 300 Life points bringing his total to 700 life points!

Ryu and Ken’s holograms fired a Double Hadouken just like the SF2 Animated Movie. One of the Geese Holograms ran towards the Hadouken but was knocked out by it. The fireball went on to attack Shin’s life points and reduced them to nothing.

COMET: You did it Cap!
SHIN: How, how can this be! I lost!
CAP: I won. Because I believe in the Hadou of the cards.

The Mask sneaked up behind Shin and knocked him out with a Karate chop to the neck. Next the three, Cap, knocked out Shin and The Mask along with the entire arena were transported to an area that looked like ‘space’ from the last episode of SF2V.

CAP: Hey! What’s going on here?
MASK: Now it’s time for a real battle! Once I defeat you and obtain your rare Mundis card and combine it with my rare God Rugal and Ingrid cards, I’ll have enough power to rule the world! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Took me 21 minutes to write that including the edits… tough but fun!)


#9

This is a bit cheating since I have written a fanfic about this long time ago. This is a slight variation on the subject.

I cheated…it was 24 minutes.

OC


#10

I was riding a bus to nowhere at two in the morning. I spoke with a man who told me that if I traveled out into the world, I could find the perspective of a child that I thought I’d lost many years ago. He said that I’d be able to wave my arms freely just because I had them. I got off the bus ten streets from my usual stop, and now had to walk about thirty minutes back to my apartment.

I went into a 7-Eleven and bought a fuzzy cap and a scarf, to arm myself against the cold. To emulate the sense of company on this most lonely hour at the night, I started talking to myself.

You know, these days you’re a wreck, Pin.

“Why do you say that?”

You’re so bitter. You tried living without the love of people, but you can’t do it. You don’t want to accept that you need others to live.

“Fine. I need to be loved, and I didn’t want to admit it because it meant you had to expose yourself to others to get love…”

You avoided the risk of getting hurt again, by people you trust.

“Yeah. And it’s happening again.”

That girl.

“…”

You care about her now. This is the third one you’ve fallen for since…

“Don’t mention that first girl’s name.”

This new girl, she’s very kind. But you said it yourself; love is not even a factor. It’s either you hurt her by avoiding her, and avoiding the risk, or she hurts you by turning you down. She spites you, with kindness.

“And that mindset perverts kindness by attaching a certain ulterior motive to it. I’m ashamed of it but I can’t get rid of it.”

Because you’ve been hurt before. You were turned down, despite your most pure intentions, for another young man who only wanted to use that first girl.

“Yes.”

And despite everything else, despite where he is now and where you are now, you still believe you are inferior to womanizers like him?

“…yes.”

It was because of kindness that you hurt. Kindness leads to pain? Do you apologize for caring about others, because you fear you will end up hurting everyone?

“Yes. It’s really… irresponsible, if I loved someone. That’s why I shouldn’t love. I’ll only hurt myself and others.”


Had to cut this short. Ten minute story!