Untitled short mob story


#1

Ay about a year ago I wrote a short story about a reflective mobster in a backalley altercation. I’ll copy and paste it but I’ll also put a link to my deviant art page where I’ll be posting more of my writing now that I’m starting up again. I’m currently working on another short story (unrelated to this one) called “The Bowery Rat” and I’ll be finished with that sometime within the next few weeks. Anyhow, this is my first short story in a series of four that I planned out. Hope you like it!
http://trueblue526.deviantart.com

Here’s the story:

Please let me know if you like it or dislike it or anything. Any feedback or constructive criticism whatsoever will be greatly appreciated.


#2

I know what you were trying to say there, but you did’nt need to add “Film” in nior, after your clause. What would be better for you is to add “except this was no movie”, or “except this was no crime literature”, or maybe “story book”, or something else like that.

try to avoid the unecessary usage of the same word, when you real dont need it.

i like crime stories, personally. Furthermore, i liked yours.
What you could’ve done, but wont really make your story better or worse because its just a matter of taste, is to add more of his character during his soliloquy…like more his past dealing with himself, or some shit like that.